“You think that’s her way of not committing?”
“There’s always an excuse. Always an escape plan.”
Her hand flies to her head as she looks at me like I’m a child ready for a scolding. “You had a baby with another woman! Moments after you met, you sprang it on her that your ex was pregnant. That’s a lot for a woman to take on.”
“Trust me, I know. I had to woo her hard to get her to come back to me.”
“Did you ever think that she told you about Shawn because she loves you and she wanted you to know the truth? How could she have kept something like that from you?”
“You did!” I spit out.
She closes her eyes for a brief moment. “Yes. And I’m sorry. But only because I wanted what was best for my son, but I wasn’t taking your feelings into consideration. She was. Because she cares for you.”
“And you didn’t?”
“No. I didn’t say that. It’s just different, and you know that. We didn’t click that way. Not the way you seem to have with Amy at least. You never looked at me the way you do at her. Just the mention of her name brightens your expression.” Her hands rest on her knees. “Final question, and then I’ll leave it alone. What would you have done if this information had come out five or ten years down the road and you found out she had known the entire time?”
There it is. The one line in every courtroom battle that makes you question the entire trial. As upset as I am with Amy’s role in the current events, if she’d held on to it and never told me, lied to me, that would have destroyed us.
I laugh to myself because that’s what is happening now. We’re being destroyed by my reaction to her actions.
“It’s complicated.”
“Yeah, life is, with every aspect, but being with someone you care about shouldn’t be.” She gets up and comes to sit next to me. “Don’t put your anger toward me on Amy. I told you a while ago that I was happy you met her, but I haven’t been the most inviting to her, and that’s my fault. That all ends now. Just like I want what is best for Oliver, I also want what is best for you.”
“Oliver is what’s best for me,” I whisper while holding his tiny fingers.
She places her hand over mine, the three of us joined together. “That will never change, but you need that partner by your side too.”
“Then, what about you? Who’s going to be by your side?”
“Someone will come along. I have no doubt that when the time is right, he’ll be here.” She looks me in the eyes. “The time is right for you, Sebastian. Amy is right. Don’t let her slip away because of something I did. I won’t be able to live with myself if I screwed up Oli’s life and yours at the same time.” She leans down to kiss his head.
“I’m not going anywhere. If Shawn doesn’t step up, know that I’ll always be here. And if he does, well, then I’ll settle for Uncle Sebastian who takes him to Phillies games and teaches him how to throw a ball.” I lean in and say jokingly, “Because I don’t think Shawn’s really a sports guy.”
A laugh bubbles in her throat. “I don’t think so either.”
“Have you spoken to him?”
She shakes her head. “I’ll wait until after the results are in. The fact that you discovered this is wild. I never planned on seeing him again, and I don’t plan to unless I have to.”
I stare down at Oliver, and though I’m still terrified to find out the truth for the first time, I don’t feel like I’ll die if he’s not mine. I know I’ll always be a part of his life, and if that test comes back negative, then I’m going to have to learn to be okay with that.
As much as I try to deny it, my feelings are exactly the same when it comes to Amy. I just wonder if she’ll ever be mine again.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Amy
You know that saying, You never know what you truly had until it’s gone? Well, that’s exactly how I feel right now. Of course, I knew Sebastian was amazing and the guy I’d been dreaming of all my life, but I never considered losing him this fast, and my God, the suddenness of him walking out of my life has felt worse than a dagger to the heart. It’s been a samurai sword to my entire soul.
I’m curled up in my office, watching Netflix with Lady Featherington, when there’s a knock on my back door. As I check my app, I see my dad standing there, waving at the camera. His dorkiness makes me smile, and I stand to go let him in.
“Hi, Daddy,” I say as I open the door.
He comes in to give me a hug.
“What are you doing here so late?” I ask as I shut the door and we head back to my office.
“I wanted to check on my little girl.”
I sigh. “Did Fiona open her big mouth?”
I knew I shouldn’t have said anything to her. She called during a weak moment yesterday, and I needed someone to spill my guts to. I should have known my entire family would find out shortly.
He places his arm around me and pulls me in for a hug. “Only because she cares. Tell me what happened.”
I fill him in on Shawn and how we’re not sure who Oliver’s father is. “The worst part is, Sebastian accused me of not wanting the baby and that I wasn’t committed to him.”
“Well, sweetie, why do you think he felt that way?”
I drop down on my futon and pull the blanket back over me once I tuck my feet underneath me. Lady Featherington takes her spot back right next to me, like I never got up.
“Because I wouldn’t fully move in with him. He always made comments about how I lived there too. That it was my home.”
He takes a seat on a chair I have next to my desk and looks around my office-slash-bedroom. “I thought you two were living together. At least, that’s what Heather told me a few months ago.”
I let out a breath, knowing deep down what he’s saying is right but not for the reasons he thinks. “I practically was, but I left my clothes here and would just pack a bag.”
“Not that I was all too excited about my youngest child living with yet another man out of wedlock, but I do have to say, I was surprisingly okay with the idea. Sebastian seemed like a respectable man, and you’re not a baby anymore.”
I roll my eyes with a laugh before sighing and settling back into my sullen emotions. “I wasn’t sure if he’d still want me around once the baby was born. I felt like if there was a chance for them to be a family, I didn’t want to stop them.”
“Just because they were welcoming a baby into this world unconventionally doesn’t mean you’d be in the way. Were there any signs that he wanted to reunite with this woman?”
“No.” I shake my head but keep my eyes glued to the blanket. “I suppose I just couldn’t let go of how I would feel if I were in her shoes. If Sebastian weren’t mine anymore, I’d be devastated. If I were carrying his child as well, I’d be broken. I’d want to be a family because, for me, that’s everything.”
“You love this man. I can see that.”
“With my whole heart,” I respond with conviction.
He rubs his thigh and looks up, seemingly in thought. “Perhaps your mother and I put too much emphasis on what a traditional family was. You know as well as anyone that families come in all shapes and sizes. If you love this man, you have to love the child too. Being a stepmom is a big role to take on.”
“I do. I only met Oliver for a moment, and he’s a heaven-sent angel,” I say without a second thought. “I’m so excited for Sebastian to be a dad and for me to be part of his experience.”
“Part of his family.”
I sigh. “If that’s what he ultimately wants, then yes.”
He stands and comes to sit next to me on the futon. His hands are folded on his lap, and he takes a deep breath and nods slightly before speaking, “Amy, do you want to know why you’re my favorite child?” He leans in to whisper, “Don’t tell your siblings I said that.”
I laugh, and he continues, “You were our surprise baby. First, we were panicked. Another mouth to feed. We didn’t have enough room, and Mom was
going back to work. Our hands were full with your brothers and sisters. By the grace of God, you came anyway. Big, bright eyes and smiling since the moment you were born. We carted you around to every game, recital, lesson, and practice. Henry with his tutors, Matty and the sports, Heather had dance, and Fiona was in every art class imaginable. You just went with the flow.
“Where everyone else needed to be pushed, you barreled right along. Our kitchen became your theater, and you performed for us daily, whisking the most horrible concoctions together until, one day, you created the most heavenly chocolates. When it was your time to shine, there was no stopping the person you were going to become. I know we pushed the others to go to college or made sure they were choosing the right path for their careers, but with you, there was no pushing. You’re the girl who paves her own path. But have no doubt that your mother and I have been by your side, rooting for you and waiting to help with anything you might need. We couldn’t be prouder of what you’ve created in your kitchen, in your world, and in your heart.”
He leans in to wrap an arm around me, and I rest my head on his shoulder.
“I suppose I have always marched to the beat of my own drum in this family,” I surmise with a grin.
“You’ve never been a follow the normal way things should be done kind of person, so why would you think the man you fell for would be any different than you?”
I look up at him, silently asking him to go on.
“Yes, having a baby with an ex isn’t orthodox, but it’s not horrible either. People do it all the time. And if anyone is going to take on that role with Sebastian, I have no doubt that you’re the right person to do so. Your adaptable spirit from growing up as the youngest of five children proves you can. And with your not letting anyone stop you from getting what you want side, you shouldn’t allow yourself to get in your own way too. If you want to be with Sebastian and baby Oliver, then you should be. Don’t let any insecurities stop you. Especially if he’s telling you that you’re who he wants to be with.”
A light breeze comes through the open window and tickles my cheek. It’s like the universe is giving me a hug and saying, Listen to your father. It’s right because there is no one more understanding and profound as my dad. I suppose these men don’t get enough credit for the roles they play in our lives.
“I don’t know if I’ll get the opportunity to show Sebastian that I want this. I haven’t spoken to him in days.”
“Well, that doesn’t sound right. Didn’t you meet Sebastian because you were standing up for yourself with Hardin and got the wrong number? I think it’s time you pick up that phone again and stand up for what you want.”
I bite the inside of my lip. “I really love him,” I admit. “I guess I don’t want him to shut me out again.”
“If you truly want to be with this guy, then you make sure he knows, and you fight for what you want. Be the feisty little girl I know, who I could never say no to. I’m sure he’ll come around.”
“And if not?” I turn to see him better.
“If not, then things weren’t meant to be. But at least you’ll know you tried. Sometimes, that’s all you can do. You just never want to look back at your life and ask what if.”
I curl up against him. “Thanks, Daddy.”
“Anything for my baby girl.” He kisses the top of my head.
The next day, I drive to Sebastian’s office, where Miles tells me he took the day off. So, I head to his house, and as I stand out front of his home, I’ve never been so nervous. My palms are sweaty, and my belly is in knots. My dad was right though. I’ve always fought for what I wanted out of life, and I want to be with Sebastian and Oliver. These last few days have just proven that even more.
I fell in love with Sebastian. It wasn’t love at first sight, but within a few short months, my love for him grew profoundly and strong. His stories over drinks at an old bar in Philadelphia, the way he danced on a rooftop atrium, the feel of his arms as we held each other in a jazz club, and when he cooked brittle in my kitchen … these are all the times he inched his way into my heart and stretched out inside of me, filling my soul with love and adoration. With devotion. With loyalty.
Being with him made my entire world a better place. When I wasn’t with him, I’d feel weird, not knowing what was right or wrong, but when I was with him and he shared every tiny detail of what made him the wonderful man I knew, he made me whole again.
Making love to him made me feel so unbelievably loved.
Remembering this feeling, I lift my hand and finally get the nerve to knock on his door and fight for what I want.
He opens it and stands there, seemingly shocked to see me. I watch as those caramel-chocolate eyes soften, filled with intense emotion that match my own simmering in my chest.
“You’re right,” I start, needing to get right to the speech I rehearsed numerous times on the way here. “Even though I was basically living at your house, my heart was too scared to fully commit. I was scared. Scared you’d leave me the way Hardin had. Scared I’d keep you from being the family with Lauryn that I would want you to be if I were in her shoes. I never want to come between those who want to be a family. But I need you to know that I love you, and that includes every piece of you, which means Oliver too. Whether he’s your biological son or not—”
“He’s mine,” he says in almost disbelief.
I stop and blink a few times, wondering if I heard him correctly. My heart, on the other hand, is absolutely elated. “He is?”
I want to throw my arms around him and cheer from the top of my lungs, but I hold back. Instead, tears slip down my face that I can’t stop. My smile is huge, and I don’t want to contain it.
Sebastian is nodding, a smile tugging at his lips, his eyes crinkling at the sides. I hear Oliver’s bassinet music playing through the monitor Sebastian is holding, and I cover my mouth with my hand to stop the sob that follows.
“Lauryn just left,” he says. “She said I could spend some quality time with him, so he’s here.”
“Oh, Sebastian. I’m so happy for you.” I cross my arms over my body to stop myself from wrapping them around him.
He looks directly into my eyes. The way his stare is pouring loving emotion from it takes my breath away. “I was just about to call you.”
My lip quivers as I ask, “You were?”
He nods. “I need to apologize. I was on my way to you yesterday, but then the results of the paternity test came in, so I’ve been a bit preoccupied, and I wanted to do this the right way.” He takes a step forward, his body so close to mine that his heat barrels into me. “I was an asshole. I took my fears out on you, and that was wrong. I always vowed to protect my family, but I forgot the most important thing.”
“What’s that?” I breathe.
“You’re my family, Amy. The moment I heard your voice, you became my world.”
I can’t take it anymore, and I rush to him, throwing my arms around him and holding him tightly. “I’m so sorry,” I cry.
“You don’t have anything to be sorry about,” he says as he runs his hand down my hair, keeping me pressed against his chest. “It was my own insecurities.”
“I want this, Sebastian. I want all of it. I want you. I want Oliver. I want to be in both of your lives.”
“And we want you too. Fuck, I need you. You’re who I want to be with. No one else. Oliver is my priority, my son, and my heart, but you’re the love of my life. I can have both.”
I tilt my head to see him better, and he leans down to kiss my lips.
“Please forgive me for accusing you of not wanting Oliver,” he says as he stares into my eyes. “I was freaking out, and I took it out on you.”
“And please forgive me for keeping one tiny toe out the door because that’s all it was. I’m fully committed to you, Sebastian, and if you’ll have me, I’ll move everything in tomorrow.”
He grips the sides of my cheeks and smiles. “Looks like you just got yourself a man with the cutest, most l
ovable baggage you’ll ever see,” he teases.
“Oliver will never be baggage. He’s our son after all.”
“God, I love the sound of that.” He leans in, kissing me before pulling back and tugging on my hand. “Come on. Let’s go get our baby boy.”
Epilogue
THREE YEARS LATER
“I can’t believe how good they were!” Charity is clapping with ravenous enthusiasm as the actors in the community theater take their bows.
It was a stunning production of The Wizard of Oz; some might say that it was absolutely brilliant.
And by some, I mean, me.
I loved it!
Charity and I are standing in a long row of adoring fans, including my entire family, Sebastian’s parents, and one weepy-eyed Lauryn, who can’t seem to control her pregnancy hormones now that she’s expecting baby number two with her new husband, Mike.
“Gotta say, it was awesome,” Shawn bellows from the other side of Charity.
The two are holding hands and hollering as the main actors are now coming out and taking their individual bows.
While everyone is waiting for the girl who played Dorothy to come for her standing ovation, I’m excited for the man coming out right before her. The one who played the Scarecrow. The sexiest one, I might add!
Sebastian comes jogging out, his hands up in the air, and we all yelp with wild applause for a job well done. In the three years we’ve been together, I’ve marveled at his performances, each one better than the last. This one was perhaps the best because our boy had his first role as well.
As if on cue, Oliver leaves his place along the line of Munchkins and comes barreling over to his father. Dark hair and hazel eyes, Oli looks just like his daddy. Sebastian lifts Oliver in his arms, and they take an extra second to soak up the magic that comes from a room full of people cheering them on.
As the curtain closes, we grab our belongings and usher out to the back of the building to wait for our loved ones to exit from backstage.
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