by SK Williams
you don’t even blink
You always knew they were there
but you loved me anyway
Whenever you take me
by the hand
and introduce me to someplace new
it is the strangest thing –
I feel like I’ve been here before
and it’s always been
my favorite place
Come inside
take off your shoes
rest your feet;
my broken heart
is open
for you
“I know
you chose me
but sometimes
I feel unworthy –
too broken to be loved”
“Maybe you think yourself unworthy
but you aren’t;
You are beautiful even when you rain.
Your deep wounds, your cracks, and scars
only provide more places to fill you
with love.
I know you’re broken,
but I love all your little pieces
and I love the picture they form
when they come together.”
This is different
He looks at me
but he sees something more
and I love what he sees
Together
we are bigger than ourselves –
there were constellations
on our scars
we’d never connected before
but together
we form oceans of stars
seas of love
galaxies of tenderness
I love the way
she says “darling”
like it’s the sweetest word
she knows
and the taste of it
on her lips
makes her smile
We count down the days until
we come together
and it feels like an eternity to get here
Maybe this is the day
we quit our jobs and run away
Maybe we are broke
but we’ll have each other
I know we both feel it
weighing us down
the day is so hard to trudge through
when it doesn’t end in you
I know we can do this
only just a little bit longer
push through
I can’t get your smile out of my head
I can still see your eyes glistening
looking into my own
I can still hear your laugh
and it makes me grin
I can still hear my name
upon your lips
I don’t know where this will go
but wherever it is
I’m excited to find out
your goofy laugh
your random cravings
your silly jokes
your honest answers
your passionate tears
your shameless dances
your tender heart
your attentive eyes
your gentle nudges
these are just a few of the reasons
I fell in love with you
I love the way her mind works
I love the books that she reads
and the way her mind solves a puzzle
I love the order she brings to my chaos
and how we find a way to fix things
when it seems everything is falling apart
I love the way we talk
both with so much respect for each other
even when we do not understand
or think ourselves simply right
I love that she respects my opinion
and sees me as her equal –
neither putting me on a pedestal
nor putting me down
I love the harmony of our minds working
in tandem
our mouths – our minds – our hearts
understanding
yet always seeking to understand better
There was nothing here when you found me
but lights – waiting to be relit
long grown accustomed
to seeing in the dark.
But it doesn’t matter anymore
how bad things were before,
because everything is different now
It never meant more than this
before you
You are more than a heartbreak
You are more than broken pieces
You are more than the tears on your pillow
You are more than the scars on your wrists
You are more than the lump in your throat
the lightning pitter-patter in your chest
You are more than the hole that
was left in you
when they left you
You are more
oh so much more
than a little poem
could ever express
She was beautiful
because she had scars
where they had none
because she kept on fighting
when the others were done
because she drank in the moon
while they basked in the sun
When I see you look at me
I can’t help but feel more beautiful
I can’t help but see my potential
I can’t help but like myself a little more
When I see you look at me
I want to be more
I want to see more
I want to do more
When I see you look at me
I see myself too
You make me feel like I’m unstoppable
and when I have gone too far
and remind myself that I’m not
you don’t hold it over me
You help me heal and remind me that
it’s okay to not be able to fix everything
You make me feel humble and whole
Where is this love?
Painted on the clouds
Hidden in the cracks on the sidewalk
Flickering in the night sky
Behind a subtle smile
Whispered by the wind in the trees
For our first date
she took me to see the otters
We fed them little bits of fish
and watched them squeak and squabble
and chew their squishy food in their
sharp little teeth
They played tug-of-war with a handkerchief
and burrowed their furry little faces
into our cardigans and sweaters
and fixated on her shoelaces
which they were quite adept at untying
and when playtime grew too tiresome
they flopped on their backs into their beds
and gathered little marbles on their bellies
swiping more from our hands
when we offered them
sleepily fighting to stay awake
to spend just a little bit longer together
cuddling up against each other
their life bond unbreakable
I knew then in that moment
I wanted that with her too
I want to walk the streets you
grew up walking
I want to see the windows you
peered out when
you were little
I want to eat the candy bar you
would get on your way home from school
I want to know who you were
on your way to me
I want to know all the parts of you
that will soon become a part of me
We shared cups of coffee
and shows and movies
and sweaters when one of us grew cold
Little by little,
pieces of ourselves collected into
something bigger
We shared tears and hugs and kisses
and glasses of wine and plates of torte
Little by little, we grew fonder of each other
the way humans grow fond of air
and food and water and sleep
The more we gave each other
the bigger this all became
and the bigger it grew
the more nervous we grew too
Little by little, we began to trust each other
until we realized
we didn’t have to be afraid anymore
because we would never take
from each other,
only give, and give, and give
I just left your place
and I’m driving home
but it feels like I’m headed
away from it
My eyes wander to the skies
and though I wish your hand
was here to hold
the moon and her stars are out
never too far from me
like these thoughts of you
still drifting through the space of my head
I miss you
more than I’ve ever missed anybody
because when you are not here
I feel like I’ve wandered outside
my own skin
and everything feels hot and bitter
and empty and foreign
Now that I’ve had a taste of your presence,
being without it feels impossibly unbearable
and I don’t know how I did it before
but I never want to do it again
I could fall asleep
to your soothing voice in my ears
over the phone
telling me tenderly how you feel
All that I want is your arms
around me
to ease me into the darkness –
to take my hand and
wade with me into my dreams
I want to feel your face in the dark
but I can’t, not yet
so your words will have to do
for now
She told me,
“Count the stars until you fall asleep.”
I said,
“There are too many to count.
But I will try.”
I couldn’t sleep for a week
but I’m still counting
every night
I don’t know how many mornings
I stared myself down
in the mirror
picking myself apart;
pock-marked skin,
crooked teeth,
violet bags beneath my eyes,
lines of stress cut across my face,
“I never noticed,”
she said
“I see all of you, my dear:
soft and gentle skin,
the most lovely smile,
the kindest eyes
always looking up.”
There were things you saw
that I never noticed
There were parts of me
you explored
that I didn’t even know were
parts of me
He began to share pieces of himself with me
he didn’t even realize he was sharing
the way his eyes lit up
when he was talking about something he loved
the way he talked to our pets
when he didn’t realize I was watching
the way he cleaned up after me
without keeping score or being bitter –
just because he cares
just because he wanted to help
I could do this with him
I could do this forever
The stress of the day
pulls me to pieces in every direction
I don’t know how to make this work
how to make time for everything
how to make them all happy
I wish I could grab hold of the world
and stop it from turning
I wish I could take your hand
and disappear
Take my hand
and let me lead you to sunnier meadows
to happier places
I promise we will get through this
I know your body grows weary
and your feet are aching
but I am here to walk beside you
to take you where you want to be
I’ll be strong for you
if you’ll be strong for me
There is room in my life for you
it might be a tight squeeze
but there is a you-shaped hole
in my heart
you will fit in perfectly
and if it’s too cramped
we’ll open things up a bit
tear down the walls
and knock out the ceiling
so we can see the stars
and give you room to breathe
We went wherever we could
parks after dark
the cozy little Italian café
and there were those nights
we just drove
fingers interlaced
Just to be together
was enough
And some nights
we didn’t need to say
a word –
we let our hearts
do the talking
instead
We got so caught up in each other, we forgot
there were other people in the world
We talked about things
I’d never thought about
We shared our dreams
and our fears alike
We talked about children
and how we might name them
We exchanged ghost stories
we didn’t know if we believed in
We talked about who we were
and who we wanted to be
We learned more about each other
and more about ourselves
and the hours
turned to days
and we parted ways
mouths sore
and eyes weary
but hearts happy
I know everything between us is exciting
because it’s new
but this is something more
I want to open a map
and point out all the places we will go
I want to go camping
even in the rain
and lie with you in the grass
to stare at the stars
I want to take you to places
that I’ve never been
I want to make every place
our place
I want to make a world with you
I want to plant seeds in your heart
Everythin
g’s for Sale
I think about this far too much
lying in bed, unable to sleep
staring about my room:
How much could I get for my computer –
my bed – my books?
If I got rid of it all
how much would we have?
How far would that get us?
Could we make it last
until we find something
we can do
to pay the bills
Is it enough?
Why don’t we just
go?
Little snowy flurries
fluttering down from the icy night sky,
the burn of whiskey at our throats,
all smiles and hands –
we couldn’t keep our eyes off each other
That was when I truly saw you
and saw that you saw me too
Wild, young love
so sweet and gentle
but passionate and raw
We were entangled
looking for any excuse
for affection
and any way
to run away together
wild and sweet
and tender
and true
I hope it’s enough
to bloom
Skin against skin
fingers between fingers
arms draped over arms
sweat soaking into sweat
lips tasting lips
bodies emptied
heavy breaths fill the air
Tangled forms tied together
locked in love
shapes formed with tenderness
against the darkness
sweet and wild
and we are left breathless
arms in arms
lips on lips
love and love
If your eyes made me fall in love with you
it was your hands that made me trust you
They found my own when I was shaking
and pulled me forward when I didn’t have
the strength to lead myself
They were never cruel nor hard –
only ever soft and kind
I retreat to them
when every place else in the world is hostile
Your hand is the safest place