Shark Bait (The Grab Your Pole Series)

by Cooksey, Jenn

  Oh! They’re just so stinking cute! I looked at it closer and realized what they were sleeping on, or rather, in—my missing shirt. I’m guessing that the itty-bitty kitties must’ve at some point when Tristan and I were oblivious to everything including nuclear war, stolen it and made a bed for themselves out of it. It’s kinda funny actually, we bought them a kitty bed but rather than using it, they dragged my shirt right next to it and crashed there instead.

  Looking at the pictorial evidence and thinking about the success of date number one, I of course started thinking about what date number two might hold in store for me. It hasn’t even been planned yet, but this is where I’m doing the positive thinking thing again.

  And okay, now I know it might sound like a bad idea to do at this point, but I’m going to call Melissa. I don’t want any details (Um, can you say uber-awkward?), but I’m hoping that if I have some “speaking from experience” wisdom to keep in the back of my mind, I can capitalize on the progress I’ve already achieved with the human father of my feline children. I waited until after breakfast and when I thought would be a respectable hour to call, and was gratified when Melissa answered on the first ring.

  Melissa: “Hey Camie, what’s up?”

  Me: “Well, I kinda wanted to ask you something. I hope I’m not out of line and you can totally tell me it’s none of my freaking business if I am, but would you be willing to tell me why things with you and Tristan didn’t work out?”

  Melissa: “Oh, sure. I don’t know why I never thought to tell you before, but it’s really not that big of a deal. I think our personalities just didn’t mesh all that well. I mean, we get along great and everything but I think I might’ve been too high maintenance for him.”

  Me: “Oh. What makes you think that? I mean did he say something that would make you think that, or is it just a guess?”

  Melissa: “Mmm, a little of both. I don’t think we would’ve ever really been good together and he knew it before I did, but we still probably would’ve gone out more than three times. And honestly, I think the reason we didn’t was mostly my fault.” (Huh. I thought it was only twice…)

  Me: “Your fault?”

  Melissa: “Well, yeah, kinda…I mean, technically, there really wasn’t anything that happened for blame to be placed, but Tristan and I went out a couple times over a period of a few weeks or maybe it was like a month…I don’t remember, but anyway, the weekend after our second date I saw him totally making out with this older and really sexy looking girl I’d never seen before. Actually, I never saw her again after that either…but, whatever, I didn’t handle it well. I mean he and I were not an item by any stretch of the imagination so my reaction wasn’t really justified, you know?”

  Me: (No, I don’t really know, but whatever.) “Um, yeah, I guess…what was your reaction?”

  Melissa: “Well, I didn’t freak out or anything that night but when we went out the third time I was really clingy. I think I thought that if I could just somehow capture and keep his attention we’d be good, you know? But he was so not having any of that…he wasn’t a jerk or anything about it, but he did say something like he felt too much pressure to meet demands.

  “I forget how he put it, but I took it to mean that I was putting pressure on him to act in a way that he was uncomfortable with. You know, like he couldn’t be himself around me. And you know what, he was right. Neither of us would’ve been happy if he hadn’t recognized what was going on and put a stop to it. I’m sorry, I know that’s not much, but there honestly wasn’t all that much between us and it was a long time ago.”

  Me: “Oh, no…don’t apologize. This is what I asked to know. I just wanted to talk to someone who’d been there before, you know? I really appreciate you telling me all that.”

  Melissa: “Oh no problem, I hope it helps. And while I have you on the phone, I wanna say something else...he’s pretty much the same now as he was back then, and well…Camie, I’ve never seen him act the way he does around you with any other girl, and I don’t know why or what it is about you, but there’s most definitely something there. I mean, he hasn’t even so much as checked out another girl since he met you and honestly, for a guy who pretty much can and frequently does take his pick of any single girl during any given time to essentially play with however he wants, that’s really saying something.”

  Me: “You know, I kinda don’t know what to say…I mean, the way you and Kate make me sound sometimes…I don’t get it, Melissa, I’m really not that special. I’m just me, you know?”

  Melissa: “Yeah, I know what you mean, but he apparently thinks you are and maybe it’s because you don’t put on an act for him or anyone else. You know, Camie, there’s something to be said for just being yourself. I mean think about it…he didn’t wanna date me anymore because he couldn’t be himself around me and I wasn’t being myself around him…maybe you guys hit the jackpot with being able to just be yourselves with each other and it works without effort. I know this whole thing started out being kinda contrived, but there really hasn’t been any actual acting going on. You guys have been behaving like you normally would and you just naturally clicked.”

  Me: “You really think so? Honestly, I keep thinking the same thing, but I just don’t wanna read into something that’s not there. But seriously Melissa…we found kittens last night and adopted them and I swear it felt like playing house. In fact, he already sent me a picture of them sleeping this morning and the title was “the kids”…I’m right in thinking that’s not normal teenage behavior, aren’t I?”

  Melissa: “Uh, I’m gonna go with no. It’s damned cute, but no, not normal.”

  Melissa and I chatted for a little longer and by the time we hung up, it was time for me to head out for one of our freakishly large family gatherings. They would definitely fall under the hootenanny category but they’re usually so much fun, I can honestly call it that with love. I really do have an amazing extended family and it might be cheesy to admit it, but I like hanging out with them.

  While we were there, everyone participated—adults too—in a jack-o-lantern carving contest. In addition to that, my aunt, Karen, made a ridiculously fun obstacle course for the kids, and of course we went on a scavenger hunt in their neighborhood once it got dark. All in all, it was chocked full of hoot and a little bit of nanny but it was a rip-roaring great time just the same.

  We didn’t leave until almost 9:30 and I’d been kind of stressing about not getting a ride to whatever party Tristan was at. Shortly before we got home however, Kate sent me text telling me to meet her at the party conveniently taking place just around the block from my house.

  After changing, running a brush through my hair and putting on some lip-gloss—my parents are cool with lip-gloss—I padded back downstairs and said to my family at large, “Okay, I’m gonna walk over to that party for a while…I’ll be home by midnight.”

  “Honey, are you sure you still want to go out? I’d think you’d be tired after today,” my mom said on her way upstairs.

  “Yeah I know, but Tristan and I told each other we’d meet up somewhere tonight and Kate’s waiting for me there.”

  My mom shrugged and nodded in that “okay, do what you want” kind of way, and I kissed her on the cheek. I said another quick goodbye before leaving the house and then I practically sprinted down the street. I was walking up the driveway of my destination when I got a text from Kate who was just then walking out the front door.

  “Oh, there you are…I just sent you a text. I’m leaving, do you wanna come with me or not?” From her tone and expression, it was beyond evident that Kate’s irritation was massive.

  “Oh, I’m sorry for making you wait for so long, we just got home…um, are the guys here?” I asked, thinking that I really want to spend some time with Tristan tonight but I don’t want to be at a party without my wingman either, even if she seems to be in a horrifically bad mood.

  “Sorry Camie, I just realized how bitchy that sounded. I’m not upset with you an
d yeah, the guys are definitely here, but that’s why I’m leaving.” She pointed to Tristan’s bus parked across the street as proof of their attendance.

  I was having the growing realization that Kate and Jeff may be experiencing trouble in paradise again so I put my best friend hat on. “Okay Kate, tell me what happened.”

  She sighed deeply in frustration and then Kate raged. “Not a goddamned thing actually happened but remember when I told you I need to try to be forgiving of Jeff’s bullshit?! Yeah, well this is me removing myself from a fucked up situation that would make doing that really fucking tough for me…I mean shit, Camie, they’re both totally fucking obliterated…I mean completely baked out of their fucking minds!! At least your jackass is more or less passed out so he’s not being a fucking asshole like mine is!!”

  Eesh! I’ve never seen Kate this angry before.

  “I’m so sorry, Kate, I don’t know what to say…” I don’t either.

  I don’t think I’ve ever seen Tristan actually drunk before, let alone high, so I can’t pretend to understand how she’s feeling and man, she’s really pissed.

  “Don’t be and I’m sorry Camie, I know you probably really wanna see him, but I’ve had kind of a bad day and I just don’t wanna deal with this shit tonight,” Kate said with real understanding but quite a bit of impatience to be gone from here as well.

  “No, I understand…I mean, I don’t know how you feel, but you know what I mean. Um, I’m gonna go with you but I told him I’d see him tonight…can you give me like maybe ten minutes just so I can at least say hi? I promise, I’ll just run in, say hi, and then we can go do whatever you want...”

  I’m totally gonna back my best friend here even though my baby daddy (baby, kitten…whatever) is in the house and I really, really want to see him—stoned or not—but seriously, what kind of friend would I be if I let Kate go off all by herself? By the looks of her, I think she could really use some girl time, you know?

  “Yeah, I can do that. I’m just gonna wait in the car though, okay? I don’t wanna give that asshole any opportunities to trap me here,” she spit out venomously in the direction of the house. “But Camie, be prepared…he might not even be conscious anymore.”

  “He’s that bad?”

  I started feeling my nerves and anxiety kick into gear. I just can’t picture Tristan passed out and for some unknown reason, trying to do so is kind of freaking me out.

  “Well, when I was just in there he’d pretty much commandeered the whole couch in the family room and was semi-awake, but he’s got his earbuds in and his iPod on and he was keeping his eyes shut, so I’m guessing it’s only a matter of time before he’s totally out for the count,” Kate explained and then walked to her car, leaving me standing in the driveway—alone.

  Taking a deep breath, I headed into the house, thinking that Kate’s big issue is how Jeff acts when he’s not sober, and her irritation probably comes from him being her boyfriend and being such a clown in the first place. Tristan isn’t like Jeff in either regard, therefore, maybe Tristan’s intoxicated state isn’t something I really need to worry about. I mean, how bad could it honestly be? After all, if he passes out, he’ll be the one to deal with a Sharpie mustache, not me.

  I couldn’t have been more grotesquely wrong.

  I made my way through the sea of bodies and into the family room where Kate said Tristan would be. Even though the room was more or less packed, my eyes found him immediately. Looking just as drop-dead gorgeous as ever, he was sprawled on the couch with his hands behind his head and his eyes were closed exactly like Kate had said. I could tell he wasn’t comatose, though, because there was a piece of red licorice in his mouth and it was getting smaller as he chewed on it. Before I could get anywhere near him however, I watched in absolute horror as some girl I vaguely recognize from school crawled across the arm of the couch to essentially cover him completely with her body, boldly take the licorice from his lips with her own, and then start kissing him.

  Seriously, it was like witnessing a car vs. motorcycle accident that’s about to happen that you can’t tear your eyes from even though you know it’s going to be ghastly and brutal. I honestly thought I was going to throw up. Especially when the philandering prick actually brought one of his hands to the back of her head and slipped the other under her shirt and started kissing her back.

  Yeah, way ghastly and brutal…I’m beyond devastated.

  Holy fucking hell…I really think I’m gonna be sick…

  Even though it all happened in a flash and not much more than thirty seconds could’ve passed, I knew I had to get the hell out of there and fast. I’m starting to shake and sweat, the tears are gonna come any minute, and I know I’m suffocating because my throat is burning and closed so tight that it’s making breathing impossible. I turned on my heel to flee the gut wrenching scene I wish I would’ve never witnessed in the first place and ran right into the last person in the world I wanted to see; she was teetering on her feet and holding a wine cooler of Canadian Spiced Whisky...

  “You din’t ashlly (Ashlly? Was that supposed to be actually?) tink he liked you? Tris-hiccup-tan sfar outta your lea—” Teresa drunkenly slurred before I cut her off. She’s totally hammered; you have no idea.

  “Teresa, get outta my face…I don’t want your fleas and frankly…you reek,” I told her and tried to push past her.

  Honestly, the air in the house is so stale and there’s a sickly alcoholic stench wafting around her that my queasy stomach can’t handle, and if she doesn’t back the hell off, she’s gonna end up with my aunt’s pumpkin stew all over her, which I’m pretty sure won’t taste or smell nearly as fabulous after being in my digestive system for a few hours.

  Barely keeping the tears at bay, I’d just managed to edge around her but before I could even make the hallway and beyond that, freedom, I ran headlong into a brick wall of another person. I looked up in nauseated shock and anger at Zack smiling down at me. Even as distraught as I was, I got the distinct impression that he’d impeded my progress on purpose.

  Jesus, this is a fucking nightmare. All I want to do is get the hell out of here so I can fall apart in private, is that too much to ask?

  “Hey Camie, where you headed off to so fast? Come on, stick around…we’ve never really had a chance to get to know each other, which I think is a damned shame,” Zack said with what appeared to be good natured intent and a smile.

  “Uh, sorry I can’t…Kate’s waiting for me,” I choked out and shouldered my way by him, finally escaping into the cool and merciful evening air.

  Once outside I took a brief second to collect myself. However, a sudden fear of being followed or discovered had me abandoning the porch and hurrying on wobbly legs down the street to Kate’s car. I wrenched open the passenger door and then threw myself in the seat.

  “Okay, please get me the fuck outta here…in fact, just take me home.”

  Kate took one look at my face, cranked the ignition and peeled out in her haste to get us away. “He wasn’t passed out, was he?”

  I covered my face with my hands and through the onslaught of tears that finally slipped their leash I said, “No. I just caught the live show of him being self-destructive and I’ll never eat licorice again.”

  I’ll have to try to remember to thank her for promptly turning the stereo off; I still caught part of “Cryin’” by Aerosmith before she did though. I really like the song, but it’s just not what I should be listening to right now if you get my meaning.

  Kate pulled up to my house, turned the car off and looked over at me. “Why don’t I stay the night? I think we could both use a big, fat tub of ice cream and I know I don’t wanna be alone.”

  I nodded my agreement, wiping the tears from my face. Then taking a deep, calming breath, she and I got out of the car. Unlike my mind, the house was silent and utterly still. I quietly entered my parents’ room to whisper to my dad I was home and that Kate was sleeping over. He grunted his acknowledgment and was out like a ligh
t again before I exited the room and closed the door behind me.

  Walking into my bedroom, I flipped on my bedroom light, put my keys and phone on my dresser, and then I fell into Kate’s open arms, bawling again.

  “What happened?” Jillian asked after opening my door uninvited and then closing it again behind her.

  I couldn’t even appreciate the comedy of the t-shirt she was wearing. It had a picture of a guy in a suit that had no sleeves, revealing the man to have hairy, bear arms; a caption under all of it read, “The Second Amendment.”

  “It wasn’t a good night all around,” Kate told her while rubbing my back.

  Jill placed herself down on the edge of my bed. The look on her face, of the utmost concern and compassion, was one I haven’t seen her wear in a very long time. “Was it Teresa again?”

  “Oh God, that’s right…she saw the whole thing and just couldn’t resist adding insult to injury…” Sighing and wiping at my cheeks again, I told them everything about my misadventure with Tristan, the bitch, and Zack.

  “Do you want me to make an example out of him? I will if you want me to…just give me the word and I’ll teach him and everyone else what happens when they mess with my family,” Jillian declared, resolute—her eyes on fire and an eagerness for justice pervading from within her, proving her to be my stalwart champion in times of distress.

  They’d met briefly before, but this being her first real introduction to my sister, Kate looked nervously back and forth between Jillian and me, finally witnessing and therefore believing all I’d shared about the genius standing righteously justified before her.