CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Her rental car was safely parked where she left it and after a few minutes of familiarising herself she was ready to go. The sat nav ready and waiting to give directions. It didn’t take long and she was soon passing the green and white road sign for the entrance. She followed the directions for the Portland head light entrance.
The lighthouse was impressive.
She could see where people had set up tri-pods at look out points to take the best photograph. The sky was blue with a few clouds in the distance across the bay she could see Portland harbour and the shipping channel. A quick turn point and she found a parking space. There were pink and white roses in the bushes surrounding the parking lot. A ranch fence surrounding the property lines. Pathways leading to the old lightkeepers house and the lighthouse itself along with a path leading to Fort Williams Park. She decided to walk through the grounds. Along the path that was bordered with a low chain fence to the grass. The white of the building sharp in contrast to the red tiles of the roof of the buildings and outbuildings.
She passed a brass plaque to commemorate the 1789 1989 – bicentennial list of keepers and stopped to read the many names.
But firstly she headed to the museum and paid the two dollar entrance fee. A display presented instructions for light-keepers and masters of light-house vessels; explained the hardships that the early keepers endured as they protected Portland and the adjacent area. It was fascinating to read of the early warning attempts to preventing bringing the area under British rule. There was also a display on the Annie C Maguire shipwreck which struck a ledge on Christmas Eve on 1886. It also said that rock outside in the shoreline identified the spot of the wreck. She stopped off at the gift shop. This time she found the perfect gift for her Dad. A Coast Guard Cap. The blue cap with gold embroidery US Guard and underneath PORTLAND HEAD LIGHT. For herself she picked sterling silver charm of the lighthouse. Just a little memento.
She walked back through the grounds and stopped at the café. Time for some people watching whilst she recharged with a coffee. In the bay she could see the white sail of a loan boat passing by. There on the rocks in marked with white paint the marker for the Annie C Maguire shipwreck. Time to try the camera on her phone to capture the view around her. Opening her bag she rustled about until she found her phone. Her hand lingering a moment on the cylinder with Robs ashes. Could she really do this today? Could she really part with him?
Since her arrival only a few days ago, she realised that she had stopped taking the medication for her anxiety. That was why she surmised that she had slept so long the day before. She didn’t want to go back down that road of taking the tablets and would try to make the most of her new resolve.
She took some pictures of the lighthouse and bay the texted one to her sister.
“Hiya Sis, Mmm guess where I am?”
She took another sip of the cooling coffee. Within seconds she had her reply.
“Well, well, well, you finally made it!”
“Yeah finally did. Going for a walk around the park. Will call you later tonight and you can update me on the house move. Big kiss to Harry for me. X”
“Okay. Will do. X”
Refreshed after her coffee she decided to have a walk through the grounds towards Fort Williams Park. She had a laugh at the sign which proclaimed the park was “Open at sunrise closed at sunset” you can’t get much more precise than that!
She walked to the ruins of the Goddard Mansion. Read the inscription detailing the place in society that the mansion had in the 1800’s but now a ruin. The trees high in the back ground shadowing the shell of the bricks. The path was quiet and she walked back to the shoreline.
It was a charming place and she could appreciate why everyone that she had spoken with had told her this. She could imagine coming with family, exploring the park and the Fort. Playing games or sharing a picnic. It was a family area. Across the Casco Bay she could see the ledge of Ram Island Light. The photographers were still at the positions, waiting for that perfect picture. She saw many in the gift shop displaying the lighthouse in all the wonders of nature. Beautiful sunrises to cold snowy days.
In the distance she could see more ships in the Casco bay. She wished that she could have climbed the tower of the lighthouse and looked out for miles and miles of sea but that was closed to visitors. Instead she walked to a tidal pool, close the edge were the waves crashed relentlessly against the rocks. She had found the perfect spot. In her mind she could picture the butterfly as it was in the book. Fluttering near those rocks. This was it she was sure. It was time.
She took the cylinder from her bag, which she left at her side high on a flat rock. She was alone in her task. No other tourists around. Just her, the sea, the rocks and Rob.
“I loved you so much Rob. I always will.” She spoke aloud and opened the lid. She scattered some of the ashes and they caught in the wind. They blew high, swirled and settled on the ocean.
“Go far my darling. There’s nothing but ocean and waves with you now. Just like you imagined it would be.” Her voice broke with the last words and she quickly returned the cylinder to her bag. Gripping her mobile she took some photos of where she had scattered the ashes. Returning the mobile to her bag she was shaking as she walked back through the tidal pool towards the car park.
She took the sunglasses from her bag, not to protect from the sun but to hide the tears that were accumulating. Time to return to the Inn and the haven of her bedroom.
Carrie retreated to her room and was careful to avoid Terri. She didn’t want to give a review of her trip to the lighthouse. Housekeeping had been and gone. She put the do not disturb sign on the door and locked the door. Kicked off her shoes and lay curled on the bed in a foetal position. The sobs that she had been holding back on the journey from the lighthouse she could now release in a torrent. Deep down she had expected at some point that this trip would be cathartic; that scattering Robs ashes would reduce her to this emotional level but now it had happened she wasn’t prepared for it. She hadn’t cried this much in months.
She wrapped the quilt around her fully clothed body and tried to block everything out. Picking up her mobile phone she flicked through the pictures that she took and left the screen on the last picture she took. The one of the sea and the rocks where she had scattered the ashes. In the lighthouse book the same cluster of rocks where she saw the butterfly in her picture there was now a small circular orb. She flicked back and no other pictures had an orb. It must be the sun or dust or something that had left a circular impression.
Her crying jag had left her exhausted and she slept for a few hours. It was dark when she woke in a tangle under the bed clothes. Disoriented, head sore and feeling a bit shaky. She removed her wrinkled clothes, leaving a trail on the floor and padded naked into the bath room. Standing under the stinging hot water of the shower she attempted to wash away the lethargy. She didn’t linger over lotions as she usually did but washed functionally, dried herself and put on a bathrobe. Her trail of clothes she picked up, folded and returned to her suitcase. It was after six o’clock and despite the emotions of the afternoon her stomach grumbled loudly reminding her it was almost ten hours ago that she had eaten. She didn’t want to go out to eat but decided to order from the same take out place she had a couple of days ago. For quickness she ordered the same meal and put on some clothes to go down stairs when it arrived. As before she got a call to advise the delivery had arrived and she made a quick journey to collect it, the dollars in her hand to pay and tip. Her eyes were still puffy from crying but she couldn’t wear the sunglasses inside. But thankfully she didn’t have to speak with any of the friendly staff at the inn or avoid eye contact.
The pasta tasted just as delicious as it had before but to Carrie it could have been cardboard that she was eating. This time she accompanied it with some water and not a glass of wine. Her head was still sore and she found some pain killers to take. Her mobile phone flashing with a text alert.
“Hi Sis, Hows things? Did you do what you had to do at the lighthouse? Cx”
An hour later
“Hellooooooo. Whats happening?”
Then two more
“Carrie, call me or text me when you get this .. please! I’m getting worried”
She texted a reply.
“Hi sorry I didn’t get back to you. I’ve been sleeping. Had a migraine when I got back from the light house. When are you home? X”
Within minutes she had a reply.
“So you are alive then!”
Quickly followed by.
“So worried Carrie about you. Please no more silence Carrie.”
Then another beep
“Okay, rant over. What happened?”
Carrie grabbed the throw off the bed, suddenly chilled in the room. She tucked it around herself and lay back on the sofa.
“I will skype you later and fill you in. When are you free? Its 8pm here.”
“Give me an hour to get settled and I will speak with you then.”
“Ok”
Carrie checked that her tablet was fully charged then put on the gas fire to heat the room. She took her rubbish again out of the room and downstairs. Back in the room she washed her face and brushed her hair. She even added a little of the lip balm. She didn’t want Claire to worry about her.
Opening the app on her tablet she signed in and waited for Claire.
“Hi Claire”
The familiarity of her sister gave her a moment of homesickness. Claire looked a bit stressed but Carrie didn’t say this. They discussed the progress of the house move.
“Oh that was very fly of you Carrie ordering toys for Harry!”
“I’m his Auntie of course I get to indulge in some pressies, think of all the years that I couldn’t!”
“Well thank you, I’m sure Harry will be delighted.”
Carrie took the tablet round the room to give Claire a blurry look of her surroundings.
“Have you got the fire on?”
“Yeah, I was a little cold after my sleep”
“Well are you going to spill and tell me what happened today at the lighthouse or not?”
“It didn’t take me too long to find, the lighthouse is in a great location. There’s a beautiful park next door and I went for a walk through the grounds. Saw the museum and I even got Dad a coast guard cap from the gift shop. I’m sure he will be delighted to wear when doing some gardening.” Carrie pulled the cap from the gift bag and popped it on her head. Picking it up and quickly demonstrating it.
“He will, he loves a baseball cap, suits you!”
“I didn’t say but before I left home I decided to bring Robs ashes with me, well some of them. Today I scattered some at the water’s edge”
“Oh Carrie, are you okay?”
A single tear rolled down Carries cheek.
She wiped it away.
“Yeah, I am now. I didn’t know if I could do it but I had a feeling deep inside that it was the right thing to do. For some strange reason I felt closer to Rob there. I keep remembering the night we watched that program and he said he wanted to come here.”
“I guess we all didn’t realise that you felt this way Carrie, I have to be honest and tell you I thought it was just a wild goose chase but you look well for making this trip Carrie. I think you needed to do this too.”
“There’s another lighthouse I want to go to but today has drained me. My room is reserved until Friday. So I’ve got plenty of time but I haven’t looked at flights home yet”
“Carrie why don’t you stay on a little longer? I know you wanted to get back home for the move but I think you might be better having a little me time over there. Let me speak to Mum and explain it a bit better to her. I know I haven’t been your best support with this crazy trip but I understand it more now.”
“Thanks Claire, I knew you would. Guess what I’ve even stopped the anxiety medication. Well I didn’t deliberately stop. I just forgot to take it for a few days. I slept like a log yesterday so I guess it must be getting it out of my system.”
“That’s great but if you feel unwell you must see a doctor. Mum and Dad will be relieved you have stopped taking them. Why don’t you see how the next few days go before you look at booking your flight home?”
The spoke in general over packing, unpacking and the latest family updates.
“Auntie Peggy asked Mum again if you will be at their party, Mum said of course you would. She was only being nosey because she heard that we are moving into yours. She asked Mum if we had money troubles! The cheek! Mum put her straight so I don’t think she will be asking that again. ”
“She has a lot of front Auntie Peggy. But I can’t avoid it, need to bite the bullet and face the Reynolds family en masse at some point.”
“What else have you been doing there?”
“Walking along the beach, shopping, eating and drinking, well I had half a bottle of wine does that count as drinking?” she joked.
“That sounds interesting! Have you met anyone on your walks?”
“Ha Ha Claire, I know what you are up to! Yes I have bumped into Nico again”
“Oooooo tell me more!”
“I saw him this morning, had a chat, played catch with Beau the dog.”
“mm mm what aren’t you telling me? Come on, tell your big sister?”
“Dinner, okay, he asked me out to dinner tomorrow. There I’ve told you!”
“Carrie Reynolds-Davies,” she squealed. “I can’t believe you have waited all day to tell me! What did you say?”
“Well, erm, I didn’t really know what to say but I told him yes. He gave me his business card and said he would pick me up at 8pm tomorrow”
“No way! I can’t believe that. What about Lea?”
“Oh it’s not like that, not romantic or anything”
“Carrie, don’t be daft he is a playboy of course its romantic!”
“No no no no no. It’s just dinner between two friends.”
“We’ll we will see then wont we.”
“Now I want to change my mind Claire, I don’t know if I’m ready to go out for dinner. Other than Rob I haven’t been out for dinner with a man for five years. I will just cancel it that’s what I will do.”
“Don’t be silly Carrie, see how you feel tomorrow and if you don’t want to go out for dinner call or text him.”
“Okay, but I haven’t got anything to wear, well I have got nice black trousers if I get a top or something that should do.”
“Carrie, I want all the details. Keep doing what you are doing; the Cape seems to agree with you. Love you sis”
“Me too Claire, kiss to Harry but don’t tell Mum and Dad about Nico, please I don’t want Mum to go off on one!”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Carrie had some shopping to do. She wanted to go back to the shop that she purchased the bath soak and candles from. She also needed to top up on some cosmetics as she had brought very little with her. It didn’t take long to stock up on all her favourite Mac products. She was still undecided about dinner with Nico tonight. It wasn’t a date. She wasn’t ready for that but she didn’t want to look a mess. Holding the familiar black bag with its distinctive mac logo she had stocked up on foundation, powder and a few lip glosses. A new eye shadow duo that wasn’t yet available back home sealed the deal. On her walk that morning it was solitary. No Nico as he was still in LA and no Beau for company. Carrie still enjoyed the breeze from the sea and thought she would never tire of the view out to the ocean.
Her limited wardrobe contained skinny black trousers with a little side vent. Her black louboutin shoes would do the trick. What she was looking for was a top and a belt. Nothing she had would be suitable as they were too casual. But she didn’t know where they were going?
She pulled out the business card that Nico had given her. She didn’t want to call. He said he would be in LA or travelling back to the Cape or even if the magazines were right planning his nuptials to Lea. Oh wha
t the hell was she doing!
“Don’t be a woos, text him Carrie.” Her inner voice once again coached.
Just a quick text she tutored herself and if he didn’t reply well maybe he had forgotten all about her and their dinner plans. Then she wouldn’t look a fool if he didn’t turn up.
Hi Nico, its Carrie here. Hope all okay with you. As I haven’t a clue where we are going for dinner tonight, can you let me know the dress code? Smart or casual?
Oh bugger she nearly added a X. Force of habit when texting she always added a X or two.
Phew, quickly deleting the X as she didn’t want him to think she was crazy in love with him or anything. There she hit send and put her phone in her bag.
She returned to the same store she had visited a few days before. Wanting to top up on some of the beauty products that she had purchased and already opened during her stay. The shop smelled of the exotic scents of their products and she was drawn to the tubs of bath salts with their descriptions. The lemony scented Haitan Vetiver, bergamot with Turkish Rose all with a little linen steeping bag to decant the salts into. A little tester dish was positioned in front of the display and she inhaled the lush smell. The glass jar she added to her basket along with the body oils and moisturisers; all promising to heal and rejuvenate. The next jar invited you to step into the night sea with promises of sandalwood, chamomile and lavender to sooth you to sleep. This she picked for her sister as a gift. Due to the concentration of essential oils it wasn’t recommended during pregnancy but she knew her sister would keep it to use for after she had the baby. Again she picked up the accompanying body oil and moisturiser. She had an idea to give her sister a pampering pack as a birthday gift. Claire and Ryan had both been a great support to her over the last sixteen months. On her return home she would purchase a gift voucher for a local spa hotel that they could use after the baby was born or before if they wanted. Carrie would include an offer to babysit the children. There she felt better at having solved the dilemma of what to give Claire for her birthday next week. At this rate she would have to buy extra luggage allowance from the airline for all her purchases.
BUTTERFLIES FLY AWAY Page 16