by Anna Lewis
She wondered for a second if she should just be brave and pick up the phone to call him, but she was far too afraid of pushing him further away to act upon that. His confession that he didn’t do commitment had really upset her… so much so that she was only willing to speak to him on his terms.
Was she being foolish?
She flicked her eyes over their past messages, wondering if there was something there that could help her identify his true feelings to reassure her for a few moments, but instead she found herself looking at something she found quite troubling.
Hi Abbie, how is the shoot going? Travis
Really well thank you Thank you so much for getting me this job, it’s amazing. Miss you, Abbie xxx
Then nothing.
Another exchange went like this:
How are things in Hawaii? T
Oh my God… stunning! It’s really lovely here, you would love it! Abbie xoxox
A cold, unsettling feeling overcame her as she started to see everything at a slightly different angle. She’d been so happy to hear from him that she hadn’t looked very deeply into it before now, but after the day she’d had she couldn’t seem to resist. Examining their texts now, it was clear to see that the exchanges were very one sided, and that actually Travis’s messages could be seen as purely professional if you were looking at them through those eyes.
Maybe he messaged all his dancers like that? Maybe there was nothing special about her after all, and he was serious about what he’d said. Maybe he felt like it was appropriate to contact her in that way because he had made his feelings crystal clear. Maybe she was nothing more than a hopeful fool, pinning her feelings and emotions onto something that was never going to happen.
Maybe she was headed towards another, very serious heartbreak – and this time, she would only have herself to blame…
She sat on the bed for a few seconds, allowing her thoughts to settle. She started to think about his last words to her – the ones that came right after sex – and an anger started to overtake.
“I can’t do long term… it just isn’t for me.”
“I have this rule that I don’t hook up with a woman more than once, so that I don’t get my heart broken.”
He certainly hadn’t been thinking about her heart at the time! Had she been putting her life on hold for a man that didn’t even want her? Was she going to end up cold, alone and full of regret after all of this? Was she rejecting Rex for the right reasons, or the wrong ones? After all, she knew that Travis had a playboy reputation, whereas Rex was the opposite as that. Why was she throwing something away that could potentially be amazing, for someone who had given her nothing?
She just couldn’t decide what was the best thing to do, and which decision would be the one that she would go on to regret. Her brain swam around until her thoughts started to cause her an almost physical pain.
“Argh!” she yelled in frustration, tugging at her hair. Confused and very upset, she grabbed her room keys and headed out. She couldn’t sit in there for another second longer just thinking it all through… she would end up driving herself crazy with it all.
She needed to get up, to get out of there before she started to drive herself nuts – and she knew exactly where to go.
The hotel bar was where the rest of the music video staff spent most of their nights, and for the first time since she’d arrived in Hawaii, Abbie intended to join them. She wouldn’t sit in her room like a nun, endlessly thinking about Travis and wondering about Rex. She was going to get out, to have a laugh and enjoy herself, to do what any normal girl her age was doing whilst in the most gorgeous place on the planet.
It wasn’t fair that Travis should to be free to have fun while she sat around waiting for him, so she resolved not to do it anymore. If he was going to give her nothing, then she was not going to be a prisoner of that.
***
By the time the bar was starting to empty and the night was drawing to a close, Abbie felt a bit better about things. After sinking a few alcopops and having a laugh with some of the other dancers, her problems started to subside somewhat. She started to forget about absolutely everything, which was exactly what she needed. She’d needed a time out from thinking about Travis, and wondering what he was up to, and that was exactly what she’d been given.
But as everyone began to leave, citing a desperate need for rest, she didn’t quite feel ready to go to bed, so she simply stayed to have a one last drink. It wasn’t quite as fun without everyone else surrounding her, but it beat being up in her room.
As soon as she was sure that she was alone, she glanced quickly around the room, but she suddenly noticed the shadow of another figure sitting not too far away from her.
At first, she spun back around to look away, ignoring the other person completely, not even caring enough to glance his way again. But after a while she became intrigued. Who else was drowning their sorrows at this bar? Who else wasn’t ready to sleep yet? Maybe there was a little bit of fun left to be had in this night after all…
She stepped up, feeling more confident than she would have had she been totally sober, and she started to make her way over to the mystery person, ready for another enjoyable conversation.
However, the person that she eventually stumbled across was the last person in the world that she expected to see.
“Rex?” she gasped out in surprise, as she noticed his frame hunched over in one of the booths. At first she had to look closer, because she wasn’t totally convinced that it was him, but there was no mistaking that magnetic aura anywhere. “What are you doing here?”
She had spent so much time actively avoiding him that it was strange to be making the first move to go and speak to him, but luckily she was tipsy enough not to focus too heavily on that.
“Rex?” she tried again, when he didn’t answer her right away, but then she realized why.
He was upset – really upset. So much so that there were tears rolling down his face. As soon as Abbie noticed that Rex was crying, everything changed. All of a sudden nothing else mattered – all she wanted to do was to make this guy feel better. Any awkwardness, any potential weirdness… it all just vanished. It simply became about making the sadness go away for him.
“Oh my God Rex, what’s wrong?” she asked, sliding in next to him. “Are you okay? Do you need anything? Did something happen?”
At first he didn’t answer, he simply leaned into her and allowed him to wrap her arms around him, which she did happily knowing it was what he needed. Her empathetic nature hated to see anyone upset, but for some reason this felt even worse than normal. This was Rex Ryder – the most famous rock star on the planet. Abbie had only ever seen the fun-loving side of him, so this genuine blast of real emotion was really difficult for her to deal with. It didn’t seem like the man she’d gotten to know over the last few weeks, and to see him acting so human was undeniably bizarre.
“Tell me what’s wrong,” she insisted, pulling back to gaze into those gorgeous warm brown eyes. “Maybe I can help you.” She knew in that moment she would do anything, just to get that heartwarming smile looking back at her again.
“It’s this,” he replied, waving his hands around vaguely. “All of it. I can’t stand it.”
Huh? Her mind reeled, trying to work out what he meant. She knew with celebrities it could be anything, but Abbie didn’t see Rex as just another obnoxious star.
“What? The video….? The drinking…?” She tried to guess wildly, but from the expression on his face, it didn’t seem like she was getting it right.
“No, the fame. I can’t ever do anything without it all blowing up in my face. It just…” He sighed deeply, and Abbie’s heart went out to him. This wasn’t a typical starlet meltdown – she’d seen enough of those in her life time – this was a real sadness that came deep from within him. One that she had no idea how to cure. “Sometimes it just gets to me.”
“Has something happened?” she asked curiously. “Has something made yo
u so… upset about all of this all of a sudden?”
“My mum just rang me,” he sighed sadly, looking down at his fingernails. “And she read something online about some girl I’m supposed to have slept with, and it really gets to her. I hate having to defend myself all the time over something that I haven’t done.”
“So you didn’t sleep with the girl?” Abbie asked cautiously, knowing that it was dangerous territory. Of course she knew that he was supposed to be a really nice guy – but she was also perfectly aware that media perception and reality could be two very different things.
“No!” he exclaimed, almost angrily. “And that’s what sucks. I mean, it bothers my mum so much because of her religion… but that’s not why it upsets me. I have no beliefs in that way, but I don’t just shag about, and I don’t want the world to see me that way.”
“Woah.” Abbie had nothing to say to that – she was a bit blown away. It was definitely heavier than she’d been expecting. “That’s got to be rough.”
“Yeah.” He nodded slowly, looking a little lighter after getting that off of his shoulders. “It’s a nightmare – sometimes it gets a bit much, that’s all.”
“I mean, it doesn’t really matter what the rest of the world thinks,” she said, trying her best to reassure him, but she knew that her argument was weak. If everyone in the world thought an untruth about her, she had no idea how she would react.
“It shouldn’t,” he admitted. “And a lot of the time it doesn’t, but sometimes it gets to me more than anything else in the world.”
A heavy silence fell over them both for a few seconds, while they got lost in their own very negative thoughts.
“Okay,” Abbie slapped her knees, finally snapping into action. “Let’s get a shot. There’s nothing that I can do to solve your problem, but I’m sure that a drink will help.”
“Finally,” he joked. “I’ve managed to get the elusive Abbie to have a drink with me! All it took was a few tears…”
“I’m sorry,” she replied, a little guiltily. “I don’t mean to seem like a bitch.” She suddenly felt awful for all the times she’d been so cold to him – she could see things a little clearer now that Travis wasn’t fogging up her brain.
“Don’t be!” he shot back, looking a little happier now. “You are a challenge, and I like that. When you get the fame level that I have, sometimes it’s a challenge just to keep women away from you.” The way he said that wasn’t arrogant, just matter of fact, which made Abbie laugh.
She couldn’t believe that she’d just been referred to as ‘a challenge’. She certainly didn’t jump into bed with anyone that looked her way, but she couldn’t imagine anyone being interested in her enough to chase her either.
She grinned to herself, suddenly very excited to see where Hawaii was going to lead.
***
After that night, Abbie and Rex grew closer as friends, and they started to hang out a lot in a platonic way. The more time that she spent with him, the more she liked him as a person. Once she got past that flirty side of him, he was actually really good fun, and someone that she had a lot in common with.
Of course, the steamy chemistry still sizzled between them, and she did miss the way that he made her feel when he flirted with her, but she was enjoying his company so much that she didn’t mind. She liked being around him so much that she would have accepted any kind of relationship with him.
She didn’t want to admit to herself that she was still keeping him at arm’s length, just in case Travis decided to come back into her life, but that was the truth of it and deep down she knew that.
She almost started to test Travis with her communication, to see how he would react. She hoped that by keeping everything purely professional and business like, he would make his feelings towards her crystal clear, allowing her to make a decision with every option laid out on the table for her, but so far he hadn’t changed – almost as if he hadn’t noticed that things were different.
She did consider completely ignoring Travis for a while, just to see what would happen, but it wasn’t worth losing her job over – plus she wanted any potential future work that he might have to offer her too. She couldn’t risk that over feelings; her career was too important for that.
Now, when he texted her and asked about work, she replied only with information about the job. No more niceties, no more kisses, but that didn’t seem to affect him at all. It was pretty upsetting, and left Abbie feeling foolish, but after a while she started to feel the control roll back into her life.
If he couldn’t ‘do’ forever, and he didn’t seem to be showing her any kind of feelings, then surely that ended things? Maybe it was time to accept that Travis wasn’t an unanswered question, standing in the way of her and Rex, but that he’d given her a very clear answer. Just because it hadn’t been the one that she’d wanted to hear, didn’t make it any less valid.
Maybe it was time for her to start thinking about herself, rather than concentrating on some man who didn’t seem want her. It wouldn’t be easy, and she certainly couldn’t just switch off her feelings, but she had to at least try. She had to start looking a life with her eyes wide open. She was in Hawaii for crying out loud, with a very gorgeous man, who really seemed to like her.
Maybe it was time that he got the shot he so clearly wanted.
She would just have to try to remember Travis as a fun fling, as she’d always said, and that was that. Sure, maybe they could have become more if he’d been willing to give her a shot, but she wasn’t going to race about chasing a man that was only going to break her heart all over again. He had helped her get over her cheating scumbag ex-boyfriend, and for that she would be eternally grateful, but now she needed to put him in the past too.
“Drink tonight?” Rex asked her after filming, and she nodded excitedly. She loved having him as such a good friend, and now that she’d gotten to know him, she regretted all the times she’d blown him off. It seemed so silly looking back – even if they couldn’t become more, they could have had the wonderful friendship that they shared – that was worth enough!
Being friends was making work much easier for them too. Now that Abbie wasn’t trying desperately to fight the chemistry between them, they were getting takes done to the right standard that much quicker. Everyone was happy, which was making the entire job run that much smoother.
“Let’s go,” she grinned, slipping her arm through his. “I could use a good night out, it’s been… ooh twenty four hours!”
***
The longer the night went on, and the drunker the pair became, they found themselves sliding increasingly closer to one another. Usually they were conscious of keeping apart but for some reason things were different tonight. Maybe it was because Abbie had finally decided to move on, and Rex could sense that, or maybe they were both just sick of trying to act like friendship was enough. It was in the cold, sober light of day, but it seemed like they were both aware that something would happen sooner or later.
Or maybe it was simply because they’d been acting out a particularly steamy part on the beach all day, with their bodies wrapped around one another – and that was proving too much for the both of them to resist.
Whatever it was, it was certainly no surprise when Rex put his hands on her cheeks and stared deep into her eyes with what looked like love within them. Abbie’s heart might have started to pound painfully against her chest, and her mouth may have run dry with nerves, but she wasn’t shocked.
“You’re so beautiful,” he told her earnestly. “I wish you liked me in the way that I like you.”
She gulped down her emotion, and whispered her reply, knowing that she was about to be far too honest. “Maybe I do,” she told him. “Maybe I’m just… complicated.”
That was putting it mildly!
“You’ve been hurt,” he nodded. “I can see that. All I want you to know is that I would never do anything to make you cry. If you were mine, I would adore you from the bottom of my heart, and I
would worship the ground you walk on.”
Her heart melted as he said those words, choosing to wholeheartedly believe them, even if he was a little bit tipsy. What girl didn’t want to hear that? And from one of the most sought-after men on the planet too! It was absolutely incredible.
Abbie didn’t know what to do with herself; her body was going wild. She debated internally for a few seconds, trying to figure out the best course of action, until her body took over making the much-needed choice for her. She leaned in for a kiss. It might have been insane, and not the right thing to do, but the temptation was too strong, too intense, and she didn’t feel like she could have resisted even if she really wanted to.
And she really, really didn’t want to resist him.
The way his lips moved harmoniously with hers made her feel amazing. His kiss was very different to Travis’s – less needy and passionate, more sexy and sensual. It awakened something inside of her, a new side of her that she really wanted to explore further…
***
She didn’t start to feel any guilt for her actions until she was lying in her bed alone later that night. Of course she knew that she shouldn’t feel that way – she was very single after all – but she felt bad about betraying Travis (even though she technically wasn’t, and anyway, he was undoubtedly doing the same to her). She also felt bad for kissing Rex while she was still thinking about someone else…
It didn’t seem right for everyone involved, and Abbie began freaking out, worrying that she wouldn’t be able to handle it when the morning came around.
Wherever she went these days, trouble seemed to follow her! Her life had never been like that before. With Greg she had always known (or thought she’d known) where she stood, and life was very simple and basic. Now, without him in her life, it was almost like she couldn’t handle herself. She never knew what was going to happen next, and that was exciting and terrifying in equal measure.