‘We have Chinese takeaway. I like chicken chow mein,’ I said.
‘You wait till you try Thai. It’s truly scrumptious.’
‘Truly’s in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,’ said Kendall, proud because he’d remembered.
‘We had the video at our old home,’ I said.
‘It’s a play now too, with a real car that flies right up in the air. We could go sometime if you like,’ said Auntie Barbara.
We stared at her. It was as if she was taking us in a magic car, flying us out of our own dull life to a dazzling magic land where everything seemed possible.
She took us up to town on Sunday morning and said we could go anywhere we wanted. Kendall chose the aquarium, surprise, surprise. Auntie Barbara was very understanding when I explained I couldn’t go in. She sat me on a bench overlooking the river.
‘You sure you’ll be OK?’
‘Yeah, of course,’ I said.
I wasn’t. The sharks were shut up in the aquarium but I couldn’t shut all my other worries up. They swam round and round my head. I felt really guilty that Kendall and I were having a good time with Auntie Barbara while Mum was stuck in hospital, still not better. She’d looked so small when we’d said goodbye. I was scared she’d shrink every time we went to see her, until one day she’d just be a hank of hair, a few bones and a bandage.
I was scared I might start crying so I tried to distract myself. I gathered up some sweet wrappers and started tearing them up and sticking them with spit onto my arm like tattoos. I’d seen a picture of a snail made out of coloured paper at school so I copied that. Then I did a butterfly and a ladybird and a rose.
Auntie Barbara sucked in her breath when she saw. I thought she’d make me pick all the papers off and give me a lecture about licking dirty bits of paper. Mum would have. But Auntie Barbara held my arm up and inspected it closely, smiling.
‘Do you like Matisse?’ she said.
I’d never even heard of Matisse so she took us to the Tate Modern. Kendall moaned and said it was going to be boring-boring-boring, but when we’d walked all along the river bank to this huge gallery he ran around all over the place and no one seemed to mind.
There was a special Matisse exhibition. I wasn’t sure I liked his work at first. All the paintings were a bit squiggly and didn’t look real though I liked the bright colours. Auntie Barbara liked a picture of a big lady lying back on a sofa in funny floppy trousers. She said she’d have a go at making some similar trousers for herself. She makes most of her clothes because she’s so huge she can’t find anything in the shops.
‘I’ll make you a pair of stripy trousers too, Lola Rose,’ said Auntie Barbara. She saw the look of horror on my face. ‘Joke!’ she said, laughing.
We turned a corner – and there was the school snail picture, absolutely huge, bigger than Auntie Barbara.
‘It’s a collage!’ I said.
‘Do you know something? I think your collage work knocks spots off old Matisse. I love that food picture you did last night. Hey, talking of food, I’m starving! Let’s go and find the café.’
We all had sausages and mash. Kendall turned his sausages into sharks and made them swim in the mashy sea but then he ate them all up. I ate mine too, and then a big strawberry cheesecake, but on the bus to the hospital I started to feel sick. Kendall went quiet too. Auntie Barbara put her arms round us.
‘Will Mum be better now?’ Kendall asked.
‘Let’s hope so,’ said Auntie Barbara – which wasn’t quite the same as a straight yes.
When we got to the ward Mum was propped up on her pillows, her hair carefully brushed, her make-up pink and pretty, almost her old self.
‘You are better, Mum!’ said Kendall.
‘Yeah, I’m going home tomorrow, they’ve promised,’ said Mum.
‘That’s great news, Nik,’ said Auntie Barbara.
‘Victoria,’ said Mum.
‘Victoria Luck. Lady Luck,’ I said.
‘That’s right, that’s me,’ said Mum, but she wasn’t looking at me. Her eyes kept swivelling past all of us.
We stayed for a while, Auntie Barbara and me trying to chat to Mum, Kendall sitting on the floor muttering to George. Mum slid further and further down the bed, barely replying.
Then she suddenly sat up straight. She licked her lips and then bared her teeth in a big smile.
I looked round. Jake was shuffling up the ward, clutching a small bunch of carnations, the sort you buy outside a garage for £2.99. Mum behaved as if he’d given her an armful of hothouse lilies. She gave him a really smoochie movie-star kiss right in front of us. Jake’s mouth was all wet when he pulled away. He lifted his arm as if he wanted to wipe it. Mum was gazing up at him. His arm froze. He looked like a statue saying hello. Then he waved it awkwardly at Kendall and me.
‘Hi, kids,’ he said. He nodded nervously at Auntie Barbara too.
‘Hi, I’m Victoria’s sister,’ she said.
Jake looked astonished. Auntie Barbara watched him, waiting for some crass comment. She seemed utterly composed but I saw her fingers fidgeting behind her back, digging hard at a hangnail. It must be awful – everyone always amazed that two sisters could look so different.
Jake managed to hold his tongue. Mum patted the bed, making him sit beside her. I saw her wince slightly when he sat down heavily but she didn’t say a word. He could have used the bed as a trampoline and she wouldn’t have complained.
‘How lovely of you to come and see me, Jake,’ she said, like it was a huge surprise – though I found out later she’d begged a loan of a mobile from another patient and left urgent messages at his art college.
I suppose it was good he came. Maybe he loved Mum a little bit. Maybe he thought she was about to die and might leave him something. Not that she had anything. Just a suitcase of clothes, a few bits of furniture – and two kids.
Mum seemed to have forgotten all about us. She chatted non-stop to Jake, two pink smudges of rouge standing out on her pale cheeks. Jake hardly said a word. He looked relieved when Kendall edged towards him.
‘How’s my little pal, eh?’ said Jake. He picked Kendall up and plonked him on his lap. Kendall kicked his legs happily.
‘Careful!’ said Mum, frowning at Kendall.
‘Does it hurt a lot?’ Jake asked, looking stricken.
‘No, no, hardly at all. And don’t worry, I’m still all in one piece,’ said Mum, patting her bandages gingerly. ‘It’s all thanks to you, Jake darling. If you hadn’t found the little lump and made me go to the doc then I’d have been up the creek without a paddle.’
‘I want to paddle,’ said Kendall, not understanding. ‘Mum, Auntie Barbara’s taking us to the seaside to see sharks and whales and then we’re going to Disneyland.’
‘Oh yeah? What’s that whizzing past? Whoops! It’s a flying pig,’ said Mum.
Kendall lost track altogether but didn’t seem to mind. ‘Paddle paddle paddle, George and me are going to paddle,’ he sang. He kicked his legs again, pretending to paddle. He caught Mum on her side. It wasn’t her sore chest or arm but it must have hurt. Her eyes blinked but she stayed smiling bravely.
Jake eased Kendall off his lap and stood up.
‘Where are you off to?’ said Mum.
‘I’m sorry, Vic, I’ve got to go.’
‘But you’ve only just got here!’
‘Yeah, well, I’ve things to do. You know how it is.’
Mum knew. She couldn’t bear it. She waited until he was out of sight and then started sobbing. Auntie Barbara reached out to hold her hand but she snatched it away.
‘Don’t, Nik, he’s not worth it,’ Auntie Barbara said softly.
‘How would you know?’ Mum sobbed.
‘Yeah. How would I?’ said Auntie Barbara. She put her arm round Kendall and me. ‘Come on, kids.’
‘Stop making such a fuss of those kids, they’re mine,’ Mum cried.
‘Mum’s tired,’ said Auntie Barbara. ‘We’ll go now. What time do you th
ink they’ll let you out tomorrow? I’ll come and collect you in the car.’
‘It won’t be till lunch time – and I’ll get myself home, thanks very much,’ Mum sniffed.
‘Sure, sure,’ said Auntie Barbara. ‘But I’ll come at lunch time even so.’
Auntie Barbara made us both go to school on Monday, even though we argued.
‘No, I’ll need to concentrate on your mum. We’ve got some stuff to sort out. And I don’t want you to miss any more school.’
‘It’ll be a waste of time sitting in lessons. I won’t be able to take anything in,’ I said.
I was right. I kept thinking about Mum. I told Harpreet Mum was getting out of hospital. She gave me a big hug and said she was very happy for me.
‘So she’s better now?’
‘Yes, of course she is. Or they wouldn’t let her out of hospital, would they?’ I said.
‘That’s right,’ said Harpreet, patting my shoulder. ‘Here, Lola Rose, Mum’s put an extra bar of chocolate in my lunch box. You can have it if you like.’
I had extra everything in my lunch box because Auntie Barbara had packed it for me. Harpreet and I shared a wonderful feast of cream cheese and date and banana rolls, chicken salad sandwiches, vegetable chunks with their own special dip, salt and vinegar crisps, blueberry muffins, buttered fruit bread, rosy apples, cranberry juice – and a giant bar of Cadbury’s chocolate.
‘I’m going to get so fat,’ Harpreet said, rubbing her flat tummy.
‘I am fat,’ I said.
‘No you’re not. Well, not really,’ said Harpreet. ‘You’re bound to slim down a bit in your teens. You’ll take after your mum.’
‘I hope so,’ I said. ‘But if I don’t, it’s not so bad being fat, is it?’
‘No, of course it’s not bad at all,’ said Harpreet comfortingly.
But when we came out of school at the end of the afternoon Harpreet stopped dead in the playground. ‘Oh my goodness, look at that fat woman!’ she gasped.
She put her hand over her mouth and giggled. She wasn’t the only one. Half the kids were gawping and nudging each other.
‘Is she someone’s mum?’ Harpreet spluttered. ‘She’s like an elephant! Whoever is she?’
‘She’s my Auntie Barbara. And you can just shut up,’ I said.
I ran across the playground to the school gate where Auntie Barbara was waiting. She was wearing a blue denim shirt that could have sailed a ship. She held out her big blue arms and I rushed up and hugged her in front of everyone.
‘You look lovely, Auntie Barbara. I like that shirt. It matches your eyes,’ I said.
Auntie Barbara hugged me harder.
‘So where’s Mum? Did you go and fetch her? Why isn’t she here?’ I said, my heart starting to pound.
‘It’s OK. She’s at home, resting.’
‘And she’s all right, really?’
‘Well,’ said Auntie Barbara. ‘She’s OK For the moment.’
Her words clanged in my head. The Voice of Doom repeated them. For the moment. I needed it to be for ever.
Harpreet was hovering, looking at me beseechingly with her beautiful big eyes. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she mouthed at me.
‘Auntie Barbara, this is my friend Harpreet,’ I said.
Harpreet looked very relieved. She held out her hand politely. ‘Pleased to meet you, Auntie Barbara,’ she said. She looked at me. ‘You never said you had an auntie! Is she a real blood auntie or just a friend?’
‘I’m a real auntie and a friend,’ said Auntie Barbara.
We went to collect Kendall and Amandeep from their after-school club. Amandeep hung back and acted shy, sucking her thumb.
‘She can’t help being a bit babyish,’ said Kendall, taking hold of Auntie Barbara’s hand. ‘Auntie Barbara, I love you.’
‘I love you too, Kendall,’ said Auntie Barbara.
‘Will you take us to the aquarium?’
Auntie Barbara laughed but I was shocked.
‘Kendall! We’re going straight home. Mum’s back!’
‘Well, she can come too,’ said Kendall.
‘Don’t be silly, she’s not well enough yet.’
‘She’s always ill now,’ said Kendall, as if it was Mum’s fault. ‘Can’t we go to the aquarium now and see Mum after?’
‘No, it’s straight home, sweetheart, but we’ll get you a red ice lolly on the way, how about that? What about you, girls? What’s your favourite ice cream?’
I had a white Magnum and Harpreet and Amandeep both had soft Cornettos. Auntie Barbara had a double-choc Magnum. She nibbled the chocolate off bit by bit just the way I do. She made little Mmm noises. I do that too.
‘We should have bought an ice cream for your mum,’ she said. ‘What does she like?’
‘She doesn’t often eat ice cream – she watches her figure,’ I said without thinking. Then I felt terrible.
‘I watch my figure too,’ said Auntie Barbara. ‘I watch my figure getting bigger!’ She said it like it was a poem. Then she pointed to places on herself and said, ‘Cornetto, Cornetto, and Magnum Magnum Magnum!’
When we got to Harpreet’s house she whispered in my ear, ‘I love your Auntie Barbara, Lola Rose.’
‘I love her too,’ I whispered back.
I wished I was young enough to swing on Auntie Barbara’s hand like Kendall. He started whimpering to go to the aquarium the minute he’d finished his ice lolly.
‘Now who’s acting like a baby?’ I said crossly.
I knew why he was. I almost wished we could go to the wretched aquarium. I was sort of scared of seeing Mum even though I’d missed her so much.
I was scared that she’d still look really ill.
But when we let ourselves in the front door we heard Mum talking. Someone was with her. I thought it must be Jake.
It wasn’t Jake.
It was Dad.
The flat started spinning. I nearly fell over.
I heard a harsh laugh.
It was Dad.
No, it couldn’t be Dad. He didn’t know where we were. He couldn’t possibly find us. He couldn’t be real. This couldn’t be happening. I had to be dreaming. If I closed my eyes tight and then opened them really really wide I’d wake myself up.
I closed my eyes. The flat stopped whirling. Dad’s voice stopped too. It was a dream.
I opened my eyes wide. And there was Dad, right in front of me, his mouth a great grin, showing all his teeth.
I gasped. Kendall cried out too. ‘Dad! Dad! It’s my dad!’ he whooped.
He hurtled forwards, skinny arms elbowing me out of the way. Dad caught him and whirled him round and round. Kendall’s shoes hit me hard on the head, making me reel again.
I felt hands gripping my shoulders, holding me up. Auntie Barbara.
‘Did you call Dad?’ I whispered.
She shook her head. She looked over at Mum, lying on the sofa, white jacket over her black nightie, her face a mask of make-up.
Mum?
I dodged past Dad and Kendall and ran to her. She put her hands up quickly to stop me.
‘Careful, careful! I’m still blooming sore, like I’ve done ten rounds with Lennox Lewis. Hello, darling. Glad to see your mum safely home? And Dad too? Isn’t it a lovely surprise, eh?’
I stared at Mum. She stared back at me, her chin up, but she couldn’t quite meet my eyes.
‘It’s time we got together again, Jayni,’ she said. ‘We’ve all missed Dad terribly, haven’t we, Kenny?’
‘Yeah! Yeah! Oh, Dad, you’re the greatest! Wheee!’ Kendall yelled, as Dad stuck him on his shoulders. ‘I’m the king of the whole world! Look, I can touch the ceiling.’
‘Watch that light fitting, Kenny, you’ll electrocute yourself,’ said Mum.
I felt as if Mum had stuck us all into an electric socket. Fear sizzled through me, making my hair stand on end.
Why had she done it? We’d spent all these weeks hiding from him, taking such care to start a new life so he couldn’t trace
us.
I knew why. She’d been so scared in the hospital. She needed someone to make her feel good. To make her feel she still looked good. Jake had been useless. So she started thinking about the one man in the world who was crazy about her.
She started spinning a little fairy tale, the way she always did. She’d kid herself it would all be so different now. Dad would be shocked she’d been so ill. He’d feel really bad and want to make it up to her. He’d have missed us so much. He’d realize just how much we meant to him. So he’d come back and he’d treat Mum like a queen. He’d never ever raise his hand to her again. He’d love her and cherish her and make her feel his special babe. We’d all play Happy Families and live Happily Ever After.
Mum had done her best to turn herself into a fairy princess. She couldn’t raise her bad arm but somehow she’d bent over the basin and washed her hair one-handed. She’d painted her face with elaborate care. Her eyeliner was smooth, her lips outlined without a single smudge, though her hands were shaking now. She’d shaved her legs and painted her toenails pink.
She lay back in her careful pose, her jacket hiding the bulky bandage over her breast. She wanted the fairy tale to be real. Her eyes were going blink blink blink. She was wishing it inside her head.
I wished it for her too.
Maybe it really would come true. Dad wasn’t laying into us, he was all lovey-dovey.
‘I’ve been doing my nut without you, babe,’ he said, sitting down beside Mum. Kenny stayed squealing on his shoulder. ‘I couldn’t credit it when you played that vanishing trick on me. I thought OK, you were teaching me a lesson, you’d stay away a couple of days, but you really meant it, didn’t you, darling?’ His voice thickened.
Mum snuggled up to him, touching his face with her carefully painted fingers. ‘Not really, Jay, sweetheart. I don’t know what I was thinking. I was scared, you know? I suppose I just flipped. I needed to protect the kids.’
‘But you know I’d never lay a finger on my kids,’ said Dad. He yanked Kendall onto his lap and tickled him. ‘I love this kid of mine to pieces, can’t you see that?’
I felt as if I was falling down a tunnel. Dad was acting like he only had one kid. What about me? And what about the last time we’d been together? He didn’t just lay a finger on me. He clenched his fist and punched me on the jaw, nearly knocking me out.
Lola Rose Page 17