‘I’m . . . OK. He hit you more, much more.’
‘Can you get up, darling? We’ve got to be quick,’ Mum said, pulling at me. Her nose was bleeding and she wiped it impatiently with the back of her hand. ‘Come on, sweetheart! I need you to help me pack.’
‘What?’ I stared at Mum. I didn’t know what she was talking about.
She cupped my burning face with her hands. ‘We’re not staying. Now he’s started on you he won’t stop. I’m not having that. We’re running away!’
I stared at Mum.
‘How can we run away?’
‘Easy. I’ve still got the ten thousand pounds in my handbag. Well, we’re about fifty quid down because of the meal, but never mind. Thank God I didn’t give it to him for that stupid car. OK, OK, I’m the big stupid. He said he’d knock some sense into me – and he has, he has. I’m not having him using you as a punchbag, kiddo. Come on, then. You are up for it, aren’t you?’
‘Yes! Yes, of course I am. But he’ll go berserk when he finds us.’
‘He won’t. We’ll get right away, you and me and Kenny. A completely fresh start. So come on. Pack a bag, just a little one you can carry. And do one for Kenny too while I go through all my stuff.’
‘Mum . . . this isn’t a game, is it?’
‘Do I look like I’m playing a blooming game?’ said Mum, wiping her nose again. ‘He’ll be down the pub till closing time but we want to be well away then. So come on, Jayni, jump to it.’
So I jumped. I ran into our bedroom and snapped on the light. I looked weird in the mirror, one side of my face bright red where Dad had hit me, one side chalk-white. Kenny blinked in the sudden bright light and tried to pull the duvet over his head.
‘No, Kenny, we’re getting up. Come on, you’ve got to get dressed.’
‘But it’s night time.’
‘Yes, but we’re going out again.’
‘With Dad?’
‘No, just you and me and Mum.’ I hauled him out of bed and hugged his little squirmy body hard. ‘And you’re going to be a big big boy and help.’
Kenny reached out and touched my red cheek.
‘Ouch!’
‘Will it get right again?’ said Kenny.
‘Of course it will. Now!’ I stood him on the floor and looked at him. He was still wearing his T-shirt and pants and socks. I had a brainwave. I rummaged in his drawer. ‘Put these on then, OK?’ I said, thrusting more pants and socks at him. ‘Over the other ones. And another T-shirt. And then there’s your red jumper, you like that, and the blue Thomas the Tank Engine one, and your jeans . . . We’ll have to pack a spare pair, we’ll never get another lot on over the top.’
Kenny started giggling hysterically as I shoved as many clothes on him as I could. He waddled about so comically I couldn’t help laughing too, though my heart was going thump thump because I was so scared Dad might come back and catch us.
‘What are you kids laughing at? Come on,’ Mum called urgently.
I set Kenny to packing his favourite toys in his school bag and started on my own clothes. It was easier for me. All my stuff was getting too small and tight and made me look far too fat. I hated nearly everything. I was already wearing my favourite outfit, my purple velvet skirt and my black grown-up top. I shoved a big black cardie on over the top and then my horrible padded white jacket, which made me look like a snowman – but never mind, I could get the denim jacket now we had lots of money.
I packed my underwear and my jeans and my pink top with the hearts and my suede boots which rubbed a lot but I still loved them. Then I remembered my pyjamas, and my old bear Pinkie was tangled up inside them. All her fur’s worn smooth and shiny and she’s lost an eye which gives her a lopsided expression. She’s really tatty now and I’m too old for teddies anyway but I still crammed her into my bag.
Kenny was making even sillier choices, shoving a yoyo without any string and broken crayons and a jigsaw set with half the pieces missing into his school bag, but forgetting his new wax crayons and little Bob, the blue bear he’s had since he was born. I repacked for him, and then jiggled my own stuff around, packing a big carrier bag with my scrapbook and my new magazines and scissors and sellotape and Pritt.
‘We’re done, Mum,’ I said, going into her bedroom.
She looked as if she was in fast forward, rushing round like crazy, ransacking her wardrobe and her chest of drawers. Her nose still wouldn’t stop bleeding. It made a garish trail past her lips, down her chin, dripping onto her blue top.
‘Your best blue top, Mum!’
‘It’ll wash out. I’ll leave it on. Though it looks a mess. Should I just dump it?’ Mum stood still, suddenly freeze-framed.
‘Put a sweater over it. I’ve got Kenny wearing half his clothes,’ I said.
‘You’re a clever kid,’ said Mum.
She didn’t think me so clever when she saw my carrier bag. ‘You can’t drag that along too, Jayni!’
It was one of those big strong fifteen-pence supermarket carriers but my scrapbook only just fitted inside. It’s a huge, old-fashioned accounts book with hundreds of pages. I bought it for a pound two years ago at a car boot fair. It is my most valued possession. Mum knew this, but she still argued.
‘You can’t take that great big thing, not when you’ve got your own bag, and you’ll probably have to carry Kenny’s too.’
‘I’ll carry it all, I promise. I have to have my scrapbook.’
‘You could start a new one.’
‘I need this one. It’s got all my best ever pictures. I have to take it, Mum.’
‘Oh, for God’s sake, do as you’re told!’ Mum shouted. Then she stopped, her hand over her mouth.
We heard footsteps walking along the balcony towards our flat.
‘He’s back!’ Mum hissed, and we clutched each other.
But the footsteps went past our front door and on down the balcony. Mum breathed out and tapped her hand over her heart. Then she gave me a quick pat on the shoulders. ‘OK, OK, take the bloody scrapbook. Let’s just get out of here, quick.’
She got her suitcase and her handbag, still wadded tight with five-pound notes. We hung Kenny’s heavy satchel over his small shoulders. I grabbed my own school bag and the scrapbook carrier. We looked round the flat one quick last time.
Kenny suddenly wailed that he wanted to take Bubble, our goldfish. I promised him he could have a whole tank of tropical fish in our new place but Kenny wouldn’t be diverted. He started howling, his arms round Bubble’s bowl.
‘Oh God, what next?’ said Mum. She poured some water into a polythene bag and tipped Bubble into it. ‘OK, he’s coming too,’ she said. ‘Now, let’s go.’
So we went, staggering along the balcony and down in the lift. I was terrified we’d walk out and bump straight into Dad but there was no sign of him, or any of his mates.
‘They’ll still be in the pub, with any luck,’ said Mum. ‘Still, the sooner we scarper the better.’
A taxi drew up down the road and three old ladies got out, back from their bingo.
‘Hey! Hey, taxi!’ Mum yelled.
She nodded at me proudly, as if she’d summoned it up herself out of thin air. The taxi driver shook his head at us as we hobbled towards him. He shook his head again when he saw Mum’s bloody nose.
‘Do you want the hospital, love?’
‘No, the railway station, please,’ Mum said briskly. She wiped her nose. ‘Walked straight into a lamppost, didn’t I?’
The taxi driver raised his eyebrows but didn’t comment. My cheek had calmed down now, though it still hurt. My teeth felt funny too. I hoped they weren’t going to fall out. Still, it might make my cheeks look hollow. I hated my fat face.
The taxi driver was peering at Kenny and his bag. ‘What you got there, son? Is it a baby shark?’
‘No, it’s a goldfish,’ said Kenny.
‘It’s never!’ said the taxi driver. ‘Well, I’m not supposed to carry no livestock. That’s what a goldfish is, lives
tock. So he’ll have to swim his own way through the puddles to the railway station, right?’
Kenny’s face crumpled.
‘He’s joking, Kenny,’ I said, pushing him into the taxi.
‘I didn’t mean to set him off. It’s just my funny way,’ said the taxi driver.
‘That’s OK, mate,’ said Mum, getting in after us. ‘But can you kind of step on it?’
‘Sure. What time’s your train, then?’ he said.
Mum hesitated. ‘Not quite sure. But we’re running late, I know that.’
We set off, round the estate, down the road, right past The Albert, Dad’s pub. Mum and I looked at each other. Mum slid down in her seat. I did too, pushing Kenny’s head down.
‘You’re hurting me, Jayni,’ he complained.
‘Well, scrunch down, Kenny. Go on, right down,’ I urged.
‘Why?’
The taxi driver was staring at us in the mirror, sucking his teeth, sussing out the situation. We sat up properly when we were past the pub. Mum peered in her powder compact, wiping her nose and rubbing all the smudged mascara off her eyes.
‘Look, love, I know it’s none of my business . . .’ the taxi driver started.
‘Yeah, that’s right,’ said Mum, powdering her swelling face.
‘It’s obvious your old man’s given you a right going over. Why not go to the police?’
‘Them!’ Mum said a very rude word. ‘They’re useless when there’s a domestic. Oh yeah, they might arrest him, but they’re not going to keep him banged up down the station, are they? And he’s not going to be in a very nice mood when he gets back home, is he?’
‘Yeah, well, I suppose you’ve got a point. So, you’re doing a runner, are you, you and the kids?’
‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ said Mum. She started biting the skin around her thumb. ‘Not in front of the kids, eh?’
I knew this was just a ploy to get him to shut up, but I resented it all the same. I wasn’t a kid, not like Kenny. I knew what was going on all right. I knew as much as Mum anyway.
We got to the station and Mum paid the driver. She struggled to hide the contents of her handbag but he spotted some of the fivers. He raised his eyebrows.
‘Strewth, have you just robbed a bank, girl?’
‘Wouldn’t you like to know,’ said Mum, standing on the pavement while I hauled Kenny out and then all our bags.
‘Thelma and Louise all rolled into one, that’s me.’ She put two fingers together and cocked her thumb. ‘Bang!’ she said, aiming at the taxi driver’s head.
He laughed and ducked. ‘I’m not arguing with you, then. Still, best of luck.’
Mum gave him extra as a tip. ‘You won’t say where you dropped us off if anyone asks?’ she said, serious now.
The driver ran his finger over his lips to show they were sealed. Mum stared after him as he drove off.
‘Nice guy, that,’ she muttered wistfully.
I could see the story going on in her head. The taxi driver would suddenly turn back, tell us to hop in and take us wherever we wanted – London, New York, Disneyland. He’d look after us and earn money for us and never ever hit us.
That was the story version. In real life he drove off to join the other taxis at the rank and didn’t even give us a wave.
‘Come on, then,’ said Mum, sniffing.
She was still wearing her best high heels, twisting her ankles because her heavy suitcase made her walk lopsided. Kenny and I staggered after her.
The station was almost empty. My heart started thumping again. What if there weren’t any more trains? The station would be one of the first places Dad would come looking for us.
Mum was standing at the information board, running her finger down the train timetable, looking worried. Then she stabbed a line with her finger, suddenly smiling. ‘It’s OK! It’s leaving in ten minutes.’
‘Where are we going, Mum?’
‘London!’
I swallowed. ‘Yeah, but where in London? We don’t know anyone there.’
‘That’s right. That’s good! Fresh start and all that. Let’s get straight on the train. We can always pay if the ticket man comes round. That way there’s no record of any transaction at the main ticket office.’ Mum giggled. ‘I feel like I’m in some cops and robbers film. It’s kind of fun, isn’t it?’
She didn’t look like it was fun. Her face looked worse in the bright light of the station. Her giggling sounded weird, too much like crying. But she wanted us to agree with her so I nodded determinedly.
‘Yes, it’s like an adventure, Mum. Isn’t it, Kenny?’
Kenny was almost out of it, practically sleep-walking, though he managed to concentrate enough to clutch Bubble’s bag. As soon as I’d lifted him onto the train his head lolled and he fell fast asleep. I had a peep at Bubble. He didn’t look too happy but there was nothing I could do about it.
‘We can get Bubble a proper fish tank, can’t we, Mum?’
‘Yeah, sure. And we’ll get lots more goldfish. And what do you call those massive ones that cost a fortune?’
‘Koi carp. But they’ll be much too big, won’t they?’
‘So? We’ll have a gigantic aquarium. With dolphins!’
‘No, sharks,’ I said, baring my teeth.
It was mad. We were discussing a proper home for Bubble when we still had no idea where we were going to live ourselves.
‘Mum? When we get to London where exactly are we going to go?’
‘We’ll stay in a hotel just until we get ourselves sorted.’
‘Yes, but it’ll be very late when we get there. What if all the hotels are closed for the night? What if we can’t find anywhere? What if—?’
‘Oh give it a rest, Jayni, you’re doing my head in.’
‘But—’
‘Shut up, will you?’
I curled up against Kenny and tried to go to sleep. I couldn’t manage it. Everything kept going round and round in my head. Every time I looked over at Mum I could see they were going round and round in her head too. She was gnawing her thumb. It looked like she wouldn’t have any skin left by the time we got to London.
It was easy after all. When we got to the station the Upper Crust food stall was still open. Mum bought us all a sandwich and asked the woman serving us if she knew if there were any hotels nearby. She drew us a little map on a paper napkin. It turned out there was a whole street of hotels only five minutes away.
‘Though they look a bit seedy,’ said Mum, when we got there. ‘We’re in the money now. We could stay at the blooming Ritz if we wanted.’
But Kenny was so out of it Mum had to carry him on her hip, lugging her case as best she could. It was obvious we couldn’t go any further.
The first hotel said they were full. No one came to the door of the second hotel, though the hall light was on and we rang and rang. I started to panic then, thinking we were going to stagger round half the hotels in London.
Mum said brightly, ‘Third time lucky’ – and it was. A man came to the door and said he had a double room for the night, £45 to be paid now, and a fiver each if we wanted a continental breakfast.
Mum handed over the money and then signed the register. She’s got very big, sprawly writing. She swirls every loop and puts little hearts instead of dots over her ‘i’s. But she made her writing little and squiggly in his greasy register, so that it was very hard to read. It didn’t look anything like Mum’s name, Nikki Fenton.
Still, the hotel man didn’t seem bothered. He didn’t even give Mum’s sore face a second glance. Her nose was all crusty now. She dabbed at it self-consciously and started some spiel about falling flat on her face because of her silly high heels, but the man didn’t seem to be listening. It was like he’d heard it all before a hundred times over. He just handed Mum the keys, pointed up the stairs and went back to watching Channel Five in his office.
‘Charming,’ Mum muttered. ‘Well, we won’t be stopping here for long.’
We hauled
Kenny and our bags up three narrow flights of stairs and found our room down a dingy corridor. It had hardly any furniture, just a double bed with cigarette burns on the duvet, a wardrobe with only one hanger and a wash basin with a sliver of soap and just one towel. Mum sniffed contemptuously. She gingerly pulled back the duvet but the sheets were reassuringly white and smelt freshly laundered.
‘Come on, then, let’s get into bed,’ she said. ‘You get Kenny out of all them clothes while I go and find the toilet.’
Mum came back with her nose wrinkled. ‘It’s not very nice,’ she said. ‘Watch Kenny when you take him, Jayni. Don’t let him touch anything.’
Kenny was half asleep so he did as he was told, dopily. I found it hard to go myself, not daring to sit on the filthy seat. I just sort of hung in mid-air, hoping for the best. I distracted myself reading all the rude messages scribbled on the wall.
When we got back Mum was already in bed, her mohair cardie on over her black nightie. ‘Come on kids, it’s freezing in here.’
We jumped in with her. It was like sliding into snow, but Mum put her arms tight round us and we all huddled up. It gradually got cosier. We heard some couple arguing along the corridor but Mum pulled the covers right up over our heads so we were in our own cave where no one could get us.
I fell asleep eventually but woke with a start in the middle of the night. I’d been dreaming of Dad. He was chasing after me. I woke up with my heart pounding as if I’d really been running. I reached out for Mum but she wasn’t there. I could only feel Kenny, huddled into a little ball, breathing heavily.
I sat up, panicking. It was dark in the poky little bedroom but I could just make out a shape over by the window.
‘Mum?’ I slipped out of bed and pattered across the worn carpet. ‘What you doing, Mum?’ I put my hand on her arm. She was shivering in spite of her mohair cardigan.
‘Shh, love. Don’t wake Kenny.’
‘It’s OK, he’s dead to the world. Mum? Can’t you sleep?’
‘Nope. And I’ve run out of fags, which is a bit of a bummer. I was wondering about going out looking for a machine somewhere—’
‘Don’t, Mum!’
Lola Rose Page 3