by Emily Forbes
Well, she decided, she’d find a way to let him out of their deal. She didn’t think she could bear to hear him say no to her again.
‘Ciao, Bella.’
By the time Charlie arrived in the ICU Bella had planned her strategy, but as soon as she heard his usual greeting she felt her resolve start to crumble.
‘You’re a sight for sore eyes. You’re looking a million dollars,’ he said.
She knew he was exaggerating hugely but his effortless charm still made her feel better. His voice was bright and cheery, he sounded happy to see her; she needed to stay strong.
He placed his hand over hers and squeezed her fingers. His hand was warm and Bella drew comfort from his strength. ‘You had us all so worried.’
‘I did?’
‘Of course.’ Charlie looked at her as if she’d gone a little mad and Bella mentally rolled her eyes. Of course people would have been concerned. ‘This was supposed to be the answer for you but knowing how you were feeling before the surgery I was worried you were going to give in. But I shouldn’t have doubted you—you’re a fighter, a survivor.’
But she’d come close to giving up. She knew it. She normally made such an effort to be strong and to fight but she’d been so tired, she’d been almost ready to call it quits. Almost. Charlie had been right, she’d needed a reason to get through the surgery and she’d found it. She didn’t need Charlie’s assistance and attention any more, she was a survivor and she’d get through this too.
‘I have you to thank for getting me past this,’ she told him.
‘Me?’
She nodded and reached for an envelope that was beside her bed. She grimaced slightly with the stretch and Charlie picked the envelope up and handed it to her. She held it up. ‘In here is a letter from the college.’ She couldn’t stop the grin that spread across her face. ‘I’ve been accepted into fashion design.’
She was about to let Charlie go, to let him out of their deal and possibly out of her life, but she couldn’t let him go without telling him the good news. After all, she did have him to thank for it.
‘That’s fantastic! Congratulations.’
He leant over and kissed her cheek and Bella felt her resolve slipping through her fingers and sliding to the floor. She closed her eyes to block out the sight of him, his gorgeous brown eyes, his smooth olive skin, his perfect ears and his divine lips. But his image was just as clear with her eyes closed and his lips were soft and warm on her cheek. She felt her heart flip-flop in her chest and she forced herself to remember what he’d said about Pippa. How he’d given her his heart and she’d thrown it away. Forced herself to remember he’d said that medicine was his new passion and he didn’t need relationships.
‘I knew they’d love you. When do you start?’
She opened her eyes as Charlie’s lips left her cheek.
‘Not until March.’
‘You’ll be fighting fit by then?’
‘I plan to be. I’ve got a more pressing engagement before then.’ She paused and took a deep breath, still surprised at the feeling of freedom, and told him another one of her reasons for living. ‘Lexi and Sam have set a date for their wedding.’
‘They have? When is it?’
‘In three weeks, the Saturday before Christmas.’
‘That’s not a lot of time. Will you be okay for that?’
‘I’m going to make sure I am. Sam seems to think I have a good chance if I focus on my exercises and eating properly and being vigilant with my medication. Studying in March should be a piece of cake if I can get through the next three weeks.’
‘Have you got time pencilled in for me some time after you get out of here? I seem to recall we have unfinished business.’ His brown eyes were shining and Bella’s insides melted as she imagined letting him take her to bed. Just once.
Was he still planning on honouring their deal? He was grinning at her and Bella was very tempted to let their arrangement stand but she knew she couldn’t do it. She wanted to be special and Charlie didn’t do special, at least not for more than one night at a time. She wanted to be different and the only way to be different was to make sure she wasn’t just another notch in his bedpost.
She steeled herself to stick to her plan. Now was her chance to let him off the hook before he could seduce her. Before he could reject her.
She took a deep breath, still amazed that she could actually fill her lungs, even though the wound gave her some discomfort. ‘That’s not a priority any more. I have three weeks to get well enough for Lexi’s wedding, that’s my goal.’
‘And after the wedding? Are you going to keep working your way through your wishlist?’
‘I have a new list now.’
Charlie frowned. ‘A new list. What about staying up all night to see the sun rise? Being kissed under the stars?’
‘My list wasn’t set in stone. I can change it if I like, it’s my list.’
‘But why would you change it?’
‘I’ve got more time now. I can look further ahead. Do you know how amazing that feels?’
Charlie was grinning at her, his eyes shining. She could tell he knew exactly how she felt. She’d bet he’d got the same thrill of excitement when he’d been surfing. ‘What’s on your new list?’ he asked.
‘I’m going to college and I’m going to travel. Halfway through next year I’m taking myself to Paris.’
‘Paris?’
‘I’ve always wanted to go to Paris but I thought it was an impossible dream.’
‘You’re going on your own?’
‘Evie will come with me. She doesn’t know it yet but she will.’
‘You have everything planned but no time for me?’ He actually sounded disappointed but Bella knew he’d get over it. There’d be plenty of women eager to take her place, plenty of women eager to be charmed and bedded by Charlie Maxwell.
‘I don’t want a quick roll in the hay,’ she explained. ‘I don’t want to be just another notch in someone’s bedpost. Not that I don’t appreciate your offer,’ she added, ‘it’s just that I want more now. I have my life back. I have time to find the things I want and I want a proper relationship. I want to be in love. I want it to be special.’ Bella knew she couldn’t expect Charlie to choose her over all the other women out there but she wasn’t going to agree to a fling.
Movement to her left distracted her. Busty, long-legged Philippa was coming towards them.
‘Hello, Dr Maxwell. I didn’t realise you knew Bella,’ she said as she checked Bella’s monitor. She looked back over her shoulder at Charlie as she added, ‘My shift is just about finished and I’m heading to Pete’s. Will you be there tonight?’
Bella held her breath, waiting for Charlie’s answer, as she watched Philippa making cow eyes at him. She wished she could get out of that stupid bed, out of the ICU, as far away as possible from Charlie and all the silly nurses who threw themselves at his feet. But she was stuck, literally tied to the bed by the tubes and leads and drains that Philippa had come to check, and she had no option but to lie there and listen to her flirt with Charlie.
She didn’t want Charlie to choose someone else but she especially didn’t want to see him do it right in front of her.
‘No, I won’t be at Pete’s,’ he said, as he stood up, and Bella let out the breath she’d been holding. He leant over and squeezed Bella’s hand, ‘I’ll see you later,’ he said before he left the ICU.
Bella and Philippa both watched him go. Charlie left and took their dreams with him. Philippa sighed in admiration but Bella felt like crying. She could only assume her dreams were very different from Philippa’s.
Charlie didn’t think he could do special. He’d been prepared to offer Bella amazing, incredible and delightful but only on a temporary basis. But he knew that wasn’t what she had in mind. She wanted to fall in love and he couldn’t do that. Love meant giving up too much of himself.
He needed to walk away. He needed to make sure he didn’t hurt her. She didn’t des
erve that. And Evie would kill him if he hurt Bella. For everyone’s sake he needed to walk away.
He’d made himself take those steps, he’d made himself leave Bella behind, and he’d kept away because he wasn’t what she needed. He wasn’t even what she wanted.
But it was a lot harder than he’d expected.
He sat on the beach and let the sand trickle through his fingers as he watched the waves. The sun was warm on his back and the breeze coming off the ocean left the taste of salt water on his lips. He closed his eyes as he let his memories wash over him. Images of him on a scooter in Bali collided with images of Bella. It wasn’t Pippa he pictured on the scooter with him, it was Bella. Images of Bella in hospital, her auburn curls bright against the white sheets, her skin pale, overlapped with memories of the two of them dancing under the stars, of her asking him to make love to her, her grey eyes dark like a stormy sea, her skin the colour of pearls, her lips the pink of a perfect sunset.
He’d driven down to Wollongong to try to clear his head. There were only so many laps of the Kirribilli pool he could do before he went completely stir-crazy. The surf was good and he felt the usual pang of regret that he couldn’t be out there, but this time that feeling of regret was overshadowed by thoughts of Bella. If he really wanted to, he could body-surf, but that wasn’t what he needed either. That wouldn’t make things right. He glanced to his left, at the empty sand around him. He knew if Bella was sitting beside him everything would be okay with the world. With his world.
He missed her. He missed the touch of her hand, her laugh, her smile when he said her name.
He wished he could teach her to surf. He wished he could share with her the feeling of freedom and exhilaration surfing could produce. He knew she would love it. But knowing he couldn’t surf again was different from accepting that he couldn’t teach Bella. For once he wasn’t sorry for his sake, he could remember how it felt to be flying down the face of a wave, to feel nothing but the rush of wind and salt spray in his face, to feel the ocean moving under his feet, alternately lifting him up before it did its best to discard him to its watery depths, the feeling of euphoria when he bested a wave, and he was sorry he wouldn’t get the chance to share that with Bella.
But there were other things he could share with her. Other things he could show her. He could take her to the ski fields. They could make love in front of a fire and drink hot chocolate while the snow fell outside. He could go with her to Paris and watch the sunset from the Eiffel Tower. They could take an early morning trip to Bondi and watch the sunrise over the ocean. They had a whole world to explore and he knew then he’d rather have that adventure with Bella than surf one more wave.
When he was with her he stopped searching for the next adrenalin rush, the next hit, the rush he used to get from taking on a monster wave and coming out of it unscathed, victorious. The rush he got from performing a difficult operation and doing it successfully. Bella gave him that same rush of excitement but she also made him feel grounded, content, happy. When he was with her he felt comfortable. He felt free.
And that was when he knew. He missed surfing but not as much as he missed Bella.
He’d offered her an experience to remember but he’d been thinking along the lines of a weekend, maybe two. But that wasn’t what she wanted and he realised it wasn’t what he wanted either. Could he be the man she wanted?
He wasn’t sure but he was prepared to try. He wanted Bella more than anything else and he was going to make sure he got her. He stood up from the sand. He had one week until Lexi and Sam’s wedding. One week until he knew he’d be seeing Bella again. There were things he needed to do.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
THE wedding was perfect, Bella thought as she watched couples moving to the music on the dance floor. Even though it had been pulled together in a hurry, every tiny element had been attended to. For the past three weeks, in between her exercise and rehab sessions, Bella had been absolutely frantic, helping Lexi with myriad details for the wedding, coordinating dresses, tuxedos, caterers, musicians, florists and the cake, but to see how happy Lexi was made it all worthwhile.
Lexi looked stunning in the dress Bella had designed for her and she watched as Sam guided Lexi expertly around the dance floor. Their eyes hadn’t strayed from each other, they were caught up in their own little world, and Bella envied them.
The pale green of Evie’s bridesmaid’s dress caught her eye as she glided past in the arms of Marco D’Avello. Marco was an obstetrician at the Harbour and one of several doctors Bella had seen in her pre-op work-up, but she was fairly certain he and Evie were nothing but friends.
While Lexi hadn’t danced with anyone but Sam, Evie had had a stream of admiring partners. But Bella had seen her constantly stealing glances at Finn—though she could tell Evie was trying desperately to look as if she hadn’t noticed him. Bella wondered what was going on between Evie and Finn. Evie was passionate in her dislike of him yet Bella could sense something else.
Finn was nursing what looked like a glass of whisky and Bella hadn’t seen him on the dance floor. He looked like a man who needed a friend and for a moment she thought about going to speak to him before she realised she’d have nothing to say. The song ended and Bella saw Evie cross the dance floor and head towards Finn. She wondered if Evie was planning on rescuing him from his demons. Watching Finn with the whisky in his hand and the ‘keep your distance’ expression on his face, Bella hoped his weren’t the same demons that her mother faced. Evie needed a new project now that Bella was on the mend; she always needed to be helping someone, but none of them had been able to help Miranda, and Bella didn’t want Evie to be disappointed all over again by Finn.
She turned back to the dance floor as another song began. The wedding had been perfect and there was nothing she could do now for Evie and Finn so she might as well enjoy the evening. Charlie was in the middle of the floor. She recognised his graceful movements even before she saw his broad shoulders and bald head. His movement was fluid and rhythmical and she could picture him in his surfing days gliding down the face of a wave, at one with the power of the ocean. He looked sensational in a crisp tuxedo and she devoured him with her eyes as he moved past her.
The wedding had been perfect, everything had been perfect, including Charlie.
Especially Charlie.
She’d expected that she’d have been too busy over the past three weeks to even think about him but he’d filled her dreams every night and he’d been the first person she’d seen today as she’d entered the ballroom where the wedding ceremony was going to take place. She hadn’t seen him for three weeks but she’d picked him out the moment she’d stood in the doorway waiting to walk down the aisle in front of Lexi. He’d been sitting on the left of the aisle, on the bride’s side, and Bella’s heart had done its funny little flip-flop thing when she’d seen the back of his bald head. He’d turned as the ‘Wedding March’ had started and met her gaze. He’d winked at her and grinned as if nothing had changed. As if they’d seen each other only yesterday. How was it that he could behave as if everything was the same? How was it that he could seem so calm and composed and yet her hands had started to shake and her stomach was in knots with just one look?
But if nothing had changed, why had he still not asked her to dance? She’d begun to think he was avoiding her.
Well, she only had herself to blame for that, she thought as she saw him dance past her again. After telling him about her new wishlist, there was no reason for him to seek out her company any more. At least he’d been dancing with lots of different women, at least she hadn’t had to watch him pick up one particular woman at Lexi’s wedding. She didn’t think she could bear to sit through that.
She forced herself to look away from Charlie. No matter how tempting it was to imagine having a quick fling with him, she knew she couldn’t do it. Her heart wouldn’t survive. She’d made her decision and she needed to stick to it. But now that the wedding was almost over she needed something else to
focus her attention on, something else to keep her mind off Charlie. Her fashion design course didn’t start for another three months so she had to find something to keep her occupied.
She turned away from the dance floor knowing the only possible way to keep her mind off Charlie was to keep him out of sight.
Charlie watched Bella as she hovered on the edge of the dance floor, chatting to her father. He felt as though he’d been watching her all evening, waiting for her to be free from her official bridesmaid’s duties. Waiting for her to be free for him. Her auburn curls shone under the soft lights and she seemed to float against the background of the other guests. She looked divine in a dress that hugged her chest and then flared out into a full skirt that looked as light as air and floated about her legs as she moved. He recognised the outfit, he’d seen it in her sketch book.
Richard was moving away, leaving Bella alone. He excused himself from his dance partner as politely as possible and went over to her.
‘Ciao, Bella.’ He bent down and kissed her cheek, savouring the softness of her skin under his lips, the slight brush of her curls against his jaw, the lightness of her dress fabric as his hand grazed her hip. ‘You’re wearing the green dress.’
She smiled at him and his heart soared. ‘I told you I just needed time.’
‘It’s perfect on you.’ The pale green was a perfect foil for her colouring and she reminded him of a butterfly—delicate, ethereal and exquisite. ‘Would you dance with me?’
She nodded and stepped into his embrace. She felt slight and fragile but he knew she wasn’t. She had a strength of character that belied her petite size. He held her in his arms and revelled in the sensation of having her pressed against him. They talked about everything that had happened in her life for the past three weeks—about the wedding preparations, her recovery from the surgery, her rehabilitation. He’d thought there might be awkwardness between them but they slipped easily back into their relationship as though it had only been one day, not twenty, since they’d seen each other.