by Audra North
She giggled. “Now I know what to invest in over naughty lingerie. Finance books.”
“I have plenty of finance books.” He kissed her neck. “Maybe I’ll get you to read them aloud while wearing naughty lingerie.”
“Next time.” She picked up her hand above their bodies, staring at their joined fingers. The sight filled her with a strange sense of satisfaction. Despite the fact that his hand was so much larger and rougher than hers, they fit just right. She turned and dropped a kiss on his shoulder.
Next time. It sounded so good.
Chapter Ten
“I think we’re getting pretty good,” Julie whispered as Adam led her in a move called an ocho. She’d been thrilled to see him waiting in the classroom when she arrived today. On Sunday, after they’d woken up and had slow, leisurely sex, he’d told her he had to go to campus to get some work done on his book, but he’d promised to see her for their tango lesson.
They hadn’t been in touch since she’d left his apartment early Sunday morning, and as Thursday had neared, she’d found herself growing nervous that he might not show up.
It hadn’t bothered her at the time. She’d laughed, in fact. But in the days since, she’d thought about it more. He hadn’t asked for her phone number or where she lived. He kept talking about work being important to him, and even after their conversation over dinner on Saturday, he hadn’t seemed to want to admit that he was having fun, or that he was good at something that required relaxing and letting go. He hadn’t seemed to realize that the lesson she learned about living fully was one that he might benefit from, too.
Then again, they’d agreed that this was just a fling. Maybe this temporary thing they had going was his fun. Either way, she didn’t know why she found herself almost expecting more. In these three short weeks, she had come to care for him. The attraction she’d had for him for years, which had been merely banked all this time, was only a part of what she felt for him.
But he didn’t seem to feel the same way.
“We’d be better if we were allowed to take this class naked.” He walked her backward, making her swivel her hips in time to the music.
She moved closer, dropping her voice as a pulse of arousal shot through her. “Are you kidding? We wouldn’t learn a thing.” Thinking of him all week long without being able to talk to him or see him without doing something crazy, like stalking him at his apartment, had been nothing short of torture. She felt ready to explode just from dancing with him.
He raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know about that. I distinctly remember you teaching me a couple of things on Saturday.”
Her cheeks flushed at the reminder, but she laughed, pressing her body into his. “Too bad our lesson was cut short. I can offer you a makeup class tonight, though.”
His hand dropped down her back. “You’re such a generous instructor.” He leaned his head forward just as Ivana walked by.
“Posture! And put some distance between you. I don’t teach close embrace in the beginners class.” Ivana smiled, righting their arms as she spoke. “Although it is nice to see how in love you are.”
In the next instant, Ivana had already moved on, and they were left standing there, staring at each other nervously.
Was she really that obvious?
But the way he was looking at her, with a hint of fear behind a mask of discomfort, made her think of all the times he’d mentioned having a good time being detrimental to his work. A risk.
She was a liability.
He gave a tight laugh, and she could feel that the tension had returned to his body. It was hard not to feel like she was fifteen again, being made to feel less than human by the girls who had bullied her. Like she didn’t matter at all.
She gasped in a breath. Adam faltered in his steps and she forced herself to relax.
Don’t jump to conclusions. Maybe he just feels uncomfortable at having displayed so much in public, instead of at hearing Ivana’s words.
She forced herself to ignore his sudden tension. Over the next twenty minutes of the class, he slowly relaxed, throwing her increasingly heated looks as time went on. By the Ivana announced that they were finished for the evening, they were again dancing much too closely and Julie felt a bit better. Better enough to turn to him and ask suggestively, “Do you have any papers to grade tonight?”
He grinned. “No. Does that mean you’ll come home with me?”
She liked him so much.
She liked that he didn’t mind her dorky finance talk. She liked that he was driven, just like she was. She grinned and nodded. Frannie wouldn’t arrive for hours. They could catch up tomorrow. Right now, Adam was eager to be with her, and she wanted him.
She waved to some of the other students and grabbed the backpack she’d left along the wall, again with her toiletries and clothes for the next day. She’d been hopeful. “Let’s go, then.”
In the taxi on the way to his apartment, he kissed her. Small, sweet kisses, as if to reassure her that he was with her. When they got out in front of his building, there was no rush upstairs, just an easy attraction that floated between them as they stepped into the lobby.
Once upstairs, she pushed him down on the bed and undressed him, slowly, licking every inch of his body before he rolled her to her back and slid between her legs, moving in and out of her in leisurely thrusts that had her begging, crying for him to fuck her faster, harder. When he finally gave in and began to pump in and out of her in fast, rough strokes, her climax was the most intense one she’d ever experienced.
They collapsed onto the bed, sweaty and spent. He lay on his back and she snuggled against his side, one hand on his chest in a now-oddly-familiar way.
“Um, Adam?”
“Yes?” His voice was gravelly. He was falling asleep.
“Well…I was wondering…there’s a concert on Sunday in Central Park. My brother and his wife are going. I thought it might be fun if you came along, too.”
Beneath her, he stiffened. Not falling asleep anymore, it seemed.
Why was he reacting like this? Was he too ashamed to be seen with her? Or if not ashamed, was he—well, he certainly didn’t seem to value whatever she thought they’d had.
No. We have something more than just a fling. I know it. Please don’t back away from this. Before he could protest about it being too late or taking too much away from his work, she hastened to add, “It’s in the afternoon, so you could take a little time out and meet us, then get plenty of sleep that night. Andrew and Meredith are pretty low-key, anyway, since they run two big companies between them. And my friend Frannie is in town, so I’ll welcome an early night as well.”
Adam pulled his hand from hers, and she felt suddenly unmoored. “Wait. Frannie, as in, Frances Kramer, the girl you always sat next to in my class? And your brother, Andrew Stanton?”
“Yes, and yes. Do you know Andrew?”
He shook his head. “I know of him. He’s the CEO of Harbor Technologies and famous for his philanthropy. But I do know his wife. She used to be Meredith Klaus, right?”
The conversation was one that any new couple might have had, a way to discover relationships that made them feel even closer, but something about this exchange felt very unpleasant to Julie. He wasn’t snapping at her, exactly, but his words were definitely clipped, as though he were annoyed instead of pleasantly surprised.
But at least he hadn’t rejected her. Was there hope after all? She nodded, slowly, feeling unsure of where he was taking this. “Yes, Meredith Klaus. She kept her name when they got married.” She waited, but he didn’t say anything else.
Just ask. Don’t be afraid. Take a chance. Be bold.
“What do you think? Will you come?”
His sharp exhale said everything. Even before he spoke, she knew the answer.
“I’m sorry, Julie, but I can’t. I have to get my edits done, and I’m already on a tight schedule because they’re taking longer than I’d planned.”
Although his excuse was reasonab
le, it still hurt. The way they’d been these past couple of weeks, it was impossible now to deny that they were more than just a temporary thing. He enjoyed being with her, and she…well, she definitely cared about him. More than any guy she’d been with before.
“Of course. I understand.” She hesitated, worried, wondering whether she should push it. But part of her had to know. “Maybe we could do lunch during the week, then? If you’re already on campus for a class, I could meet you there.”
Silence. She could hear her heart beating, a slow, heavy pulse that felt like dread.
Finally, he sighed. “Julie—”
Oh, no. She did not like the sound of his voice.
“I really appreciate what you’re trying to do. I’m flattered, in fact. But there are only two more weeks in our dance class. We talked about this. You wanted something with no strings attached. Don’t let yourself get carried away by a couple of nice evenings and start thinking this means more than what it really is.”
Carried away?
She sat up and clutched the sheet over her body. She wished she had clothes on because right now she felt overexposed, raw, and the beat of dread inside of her had grown louder. “What do you mean? I’m not suggesting these things as a favor to you. I like you. I want to see more of you. I thought you felt the same way.”
He reached for her, but she pulled back. “Are you really trying to tell me that even after tonight, you didn’t see us going anywhere past these six weeks of dance lessons? Just like that, the bell rings on the last class and you walk out?” She searched his face, eyes roaming from the strong, set jaw to the little furrow between his eyes.
She could already tell what his answer was. He was retreating into that stupid fear of his, of losing control of his career, or—or something like that. Whatever fear of financial failure he’d been carrying around for so long was taking over now, and it was like he’d thrown a wall up between them so thick that, even if she put her hand out and touched him right now, she wouldn’t be able to reach him.
He rose and strode to the bureau, pulling out a pair of shorts and yanking them on, then stayed standing on the other side of the room. She hated the way he was just looking at her, sitting naked and alone in the bed. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this vulnerable.
He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I haven’t—I didn’t expect to get involved with you, you know. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to. But I didn’t plan for this to happen. I wasn’t supposed to get involved with anyone, at least not until I get tenure.”
What the hell? Tenure could take years. He’d seriously planned his life to that degree and expected it to just go according to his preset notions?
“Besides, you’re not looking for a guy like me. I’m too serious. You want to have fun and be free. Things that I don’t do. I’ve never done.”
She stared at him in disbelief. “After what I told you, you really think that all I want is to be free? When I have to work hard at getting out and making sure I’m not missing what’s truly important?” She huffed out a breath. “I don’t understand why you think having fun is a risk. The risk is in not having fun. It means living in fear. And that’s what you’re doing. It’s not about not having the time for me, or anything that might take you away from work. It’s about you running scared. How long are you going to be able to keep that up?”
He was quiet for a moment. “I don’t know,” he finally admitted. “But I do know that I have things to do. I haven’t gotten where I need to be yet, and where I need to be takes work and focus and—” He let out a growl of frustration. “I didn’t want to be in that class in the first place, but you did. What happens when you want me to take time off my work to go out and do fun things with you? I won’t be able to, and you’ll only end up hating me. A relationship between us at this point isn’t a sound investment. You don’t want this.”
She sucked in a sharp breath, feeling like he’d just punched her in the gut. She threw the sheet aside and stood up, so irate now that she didn’t even care about covering herself. If he read sex or shame into her stance now, it was his problem. She walked toward him, radiating anger.
“How dare you? How dare you treat me so coldly, like some kind of scientific curiosity? How can you tell me what I think and what I want even after I’ve made it clear otherwise? Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised, since you’ve planned your life so perfectly that you’re trying to plan mine, too, but I am surprised. I’ve enjoyed being with you. I enjoyed our time together. I didn’t expect you to act like this.”
He gave her a look of stark confusion. “What do you mean? I’m trying to be honest.”
She huffed. “No, you’re not. Not about yourself and not about me. You’re making assumptions about who I am and what I want and—” She broke off. Took a deep breath. “When I was in high school, I was bullied for an entire year by girls who just decided that they didn’t like me. They tried to make me believe that I was worthless. They tried to make me think that I wanted things and thought things that were wrong, or even different from what I actually wanted and thought. For a while, they even succeeded. But even when I was dealing with their horrible treatment, I didn’t feel so dismissed as a person as you just made me feel.”
Damn it. Now that her anger was burning off, the tears were starting, and she felt the familiar panic rising, the one she felt every time those girls in high school did something terrible and she had to deal with the aftermath of everyone laughing at her, taunting her.
“Fuck you” was all she could finish with, before she turned and fled.
Chapter Eleven
“I’m so sorry, Julie,” Frannie said again. They were lying side by side on Julie’s couch, drinking wine directly from the bottle while watching Pretty Woman for probably the hundredth time.
Frannie had already been asleep when Julie got home from Adam’s the night before, and—according to the note she left—was gone for an all-day business meeting by the time Julie woke up after a fitful night. It had been a struggle just to get through the workday, and the moment Frannie had walked through the door just an hour ago, Julie had practically jumped on her, spilling everything and crying as she rehashed the entire evening.
Now they were halfway through a bottle of Shiraz and Julie was feeling limp from exhaustion and wine.
“It’s okay, Frannie. I’ll get over it. I feel like such a fool for hoping for more and letting myself get carried away. I made an idiot of myself.”
Frannie grabbed the bottle from her and took a drink. “It sounds like you guys had more than just sex. If you ask me, there is something more between you, and it’s Professor Dumbass who is misinterpreting his own feelings.”
“He’s not a dumbass, no matter what he did.” Julie slumped. “But it still means I wasn’t enough for him. Why couldn’t I inspire a gesture like that?” She pointed to the television screen, where Richard Gere was scaling the fire escape with flowers to win back Julia Roberts.
Frannie pffed at her. “Because the only thing Adam has in common with Richard Gere is the good looks. Which are significantly marred by his shitty behavior, I might add.”
Julie slid sideways and leaned against Frannie’s shoulder. “You’re such a good friend.” She gave a heavy sigh and stuck out her hand. “Now pass me the bottle.”
…
“So? I take it the tango class didn’t change your life.” Naomi frowned at him from across the table, where Adam had just sat down to dinner with the Franklins—Naomi, Victor, and their two daughters, Carmen and Jeanette—at their house.
It had been six days, nineteen hours, and forty-seven minutes since Julie had run out of his room, shoved her clothes on, and slammed out of his apartment.
Not that he was counting.
But it was hard to pay attention to anything else. Especially his work.
And for some reason, he couldn’t seem to care about that. All he wanted was Julie, and he’d lost her. He poured himself another glass o
f wine. How many glasses had he drunk already? Two? Three? He didn’t usually drink much, but he’d gulped down the first one within minutes after Naomi handed it to him when he arrived, and hadn’t slowed down much after that.
“Actually, it changed it rather drastically,” he drawled.
Naomi eyed him. “That doesn’t sound particularly positive.”
“It wasn’t. It was awful. It made every day complete worthless.”
Carmen snorted water out her nose. Naomi gave her daughter a look.
“What? That was ridiculous.” Carmen crossed her skinny teenager arms over her chest and smirked at Adam. “You sound like a bad romantic comedy.”
“Hey!” Naomi turned to Carmen. “Completely unacceptable behavior, Carmen. Not only have you insulted a guest, but someone who has never been anything but nice to you. You may go to your room now.”
“But—”
“I don’t think so.” Naomi’s tone brooked no arguments. Carmen flounced off. Naomi turned to Jeanette. “You may stay for now, though we might need to take a break for some adult talk.” She gave Adam a look.
“I’m sorry,” he managed to get out, feeling ashamed. “I’m clearly not fit for company. To be company. Three’s company?” His mind felt hazy. Jeanette giggled.
Even Victor was having a hard time not smiling.
“Go on, laugh at me.” Adam sighed, flopping back into his chair. “I’m an idiot.”
“What happened?” Victor asked.
Naomi shook her head. “You messed things up with Julie, didn’t you?”
“Who’s Julie?” Jeanette was leaning in, viciously curious.
“A student,” Adam slurred, thinking of how they had met in the tango class.
Jeanette gasped, Victor tsked, and Naomi laughed. “God, Adam, you’re wasted.” She slid his wineglass away and pushed his water goblet toward him. “Drink this. And Julie was a student in one of the lectures that Adam TA’d several years ago. But she graduated a while back. They happened to end up in the tango class together,” Naomi explained.