Kieran frowned. “I’m not sure what he’s up to. I’ll give him a call later.”
“He seemed most interested in the likelihood that I was involved in the murder of the woman whose body was found.”
That didn’t surprise Kieran, but it did frustrate him. “I’m hoping we get an ID on the body soon. Hopefully, that will help with the direction of the investigation.”
Eli nodded, then said, “How are you doing?”
Kieran shrugged. “I’m fine.”
The man’s eyebrows lifted slightly. “Glad to hear it.”
Kieran was sure Eli didn’t buy a word of it, but maybe if he said it often enough, it would become true.
Missy returned with his bowl of soup then turned to Anna and Eli. “You two going to eat here, or you want a table?”
“Booth please, cuz,” Eli said.
“Sure thing.”
“Did you want to join us?” Eli asked.
Kieran gave a short laugh. “I’m good here.”
There was no way he wanted to eat his lunch with the lovebirds. His appetite still wasn’t back to normal, and it would definitely disappear altogether if he had to observe their relationship up close and personal when he still wasn’t over Cara.
After the two had gone to their booth, Kieran said a quick prayer before he started to eat his soup. It was hot and tasty, warming him from the inside out. Normally he’d have eaten a sandwich as well, but he was satisfied after the soup. He didn’t linger, pausing on his way out of the restaurant to pay, then making his way back to the station.
Lisa didn’t bother to talk to him about Cara anymore, having waved the white flag in her attempt to get any further information from him. His mom had had a similar reaction, though every once in a while, she’d subtly comment on something with regards to Cara.
The thing was, it didn’t matter if people mentioned her or not, she was always in his thoughts. Always.
~*~
It was still dark when Cara pulled her car out of the garage. She idled in the back lane, waiting for the garage door to lower. Once it was in place, she used her phone to make sure her alarm system was armed completely. When that was done, she stared at the phone for a moment before she powered it off and leaned over and put it in the glove compartment.
She closed it with a snap then picked up the phone that was sitting in her cup holder. It was a new one that she had purchased in preparation for leaving New Hope behind, at least for the next couple of weeks.
She didn’t want to know if she was or wasn’t receiving texts or calls from anyone. She didn’t want to read any emails from anyone. It was easier to just replace the whole phone since switching out the SIM card wouldn’t have prevented her from getting messages, which was what she wanted.
After setting the GPS in her car, Cara took one last look at her building and slowly headed down the lane to the main road. It was early enough that there weren’t a lot of people on the road, so she was able to take her time as she left the area she’d called home for the past four years.
It was a twenty-hour drive to the cabin she’d booked, but she planned to take three days to drive it, staying in hotels along the way. Once she was on the highway headed southeast, she instructed her phone to start playing one of the audiobooks she’d downloaded for the trip. The last thing she’d wanted was to spend the twenty hours on the road mulling over everything and crying as she drove, so she needed something to occupy her mind.
By the time Cara pulled into the parking spot of the cabin three days later, she was very tired of being in the car. She got out, leaning back, then bending forward to stretch out the muscles of her lower back. The host of the cabin had given her instructions on how to let herself in, so she didn’t even have to talk to anyone.
She’d stopped in a nearby city to pick up a bunch of groceries for her time at the cabin. Her appetite still wasn’t back, but she hoped she’d be able to coax it to life with the junk food she’d bought. Yeah, she’d bought some healthy stuff too, but there were also bags with chocolates, cookies, and a freezer bag with a couple of different types of ice cream.
Once she’d unlocked the door to the cabin, she carried in the bags of food then lugged her suitcases in the door, trying not to remember when Kieran had carried her bags upstairs when she’d come back from Texas after her papa’s death. She hadn’t done a great job in keeping her thoughts off of Kieran, but at least she’d managed to confine her tears to the hotels where she’d stayed along the way.
She’d hoped that the further away she got from New Hope and all the heartache it held, the looser the band around her chest would become. The less the ache in her heart would hurt. Unfortunately, that hadn’t been the case. If anything, it had gotten worse. All she could do was hope that time would do what distance obviously hadn’t.
The cabin was everything she’d hoped it would be, but as she wandered around, looking out the windows at the incredible view, all she could think about was how much Kieran would have enjoyed being there. If it had been warmer, they could have gone for runs and walks together.
And just like that, her emotions began to rise up once again, threatening to choke her as tears filled her eyes. If circumstances had been different, they could have come to this cabin. Maybe even on their honeymoon…because that’s what she’d begun to imagine and hope for.
Turning away from the view, Cara began to unpack her groceries. She should have made herself some supper since she hadn’t eaten anything but a bag of chips since the bagel and yogurt she’d had for breakfast that morning. Instead, she took her suitcase into the bedroom that ran the length of the back of the cabin. One section of the wall was floor to ceiling windows that looked out across the mountains.
The bed was big with heavy wooden head and footboards that suited the rustic look of the cabin. There was a bathroom at one end of the room that had a large tub in front of more floor to ceiling windows. She might have been concerned about privacy, except there were no neighbors around to see in.
She unpacked her suitcase then pulled out her tablet. After going to the kitchen to fill her water bottle, she locked up the cabin and returned to the bedroom. The bed was as comfortable as it looked, and she gratefully settled on it to read one of the books she’d loaded onto her tablet before she’d left New Hope.
As long as she could find things to distract herself, hopefully the next few days would start the healing that, as of yet, had not begun to take place in her heart.
The woman dressed in a form-fitting red suit unlocked the door and stepped into the apartment, holding the door for Cara. “As you can see, you’d have a gorgeous view of the city.”
Cara followed the woman further into the apartment, agreeing it was a beautiful view. Except it wasn’t the view she wanted. She smothered a sigh at the thought. Even after her week at the cabin, she was still missing New Hope and Kieran more than she wanted to admit.
“You can take possession on the fifteenth of January if all your information checks out,” the woman said once they’d completed their tour of the apartment. “Will you be in town for a few days?”
“I’m here through the New Year but can stay longer if need be.”
“Given the holidays, it might take a little bit longer to get all the checks done,” the woman said apologetically.
“That’s fine,” Cara assured her. At this point, she hadn’t seen anything that she liked. It wasn’t that the apartments hadn’t been nice. Some of them had been very nice, but nothing called to her. Nothing made her feel at home like her place in New Hope had.
“I get the feeling that this isn’t what you’re looking for,” the woman said. “But don’t you worry, I have one more place to show you today.”
Cara gave her a rueful look. “I’m sorry.”
“No need to be sorry.” She waved her hand dismissively. “You need to find the place where you’ll be comfortable.”
Except Cara wasn’t sure she was going to find such a place. “Let’s see what
the next one looks like.”
The woman’s expression brightened. “I left the best for last. I think you’re really going to like it.”
She could only hope, though she wasn’t holding her breath. As she followed the woman from the apartment, Cara tried to figure out what she had to do in order for something to feel like it could be home. Nothing so far even felt like it had the potential.
She had a definite lack of peace about anything she’d seen so far, but she couldn’t figure out why that was. Was it God trying to tell her something? Or was it her heart trying to keep her from moving on? As the woman drove her to the next apartment, Cara prayed that this one would be the one for her.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t. Like the woman said, it was the best out of all they’d seen so far, but it still didn’t resonate with her the way she wanted her next home to.
“Don’t get discouraged,” the woman said as she pulled to a stop in front of the hotel where Cara was staying. “There are more places for you to see. I’ll give you a call tomorrow.”
“Thank you for showing me around today,” Cara said. “I really appreciated it.”
“You’re very welcome. Have a nice evening.”
“You too.” Cara gave her a smile then got out of the car. The cold air slapped her in the face, so she quickly closed the door then shoved her hands in her pockets as she hurried to the front door of the hotel.
She didn’t dawdle in the lobby but made her way directly to the elevators that would take her up to her room. If she got hungry later, she’d just get room service like she had the past two nights. She’d arrived in Denver from the cabin late in the afternoon, so the day before had been her first full day there.
Her time at the cabin hadn’t accomplished all that she’d hoped. While it had helped her get through her first Christmas without her dad and Kieran, it hadn’t dulled her grief over the loss of both of them. The cabin hadn’t been decorated for Christmas—the host had offered, but Cara had declined—so it had been easy to pretend the holiday just wasn’t happening. Unfortunately, the things she’d brought to distract her from Kieran and the breakup hadn’t worked so well.
With a sigh, she tossed her jacket and purse on the bed and headed to the window. Her room was on an upper floor, so she had a great view of the mountains in the distance. There was nothing wrong with the city, but she wasn’t sure she could call it home.
If she couldn’t find a place that gave her the feeling she wanted, Cara knew she’d just have to force herself to make a decision. Maybe wherever she ended up would grow on her. After all, it had taken her a while to feel like New Hope was home.
She really wished she still had her dad to talk to about everything, but she had a feeling that he’d tell her she just needed to tough it out. That people all over the world got over broken hearts without running away.
But Cara had to wonder if those same people had to live with the knowledge that their presence was a reminder to someone else of two of the worst days of that person’s life.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Kieran stared at the fire flickering in his mom’s electric fireplace. Midnight was still an hour away, and he would much rather have been home in his bed, but he and his mom always celebrated New Year’s Eve together.
They’d attended a service at the church that evening as they did each year, then they’d come back to his mom’s to eat a late dinner and wait to ring in the new year together. His mom sat in her favorite rocker near the fire, working on her latest knitting project.
He lifted his mug of hot chocolate—yet another tradition for many, many years —and took a small sip. “Do you hate Marco Moretti?”
“What?” From the corner of his eye, he saw his mom frown at him as her hands lowered to her lap.
“Never mind,” Kieran said with a shake of his head, uncertain why he’d asked her such a dumb question.
“No.”
Kieran turned his head to look at her directly. “No?”
“No, I don’t hate him.”
It was Kieran’s turn to frown. “You don’t?”
She let out a soft sigh. “When we first moved back to New Hope, I was consumed by how much I hated the man. He’d taken so much from me, how could I not?” Picking up her work, she began to rock again as her needles flew. “But the thing about hate is that love can’t exist alongside it. The hate was growing, edging out any love I had in my heart. That included my love for God, my love for your dad and your brother, and my love for you.”
Kieran stared at her. “I didn’t know.” Except, maybe he had, now that he thought back. In the months after their return to New Hope, his mom had retreated into herself. She’d never left the house, not even for church. He’d passed her reclusiveness off as grief, but now it seemed that there had been something else alongside the grief. Hate.
“I didn’t want you to know.” She looked up at him again, her expression sad. “When I realized that I was in danger of losing everything, I knew I needed help, and that’s when I went to Pastor Evans. It was only in talking with him that I came to realize that I had to make a choice. Let the hate go so love could grow, which is what God wanted me to do, or let the hate grow until there was no love left. I decided I couldn’t let that happen.”
She sighed as her gaze went distant. “It wasn’t easy, but the first thing I had to do was forgive Marco Moretti. Anytime his name came to mind, I would whisper that I forgave him, then I’d pray for his salvation.”
What she shared made Kieran feel at a loss for words. And it shone a massive light on his own heart. He’d allowed his hatred for Marco Moretti to overshadow his love for Cara. Maybe he’d done a better job than his mom of compartmentalizing the hate in his heart, only really feeling it when someone talked about Sean or his dad, or the Moretti family, but it had been there all the same. His discovery about Cara had brought it roaring back to life, revealing that while the hate may not have seemed to be a huge thing in his life, its roots were deeply entrenched in his heart.
“Hate never gives us anything,” she said softly. “All it does is take. It robs us of the good in our lives.”
Kieran stared down at his mug, realizing he’d just lived out the truth of his mom’s words. It was like a kick to the stomach when it dawned on him that his mom probably wouldn’t have had the same struggle with Cara’s connection to Marco Moretti that he had. Because she’d already excised the hate she’d had for the man from her heart, it wouldn’t have overshadowed how she felt about Cara.
“Can you keep a secret if I tell you something?” he asked.
“Of course, darling. I know you think I gossip, but only ever about the frivolous stuff. If it’s something important, I’ll never breathe a word.”
“Cara is Marco Moretti’s daughter.”
His mom’s eyebrows rose, and her mouth went slack. “Are you… Is that… Really?”
He nodded. “I found that out the same day I found out that he’d passed away in prison in Texas.”
Her surprised look melted into compassion. “Oh no. That must have been hard for her. Mary said that Cara had been making regular trips to visit a sick relative for quite a while.” She paused, comprehension dawning. “That’s why you broke up with her.”
Kieran nodded as he told his mom about Cara’s background and how she’d lost her mom. “She loved her father.”
“Of course she did.” His mom settled back in her chair, her knitting forgotten. “There are men who the rest of the world might view as horrible, who are still kind to those they love. It wasn’t her fault that he only showed her his softer, gentler side. If she didn’t know about his other life until she was older, and if she was kept apart from that life, there was no reason for her to hate the man. From the sound of things, her father’s older children weren’t protected from the mob life like she was.”
She set her chair in motion once again. “And it appeared that he paid a price for his lifestyle. From what you’ve said, he loved Cara’s mother as well as Ca
ra, and in the end, he lost them both. It was hard enough for me to lose Sean and your father without feeling responsible for their deaths. My guess is that it was doubly hard for him to lose the woman he loved, knowing that her death happened because of him.”
Kieran rubbed at the ache in his chest that hadn’t faded in the time since that day in Cara’s studio. “We didn’t talk much about what all she knew about her father’s life.”
“Kieran, darling.” The look she gave him held a gentle reproof. “You’ve always seen things in black and white, and I suppose that’s something that’s served you well as a cop, but sometimes things aren’t so cut and dried.”
“I know, Mom.” His heart pulsed with pain. “It’s just that I wasn’t sure we could stay together when anytime she mentioned her father, I’d be reminded of what happened to Dad and Sean. And not just that, but she loved a man that I considered to be a monster.”
His mom nodded. “If you’re unable to separate the two in your mind, a relationship with Cara would be difficult. But darling, it wouldn’t be impossible. Your emotions made the decision to end things. Maybe it’s time to look at the situation in the light of what God would have you do. And don’t tell me that God wouldn’t expect you to have to overlook something like that because I can tell you right now, He most definitely would. What He wouldn’t do, would be to expect you to deal with it on your own. He helped me remove the hate from my heart, and He can do the same for you. Go talk to Pastor Evans. Let him guide you like he guided me.”
When the clock on her mantel began to chime, they both turned toward it.
Kieran hadn’t made any resolutions for the New Year yet, but maybe it was time to do just that. He looked over to see his mom leaning forward in her chair, her hand stretched out toward him. Without hesitating, he reached out to take it. She held tight to his fingers as she prayed a blessing on the year ahead, asking for wisdom for him and comfort for Cara wherever she was.
When Kieran left her house a short time later, the pain was still in his heart, but he felt lighter. Like a burden had been lifted from his shoulders.
Because of Him: A Christian Romance (New Hope Falls Book 2) Page 27