by Beth Manz
Again, the fingers covering his hand tightened. "I know you are." As Jim continued to gaze down at him, the proud smile turned to sadness, then to a worried frown. "Blair," the sentinel began, "I'm sorry. You would have never had to have gone through this test if I would have just accepted your role instead of trying to ignore it."
Gently, Blair withdrew his hand from Jim's and reached up to touch lightly at his friend's face. "No, Jim. I don't feel that way. I'm glad we shared this journey. It…it made me sure of who I am."
"No more doubts?"
"No more doubts." Blair dropped his hand from Jim's face and stared up intently at his friend, partner and sentinel. "So, you ready to take that trip with me now?"
Jim laughed and reaching down, brushed back the hair that had fallen across Blair's forehead. "Anywhere you feel we need to go, Chief. I'll be right beside you."
Blair closed his eyes again. He was warm, content and he knew it would be only moments before he slipped into an exhausted slumber. He opened his eyes to find Jim staring down at him with surprised awe, a pleased smile on his face. "Jim? What is it?"
Jim reached out and placed his palm on Blair's chest, across his heart. “I just realized," the sentinel whispered, grinning from ear to ear, "I can hear your heartbeat."
Epilogue
Blair stood outside the university office of his friend and mentor, Eli Stoddard, and stared forlornly at the burnished mahogany door in front of him. He ran his hands nervously up and down the front of his blue jeans then took a couple of deep, calming breaths.
You've known him for years, Sandburg, he chided himself. This shouldn't be this difficult…
But it was difficult. As well as he knew Dr. Stoddard, Blair still didn't know exactly what to expect once he stepped inside. It had been weeks since he'd spoken to his mentor--long, difficult weeks in which he'd ignored the professor's phone calls and avoided him at all costs. In his heart Blair believed the professor understood and would forgive him, yet…the young man was shamed by his lack of what Naomi would call "the most basic of common courtesies."
Drawing in another deep breath, Blair reached out, tapped lightly at the door, and pushed it open. He stepped in quietly and allowed the door to close softly behind him. The chancellor sat behind his desk, reading glasses perched on his nose, eyes wide at the sight of Blair standing at his door.
"Blair," the older man breathed out, removing his glasses and rising. Fondness colored his dark eyes and genuine pleasure curled his lips into a warm, welcoming smile.
And in that moment, Blair realized just how much he had missed this man. "Dr. Stoddard," he began, then stopped. Words failed him. How could he adequately apologize for what he had done? Uncertainly, he stepped forward. "I… I…"
He dropped his gaze to the plush gray carpeting for a moment and when he looked up again, he found that Eli had crossed the room and now stood before him.
"It's good to see you, Blair," the professor said, offering him a soft smile. "Jim called yesterday to let me know the two of you were home. I've been hoping you'd come by to see me."
Blair forced himself to meet Eli's tender gaze. He shrugged apologetically and felt his eyes mist with tears as he studied his mentor. "I should have come long before this, Dr. Stoddard…." Again, words failed him, and he held out his hands in an imploring gesture. "I...I don't know what to say…."
Blair's statement elicited a small chuckle from the professor. "Well, now, I'd have to say that's a first, my boy," he teased tenderly. Then, stepping closer to Blair, he extended his arms. With a grateful sigh, Blair closed the gap between himself and the man who had been the closest thing to a father he had ever known. He allowed himself to be engulfed in Eli's warm embrace and returned the hug with equal warmth and gratitude. He took comfort in the feel of the strong arms around him, in the lingering aroma of pipe tobacco that clung to the professor's hair and the wool jacket he was wearing.
"I have been so worried about you, Blair," Eli spoke close to his ear. "First the death of those boys and then that plane crash…. You know how to give an old man a few additional gray hairs, don't you?"
Blair laughed softly into Dr. Stoddard's shoulder, gave his mentor a final, lingering squeeze, then slowly moved back so he could look into the professor's face. Eli kept his hands on Blair's shoulders and gave him a heartening smile.
"I…I came to apologize to you," Blair began, "for not answering your calls. For not coming to see you."
Eli shook his head. "I understand why you couldn't see me. You know that, don't you?"
Blair nodded.
"The guilt over the death of those boys was never yours to carry, Blair. But I understand how you would carry it all the same. Just as I did."
"I know…. And that's what makes it even worse that I didn't come to see you. I knew you were having a hard time dealing with what happened, too--”
"The important thing," Eli cut in, squeezing Blair's shoulders, "is that you're here now."
Blair sighed softly. "Thank you, Professor."
Eli smiled and dropping his hands from Blair, gestured toward one of the leather chairs that sat in front of his desk. "Please. Sit. We have much to discuss, do we not?"
Blair chuckled lightly. "More than you know." He moved to the chair near the bookshelves and lowered himself into it. Eli followed him and took a seat in the chair next to his.
"So, my young shaman," Eli began with a twinkle in his eye as he leaned over to pat lightly at Blair's hand, "where shall we begin?"
Blair smiled as he thought of the incredible journey he and Jim had just taken together--the spiritual pilgrimage that had banished Blair's fears and verified his purpose in Jim's life as guide and as shaman. "Well," Blair answered after a few seconds, leaning forward and fixing Eli with a mischievous grin, "I have quite a story to tell you. Do you have a little time?"
Eli smiled broadly and nodded his head. "For you, my dear boy," he said affectionately, squeezing tightly at the hand beneath his, "I have all the time in the world."
The End