by Emily Forbes
Bella nodded. ‘That makes sense. I wanted Lexi to talk to Sam about it but I don’t think she will. Maybe I should approach it from the other angle, from Sam’s side.’
Charlie watched as Bella’s fist relaxed and her fingers uncurled, releasing the bed sheet. Perhaps his advice had been more effective than he’d anticipated. Could he leave her to rest? ‘So you’ll talk to Sam?’
‘I guess.’
‘Shall I come back tomorrow, check up on you?’
‘You don’t need to do that.’
‘Why not? I can be your conscience, make sure you’ve spoken to Sam. And once you’ve got your sisters’ lives sorted out, I’m interested to know what you want for you.’
‘Me?’ Her tone suggested she hadn’t given any thought to herself and Charlie was astonished by her undemanding, unselfish attitude.
‘Yes. What do you want?’
She frowned as if she’d never given any consideration to her own desires and her grey eyes darkened. ‘Nothing.’
How could she want nothing? Charlie wondered as he left the cardiothoracic ward. Everyone wanted something. But he supposed the only thing she wanted might be unattainable. Bella’s life was in someone else’s hands. Actually, it was in someone else’s body. Bella’s chance at life would come at the expense of someone else’s. Was it better then not to think about it? Was it better not to put that longing into words?
And what was he doing, offering to come back tomorrow? Offering to be her conscience? Why was he getting involved?
Normally he would steer clear of any sort of involvement. He’d learnt that lesson a long time ago. He yearned for freedom and in his experience that didn’t come from involvement with others. But the Lockheart sisters were different. He’d learnt that a long time ago too. Almost ten years ago.
Besides, it was too late to ask himself whether he should get involved. He already was. Ever since he’d first met Evie and she’d dragged him into her world and rescued him from the depths of darkness, the Lockheart sisters had become part of his life. They’d been good for him at a time when he’d been disheartened about life and his future. Evie had helped him through that period, and her situation with her parents and with Bella’s illness had made his troubles seem less significant.
Now it was his turn to repay that debt. It was his turn to support the girls and he would do what he could to make sure all three of them got through this time with their spirits and hearts intact.
Bella was Evie’s little sister. He would help in any way he could. He would be involved but in a practical sense only. This was one woman who was safe from his advances. Not because she was unattractive, far from it, her auburn hair, pale skin and grey eyes were a mesmerising combination, but Bella was Evie’s little sister, which meant she was practically family and she was definitely off limits. But he could offer support, he knew they would need it, and that would be the extent of his involvement. She was Evie’s little sister and he would be wise to remember that.
With his involvement sorted in his mind, he headed for the bank of elevators to take him up to the orthopaedic wards and was surprised to find Evie waiting in the corridor. He thought everyone would have been long gone.
‘Were you waiting for me?’ he asked.
Evie shook her head. ‘No. I just finished talking to Richard.’
Charlie waited. He knew Evie and her father had a volatile relationship. Sometimes things went smoothly, other times not so much. He wondered how things were at the moment. ‘How did that go?’
‘No different from the usual,’ Evie sighed. ‘Bella needs his support, she needs support from all of us right now, and I don’t know if any of them understand how serious this is. Richard certainly doesn’t seem to grasp just how difficult it is to find suitable donors, Lexi doesn’t want to think about the consequences if there is no donor, and don’t get me started on my mother.’
‘So that leaves you to try to hold it all together?’
‘I guess so.’
The burden of Bella’s illness had always fallen on Evie and it looked as though that was still the case. Sam was obviously some support but Evie’s immediate family sounded as though they were all still in denial, assuming her mother even knew what was going on. He wondered if he’d been right. Was the stress upsetting Evie? Even so, Charlie knew Evie would always be there to support Bella. Maybe Bella was right—if something was bothering Evie, perhaps it was another issue.
‘Walk with me?’ he invited. ‘I need another coffee.’
She was silent as they walked back to the doctors’ lounge. He kept quiet too, thinking that if he waited she might tell him what else was on her mind, but she didn’t break the silence. He shrugged as he spooned coffee into the machine. He’d never pretended to understand women. Perhaps there wasn’t anything else bothering her.
Evie watched as Charlie fiddled with the coffee machine. The doctors’ lounge in this ward had a proper coffee machine and the hospital’s best coffee. Technically neither of them should be using it as it had been purchased by the cardiothoracic unit for their doctors, but Evie knew Charlie would get away with it, just like he got away with most things, and she wasn’t about to argue.
She was silent as the machine gurgled to life. She knew Charlie was watching her, waiting for her to say something, but she didn’t know what else to say. She didn’t know what she could do.
‘It’ll be okay, Evie.’
Did he know what she was thinking?
‘You don’t know that,’ she retorted.
‘You’re right, I don’t, but it’s all we can hope for. We have to stay positive. Bella needs that from all of us,’ he said as the coffee dripped into the cups.
‘What did she want to speak to you about?’
‘She needed to get some things off her chest.’
‘Why didn’t she talk to me?’ she asked, hating the petulant tone she heard in her voice, but she couldn’t help it. For as long as she could remember she’d been Bella’s confidante and protector. What made Bella think she couldn’t come to her now?
‘I think she just needed to talk to someone who isn’t quite as invested emotionally in her as you are.’
‘But she’s always confided in me.’
Not always, he thought. But Evie didn’t need to hear that now.
‘Don’t worry, she’s okay.’ Charlie’s deep brown eyes were sombre as he stepped towards her and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her against his chest. ‘The best thing you can do for her right now is just be there. Just like you’ve always been. She needs you.’
Evie closed her eyes and leant against Charlie’s solid chest as she let out a long breath. It felt good to have a hug with no hidden agenda, a straightforward, comforting hug from a friend. It felt good to let someone else worry about her for a change.
‘I’m consulting today. Call me if there’s anything you need,’ he said. ‘Anything. I’m here for you, okay?’
His words vibrated in his chest and into Evie but she was also aware of the air in the room moving and she knew someone else had entered the lounge. She opened her eyes and her gaze settled on the last person she expected to see. The last person she wanted to see.
Finn Kennedy.
The last time she’d been in somebody’s arms they’d been his. He stood in the doorway, rigid and forbidding, with his usual unfathomable expression on his face. His gaze was locked on her as she was held in Charlie’s embrace. He didn’t speak and he didn’t move. Heat flooded through her, unbidden, unwanted, unplanned, as he watched her with his piercing blue eyes.
Evie stepped back, breaking Charlie’s hold on her. ‘I’d better go. I need to hit the showers and get downstairs.’ She picked up her coffee and stirred milk and sugar into it, resolutely keeping her gaze focussed on her drink.
‘I’ll see you later,’ Charlie said.
She looked up at him as he spoke. The doorway was empty. She and Charlie were alone again.
It was probably just as well, she thought
with a sigh. She didn’t have the time or the energy to deal with Finn Kennedy, esteemed cardiac surgeon, Head of Surgery and her most recent lover. Although that term was probably too generous. They’d shared one fiery sexual interlude but she couldn’t call it lovemaking. It had been steamy, fierce and passionate but without tenderness. It had been raw, impulsive and gratifying but it could not be repeated.
She did not have time to think about Finn Kennedy. She needed to stay in control and, where Finn was concerned, she’d already demonstrated an extreme lack of self-control.
She thanked Charlie and kissed his cheek before she left to get on with her day, hoping and praying for it to improve. She showered in Bella’s bathroom and changed into surgical scrubs. She hadn’t thought to ask Lexi to lend her some clean clothes and there was no way she’d fit into any of Bella’s things, even if Lexi had packed some choices other than pyjamas. At five feet nine inches, Evie was four inches taller than Bella and about two dress sizes bigger. While no one would call Evie plump, Bella was as thin as a whippet because of the cystic fibrosis.
She kissed Bella goodbye and headed for the lift to go to A and E. She yawned as she waited. She was halfway through the yawn when the lift doors slid open to reveal one occupant.
Finn.
Obviously she hadn’t been wishing hard enough for her day to improve.
All it took was one glance, no more than a second long, before her heart was racing in her chest. Her lips were dry and her face burned under the scrutiny of his gaze. She couldn’t let him see how he affected her.
She turned her back to push the button for the ground floor only to find it had already been pressed. No other buttons were lit. Which meant Finn was riding all the way down with her.
‘Late night?’ Finn’s deep, husky voice made her jump. She hadn’t expected him to speak to her. The way he’d looked at her earlier with his disapproving, ice-cold blue eyes she would have bet he’d ignore her. What was it about him? When she wanted him to talk he refused to open up to her yet when she wanted to be left in peace and quiet he had to engage her in conversation. He was so infuriating.
‘Yes.’ She turned to face him as she answered and saw him look her up and down. She knew he would notice what she was wearing.
‘I take it you couldn’t make it home?’
Yep, he’d noticed, and she knew what he was implying. She was tempted to let him think he was right but she was too tired to play games.
She glared at him. She was tired and worried. She’d let him take the brunt of her bad mood.
‘I spent the night in the cardiothoracic ward. Bella is in hospital again. She was admitted last night.’ She was happy if her comment made him feel bad. Why should she be the only one who worried about other people’s feelings?
He reached out a hand and took half a step towards her before he thought better of it. She could literally see him change his mind. His hand dropped to his side and his tone softened. ‘Evie, I’m sorry, I didn’t know. Is there anything I can do?’
Don’t be nice to me. I don’t know how to handle it if you’re nice. She was terrified she’d burst into tears in the lift. In front of Finn. ‘There’s nothing you can do unless you’re a miracle worker. She needs a pair of new lungs.’ She was snappy and defensive. It was the only way to ensure she didn’t crumble.
‘I doubt even the Lockheart name can get lungs to order.’ His tone was cool now, his blue eyes appraising. ‘I meant, is there anything I can do for you?’
‘What could you possibly do?’
‘I could organise for someone to cover your shift so you could be with Bella.’
Great, Finn hands you an olive branch and you set it on fire before you give it back. That’s just great. Well done, Evie.
She would love to take him up on his offer but she couldn’t back down now. It wasn’t in her nature and she certainly wasn’t about to give Finn the satisfaction of having the last word. ‘There’s nothing I can do for her,’ she said. Evie expected Bella to sleep for most of the day and Lexi was going to stay with her. ‘I’d rather be busy down here,’ she added as the lift doors opened and she stepped out into the emergency department. Work would ensure her mind was occupied. Staying busy was the best way to keep her mind off Bella’s situation. And off Finn.
CHAPTER THREE
IT WAS amazing what a difference twenty-four hours and a hefty dose of no-nonsense antibiotics made. After a full day and two nights in hospital Bella was feeling a lot more positive and Sam was pleased with her progress too. She’d broached the topic of hurrying the wedding along with him and he’d seemed amenable to the idea. Now Bella just had her fingers crossed that he could convince Lexi it was a good idea.
Thinking of weddings, Bella’s fingers itched to continue sketching. If her plan was to succeed she needed to build Lexi’s excitement and feed her imagination about how beautiful this wedding could be. She needed Lexi to be so excited she couldn’t wait to get married and would agree to do it soon. She needed to get some more ideas down on paper but her sketch book wasn’t there. Lexi hadn’t considered it a priority when she’d thrown belongings together the other night and Bella had been too concerned about other things yesterday to miss it. Lexi was bringing it into the hospital this morning but until she arrived Bella would have to make do with scraps of paper.
She was halfway through sketching a sleeveless figure-hugging satin gown with a plunging back when Lexi appeared, carrying a large tote bag.
‘Morning,’ she said as she dumped the bag onto Bella’s bed before kissing her cheek. ‘Sam says things are looking up?’
Bella nodded. ‘I’m definitely feeling better today.’
Lexi unzipped the tote bag and began to haul things out of it. ‘I’ve brought the things you asked for. There’s plenty to keep you occupied if you get bored,’ she said as she deposited Bella’s laptop and a stack of DVDs on the bedside cupboard.
‘Did you bring my big sketch book and coloured pencils?’
‘Yes,’ Lexi said as she retrieved the items and put them on the table over the bed. ‘Is Charlie coming in to see you today?’
Bella frowned. ‘I think so,’ she said cautiously. ‘Why?’ He’d told her he would call in but why was Lexi asking?
‘I thought you might need this,’ Lexi said as she pulled a wisp of red fabric from the bag. She shook it out and Bella recognised the skimpy red negligee Lexi had bought for her the last time she’d been in hospital. ‘It took me ages to find it. Why was it in the back of your wardrobe? You’re supposed to wear it.’
Bella looked at the minuscule slip. It was so not her style and she had no intention of wearing it, which was why she’d shoved it to the back of her cupboard.
‘I’m not going to wear it in hospital,’ she protested. She had no plans to wear it at all, not in hospital or anywhere else. ‘You know how cold I always feel in here.’ She floated her old excuse past Lexi. Because she was so thin she did feel the cold and she used that as a reason to wear thick winter pyjamas that hid her figure. She couldn’t imagine why Lexi would ever think she’d wear something as tiny as that red negligee.
‘I knew you’d say that so I brought you this to wear over the top.’ Lexi pulled out a little black, cropped bed jacket. Or something Bella assumed was a bed jacket. It wasn’t much bigger than the negligee but it did have sleeves and a fluffy, furry collar, but even so Bella knew it still wouldn’t leave much to the imagination. She’d feel like a model in a lingerie catalogue. Lexi might be comfortable in that situation but she certainly wouldn’t be.
‘I’m in hospital, Lex, not in an adult movie!’
‘Come on, Bella,’ Lexi pleaded. ‘One of the hottest doctors in the hospital is coming to visit and you’re in daggy old flannelette PJs. If ever there’s a time for some glamour, it’s now. You can’t wear what you had on yesterday.’
Bella felt her eyebrows shoot up and almost disappear into her hairline. Lexi expected her to wear this in front of Charlie!
She
wished she had the confidence to wear something like that. Just once. She knew Lexi had a dozen items just like this one in her own wardrobe. She’d bought herself one too when she’d purchased this for Bella, and Lexi made sure she wore them. But Bella wasn’t Lexi. She didn’t have her confidence, or her figure, and she couldn’t imagine she’d ever feel comfortable in something that revealing.
Bella was shaking her head in protest but Lexi was used to getting her own way and she hadn’t given up yet. ‘Won’t you at least try it on? Look how cute this jacket is.’ She held it up against her. The black was a dramatic contrast to her platinum blonde hair and Bella knew the colour would work well against her own auburn curls. Lexi held the negligee and jacket out to her. ‘Why don’t you go into the bathroom and try it on?’
Bella could tell from Lexi’s expression that she wasn’t going to let this rest. The quickest way to get some peace and quiet was to give in. She’d try it on and then change straight back into her pyjamas.
She slipped the oxygen tubing over her head and unhooked the IV drip to carry it with her. She sighed. Getting changed wasn’t simply a matter of swapping clothes. All the paraphernalia attached to her made the task that much more complicated. She grabbed the clothes and stepped into the bathroom, wondering why she always gave in and Lexi never did. Once again she was letting Lexi get her way while Lexi refused to budge an inch over the wedding date. Bella knew it wasn’t quite the same thing but, still, it wouldn’t kill Lexi to give in for once.
She hung her pyjamas on a hook behind the door and wriggled into the negligee. The bodice was firm and she had to tug it down over her head. It had built-in support that pushed her breasts together and created the illusion of a cleavage before the silk skimmed her ribs and flared out slightly over her hips. The silk was cool against her skin and as she turned around to try to see the view from the rear the silk swished around her hips and the sound of it made her feel like an actress in one of the 1950s movies she loved so much. But the negligee left very little to the imagination. She felt extremely exposed. She slid her arms into the jacket and tied it together at her throat. It gave her a little bit of cover but not nearly enough. She stuck her head out of the bathroom to catch Lexi’s attention. She had no intention of stepping back into her room dressed like this. She waited until she’d caught Lexi’s eye before opening the door a little wider.