“No, I’m okay; can you just help me with this drip?”
Between them both they manoeuvred her back into a sitting position in bed after adjusting the levels with the control pad.
“So, do you want to tell me the bits you missed out earlier?”
“You know me so well Belle, the only part I missed out, I wasn’t giving up my bag easily,”
“Why ever not Carrie? It’s just a material thing that can be replaced, you can’t!”
“I have some of Rob’s ashes in my bag, that’s why I didn’t hand over my bag.”
“Oh Carrie, what’s going on?”
“I’m not some grieving psycho. Remember when I stayed with you and the light house book, the messages from the medium. Well since I got back home, I find pennies everywhere, I got the book out and it seemed to me, that I had to come here. Like it was some sort of message from Rob. Crazy I know. I looked at the butterflies and I went to the lighthouse at Portland with ‘Rob’. It felt right. As if it was what I had to do here. I scattered some of the ashes there.”
“So that’s what you were going to do today at Bug Light?”
“Yes, but it didn’t feel right. That’s why I left but stopped at the diner to kind of compose myself. To calm down. I was upset with Nico, upset I had let him get close to me, under all the barriers that I’ve put up.”
“Why didn’t you tell me Carrie? I would have understood, I don’t think you are crazy darling,”
“I feel crazy sometimes Belle, not lunatic asylum crazy but that I have no control in my life. I had some purpose coming here. No one knows me. Not the ‘tragic widow’. The people I’ve met here Terri, Tansie and Monique they have welcomed me as ME. I have cried so many tears, that I am surprised I have any left. I don’t want to do that anymore. People tell me Rob would want me to be happy, I know that, he was a good man. But I miss him and meeting Nico is different.”
“Nico has given you a spark Carrie, are you ready to have a man like him in your life? Because from where I am standing, he’s not walking away. He was beside himself today, we both were when I got that call but he sprang into action. I had to practically throw him out the door to go and attend to some business, that’s not the Nico I know.”
“I can’t explain how I feel about him. Part of me thinks it’s too soon to have intense feelings like this, that I need to distance myself or get hurt but I think it’s too late for that. Saturday night was too late for that.”
“Did you?” the words unspoken but implying the intimacy.
“Yes, I slept with him, that’s why I was so angry last night and this morning. I felt as if I had betrayed myself in trusting him and that I had betrayed Rob’s memory.”
“Okay ... well erm. I won’t ask you anything else, spare my blushes but … was it good?”
“Belle!”
“I will take that as a YES” the yes shouted out.
Carrie started to laugh; only her Auntie Belle could turn the conversation around to sex.
“What time is it Belle?”
“It’s just after eight now but when I spoke with your Dad earlier he said they would both be home, waiting to speak to you.”
“Okay, I guess I better call them now, can you hand me the phone? Oh and dial home for me too please, with these bandages I would probably dial Timbuktu”
The phone was answered within the first ring.
“Hello Daddy”
After hearing her father’s voice, she promptly burst into tears. Belle had to take the phone from her for a moment until she composed herself.
“I’m okay, just a little teary, sorry about that”
“Tell me from the beginning, I want to know exactly what happened not the version Belle told me earlier”
“Dad there isn’t much to tell, honest, I should have known better. I just didn’t think it out.”
“Hmm hmm”
“I erh well remember you insisted I had those self-defence lessons for university, well you can be assured you got your money’s worth. I got into a tussle over my hand bag. Some guy tried to mug me when I stopped at a diner for some coffee and I was walking back to my car. Things got a little heated. I kicked out at him to get away but he grabbed me and when I pulled away our heads collided. I’ve got a mild concussion and because I had a head injury in the past the hospital are taking precautions, that’s all.”
She didn’t mention the cuts or other bruises to her body. The reference of the concussion was enough to pacify even the questions from her persistent mother.
“How are you feeling now?” her Mum asked.
“I’m fine Mum, just a bit nauseous and dizzy.”
“Okay, I’m glad Belle is with you, makes me feel a bit better but I still think your father and I should come over.”
“No Mum, I’m fine, just stay at home and look after Claire for me. I won’t be home for her birthday. I feel terrible about that. This year was going to be a return to some normality. They want to keep me in a few days until my symptoms settle. I don’t know when I will get the all clear to fly home but it will be as soon as I get the thumbs up.”
“Carrie your sister will understand. Your father is on the other line just now giving her an update as we speak.”
“Mum, I’m going to put you back onto Belle. I’m feeling a bit sleepy now,”
Carrie said her goodbyes to both parents and handed the phone back to Belle. She could feel her eyes drooping she was so tired.
“Belle you don’t need to sit with me, I will be fine. Have you had any dinner?”
“Carrie, food is the last thing on my mind.”
“Well I’m sorry to hear that Belle” A voice boomed from the doorway. Nico had returned.
“I brought some coffee and snacks. Sorry Carrie, none for you Doctors orders.”
She was happy to see him despite feeling awful but the aroma of coffee added to her nausea. “I don’t think I could drink coffee which is not like me at all. Nico, please persuade my Aunt to go back to the Inn. She has been here for hours.”
Carrie couldn’t fight the waves of sleep that were encroaching as her eyes closed she heard their soft bickering. When she woke it was light outside. She had slept through the night and Nico was still at her side. He was sleeping in the coach next to her, sensing she was awake he opened his eyes.
“Good Morning, I finally got to wake with you but I had hoped it would be in different circumstances,”
“Good Morning Nico, you stayed all night, you shouldn’t have”
“Carrie, I didn’t want you waking alone during the night in a strange place”
“Thanks for that, oh I need some coffee but first can you help me to the bathroom?”
Nico helped her once again move from the bed, the drip had been removed at some point but the needle remained taped to the back of her hand for access to the fluids. Her legs shaky as she crossed the short distance from the bed to the bathroom. Her head was beginning to ache but she dismissed it needing to use the bathroom. Nico took a call just as she closed the door. Locating her wash bag that Belle had left she brushed her teeth relishing in the minty taste it brought. Trying to feel a bit more human. She found the face wipes and scrubbed at her face a little difficult to do whilst her hands remained bandaged. What was that on her face? Oh no, it was blood and it wasn’t hers. It was that mans. A mixture of panic and revulsion filled her. She needed to get clean; she needed to get every bit of her body scrubbed free from his blood. Her stomach was churning in nausea at feeling dirty and she threw up what little there was left. Washing her face again and teeth she only wanted to rid herself of any trace of him. As she removed the shampoo and toiletries she didn’t think of her actions or needing assistance. She only thought to cleanse herself of yesterday’s events. Holding on to one of the many handles for support she removed her clothing and stood in the wet room area. She had struggled to cover her bandaged hands but still she moved on in her goal to get clean. She must get clean. Must get clean was her mantra. Nico was waiting outside and
it didn’t occur to her to tell him what she was doing. Standing under the warm water she couldn’t raise her arms to wash her hair, pain shot through her wrist and she couldn’t bend her right hand due to the needle that was still in place. Tears of frustration began to slide down her face. She cried out all of her pain and anger as she tried again in vain to wash and do even the simplest of tasks. But it was impossible. She lay on the floor and wrapped her arms around her knees sobbing. Utterly defeated. She felt dirty and wanted to clean everything away. Clean the last 24 hours away.
There was a knock on the door which she ignored lost in her own world as she rocked on the floor. The knock was followed again by Nico calling out to her. She was oblivious to him or his calls. The door opened.
“Carrie, what’s happened?” He turned off the water and grabbed a towel to cover her. “I just wanted to get clean Nico, I had his blood on me, I feel so dirty,” she sobbed into his arms. Uncaring of her nakedness she felt no embarrassment as all she could feel was the frustration from her failure in showering.
“It’s okay, Carrie, everything’s going to be okay,” he soothed. “His blood was in my hair, I need to wash it, and I want to get clean, please help me.”
Nico removed his top which was sticking to his chest in its wetness, pulled over the chair that was in the corner of the room and sat Carrie on it. Her legs trembling too unstable to stand.
“Let’s try this, if it doesn’t go to plan, we can get a nurse to help us, okay?”
She nodded.
Slowly and gently he washed her hair, helped her soap her body which days before he had explored and worshipped in its glory. Now her beautiful skin was marred with a technicolor display of bruises that were developing. He could feel the rage build that someone had done this to her. Someone had to pay for this. When the soap bubbles had washed clear he turned off the water again and wrapped her once more in a towel.
“I think we need to get a nurse to attend to those bandages” they were heavy with water and Carrie nodded again. “Thank you Nico, I think I had a bit of a wobble there, I don’t know what happened to me”
“You were bound to get upset Carrie, it’s understandable I’m just surprised that it took until this morning.” He helped her to get dry and into her own pyjamas. Nothing slinky or sexy just a pair of plain cotton blue and white stripped. Her hair she quickly dried with the help of Nico. Nico left her to change his top and call a nurse. He must have explained what happened as the nurse asked very little questions on how the bandages were so wet.
They had to leave the needle in the back of her hand as she needed another bag of fluids as she was still vomiting. The nurse gently explained that the needle had to stay in for fluids but they would continue to monitor her hydration levels. Again she nodded. They declined her request for coffee but brought her a tray of toast, cereal and orange juice. None of it held any appeal but she forced a slice of toast and the juice. She was never a great fan of cereal.
“Nico, thank you for staying with me and helping me but you have a business to run. You have taken too much time away from it. I know you need to get back to LA.”
“Okay, now that I’ve seen you naked again are you trying to get rid of me?” He joked,
“Very funny, Mr Devanti but now that you have had the pleasure of seeing my naked body, in all its colourful glory that thought should be enough for the rest of the day!”
“The images are burned into my mind,”
“Well you can erase the ones of my breakdown, thank you very much”
“You didn’t have a breakdown Carrie, stop chastising yourself. I will leave once you have seen the doctor but not for LA, my Dad left last night.”
“I thought you said your Dad wasn’t so hands on anymore?”
“I asked him to go in my place, now stop asking questions and eat your breakfast!”
A short while later the Dr Petersen returned and Carrie vaguely remembered him from the day before. They were happy with how she had responded and would continue to monitor her. After giving her some painkillers for her headache this seemed enough to pacify Nico to leave her. “Belle will be here this afternoon and I will be back later. Do you need anything, apart from coffee! Remember I have one of the security team here with you, he’s a great guy and will keep an eye out here.” He kissed her on the cheek avoiding her bruised forehead and cut. “I think Belle brought everything I need maybe some pyjamas but I will ask her to check for me,” It wasn’t a passionate kiss goodbye but tender and the room immediately felt so empty without him. It was too early to contact home even though her call would have been answered without question. She would wait until lunchtime which would be early morning back home. The oblivion of sleep welcomed her but she dreamed of being chased through the car park at the diner and woke trembling. It was almost 8am back home. Time enough to make some calls.
“Hello Mum,” her voice soft as she tried not to get upset. She didn’t want to alarm her mother. “I feel okay, my head is sore but that’s to be expected so they tell me,” She told her mother that she slept the night through but didn’t include that Nico had stayed by her side.
“I don’t know how long they are keeping me in, the doctor said a few days at least,”
Belle had called her Mum last night and gave them more of an update on her condition.
“What aren’t you telling us Carrie? What else is wrong?”
“Oh Mum, I never could keep anything from you, I hurt my hands when I fell, they are a little cut up and I’ve sprained my wrist they said, that’s all” she didn’t include that most of this occurred during a tug of war over her hand bag. This her mother would think foolish.
“Oh Carrie darling, I am so glad your Auntie Belle is with you, at least she can keep an eye on you,”
“Mmm Auntie Belle keep an eye on me! More like the other way around Mum,” she tried to joke.
“I’m going to call Claire, but if I don’t call later I will make sure Belle updates you all, okay?”
They said their goodbyes and much to Carrie’s relief one of the staff took pity on her and brought her a coffee.
“Hey sis, so tell me what’s been happening back home? Have I missed anything?” She joked.
“Carrie Reynolds-Davies I have been so worried about you,”
Claire explained that she had been texting Carrie without any response the day before which set off alarm bells. She had contacted Belle who at that time also didn’t know where Carrie was only that she had gone out for a drive. Once Belle received the call from the hospital she had contacted the family.
“I’m sorry Claire, I won’t be home for your birthday, they want to keep me in for a few days but when I said about my flight home on Thursday the doc said no,”
“Carrie your health is more important than some silly birthday; it’s not as if we can go out on the town!”
“I know but I wanted to show you that this year would be different, I was even going to bake some red velvet cakes,”
“We can do that when you get home, promise,”
“Okay, tell me some normal stuff, please. Does Harry have any new words?”
“His new word is car. He is obsessed with playing with the toy car you bought him. He loves it. I was bathing him last night and he wanted car. He has just had breakfast and wants to play in the car.”
“Aw bless him; I think he is trying to saying to say Carrie not car! Give him a big kiss from his Auntie and I will be home soon.” Carrie flicked through the multitude of tv channels but settled on BBC world news not that anything on the screen resonated with her. She just needed some background noise. Her phone beeped. A text from Nico.
“Hello you, how are you?”
“I’m okay, called my mum and sister; I’ve been sleeping then sleeping again”
“Should be with you in a couple of hours”
She put her phone back on the table and the screensaver popped back on. Rob’s goofy smiling face. It still made her ache to look at. Pressing a few buttons sh
e changed it to a default factory picture of a palm tree and white beach. She wasn’t forgetting him but it hurt too much to look at and try to get through her hospital stay. What would Rob think of her now? She could imagine him shaking his head as she explained another escapade. It was bittersweet. She changed the screensaver back.
Lunch had arrived but the tray left mostly uneaten, she explained to the nurse that she still felt nauseous hence her lack of food. They gave her some more medication to settle the dizzy and sickness feeling. Beep her phone, this time Auntie Belle en-route with some coffee and supplies.
The supplies consisted of a stack of magazines, a bag of haribo and a coffee. All gratefully accepted. More visitors, this time in the form of Monique and Tansie.
“Oh My God!” Monique exclaimed from the doorway. “What on Gods good earth has happened to you?”
She pulled Carrie into a gentle hug and proceeded to talk away giving Carrie very little chance to interject. She made the introductions to Belle as Monique had not met her Aunt.
“You can tell the family resemblance. Oh you do look alike Carrie, your Aunt is a fine looking woman!”
“Well thank you Monique, I will take that has a compliment”
“When I got the call from Tansie, I said no! Not our Carrie, no way, what was she doing out by that diner? No No No!”
“Well it was Yes, Yes, Yes Monique; I stopped for a coffee, that’s all”
After running through every one of Carries injuries Monique produced a drawing from her bag. “Tami made you this get well soon card”
“Oh thank you Monique,” she took the card.
Lots of kisses on the card and a large sun in the corner of the page. It had lots of shards of sunlight and the stick figure of Carrie lying in a bed with Tami at her side.
“I know you will be missing these from the Inn so I brought you some,” Tansie gave her a jar of cookies as her sweet tooth was well known. “It’s your favourites white chocolate blondies with cranberries and walnuts”
“Thank you so much” Carrie was touched by the thoughtfulness of the gesture and the handmade card.
“Belle brought me some magazines; I’m not up to touch on all the celebs over here. You will need to keep me right on the gossip columns” she joked.
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