by Force, Marie
Sighing, she reached for a bottle of wine on the counter and poured herself a healthy glass, feeling guilty for letting her own worries get the better of her when Paul and Alex had much bigger ones weighing them down tonight. She wouldn’t soon forget the utter devastation that had overtaken Paul in the doctor’s office. He was always so strong and capable. To see him in such a state of shock had been upsetting.
She hated that this was happening to him and Alex, but she especially hated it for Marion, who’d never really know her grandchildren or the women her sons married. It was so unfair.
Hope had just had that thought when a soft knock sounded at her door. She went to answer it, knowing it would be Paul. He stood with his hands propped on either side of her door.
“Can we talk?” he asked.
“Come in.” When he stepped inside, she said, “Wine?”
“I wouldn’t say no to that.”
While he took a seat on the sofa, she went into the kitchen to pour him a glass and to gather her resolve. If Marion were leaving soon, she and Ethan would be, too. It would be better, in that case, to end this before it really began. To let it continue would be to invite in heartache for herself and Ethan as well as Paul. Even as everything inside her cried out for him, she knew it was what she had to do.
She just couldn’t go through it again, even if the circumstances were vastly different this time. She couldn’t do it—and she couldn’t do it to Ethan either. He was already bonded to Paul, Alex, Jenny and Marion. It would be hard enough to leave as it was. To get even more involved would be a fool’s errand.
And then Paul was behind her, his arms encircling her waist and his forehead leaning on her shoulder. “Whatever you’re thinking, knock it off.”
“How do you know what I’m thinking?”
“I can see it in the tension you carry in your shoulders.” He gently massaged her neck and shoulders, sending a sigh shuddering through her. “Talk to me.”
“Is Alex with your mom?”
“Yeah, I asked them to stay so I could come talk to you. Tell me what’s on your mind, Hope.”
“This. Us.”
“That’s on my mind, too.”
“We need to stop this, Paul.” As she said the words, a sharp pain registered in the area of her heart, which was exactly when she realized that at some point over the last few weeks, she’d fallen in love with him.
He turned her to face him, his hands on her hips. “Please don’t say that. I can’t take any more bad news today.”
“And I can’t take any more heartache in this lifetime. We’re setting up ourselves—and Ethan—for disaster by pursuing this when we both know it can’t last.”
He tucked her hair behind her ear, and the simple gesture made her heart flutter. “Why can’t it last?”
“Because! When your mom goes, I have to go, too. I need a job, Paul, and it’s not like there’re tons of nursing opportunities here.”
“If Lizzie succeeds in getting the health care facility opened, they’ll need qualified nurses.”
“Who knows how long that’ll take? It could be a year or more before they get the renovations done, permits filed and the many other details seen to. Something like that doesn’t happen overnight. I can’t sit around and wait for something that may or may not happen. I don’t have that luxury.”
“Hope…”
“This isn’t what I want to do, Paul, but it’s what I have to do. I just can’t—”
He kissed her, and she forgot everything she’d been about to say, as well as the many reasons this was a bad idea. She could only remember the exquisite pleasure she’d found in his arms. Hungry for more of it, she returned his kiss with an ardor that equaled his.
“Please don’t take this away from me, Hope,” he whispered many passionate minutes later. “I need you.”
“I need you, too, but I can’t do this. I just can’t.”
He once again dropped his head to her shoulder.
She rested her hand on his neck, wishing with every beat of her heart that things could be different for them. But their reality was that once his mother was moved from their home, Hope’s job on Gansett Island would be done. Paul’s life and his business were on the island. So there was no point to continuing a romantic entanglement that would lead straight to heartache when it ended.
“I’m so sorry,” she said as tears slid down her cheeks. “You have no idea how sorry I am.”
“I think I have a pretty good idea.”
“It’s not what I want. If things were different…”
“I know.” He kissed her so softly, so tenderly that she wanted to whimper from the bolt of desire that zinged through her body and settled into a sharp throb between her legs. Drawing back from her, he looked at her for a long moment before he turned and went out the door.
The glass of wine he hadn’t gotten to enjoy stood beside hers on the counter as a metaphor for the many things they’d never get to enjoy together. Leaving the glasses on the counter, she shut off the lights and went to bed alone. She’d done the right thing sending him away. But knowing that didn’t lessen the ache of loss that had her crying herself to sleep for the first time in a long time.
Over the next few days, Paul forced himself through the motions. He got up, went to work, helped take care of his mother, attended an emergency town council meeting that turned out to be about nothing, made himself eat and sleep. He finalized the plans for Alex’s bachelor party, took Ethan with him to help harvest the pumpkins and worked with Jenny on the plan for closing the retail store for the month of November before reopening to sell Christmas trees in December.
He did what was expected of him. And every time he laid eyes on Hope, which was several times each day, he died a little more on the inside. They’d had a taste of heaven that had been yanked away before he’d begun to satisfy his appetite for her. Of course he understood where she was coming from. When his mother left home, her job would be done, and she and Ethan would have to go elsewhere.
It was the wise thing for both of them to take a step back, but knowing that didn’t make it any easier. Staring into the mirror as he got ready for Alex’s party, Paul tried to summon the cheerfulness he’d need to see his brother through the party and the wedding. He was determined not to let his own problems—and the larger, more pressing issue of what to do about their mother’s care—take anything away from the joy of Alex and Jenny’s big day.
A long, lonely winter stretched ahead of him. He could tend to his own wounds then. It occurred to him that if they moved Marion to the mainland and Hope and Ethan left, Paul would be alone in the house that now teemed with activity. Alex and Jenny would move into their own home, and with Marion gone, there’d be no reason for David and Daisy to come by every day or the women from the church, who had been so generous about providing regular meals for them during Marion’s illness.
The house would be awfully empty and lonely without the endless activity, a thought that only added to his profound depression.
“You gotta snap out of it, man,” he whispered to his reflection. “Alex has waited a long time for this. It wouldn’t be fair to bring him down.” He gave himself a couple of minutes to summon the celebratory mood the night demanded of him before he left the bathroom.
Dressed in a gorgeous black dress, Hope came into the house as he stepped into the kitchen.
Paul stared at her. “You look amazing,” he said after a long, charged moment of silence.
“You look great, too.”
His mother’s friends had taken Marion to bridge night so Hope could attend Jenny’s bachelorette party. The ladies were fully briefed on what to expect from Marion. Paul and Alex had agreed that they should let her spend as much time with her friends as she could, while she could. Ethan was spending the night with his friend Jonah. Paul couldn’t help but wish that he could look forward to spending the night with Hope after the parties, but he couldn’t let his mind go there.
“Have a good time
tonight,” Hope said. “Be careful.”
“I’ll be fine. My job is to stay sober so he can go nuts.”
She smiled, and he had to fight the overpowering urge to cross the room, haul her into his arms and kiss her senseless. It took everything he had not to give in to the need that drew him to her. “I’m sure it’ll be a great time.”
Alex and Jenny came into the house through the front door, holding hands and laughing about something.
Paul experienced yet another profound feeling of envy that his brother had his life worked out to his obvious satisfaction. Why was it that he couldn’t seem to do the same? The brief brush with happiness he’d experienced with Hope had only served to make him want it more than he had before.
“You ready to roll?” he asked Paul.
“Whenever you are.”
Alex wrapped his arms around Jenny and laid a deep, sensual kiss on her that had Paul squirming with discomfort as he tried to look anywhere but at Hope.
“Behave tonight, you hear me?” he said when they finally resurfaced.
“You do the same.”
Alex whispered something in Jenny’s ear that had her giggling like a schoolgirl before she pushed him back. “Go away and leave me alone to party with my ladies.” To Paul and Hope, she said, “My old man is such a ball and chain.”
Alex patted her bottom. “You’ll pay for that later.”
“And that’s our cue to get the hell out of here,” Paul said, grabbing his brother’s arm to lead him from the house. “Have fun, ladies.”
“Oh, we will,” Jenny said, making Alex growl at her.
Paul steered Alex toward the passenger side of his truck.
As they drove out of the driveway, Alex looked back, possibly hoping for a last glimpse of Jenny, who was riding to her party with Hope.
“You’ll see her again in a couple of hours, Romeo,” Paul said. “You’ll survive until then.”
Alex responded with a stupid grin and a deep sigh. “Not sure I’ll make it.” He turned to take a closer look at Paul. “What gives with you the last couple of days, man? Other than the obvious, of course.”
“Nothing gives. Business as usual.”
“Try telling that to someone who doesn’t see you every day and doesn’t know you as well as I do. Something is wrong, and you may as well tell me what it is so I don’t have to beat it out of you.”
“I’d like to see you try.”
“We both know I could, so let’s save ourselves the bother.”
“Whatever.”
“Come on, Paul. You know there’s nothing you can’t tell me.”
“It’s not the time. Tonight is about you. We’ll talk after the wedding.”
“We’ll talk now.”
Paul recognized that bullish tone and knew it was pointless to argue with him. Growing up with Alex, he would’ve at least tried. Today he couldn’t be bothered. “The thing with Hope isn’t going to happen.”
“Oh. Wow. I sort of thought it was already happening.”
“It was.”
“So what happened?”
“The meeting with the doctor happened.”
“Umm, you want to fill in the blanks for me?”
“She realized that if Mom leaves Gansett, her job here will be done and she’ll have to go elsewhere to find work. Her ex-husband wiped out their savings, so she has no cushion of any kind, apparently.”
“So she called it off with you because of that?”
“She said she couldn’t get further involved with me knowing she’d be leaving.”
Alex scratched at the stubble he left on his jaw these days because Jenny had told him she liked it—and he’d told Paul that when Paul asked why he never shaved anymore. “That is a tough one. On the one hand, I can see where she’s coming from. I don’t know the details, but I assume the ex put her through the wringer.”
“It was bad business.”
“I figured it had to be if the guy’s locked up.”
Paul didn’t feel it was his place to tell Alex her story, at least not without her permission.
“Have you considered asking her to stay with you?”
“Not really.”
“Why not? I assume you want her to.”
“Hell, yes, I want her to.”
“Then tell her that.”
“Am I just supposed to ask her to stay, knowing she has no way to make a living here?”
“I hate to point out the obvious, but she doesn’t need to work if she’s with you. She could focus on Ethan and make more babies with you and maybe get a job at this place Lizzie is determined to open on the island.”
Paul’s mouth watered at the thought of such an easy solution. “I don’t think she’d go for that. She would say she’s perfectly capable of taking care of herself, and no way is she putting all her eggs in some man’s basket again. Not after what happened to her before. He totally screwed her over.”
“And you’d never do that. Make the grand gesture.”
“What grand gesture?”
“The grandest of grand gestures.”
“Are you seriously suggesting I propose to her? We just started actually seeing each other a week ago.”
“Oh please. You two have been eye-fucking each other since the day she arrived. And it’s not just me who thinks so. Jenny said the same thing.”
Though he was flabbergasted to hear they thought that, he said, “No way did Jenny say that. Those are your words.”
“Maybe so, but she agrees anyway. We were thrilled that you guys took some time away together while Mom was in the hospital.”
“I’m glad you approve,” Paul said sincerely. “But it’s too soon for the kind of grand gestures you’re suggesting.”
“Is it? You’re thirty-four, and I’ve never seen you like this over a woman before. She’s wise enough to know that you’re a catch. I assume the sex was hot, because you looked like a new man when you came home. So what’s the hang-up? What’s another six months going to tell you that you don’t already know?”
Paul didn’t have a good answer for that, so he stayed quiet.
“The sex was hot, wasn’t it?”
“Shut up. I’m not talking to you about that.”
“Which means it was. If it hadn’t been, you wouldn’t have been moping the last couple of days like a little boy who lost his puppy.”
“I have not been doing that.”
“If you say so.”
“Happy, married Alex is a huge pain in my ass.”
He grunted with laughter. “Single Alex was a pain in your ass, too.”
“That he was, but I like happy Alex better.”
“So do I, and I want the same for you. Go for what you want, Paul. Worst thing, she says no, but at least you’ll know you tried. Think about it.”
As Paul drove them to the party at McCarthy’s Marina, he wondered how he would think about anything else.
Chapter 23
The party that Sydney and the girls threw for Jenny was fabulous and over the top. It seemed as if every woman on Gansett was there, and everyone was thrilled that Jenny was finally getting her long-delayed happily ever after. Hope wondered what they would think if they knew Alex and Jenny were already married. She loved being in on the secret that only Sydney and Erin knew, too.
She loved being a part of this group of women. They’d made her feel so welcome from the first time she met Jenny, who’d assured her there’d be no lack of fun things to do if she and her son moved to Gansett Island.
That had proven very true, and this group was a big part of the reason why. Unlike the women she’d known back at home, these women didn’t thrive on gossip. They built each other up rather than tearing each other down. They thrived on being happy and productive. They were also some of the funniest women Hope had ever met.
Take Tiffany, for example, who was relaying the fact that her husband, the police chief, had wanted to do background checks on the male strippers the women had hired for Jenny�
��s party.
“Wait,” Jenny said. “You guys got strippers?”
Hope wasn’t sure if Jenny was intrigued or appalled. Probably some of both.
“No!” Tiffany screamed with laughter that drew the others in, too. “We’ve been telling them that all week. They’re out of their minds over it.”
“Oh. My. God.” Jenny laughed right along with them, and Hope couldn’t help but join in, even though she hadn’t felt like laughing in days.
Each of the women chimed in, sharing their significant others’ reaction to hearing there would be strippers.
“Mac said he’s going to dust me for prints when I get home,” Maddie said to more hysterical laughter.
“You guys are so bad,” Jenny said, though she was obviously and thoroughly amused.
Sydney came into the room holding a piece of paper and a bag of money. “Has everyone placed their bets?”
“What bets?” Jenny asked.
“On how long it’ll take them to crash tonight,” Sydney said. “We’ve still got a few spots open, but most of the earlier guesses are taken.”
“You people are diabolical,” Hope said, making sure to smile so they knew she was joking.
“You have no idea what we’ve been through with them,” Janey Cantrell said.
“They crash everything we do,” Abby Callahan added. “Everything.”
“We’ll never, ever admit that we actually like that they crash,” Grace Ryan said. “Because then they’d be totally out of control.”
“Unlike now?” Stephanie McCarthy asked.