He didn’t appear to feel bad. If anything, he looked hard and manly again, untouchable, far from the boy who made my night so special.
“Don’t mind me,” my mother said, making her way toward the front door. Her fake accent was the last straw on my rage. She clutched her Fendi cross-body bag and pinched my cheek. “You two are so cute.”
I swatted her hand away. “Where are you going this early? You’re not usually awake until drinking hours.”
“Listen to you. I’m going to Brazil. Business while Daddy’s away.” Her eyes twinkled. She looked at Wreck and touched his cheek. “You look just like your father it’s just a hoot.”
“Tell him I said hi.”
She paled under her fake tan. “You tell him.” With a huff, she left through the open door.
“She’s boning my dad,” he announced, closing my front door.
I balked. “What?”
“Yeah, so be mad at her, not me.” He headed into my house like he knew it, even bypassing that floorboard by the kitchen entrance.
“Wait, what?” I followed him. “My mother is having an affair with your father, and you just thought you’d keep that from me?”
He opened the fridge and peered inside, pulling out a bottle of cherry beet juice. His damp hair dripped into his shirt. “Are you still mad at me?”
“Yes!”
“Then I guess I wasted it.” He leaned against the counter. When I scowled, he relented. “I’ve known for a while. Dad’s in Brazil right now covering the Olympics. Your mom has business in Brazil. Coincidence? Doubt it.”
“Does my dad know?”
“Husbands always know their wives, Hals.”
I was stunned. “Does your mom know?”
He smiled sadly. “She’s too busy boning the pool boy.”
“Really? Cliché’s for Mrs. Wreckmond? How disappointing.”
“They’re clichés for a reason. You upset?”
“I mean yeah, what if this blows back on us?”
“It won’t.” He sounded so sure. “Ben Goodford and Owen Wreckmond would never let pussy get in the way of their money. Hell, they won’t even let their own children. We’re their blood and we’re nothing more than someone to control.”
“You’re their blood. Mom can’t have kids. Dad hired a surrogate.”
He laughed raucously. “Come on, Hallie. You really believe that? I heard the story, but even I can piece what really happened.”
“Dad hired a surrogate, Wreck.”
“No, your dad knocked up someone he could own and took her kid. That’s what happened.”
My heart ignored him. “Who?”
“I don’t know,” he said, and I believed him. “She’s probably long gone.”
“Or you’re wrong and dad hired a woman to carry his child with my mom’s egg and they’re my parents.”
He shrugged. “And my ass is really a place where I keep my cape.”
“You do realize you’re ruining my entire childhood right now, and all you’re doing is drinking beet juice like it’s nothing.”
“No, I’m not. You know who they are just like I do. It’s not a shock. You’re just upset because they can do what they want, but they’d rather destroy everything you love than let you do the same thing.”
It was depressing how quickly reality took me. “Get out of my house, Wreck. And don’t talk to me until you’re ready to act mature and respectful.”
His eyes flashed. “You’re shitting me, right? You’re mad at me? You’re the one who ruined everything hooking up with someone with grass stains on his knees! I’m allowed to be pissed. I am pissed.” He pushed away from the counter. “I’m fucking livid and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
Exhausted, I shoved past him for the back staircase. “Thank you for the wonderful evening, but I’ve got this nagging feeling I won’t be having another one with you for a while.”
“Hallie,” he called, his anger breaking. “Don’t do this. Not after last night.”
My feet stopped; my back stayed to him.
“I’m not apologizing for your ex. Not happening. I can’t believe you’d even make me after what you put me through. That’s fucked up.”
My eyes closed in regret. “I don’t want you to apologize for that. I want you to apologize for crapping on my character.”
“You shit on your own character the day you gave my pussy to the gardener!” he roared.
I flinched. And then I walked away, because this relationship was many things, but it wasn’t one that would take my character.
12. THE FIRST TIME
Wreck
Hallie was having trouble sleeping.
I watched her toss and turn. It was midnight. The darkness of my room was broken with the glow from my laptop. The camera had night vision. Storm was a creepy genius.
Finally, she seemed to give up and tossed her pillow at the wall, falling onto her back. True to her word, she’d ignored me all day at school. And since this was about what she wanted, I let her walk by without argument. I’d argue with myself before I argued with her. I’d spend a couple days apart before I apologized for giving that grass seed toting shithead a glimpse at her future.
Her future was me.
That’s fucking it.
I could march in to her room right now and own her. I gave her options because of that stupid two ventricle organ inside of me. But I would be just fine without it. I kept it around for her.
Her hand reached for her phone on her nightstand and the light lit her face. My heart beat a little faster at the sight of it. She was wearing a loose pale, yellow tank top and these tiny gray shorts made of thin cotton. No panties, hair still damp from her late shower. She hadn’t come to practice after school, so I didn’t know what she’d been doing out there. I always knew everything about her.
Lately, I’d gotten answers from the source, and the camera hidden in the fake hardcover of Wuthering Heights Storm put, felt like the watered-down thing when it had once been my insight into her world.
I’d been here before. When watching her was all I had. Being back didn’t do much for my anger. It grew, intensified. When Rip and Storm came over to help me practice after school the next day, I took it out on them. I gave Coach the finger on Thursday and hopped into practice, playing harder because she wasn’t there. Pushing myself to the point of passing out. Taking hits that made me want more. The more I hurt, the easier it was to exist.
***
“Keep your head in the game, man.” Rip laced up his cleats beside me in the locker room Friday night. “You can be an asshole when the game’s over and we have the win. After that, you can take your shit out on me, but until then, use what you’re feeling on the field.”
He had no idea what he was asking for.
From across the locker room, Storm caught my gaze, his blue and gold uniform identical to mine. I looked away and finished getting dressed. I wasn’t starting this game. The energy on the field when we came out as a team felt like it was for everyone else. I wasn’t here to earn their cheers. I was here to earn hers.
My eyes scoured the crowd as Coach gabbed on and on about brotherhood and comradery. I left her a ticket in her locker this morning—my key worked for both. It pissed me off not knowing what she’d do. I should know. But I’d never pissed her off this badly before either.
My eyes moved faster, and my heart just ached. Even the rage of thinking about her with Tristan Roth didn’t make it easy. She wasn’t here.
Because I wanted her to be.
“Fifth row, second seat. Guy should probably cut the hot dogs out of his diet.” Storm stretched his shoulders.
I stretched my legs. I’d warmed up for an hour in the gym before getting dressed but playing on the field in your uniform and pads wasn’t the same as playing free in practice. The stadium on the Kentucky Prowlers side was laughably empty. There was no one brave enough to show up to the Charming Knights stadium wearing an orange and white Kentucky Prowlers’ jers
ey. The Charming Knights section was flooded with blue and gold. That wouldn’t help us win, though. The games weren’t fixed. Wins were wins because we won.
When Storm was talking to Coach, I let my gaze drift over to the fifth row second seat. There was an overweight man fisting two hot dogs. Beside him, Hallie scrunched up her nose and looked around for help. She’d get none from me tonight, but she was cute as hell in her CK jersey. Hair up with blue and gold ribbons. She’d made herself scarce these past few days. I could have sniffed her out, but that would only make my walls come down.
And groveling was for men who didn’t have as much to lose.
She didn’t seek me out, but I saw the way her head remained straight. She knew I was to her left. I walked out on the field and put myself in her path, staring her down. She glared at me, looking to her right where I couldn’t go. Any more and we’d draw attention. Even though my father was deep in her mother, I didn’t want to test his ability to outsource his takedowns.
He’d want me to grovel. He’d want me on my knees begging her to forgive me. But I didn’t think she wanted that. If she did, she could have had it.
Things were blurring. Everything was clear a few weeks ago. Now she was doing things with her heart in mind and I was trying to find mine.
We cliff jumped together. Didn’t that mean anything? I’d never been happy in my entire life. Didn’t know what that emotion even was. But I wondered if what I felt that night was something close.
I parked it on the bench as Rip went on the field. The crowd at my back was louder than the stadium box. The coin toss put the ball to us first. Offense lined up and took the field. I watched the plays, the mistakes, but I knew Rip. Us together made sense as quarterback and running back the way we had gone through life together.
He’d better make it out of Charmant.
Some sacrifices were easier to make. I wouldn’t have time for friends after high school anyway. College, Globe Tonight—I’d be swamped. My stomach filled with unease at my future, but I swallowed it down and refused to look over my shoulder the entire first quarter.
“You good to go?” Coach asked, face always serious during a game.
“Don’t take me out?”
“Fine.”
I put my helmet on and felt the familiar buzz of war in my veins. It was time to fight. I tapped out Waters and took my place in the huddle. Rip was relieved—we’d spent the last few days running plays nonstop—and shouted out one of my favorite ones.
“King 72!” he roared. I took my place a few feet beside him, flaking out the front defense on the Prowlers. The center was a beast in his orange jersey, dangerous smile meeting mine. The larger they were, the more confident. I knew that. The score was 7 to 3, Knights.
We needed a bigger lead before going into half-time. But the Kentucky Prowlers weren’t going to give up easy. I barely made it three yards before smashing into the ground.
“Flashback!” I screamed in frustration, giving Rip the hint to repeat that play. I was getting first down if it broke every bone in my body.
Lance and I switched positions to throw them off, but when the ball snapped, I was back where I was supposed to be, tucking the football and dodging orange jerseys. My gaze was focused on the thirty-four-yard line. The crowd screamed at my back. I knew I was close. Until the Prowler linebacker reminded me that a few more nights in the gym lifting weights might not be such a bad idea.
“They’re on your ass,” Rip growled in the huddle. I watched the play clock intently.
“62 Roundabout?”
“No, you’ll leave me open. Go deep. Pipedream 100.”
I nodded, chewing on my mouthpiece. Going for the first and more gave us leverage. I wanted that first down.
Coach was screaming when he heard our play, but the ball snapped, and we were running the Knights now. I cut across the field, pumping my legs and dodging orange. When I got to the defense 45, I spun just in time to catch the spiral. The Prowlers were on me before I could run, but I got the first down, and after all the hits I’ve taken in life, one more didn’t make a difference.
I changed my sights from first down to a touchdown. I went down twice before I broke defense. I scored another first down and barreled past orange for the end zone. The moment I stepped over the white line, the entire stadium blew up. The radio played our theme song and the stadium lights flashed blue and gold.
But there were more touchdowns to be had.
I was losing at everything else in life. Refused to lose on the field too. I could win this my way for me. I fought harder, got up when I got hit, tried harder when I failed, and earned every first down and touchdown.
It was 21-3, Knights, when the Charming Stars Cheerleading team came out to run the half-time show. The varsity girls were their own kind of royalty. Getting on the Stars was like making the Knights. They practiced just as hard as us. Emmie gave me a hug on her way out. I saw Trudy coming for me and ducked into the locker rooms. I already had a star.
***
“Knights!”
Our huddle broke apart. As my team took off for the locker room, I stood there, the confetti on the field from our win in my hair and stuck to my sweaty skin. A 31-6 win should be my only focus.
As with most obsessions, however, my focus was in the wrong places. Overlooking the obvious in exchange for unsure things. I didn’t bother looking at the bleachers. She wasn’t there. Showing up had been for me. Staying would be for us.
Walking into the win party that night made me resent my mask so forcefully, I almost wanted to rip it off and show the world my skin beneath my armor. The disgusting gnarled scar tissue and puckered wounds. The truth.
The guys soaked up the female attention. I nursed a beer on the back patio, staring out at the manmade lake on Rip’s property. Only his father would interfere with nature. Create a lake where there was only dry humid Georgia soil. Not to mention this mansion was dug directly into the canyon. It looked like an oasis in the desert, but that was a lie too. Charmant wasn’t the desert. It was a geological monopoly in the south and that lake was just one more gilded front.
Arms slid around my waist from behind. I felt the breasts before I felt the kiss right below my ear. “Congrats on the win, Wreck.”
I brought the bottle to my lips and swallowed, hating her touch the way I hated myself. Deeply. “Not right now, Trudy.”
“Aww, are you upset?” She hugged me tighter. “Something wrong in the palace?”
I rolled my eyes at her jealousy and took another swig. Trudy got me naked because it made sense for me not to say no. If I wanted to keep my true feelings secret, I had to lay down some lies first. Hooking up with women I felt nothing for did that. I wasn’t in the mood for nothing tonight. And if I were being honest with myself—something I rarely did—I didn’t want Trudy. I wanted Hallie. Hooking up with her tonight would only do more damage than it did good. “I told you already. I have a girlfriend.”
She snorted. “Yeah, right. Little miss Goodie-two-shoes-ford probably isn’t going to get you off like I can.”
I highly doubted that. I’d learned over the years that my cock didn’t align with my brain or heart. It was a separate organ that made its own choices. I never got off, but my dick always did. The rare times I felt anything was when I pretended they were the star in my obsession. “I’m trying not to be a dick right now. If you want me to be, I’ll indulge you.”
She released me with a scoff and stood beside me, her gaze on the side of my face. “How did you two even start hooking up? She’s such a stuck up little snob I didn’t think you’d even want to bother.”
“She is not a fucking snob,” I hissed, turning to glower at her. “Trudy, there’s at least sixty,” —Rip already had Emmie in the pool; her tits bounced in and out of the water— “fifty-nine other guys at this party that would never tell you no. Move on.”
“Do you love her?” Her eyes widened and in them I saw something that looked like true heartbreak. “You love her.” He
r mouth opened, and her chest expanded.
“You love me?” I demanded incredulously. “You’re shitting me, right?”
Her mouth snapped closed; her eyes darted away.
“That’s all on you, Trudy.” Not entirely true. I was obviously a better actor than I thought. Father would be proud, just as soon as he pulled out of Hallie’s mother. “This.” I pointed between us. “Was never going to happen. You know that, and I do. Even if I wanted to, there are bigger things at play than what you and I want. You know that.”
Her arms snaked around to hug herself. Trudy was gorgeous. Sandy blonde hair, these fucking huge hazel eyes, and a body any varsity cheerleader would kill for, but she wasn’t the only gorgeous woman in this world, or even in this house, and looks had nothing to do with success or our choices. Or even love. What my soul screamed for had nothing to do with looks. But had all to do with what it was missing.
I suddenly understood why Hallie was so pissed off at me.
“I’ve got to go.” I lobbed my beer in the planter’s box by the deck. “You’ll get over me, Trudy. Fast. I promise. There’s not much there to want anyway. Trust me.”
“Where are you going?” Jace asked as I cut my way through the tangled limbs and teenage chaos. I shoved him aside and kept going, taking the turn off for Rip’s place too fast to ever bother slowing.
Hallie’s mansion was a castle lit up at night. The guard out front nodded me on when I pulled up to the gates, giving me a smile like uh-oh, he’s back. The guest and main driveways were made of pale uneven stone. The uneven parts were drilled down, making driving over the stone smooth and easy. Her Audi was the only car around in the wide-open space. The façade of her mansion was lit up and glowing, but it didn’t feel that way inside. Or maybe that was only me. Every time I was inside I felt like an intruder in his own dreams.
Wrecked_A Novel Page 14