by KT Fisher
“I’m sorry, but it’s something that can’t be helped.” She gathers them to the doors. “Bye everyone.”
Tasha locks up and turns directly to me, her face full of sympathy. It’s almost my undoing but I hold on strong. Besides, there’s a woman loitering outside and I think she’s trying to get a peak of my breakdown.
“Elise.” She begins to walk towards me. “What happened?”
Before she can reach me, I run away into the back room and I hear Tasha speeding up to catch me.
“I told him.” I spit angrily, my sadness now evolving into my second emotion. “I fucking tell him and he does this to me.”
Tasha watches me unfold, surprise and concern written all over her face. I can see she’s having an internal battle of what to do with me right now as I’m pacing back and forth.
“Babe.” Tasha holds out her arm to stop me passing. “Just take a breath and tell me what’s going on with you.”
I look at her, one of my closest friends. So close that I consider her my sister. All of the girls are more than friends, they’re my sisters. Drew even knows we’re closer than regular cousins, we all share a bond only girls in our situations can. We’re connected to the club and people who are members of this club, Whether it’s family ties, our love for someone or both, we’ve been through shit and experienced the same emotions. It was bound to stick us together.
“The moment felt right, I told him everything and I thought he was ok.” I shrug. “Well, as fine as he can be when I’ve told him a man raped me and I’ve kept it a secret. He said it doesn’t change us and what he thinks of me.”
“Well, that’s good right?” Tasha asks, looking confused as to where I’m going with this.
I begin to nod, and that’s when my anger is then again replaced by upset as my tears return. “I thought so. We were cuddled on his bed, watching TV and I cried in his arms. Bomber cared for me, he held me and I cried that much I fell asleep.” I take a shaky breath inwards as I speak the next devastating words. “I woke up and he was gone.”
“Gone?” She repeats.
Sadly, I nod. “I looked for him, all around the clubhouse. I even asked a few brothers if they knew where he was and made a complete idiot of myself.”
I pick up a mug that was set aside to make a drink and throw it down on the floor. My anger has returned. Tasha gasps from behind me as the mug hits the tiled floor and smashes into pieces. I breathe heavily, staring down at the broken bits and oddly feeling as though I’m looking into a mirror. As though those, many broken and non-fixable pieces are me.
“He left you?” Tasha asks after a moment of silence.
“Yeah.” I actually laugh. “Haven’t heard from him since.”
“Did you call him?”
I turn around to face her. “I figured after the first thousand times he didn’t pick up I would leave him alone. I don’t want to look too desperate.”
Tasha frowns in response to my sarcasm. “I was only asking, he’s going to be hiding somewhere. If he doesn’t have a good enough explanation as to why he did this, he’s going to have four extra pissed off women looking his way.”
I laugh and lean back against the counter. “You think he’s gone back on his words and is disgusted in me?”
“No!” She shouts. “Don’t you fucking dare.”
I look down at my shoes, but within a second Tasha is in front of me, lifting my chin so she can look into my eyes.
“Now you listen to me, you didn’t deserve to be treated like you have been and I know you would change it if you could. But you can’t. That’s the reality of what happens when men do shit fucking things to women like us, but you know what you gotta do?” Tasha asks me, fire swimming in her eyes and I shake my head, desperately wanting to know the answer. “You own that shit! Don’t think of yourself as damaged, or dirty. Fuck that, you are stronger now Elise. You have to be, because you can’t let those fuckers see you down. If you’re having a bad day, you have us to lean on. I have my shitty days, but Devlin supports me. If Bomber can’t do that for you, you know what you have to do. You find yourself a man who respects you and doesn’t see you for your past. He needs to treat you like the strong woman you are, now you shake this bad day off and when you see Bomber, you let him know if he can’t handle the truth, you will find yourself someone who will.”
Tasha’s tears mirror mine as we look at one another. Her own demons reacting to mine and I fall into her arms, letting her hold me as I break. Pain erupts from my leg and I break apart, looking down at my legs and seeing blood soaking my leggings.
“Shit.” I lean down trying to inspect it.
“I’ll do it.” Tasha interrupts, taking over and inspecting my wound and I look down to the shattered mug, spread across the floor. Before Tasha’s speech, I would have felt shattered, just like the mug now I see that I can be put back together. I won’t keep living in the past.
We leave the shop, and before we both go our separate ways, Tasha gives me one last hug.
“Although I am angry with Bomber for leaving you like that, give him some time to come back to you.” She pleads. “He has just learnt the girl he loves has been abused in the most intrusive way she possibly can.”
“Don’t worry.” I assure her.
In the car, I don’t bother playing any music and decide to have a silent drive. Relief fills me when I discover that I’m home alone, I couldn’t bear pretending to be happy with my parents right now. Locking the door behind me, because it’s a rule my father insists upon when I’m in the house alone, I run up to my bedroom and run a bath, eager to strip away my clothes and lay in a tub full of hot, bubbly water. As I step into the bath, and lay down. A groan I can’t help but release escapes me and I melt away. The sting of my cut reminding me that I should only go forward now, and if Bomber can’t join me, then I need to move on. As hard as that is for me to do.
***
My bath was needed, but sadly it hasn’t healed my heart. Bomber left me at my most vulnerable and it really has left its mark. I look down at the cut on my leg, it’s already healing. Thank god it wasn’t serious. I sneak into Scrappy’s room, trying not to look around too much. He keeps some first aid supplies in his cupboard, and once I retrieve it, I turn to my room and dress my wound. It will be scabbed up by the morning, I’m certain. As I put on my pjs and roll my hair into a bun, I can’t get Bomber from my head. He hurt me, but I don’t love him any less. I’m pissed, but my heart still reaches for him.
I just hope Tasha is right and that he just needs to process however, I just wish that he had woken me up and explained before he fucked off. Typical men, they don’t understand the consequences of their selfish actions.
My Kindle catches my eye and I decide that I could divulge in someone else’s romance dramas than my own. I spend some time taking my pick and settle into my bed, hoping that this will be a better plan than the bath.
However, only half an hour passes when a loud knock interrupts my reading but I ignore them. I don’t want to see anyone tonight and reading is seeming to work. Reading all about Sarah and keeping her pregnancy secret from a rough biker she had a careless one night stand with, is exactly what I needed. Thankfully the knocking stops, and I am able to fully return to my book but then my phone begins to ring. I stare at it from across my bedroom, willing for it to stop but it doesn’t. As soon as it stops, the caller only decides to ring back but I do not want to see or talk to anyone.
Having enough of listening to my phone, I jump out of bed and freeze when I see who is calling me. Jamie’s name flashes up at me, taunting for me to answer but I don’t know if I can pick up his call. I don’t want to speak to anyone, and that includes Bomber. If only he can wait until the morning. I might be able to face him then.
Without another thought I turn off my phone and return back to my book but now I can’t concentrate. I don’t take in the words I read and the book loses its purpose to distract me from Bomber and all of a sudden I hear heavy feet running
up the stairs. I drop my Kindle leaving it on the bed as I slide down the side, hiding from view but I curse myself for leaving my phone on my bed. I stay quiet, listening to whoever is in the house.
“Elise!” A sigh of relief exits when I hear Bomber’s voice, but soon after anger takes place.
I stand from where I was hiding and move back to my place on the bed, quickly open my Kindle. All evidence of my scare has now gone and just in time, as Bomber barges in.
“You could have knocked.” I mumble, looking at the words I am not reading.
“And you could have answered your damn phone.” He seethes. “I was worried.”
I hold back my laugh, put down my Kindle and look to him with a stunned expression. “That makes two of us.”
Bomber groans, hanging his head in shame and takes a step forward but I shake my head, telling him to stay exactly where he is.
“I think you should stay there.” I point to where his feet stand. “I didn’t answer because I want to be alone. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” But then a thought appears. “How did you get in?”
He holds up a key. “Your dad gave me a key.”
Of course he did.
“He gave it me for emergencies’, your car is outside so I figured I’d see what’s holding you up in here.”
“I told you, I want to be alone.”
Bomber steps closer. “I’m sorry for disappearing, it was a shit thing to do but I had to get out the clubhouse and clear my head.”
“You could have told me first.” I fire back.
Bomber nods, taking yet another step closer. “You were crying for so long, and when you finally went to sleep I didn’t want to wake you up again. I was only supposed to be gone for the night but the longer I rode my bike the clearer my head was. I was angry Elise, but not at you. I’m just pissed at myself for not killing him when I had the chance.”
A smirk comes to my face. “You’re not the first to say that.”
“I’m sorry.” He whispers, now right beside me on the bed. He crouches down and strokes my face. “I never want to hurt you, but I had to do this for me.”
A tear strolls down my cheek and Bomber wipes it away. “I can understand, but when I saw that you were gone, it did hurt.”
He leans forward to kiss me, and as angry as I am, I let him. It might seem soft of me, but after hearing about everything that Demon did to me right under his nose must have really hurt him. I don’t want to add to his misery, or my own. “But don’t you dare do anything like that again. I won’t forgive you as easily.”
He smirks, and it’s sexy as hell. “I believe you.”
Bomber continues to kiss me and I finally invite him to sit on my bed. He looks around at my room as he sits beside me and I take him in. I’ve really missed him in the last few hours, I had actually convinced myself we were over. As my eyes take him all in, I then notice the blood on his knuckles. “I was never allowed up here before.”
My eyes divert from his bruised and battered fists as I return back to his handsome face. Luckily, I don’t think he caught me staring, and I laugh. “I’m pretty sure you still aren’t.”
I see his eyes fill with mischief and it sends a thrill through me. “Why? Because I’d do this.”
Bomber leans into me, his mouth quickly taking mine and I respond with my own kiss. As Bomber hovers over me, I scoot down the bed so I’m lying down and Bomber then settles himself in between my legs. He breaks the kiss, looking down at me and before he can ask any questions to spoil the mood, I reach for the back of his head and bring him back down to my lips. I groan in delight as he kisses me back with force, Bomber’s body lowers slightly but I feel him. All of him and the hardest part of him nudges my leg through his jeans and my cotton pj bottoms. It sends a quiver through me and a harsh rush of pleasure lights me up from inside. We’ve fooled around a little before, but I’ve never felt like this. I’ve always put an end to it because I was afraid to go any further but now it’s changed. I never want this to end.
My fingers slip into his hair and I grip on tight, causing Bomber to groan and at the same time he pushes his groin forward. I gasp from the shock of it and Bomber pulls away.
“Shit, sorry I’ll stop.”
He begins to get off me, but I grab onto him. “No, stay.”
Bomber frowns down at me. “I haven’t got much control left baby,” he glances down at the large bump inside his jeans.
Feeling a little brave, I reach down and place my hand over the bulge. Bomber closes his eyes for a second and I squeeze.
“Fuck.” He groans.
“Get undressed.” I order and I don’t need to ask him again because he quickly jumps up from the bed and whips his shirt over his head and removes his jeans. The sight of him shirtless has my mouth watering and I want him, more than I’ve ever wanted anything before.
Still feeling brave, I stand from the bed and face him. Without a word I remove my pjs, bottoms first and then the top. Bomber’s eyes linger on my breasts, and I feel a little naughty for not wearing my bra now. His eyes travel down and then stop when he reaches my legs. Shit! I forgot about my cut.
“What happened?” He asks, suddenly closing the space between us.
“Just a cut, I’m fine.” I assure him.
“Who did this?” He growls.
I hold his head between my hands. “I did it, I dropped a stupid mug and some of it hit me.”
His eyes hold me and a smirk forms on his perfect mouth. “A mug?”
“Yes, a mug.” I laugh.
“Fuck.” He cups my breasts and a sigh falls from my mouth. I watch Bomber as he leans down, his tongue sweeps over my perked nipple and my eyes close. Shit that felt good. “You like that?” Bomber asks and I nod.
His thumb plays with the nipple he just licked as we make our way back to the bed.
“Lie down.” He orders as he stands from the bed to lock my bedroom door.
“How long do we have alone?” Bomber asks, lying beside me.
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “But they won’t bother us.”
Usually when my mum and dad are out together around this time, it means they’re spending quality time together and most likely won’t be back until late and even if they come back they will go straight to their room. They will want to be left alone as much as I do, and that’s fine by me.
Our kisses begin to turn more and more heated by the second and my hands explore his delicious body. I reach his boxers but I want to feel all his skin, especially one area in particular.
“Take them off.” I tug at them and with a little snicker, he does as I wish.
“As long as you remove yours.” He suggests.
“Go ahead.” I dare and with a naughty, dimpled smile Bomber reaches for the waistband of my thong and slowly pulls them down my legs. His lips kiss where my thong touches and it’s surprisingly torturous. I bite down onto my bottom lip as my underwear reaches my ankles. Bomber throws them to the floor and we pause for just a second, looking at each other’s naked bodies. I marvel at Bomber’s deep lined abs and colourful tattoos. The top of his arms are so thick and decorated in tattoos. Fuck I want to throw myself at him.
Bomber returns to me, kissing me everywhere and I finally get to touch his hard cock. I reach down and squeeze, I don’t know why but it seemed like the right thing to do. I am new to this after all, I might not be a virgin anymore but it wasn’t by choice and I didn’t have the need to explore Demons body as I do Bomber. His cock looks fierce and feels rock solid, but silky soft all at the same time and I enjoy bringing it back and forward. Hearing Bombers sexy groans spurs me on.
Eventually, Bomber decides I’ve had enough playing and takes over. He licks my nipples again, going from one to another while his fingers travel down below. I begin to thrust against his fingers, holding onto his shoulders tightly as the need for more hits me.
“Jamie.” I sigh and he seems to know exactly what I want.
Bomber rolls on top, the tip of his cock h
eavily laying on the bottom of my stomach.
“Are you sure?” He asks, his voice heavy with lust.
I nod. “Please.”
This is the right time. I’m ready for this. There’s no secrets between us and I want Bomber to claim me as his. I’ve never been so sure of anything in my entire life.
Bomber kisses me, and in that kiss I feel how much he loves me and I try to reciprocate that. I want to tell him how much I adore him, using no words and just my emotion. Bomber pushes up against me, and I feel his cock waiting. I take in as many deep and calming breaths as I can whilst we’re kissing. I want this but I’m nervous as hell.
Bomber pushes, tilting his hips and his cock begins to enter. I’m not going to lie, it hurts a little and I close my eyes.
“Hey.” Bomber pauses and when I open my eyes, I see him looking down at me, concern clear to see. “You ok? You wanna stop?”
“No.” I quickly answer. “It just hurts a little.” I blush.
Bomber smiles down at me, kisses me gently before his head dips to my breasts and teases my nipples once more. It relaxes me and has my legs opening wider. Bomber pushes further and this time, there’s no pain, just pure pleasure. My hips tilt up and meet Bombers as he lifts his head and begins kissing along my jaw line.
This is what I wanted, Bomber as my first and in a way he still is. Demon was forced upon me, I didn’t want that but this something I always wanted. Growing up, when my friendship turned to adoration and then love for Bomber, I wanted all of this with him. I dreamt of us together and I thought that had been ripped from us, but here we are, loving one another. I’m so happy, that I begin to feel emotional and the longer I feel Bomber around me, possessing me it feels as though my memories of Demon are being wiped away and replaced by these new ones. Whenever I thought of sex, I would remember Demon and what he did to me, but now Bomber is giving me something else to picture whenever I hear the word. Tears begin to fall and I’m angry with myself, I’m always crying lately and right now I don’t want to cry.