by Force, Marie
“So nice to see you, son,” Big Mac said, stepping back to take a close look at Adam. “You look tired. Have you been sleeping?”
“Not so well in the last week.”
“Me either.”
Big Mac looked a little haggard around the edges, but with his usual aviator sunglasses in place over his eyes, Adam couldn’t gauge the true extent of his father’s exhaustion.
Mac playfully nudged their father out of the way so he could hug Adam. “Hey, little brother.” Mac messed up his hair the way he always did, and as usual, it aggravated Adam. “Good of you to come check on us.”
“I’ve got to run,” Stephanie said to them. “See you all later.”
“Bye, Steph.”
“Buy you some chowder, son?” Big Mac asked, gesturing to a free table.
“I won’t say no to that. I haven’t eaten in hours. The boat was kinda barfy today.”
“Imagine it would be with the wind whipping the way it is,” Big Mac said as he signaled to one of the young women behind the counter to bring them three bowls of chowder.
“Coming right up, Mr. McCarthy.”
“Thank you, sweetheart.” Big Mac removed his shades and propped them on the top of his wiry gray hair.
Adam bit back a gasp when he got a good look at his dad’s eyes, which were red and ravaged.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Big Mac growled. “I can’t help that I’ve been a freaking wreck over this whole thing.”
Mac got up from the table and pushed his chair in. “I’m going home to have lunch with Maddie and the kids. I’ll be back in an hour.”
“What’s up with him?” Adam asked his dad when they were alone.
“He can’t stand to see me like this, and I can’t seem to make it stop.” Blinking back tears, Big Mac stared at something over Adam’s shoulder. “It was a very long day. I can’t get past it, no matter how hard I try. All I think about is what could’ve happened.”
Undone by his father’s tears, Adam rested his hand on Big Mac’s forearm, which was already as tan in May as some people would be in August. “Everyone’s safe, Dad. Don’t drive yourself crazy with what-ifs.”
“You’re right, and so is your mother and Janey and Mac. Easier said than done, though.” He shrugged. “Anyway, here’s our chowder. Tell me what’s new in New York.”
“Ah, well,” Adam said with a short laugh. “There’s a story that’ll give you something else to think about.” For his dear old dad’s sake, he gladly told the ugly tale one more time.
Stephanie left the marina and drove a little too fast on the way into town. Lately she was perpetually rushed, jetting from one job to the other with hardly any time for anything other than work. She’d known it would be chaotic opening her own restaurant while continuing to work for the McCarthys, but the boat accident had added a layer of stress she hadn’t planned on.
While she wanted to put Grant first, her schedule would be beastly until Race Week concluded and the crowds subsided a bit until Memorial Day weekend, when the season began in earnest. If she could just get through the next few days, she’d be able to focus on Grant and trying to get him to talk to her about whatever was troubling him.
Rather than stop at home, she placed a call to him from the car.
“Hey, babe,” he said as he always did.
She could tell he was making an effort to keep things normal between them, but nothing had been normal since that horrible day last week when she’d spent eight hours thinking about how she’d ever live without him. “Hi, there. How’re you feeling today?”
“Fine.”
“I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t find you.”
“Oh, sorry. I was awake, so I took a walk. I didn’t mean to worry you.”
“I seem to be worried about you all the time.”
“Don’t be. I’m fine. Really.”
“Grant—”
“Everything okay at the restaurant?”
Frustrated that he refused to talk to her about what was bothering him, she gripped the wheel a little tighter. “Yes.”
“Will you be home for dinner?”
“By eight or so. I need to make sure we get through the rush, and then I’ll be home. Want me to bring something from the restaurant?”
“Sure, that sounds good. My folks are doing a dinner for Adam, so I might stop by there for a bit, but I’ll be home by eight. See you then.”
As the phone line went dead, Stephanie tried to tell herself that it didn’t matter that he hadn’t said he loved her, the way he usually did. She was still thinking about that when she rushed into the Sand & Surf and nearly ran right into Grant’s cousin, Laura McCarthy.
“Whoa, what’s on fire?” Laura asked, steadying Stephanie.
“Sorry. I’m always in a rush these days.”
“How long can you continue to manage McCarthy’s and run your own place, too?”
“I love working at the marina. Mr. and Mrs. McCarthy have been so good to me, and now they’re going to be my in-laws. I can’t leave them in the lurch right as the season is starting.”
“I’m sure they’d understand that you’ve got your own business to run.”
“My goal is to get through this year and then see where things stand.”
“See if you can do it without running yourself ragged, huh?”
“I’ll try.”
As they were about to part company, the main door to the Surf opened, and in walked Grant’s ex-girlfriend, Abby Callahan. This day got better and better.
“Abby!” Laura said. “What’re you doing here?”
Abby eyed Stephanie with trepidation that added to Stephanie’s anxiety. “It seems I’m going to be living here again.”
Stephanie bit back a gasp. Living here?
“Is that good news or bad news?” Laura asked.
“Some of both,” Abby said grimly. “Cal and I have broken it off. Janey mentioned you might be looking for someone to manage the gift shop, so I figured I’d check to see if I could help you out.”
“Oh, that would be awesome,” Laura said, shooting Stephanie a glance.
For her part, Stephanie felt like she’d been electrocuted. Grant’s ex was back on the island, single again and possibly going to work thirty feet from her in the same hotel? Shoot me now, please. “It’s, ah, nice to see you home, Abby, but I’m sorry to hear about Cal. I have to get to work.” Stephanie gestured to the restaurant. “I’m sure I’ll see you soon.”
“Congratulations on the engagement and the restaurant,” Abby said with a sweet, genuine smile. “I’m so happy for you—and for Grant.”
“Thank you.” All at once, it was urgent Stephanie get out of there. “See you later.” She walked slowly and calmly into the restaurant. Once she cleared the doorway, she headed for her office and closed the door behind her. With her palms flat against the desktop, she focused on taking a series of deep breaths that were supposed to calm her nerves. Too bad it didn’t work.
Abby is home. She and Cal have broken up. Grant’s first love is free again. He’s refusing to talk about what happened to him in the accident. Stephanie’s mind raced through all the scenarios and implications, each more grim than the one before. Would Grant take one look at his old love and want her back?
“No.” Stephanie ran trembling fingers through her hair. “That won’t happen.” But what if it did? What would she do?
Why did it feel like everything was spinning out of control, and there was nothing she could do to stop it?
“I’m so sorry to hear about Cal,” Laura said to Abby.
“I’m sorry, too. What worked so well here didn’t work as well in Texas, unfortunately.”
“That’s too bad. Are you okay?”
Abby shrugged, refusing to cry anymore. Enough already. “I suppose I will be. Eventually.”
“Well, I can certainly keep you busy if you’re up for a bit of a challenge. We’re waiting for Mac and Luke to finish the trim work in the sto
re, but I can show you the space so you can get an idea of what’s available.”
“Lead the way.”
Maddie was curled up on the sofa feeding Hailey when Mac came in through the sliding door from the deck. With one look at his handsome face, she could tell something wasn’t right. But then again, nothing had been right since the accident. At first he’d been belligerent about being forced to stay quiet for a couple of days. Now that he was back to work, though, he was quiet, moody and withdrawn.
She was hesitant to broach the subject with him. Rather, she’d chosen to wait him out, hoping he’d eventually confide in her.
“What’re you doing home?”
“I live here,” he joked as he came over to kiss her and Hailey. “Is she asleep?”
“I think so.”
“Want me to put her down?”
“That’d be great. Thanks.”
Watching his big hands scoop up the tiny bundle with infinite gentleness nearly brought tears to Maddie’s eyes. She loved him more than life and hated that he was hurting and wouldn’t—or couldn’t—share his burden with her.
He took the baby upstairs for her nap.
Maddie thought about waiting for him to come back down but decided instead to follow him. She fastened the nursing bra and straightened her top before going upstairs, running her fingers through her disorderly curls on the way up. Neither of them had been sleeping well in the last week, and the fatigue was wearing on her. She could only imagine how he felt.
Mac emerged from Hailey’s room and seemed surprised to find her waiting for him. “Where’s Thomas?” he asked of their son.
“Spending the afternoon with Tiffany and Ashleigh.”
“That’ll be fun for him.”
“Uh-huh.” Maddie reached for his hand and led him to their room.
Though he came willingly, she sensed a hint of hesitation. “Where’re we going?”
“In here.” Without releasing his hand, she stretched out on the bed and compelled him to join her.
He lay down next to her. Though he was close, he seemed a million miles from her, which made her ache with longing. The unusual distance between them was unsettling.
She reached for his hand. “What brought you home in the middle of the day?” she asked after a long moment of silence.
He turned his head to look at her. “I wanted to see you and Hailey.”
“We’re glad you came. Everything all right at the marina?”
Nodding, he said, “Adam’s home.”
“Oh, really? Did you know he was coming?”
“No.”
“You must’ve been glad to see him.”
“Yeah.”
The Mac she knew and loved was always thrilled to see his siblings, so his lackluster reaction to Adam’s unexpected visit was yet another reason for worry. “How long is he home?”
“He didn’t say. He’s having lunch with Dad. Maybe he told him.”
“You didn’t want to have lunch with them?” That, too, was unusual.
“I told you. I wanted to have lunch with you.”
“Are you hungry?”
“Not particularly.” His appetite, like his sleep, had been off. That they hadn’t made love since the accident was further evidence that something was amiss.
“Mac…”
“Hmm?”
“I wish you’d talk to me.”
“I am talking to you.”
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”
He released her hand and sat up abruptly.
“I’m sorry,” she said, regretting that she’d pushed him. “I don’t want you to go. Please. You don’t have to talk if you’re not ready to. But don’t go.”
A muscle pulsed in his cheek as he seemed to weigh his options. Then he sagged a bit and lay down again.
Maddie was relieved that he’d stayed, but she tried not to show it.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t mean to be so touchy.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I want to help you. Will you let me?”
“I don’t know what I need.”
“Maybe if you talk about whatever is on your mind, you’d feel better.”
He stared up at the ceiling. “I can’t talk about what it was like to not know where my brothers were for hours or how it felt to be almost certain they were dead. I can’t talk about that, because if I do…”
Maddie blinked back tears, determined to be as strong for him as he always was for her. “What, Mac? Tell me.”
“I’m afraid if I do… I might… I might break into a million pieces that can’t ever be put back together again the way they were before.”
She placed her hand over his fast-beating heart. “I won’t let you break. I won’t let you. Hold on to me. Let me help.”
He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair as a sob erupted from his chest.
Maddie clung to him, rubbing his back and combing her fingers through his hair. “It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you. Let it out. Everything is okay. Your brothers are safe. Everyone is safe.”
He was utterly silent in his despair, but his tears wet her face and neck.
“It had to be awful for you. You’re the big brother, and you couldn’t help them. You had to be so scared and worried about me and the kids and your parents and Janey.”
He didn’t speak, but his arms tightened around her.
She turned her head so she could kiss his face. “Everything is okay now.” Maddie had no idea how long they stayed like that, wrapped up in each other, his body shaking with sobs he suffered through in silence to spare her. Even in his time of need, he always thought of her.
“I’m sorry,” he said, breaking the long silence.
“Don’t be sorry. Please don’t.”
He drew back from her so he could see her.
The sight of his face, ravaged and streaked with tears, broke her heart, but she didn’t let him see that. Rather, she brushed away his tears and traced the outline of his mouth. “I love you so much,” she said. “I had a very long day to think about what my life might be like without you, and I hope I never feel that way again. Ever.”
“I don’t mean to make it all about me. I know it was awful for you, too.”
“My awful was nowhere near as awful as yours. You don’t always have to be strong for me and everyone else, you know?”
“I don’t?” he asked with a small, teasing smile that was far more in keeping with her Mac than the grim countenance he’d sported in the last week.
“No, you don’t. Sometimes you can let me carry the burden for you.”
“You just did, baby.” He kissed her softly and sweetly. “Thank you.”
Maddie gathered him in close again, bringing his head to rest on her chest. “Close your eyes and try to rest for a while.”
“I have to go back to work.”
She reached for his belt where he clipped his cell phone so it wouldn’t fall into the water when he was working.
“What’re you doing?” he asked when she placed a call.
“Hi, Luke, it’s Maddie. Mac is taking the afternoon off. I wanted to let you know.”
Her husband pinched her rear, making her smile.
“Everything okay?” Luke asked.
“It’s going to be.”
“Right. Well, tell him not to worry. I’ve got it covered here.”
“Thanks, Luke. He’ll see you in the morning.” She ended the call and tossed the phone onto the bed behind Mac. “He said to tell you he’s got it covered. Not to worry.”
“You’re being very bossy, sweetheart.”
“I know. Now close your eyes and rest. I’ve got you.”
A sigh shuddered through his big frame as he relaxed into her embrace.
Relieved to have taken the first step in what would probably be a long healing process, Maddie closed her eyes, too. They were both exhausted and overwrought. The sleep would do them good.
Chapter 5
On the way down the dirt driveway, he wondered if the brush was scratching the shit out of his dad’s truck and how much grief he’d get from Big Mac if it was. Oh well, he thought. He could blame it on Evan’s crappy landscaping. Getting Evan into trouble had once been Adam’s primary goal in life. Some things never changed.
At the end of the driveway sat an enormous cedar-shingled barn. A beat-up truck and the old motorcycle he’d recognize anywhere as his brother Mac’s were parked outside. Adam followed the music inside to a large room that smelled of freshly cut wood and new paint. Microphone stands, amplifiers, cords galore and other equipment was scattered about the space.
Through a pane of glass, Adam could see Evan. He was sitting down while another guy leaned over him, pointing and talking with his hands as loud music pounded through the space.
Though he hated to interrupt them, Adam had come a long way to see his brothers. Adam waited until Evan looked up and waved at him through the window.
Evan’s eyes widened with what might’ve been pleasure. He said something to the other man and then removed a headset from around his neck as he stood. He came bounding down a small set of stairs to the main studio where he hugged Adam.
“What’re you doing here?” he said, speaking loudly over the music.
“Came to see you and your brothers. Heard you got into a bit of a scrape and wanted to see for myself that you’re doing okay.”
“I’m fine, Mac’s fine. Grant’s being weird, but he’s always weird.” Evan said what he thought Adam wanted to hear, but his eyes told a different story. He was exhausted, wired, disheveled, but doing his damndest to sell the all’s-well theme. “How are you?”
“Better now that I’ve seen you.”
“Awww, don’t tell me you care.”
Adam shrugged. “Not about you. Just about Mac and Grant.”
“Oh good. I was worried for a minute there.”