Since I awoke and realized I could not feel him there beside me there had been no more dreams. Four days had passed and I fought with the depression that threatened to overwhelm my self control. By Thursday afternoon I was so exhausted that I dragged myself through the airport. I waited for Rylee, all the while giving myself an inner pep talk, trying desperately to drum up some enthusiasm where there was none at all. I had wanted her to visit, needed her to, but I was just empty.
Watching Rylee come down the escalator I waved and gave her my biggest smile. This time there was no hot guy to distract her attention and she waved back enthusiastically.
“Sophie!” she cried and hugged me as if I hadn’t just seen her a few days ago.
“Welcome back!”
“Thanks! I’m so happy to be back! Arizona is even more unbearable now because I keep counting the minutes until I could return to you and Colin!”
Colin had an afternoon class on Thursdays so he was going to meet us for dinner in Old Town at a Mexican restaurant. We headed for the car, Rylee texting as she walked.
“He just got out of class and he says he’s on his way.”
“Perfect.” I replied. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like to have dinner with him by yourself? I don’t want to be a third wheel.”
“Sophie! That is so stupid. Colin was your friend first, remember? We want you to be there. You guys have to get to know one another because we are all three going to hang out all the time when I move here.”
“Okay, I was just asking,” I said, not arguing. I just didn’t feel up to it. Not the arguing or the dinner.
“Sophie,” Rylee said as she was getting into the car, “are you eating? You look skinnier than usual and you can’t afford to lose any weight.” She studied me critically.
“Ry, you have been gone five days. I’m eating fine. Stop it.” I thought for a moment and realized the only thing I had eaten this week were granola bars I had bought to keep in my desk in my dorm room. I hadn’t eaten today at all and I still wasn’t hungry. I would have to remember to make myself eat.
“Well, you look like you have lost weight since Sunday. I can totally see your ribs in that t-shirt. Starving yourself won’t bring my brother back. He would be so unhappy with you if he were here. I am going to be on your back for him until he can get back here himself.”
“Rylee, I appreciate the concern but I am fine. I promise. Charming will be back soon and in the mean time I am just busy with school. Sometimes I forget to eat when I’m studying. It’s no big deal, really.”
“You can’t fool me Sophie. I’ll be watching you.”
I glanced over and saw her expression and laughed. This was role reversal for sure. I was the one who looked after her, not the other way around. Now I’d have to choke down dinner when I had no appetite at all.
We changed subjects, thankfully, and made it to the restaurant at the same time as Colin. He swept Rylee up in a huge hug and greeted me with a regular one. Once we were seated and had a minute to study the menu Rylee smiled happily.
“This is so great!! Being here with the two of you is awesome. I can’t wait until I live here and we can hang out all the time.”
“Neither can I!” Colin exclaimed, his happy face matching Rylee’s. “Sophie, do you want to stay in the dorms next semester or live off campus? I know of two houses that are going to be available to rent. One of them is really close to mine, a buddy of mine is graduating early ,and the other is only two blocks from the school. I can arrange for you guys to see them if you would like.”
“Thanks! I haven’t really thought about that yet. I just assumed I would give up my single for a double room with Rylee. It would be fun to be off campus in our own place. I guess it would depend on the cost and if we could talk our parents into it.”
I looked at Rylee for her take on it and she spoke up. “My parents will probably be up for either one as long as Sophie is with me. We’ll have to ask them soon so the places don’t get taken.”
“Whoa…slow down. You haven’t even got your transfer yet. I’m sure we will probably have to stay in the dorms for the rest of this year. But we can plan ahead for next year, right?” I hated to always be the sensible one, but I knew I was right. We had plenty of college years left to experience living on our own. Dorms were convenient and self contained. We didn’t have a lot to worry about there. No commuting, no grocery shopping, or cooking, and a lot less to clean. I think we had it pretty good for now.
“You’re right,” Colin agreed with me. “Besides, you two can hang out at my house any time you feel like getting away from the dorms.” He smiled at both of us.
“I really like your house.” I told Colin. “Especially the wall, that is the coolest thing I have ever seen. How did you ever come up with the idea?”
“Oh, when I was growing up my parents had guests sign a wall in our kitchen when they came over. It was cool, and all my friends loved it. It was just signatures, nothing like my wall, but I wanted to copy it on a grander scale. I saw your drawing. You really have to meet my buddy Ethan one of these days, the resemblance is pretty amazing. He hasn’t been around much lately. He has a girlfriend that is keeping him pretty busy, hasn’t even introduced her to us yet.”
“I would like to meet him just to see the similarities.” I said, meaning it. Just to see someone who shared some of Charming’s features would be comforting.
“Who’s ready to order?” Rylee interrupted, seeing the waitress heading our way. They both ordered the house specialty, carnitas and I asked for a small bowl of chicken tortilla soup while Rylee stared me down. I pretended not to notice, besides I liked tortilla soup, and after nothing but granola bars for four days I didn’t want to overdo it.
There were no lulls in the conversation and I found myself enjoying Colin and Rylee’s company, a lot. We laughed and chatted and the soup I had ordered was delicious and went down well. By the time dinner was done I felt almost like my old self, happy and relaxed. When they talked about going to a movie I bowed out, saying I was tired but that they should definitely go. Rylee tried to talk me into it but could tell that there would be no changing my mind. We had planned to go to the beach again tomorrow so I suggested that if she wanted to stay with Colin over night I would just pick her up in the morning from his house. They both loved the idea and walked me to my car. Hugging them both I headed home, as I began to think of my little room, and I felt better than I had all week.
Chapter 22
The beach was as much of a tonic for me as ever. September in California was a perfect month; hot, sunny and all the tourists had gone back to wherever they had come from. This meant Rylee and I had an almost private beach this morning when we arrived. It was almost an identical day to the one we had spent here a week ago. Nothing was different except the color of our bikinis. Today we both wore shades of blue, mine royal and hers turquoise.
“Sophie, do you know what we should do tomorrow?”she asked.
“What?” I asked, laying on my stomach, my head resting on my crossed arms, facing her.
“We should drive up to Disneyland for the day. Wouldn’t that be fun?”
Disneyland was one of our favorite places. Rylee and I had had year round passes all of our lives and once we could drive we went at least once a month, sometimes twice.
“I would call our moms and have them meet us there, but I didn’t tell my folks I was coming back this weekend. I was afraid they would tell me not to.”
“You didn’t? You should have told me! What if I had told my mom and then she told yours?”
“You didn’t, did you?”
“Well, no, but you need to tell me next time just in case.”
“Yeah, your right, but what about Disneyland? Want to go? It would be so fun and it would cheer you up for sure.”
“Oh, so that’s why you want to go!” I was actually touched that she was plotting something to raise my spirits.
“Well, yeah, that was part of it, but I want to go too. We
haven’t been in forever. The last time was Grad Night and that was three months ago. When have we ever gone that long without our ‘happiest-place-on-earth’ fix?”
I laughed and warmed up to the idea. “What about Colin? Does he want to come with us?” Surely he already knew about this plan.
“He said he would love to but he has a rehearsal for a show he’s going to play in next week. He will be busy all day and I just thought it would be fun.”
“Your right, it would. Count me in.” I smiled and rolled onto my back. Making sure I tanned evenly on my front and back was an old habit.”
“Want to ask Kara to come along? “
“I would except she is doing a work shop in San Francisco this weekend. Besides it’s harder to go with an uneven number of people. Somebody will have to ride by themselves on all the rides.”
“Good point. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that. So it will be just the two of us like old times.” Rylee sat up and smiled at me. I smiled back feeling happy for a moment, letting my ever present worries about Charming slip to the back of my mind.
“Oh, and Sophie, what do you want to do tonight? Colin was wondering if we wanted to go to see one of his friends perform at a little club downtown.”
“Oh no, you go with him Ry. Thank him for me but I think I’ll go to bed early if we are going to spent the day at Disneyland tomorrow. I haven’t been sleeping all that well.”
“Are you sure Sophie? It might be good for you to get out and meet some more people. You are turning into a hermit.”
I laughed. “Rylee, I’m fine. The only reason I’m not a hermit is because I grew up with you forcing me to be social. Look at my introverted parents. It’s my nature to be a loner.”
“True, but I want you to come with us.”
“Let Colin have you to himself tonight and tomorrow we will ride on Splash Mountain twice if you want.”
That made Rylee laugh and I smiled. Splash Mountain used to scare me and Rylee would beg me to go on it with her until I gave in. It still wasn’t my favorite ride but I rode it for her.
“Deal!” she put out her hand and I shook it.
Chapter 23
The car ride to Disneyland was unusually quiet and I kept glancing at Rylee while I drove, wondering what was causing the worried look on her face. Rylee answered my questions with one word answers and I frowned in confusion. Rylee was never quiet, and no one would ever call her introspective. There was something bothering her that hadn’t been there yesterday when I dropped her at Colin’s house. Had he done something to upset her so early in their relationship? Had I misread him when I had thought he was perfect for my best friend? After I watched her change the song on my Ipod for the tenth time in as many minutes I couldn’t take the silence any longer.
“What’s going on, Rylee?”
“What? What do you mean? I am just really excited to get there.” she said forcing fake enthusiasm. I pretended to believe her and kept talking.
“Me too. How was your night last night?”
“Good. Colin’s friend was such a good singer. Colin joined him on stage for two songs. I wish you had been there.” Her words sounded sincere.
“So, everything is okay between you and Colin?” I asked, keeping my eyes on the road.
“Of course! Why wouldn’t it be?”
I couldn’t hold back any longer. I spilled the words I was holding in. “Because you have barely said two words since I picked you up. You keep fidgeting with the Ipod and usually you could care less what song is on because you are two busy talking over it. Something is bothering you, so tell me what it is. What’s wrong?”
She paused as if deciding whether or not to tell me what was upsetting her. Then, suddenly, she must have made up her mind because her words came out in a rush.
“Sophie, I saw this guy last night at the club,” she hesitated, as if uncertain she wanted to tell me after all.
“Yeah, you saw a guy…” I started her sentence for her.
She nodded and began again. “It was when Colin went on stage with his friend. I thought I would get him a bottle of water in case he wanted one on stage. I went up to the bar and accidentally bumped into this guy’s back. I apologized and he turned around and looked at me and said “no problem.”
When I looked at his face I swear I almost passed out. The bartender asked me what I wanted, so I told him and when I turned around again I saw him going out the door. I almost ran after him to get another look at him but I just stood there.”
“Who was he? Why did he upset you so much?” I asked her, confused, thinking he must have been one of her many ex-boyfriends.
“I don’t know who he was, but I know who he looked like. That’s what startled me so much.”
“Who?” I asked feeling her anxiety and knowing exactly what she was going to say.
“He looked exactly like your drawings of Charming.”
“Exactly?” I asked ,feeling chills break out all over my body. I shivered despite the eighty nine degree day.
“Pretty close. He didn’t have the same hair, his was short. It was only a moment and it was dark, but he had his face. It was weird, when he turned around and I saw him your drawings flashed in my mind. Honestly, he looked just like him.”
“It couldn’t have been him Rylee,” knowing it couldn’t, but wishing it could. God how I wished it were.
“I know, of course it wasn’t him. He didn’t look at me like he knew me. I was a complete stranger to him, he didn’t give me a second glance. If it was him he would have recognized me, I’m his sister for heaven’s sake.”
“True. There is no way in the world it was him. It is just a huge coincidence that he resembles Charming. I even think I know who it was that you saw. Colin and one of Colin’s friends saw my sketches and thought I was drawing a friend of theirs. His name is Ethan. I haven’t seen him.”
“They were right! The resemblance is incredible. He looks like a modern version of Charming. He was gorgeous Sophie.”
“Wow, okay, that is weird. But Ry, like you said, he would know you and he didn’t recognize you at all. I heard about the guy when Charming was beside me all the time, so it is just a really strange coincidence, it can’t mean anything.” I clinched the steering wheel tightly, wishing I was wrong but knowing I wasn’t. It was a cruel twist of fate, nothing more. I didn’t want to see him at all.
“You are probably right Sophie. I hope you never run into him. I think it would be hard for you to see someone who resembled Charming.”
“It would be so strange. Part of me would love to see anyone with his features, but another part would be afraid to. I just miss him so much.”
“I know you do Sophie. I think you are holding up great. He will be back. You and I both know Kara is always right, and she doesn’t doubt it at all. We just have to wait and be patient. Look for ways for the days to pass quickly.”
“Well, I think today will pass by pretty well,” I said, as I pulled into the Disneyland Parking lot.
Chapter 24
I was in line for the Peter Pan ride when I decided to get a tattoo. Rylee and I had covered Adventureland and New Orleans Square first while lines were the shortest. Now, after having lunch at the Blue Bayou restaurant overlooking the Pirates of the Caribbean Ride we were in Fantasyland. Peter Pan was my personal favorite and apparently many other people’s too because no matter how crowded or uncrowded the park was or wasn’t there was always a long line. Rylee was telling me all about Colin’s life story when I saw a girl wearing shorts and a halter top two people ahead of us. On her side, just above her waist she had a tattoo. It was a drawing of a woman’s face and it was beautiful. It hit me then that I could get one too. A tattoo of Charming would be even more beautiful and it would keep him close to me. He was already a part of me emotionally and now he would be part of me physically as well. I elbowed Rylee and gestured toward the girl. She didn’t catch on at first and raised her eyebrows in a question.
Whispering in
her ear I told her to check out the tattoo and after gazing at it she looked at me in confusion. “What about it?” she whispered back.
“I’m getting a tattoo of Charming. Just like hers, in the same spot. What do you think? It’s a great idea, right? Will you go with me when I have it done?”
“You never liked tattoos before. Are you sure that this is a good idea?” she looked at me as if she feared I was crazy.
“It’s the best idea I’ve ever had. I’m going to go to the place Colin went for his. His tattoos are amazing. I’m serious Ry, will you go with me?”
“Of course I will, when?”
“As soon as I can make the appointment.”
“It will hurt,” she said ,hoping I would reconsider.
“It’s worth it.”
“Your mom and dad will freak out.”
“They won’t even know it is there, it will be under my clothes.”
“It’s permanent. You will have it for the rest of your life.”
“Exactly.”
Once I had made my decision I felt a great sense of peace. My choice to tattoo Charming upon my body made me happy and I would welcome any amount of happiness I could capture. I admit I worried about what Charming would think when he came back and saw what I had done. But I reminded myself that he had a fascination with tattoos. Besides, what could be more romantic than putting your soul mates face on your body for all time? Rylee, on the other hand, did not seem to approve, despite the fact that her new boyfriend had a full sleeve of tattoos on his arm. I respected her opinion, though it would have no bearing on my decision. Nothing would change my mind. I would begin tomorrow to choose which out of my hundreds of sketches would be the one I would use. Maybe I would draw one more just for the occasion. It might take me a few days to come to a decision.
As we walked back up Main Street later that evening, tired but happy, we talked about all the times we had spent here and the times ahead.
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