Well at least she didn’t give him step-by-step instructions because that would’ve pissed me off. Oh wait…did she?
“Well whose plan was it? Because I thought you said you came up with that whole thing because of what I said…” I’m so confused…
“I did. She asked what strengths I had to work with and when I told her about my phenomenal memory, she told me to go over everything I knew about you and suggested I replay every conversation we’ve ever had. She seemed to think that should’ve been enough to gimme what I needed to get started…and she was right, it was,” he explained and closed his locker. “Oh, she also told me I could always resort to guilt warfare.”
“She what?!” Oh, that’s so not cool.
He started laughing at me…again. “Relax. She just suggested I might wanna use Phineas and Ferb to play on your parental emotions.”
“I was gonna ask you about that…so who picked the lock, you or my evil sister?”
“Neither of us. I got in the same way I had your locker re-painted after Teresa vandalized it…I’m buddies with Henry, the school custodian.”
Holy crap…you’d think I’d stop being surprised by now, but come on…
“Seriously Tristan, are there any other skeletons I should know about that you’ve been hiding from me over the last month?”
“How the hell am I supposed to know?! You keep surprising the shit outta me with what you already know!”
“Okay, how about the Pirate Pun—er, Jungle Juice thing…accident or planned?”
“Oooh, as much as I’d love to take credit for that, I can’t. Total accident, but really awesome timing.”
“Umm, keeping my bra?”
“Both. Originally I’d intended to return it, but when my mom posted it, I decided to see what you’d say when I didn’t. I have one…Derek’s text at Pete’s party?”
“Oooh, that was fun but completely spur of the moment. I was hoping he’d be cryptic enough to get a reaction from you. Oh, earlier you said something about Kate being good…how long have you known?”
“From jump. I had my suspicions early on that first day because she was watching me like a hawk, so when she caught my reaction to Zack, I knew she knew. Oh, holy shit, I just realized something…she lied to Zack, didn’t she?”
“Oh, about me breaking up with my boyfriend? Yeah, totally.”
I told you he was quick. In doing the mental math he immediately realized I never had a boyfriend because if I had had one, he wouldn’t have been my first kiss.
“Before or after that travesty of a phone call with Jeff?”
“Before.”
“Her idea or yours?”
“All her.”
“Huh.”
“I have another one…what about Pete?”
“What about Pete?”
“Well, Kate was thinking he was spying on me for you…”
“Mmm, no.” Tristan answered. Then his eyes dropped to the ground briefly before he somewhat hesitantly said, “He’s ah…sorta known everything but, I never asked him to spy on you.”
“Yeah, Melissa and I didn’t really think so but I had to ask, especially when he was so willing to be part of our costume thing.”
“Yeah, don’t remind me. I’m trying really fuckin’ hard to forget about certain disquieting events from that party because if I don’t, I’m liable to knock some people the fuck out... Oh, speaking of that, this one’s a big deal…what was really goin’ on with you and Zack last week?”
“Oh look, a butterfly…” I said and looked around, giving Tristan a dose of his own medicine.
“That’s not funny.”
“It’s pretty funny.”
“Shit.”
“Sucks, doesn’t it?”
He narrowed his eyes at me, growled a little and then said, “We’ll talk about this later. Right now we gotta get to class before the bell rings or these passes won’t be any good. Want a ride?”
Duh. Why even ask?
When I nodded, yes, I’d very much like a ride, he picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist like I had when we first came to school. But instead of kissing and walking, we just talked until he reached the closed door of my class.
“Are you gonna pout the rest of the day?” It’s very apparent that he really doesn’t like the taste of his own tactical medicine.
“Probably.”
“If you’re gonna withhold information, then it’s only fair if I do too.”
“Nu-uh! I’m pretty damned pleased with knowing I was the first guy to kiss you and I wanna know if I’m still the only one! Especially if it was him! Besides, you don’t have to worry about a visual reminder…I have to see him five fucking days a week.”
“Not true grasshopper…I have licorice-girl to worry about running into and that’s a far more disturbing visual reminder than yours.” Huh. That sucks…now I’m cranky too.
That got me a “Humph,” and an “I gotta go, I’ll see you in about nine minutes,” and then a very distracting kiss before Tristan put me down. I say distracting because I all but forgot I was irritated moments before and I barely noticed Teresa spitting hatred at me with her eyes when I went into my class with a stupid grin on my face.
The stupid grin was knocked clean off my face about ten minutes later…
I left third period still a little giddy from that goodbye kiss and quickly made my way back down to the lower quad for our eight minute “recess.” When I first saw them standing together, all I could think about was trying to breathe. Or maybe a more pressing bodily function for me to focus on would be trying to not throw up. It didn’t help that Teresa was heckling me behind my back again either. However, when my vision cleared and I began to walk towards them, I noticed Tristan was looking somewhat panicked and—oh my God…this is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen—he actually has his fingers together in the form of a cross in front of him, like he’s warding off the much-evil licorice-girl from coming any closer, which seems to be her intent. I don’t know if she thinks he’s trying to be funny or what, but her expression changed from being flirtatious to confused when she went to hand him a folded piece of paper.
He freaked out.
The second she extended her hand with the note in it, his eyes got as big as saucers, and all at once he started shaking his head in denial, he raised both his hands like he was being held up, and like she was holding a ticking time bomb, Tristan began backing up in an attempt to put as much space between him and the offending piece of paper as possible as he said, “Take that and get the fuck away from me!”
The skank still stuck the note down the front of his jeans…
Now I’m pissed.
How many times has he rescued me from Teresa? Yeah, it’s totally my turn to come charging in on the white horse. So, purposefully, I walked up in between them and with Tristan’s expression upon seeing me being a hysterical mix of wild fear and complete relief, I removed the note from his jeans, noticing that he’s holding his breath too. I’m not sure if that’s because I just had my hand in his pants or if he’s afraid I’d misunderstood what’d just happened, but regardless, I then turned to face my disturbing visual reminder.
“Really? What part of ‘take that and get the fuck away from me’ didn’t you understand? Oh and let me be perfectly clear about something else…the next time you put your hand in my boyfriend’s pants, whether he’s drunk, stoned, or sober, it’ll most likely be the last thing you do.”
She looked legitimately embarrassed and tried to apologize. “I—I didn’t know you two were toge—”
I wasn’t having it. “Yeah, I don’t wanna hear it. Now run along…” I turned back to Tristan, who’s still holding his hands up and shaking his head, but his expression had transitioned into being somewhere between irritated and contemplative. “What?”
“Come on, get up here. I want my human shield.” I looked at him in question as I put my hands on his shoulders and jumped a little as he lifted me up again. “I told you
this shit happens all the time...and apparently, word about us hasn’t gotten out yet…”
“Ya think? What was that you said about visual reminders?”
I have to admit, I’m still a touch pissed off, which he obviously picked up on because he spent the rest of the break proving I don’t have anything to worry about with a wholly convincing kiss of fidelity.
After fourth period, in which I endured some looks that make me think word might’ve gotten out now, I was approaching the steps of the English building when Pete spun me around to face him, causing my sunglasses to fly off my face.
“What the hell?”
“You took off Sunday morn—”
“You’re touching her, Pete.”
The instant Pete heard the deep rumble of Tristan’s voice; he removed his hands from my shoulders and backed up. I turned to see Tristan and Jeff standing a couple of feet away. Tristan was twirling an arm of my sunglasses with his fingers, glaring at Pete. Jeff on the other hand was doing a poor job of controlling his laughter.
“Oh come on! It’s not like he put his hand down my pants or anything!”
“He’s visual reminder number two,” Tristan told me and started forward stiffly.
“You can’t seriously still be upset about those body shots, Tristan...it was nothing! It was just for fun! I mean I don’t even remember exactly how many we did, maybe like th—”
“Aaahh! Rain! Rain!”
I don’t know what Tristan is shouting about because it totally isn’t raining. Actually, the sky is blue, the sun is shining, and it’s pretty warm so I decided to ignore what he’s going on about and tried to finish my defense of Pete. “—three or four, honestly Tristan, it wasn’t like his tongue—”
“Look, a butterfly!”
“—set up camp in my navel—”
“For the love of God, Camie! BUTTERFLY!!”
“What the hell are you hollering about?”
I looked around me to see Pete had disappeared—which was probably a good idea on his part—Jeff holding onto the rail of the stairs doubled over in laughter, and Tristan almost towering over me, looking particularly exasperated and slightly pained.
“Oh my God, Camie, I need to teach you about safewords...”
I just looked at him, not understanding.
“Alright, for our purposes let’s just say a safeword is meant to be used to keep someone from ah…going where you don’t want them to go. After talking this morning, I was thinking we might need one eventually. Well, hopefully eventually, but not until you gimme the all clear to round another base or two. I mean you will, right? Eventually? Maybe? Please?” I think he’s really rattled because he’s totally rambling…it’s super cute.
“We’ll see… So, you were trying to get me to shut up?”
“Yeah!”
Huh. I think I have a new weapon to add to my arsenal. Yay me! I’m also thinking that after my run in with licorice-girl, I’m entitled to have some fun here, so as “innocently” as I could, I asked, “Because you didn’t wanna hear about Pete’s tongue—”
“Camieee…” I had to bite my tongue so as to not give myself away because what he said was totally meant to sound like a warning, but it came out like begging.
“—being in my belly button?”
I started laughing at his aghast expression.
“You totally suck.”
And then since he walked into it, I went for the killing stroke. “Not without gum.”
Jeff fell on the ground, laughing hysterically. Tristan froze. Then his eyes flashed and settled into a teasing flicker.
“Any preference to flavor? ‘Cause personally, I’d really prefer it if you steered clear of anything in the range of cinnamon.”
Jeff uttered a strangled “Ouch” in between gales of hilarity. I’m pretty sure that it was in reference to the idea of a blowjob being done with cinnamon gum but, he is laughing really hard so it could’ve been because he’s in pain.
“You know, beggars can’t be choosers, Tristan, but as long as it’s not grape, I don’t care.”
“Promise?”
“You bet, but only if you can produce non-grape flavored gum before the bell.”
I’m like 99.9% sure I’m safe here because I watched him take an empty pack of gum out of his pocket and throw it away this morning when we came back from ditching and he hadn’t bought anymore at the 7-11. He purchased a surprising amount of Lifesavers candy, yes, but no gum.
He checked his pockets and narrowed his eyes at me when he came up empty handed. I started laughing at him and went to walk up the steps, being careful to avoid stepping on Jeff still gasping for air. Then I had to hop out of the way when Tristan attacked his best friend in a desperate search for gum, which of course only made Jeff and me laugh even harder.
“Do Tic-Tacs count?” He held up and shook the little plastic container of orange mints.
“Sorry, no.”
Leaving Jeff on the stairs, Tristan grabbed my hand and dragged me to class. The moment my eyes hit Kate, it was my turn to freeze. Kate always has gum.
And he knows it.
“Kate! You owe me!”
“I do?” She looked back and forth between us.
Or at least I think that’s what she did but Tristan suddenly shoved me behind him so I can’t really see her or make eye contact with her.
“Well no, not really, but can I have a piece of gum anyway?”
I’m trying to signal “no” to her but he’s furthered his imprisonment of me by clamping his arms around my body, pinning mine to my sides, and he has one hand over my mouth and the other over my eyes. I give up. My only shot is that the bell will hurry up and ring before she unknowingly sells me out.
“You’re actually asking?” Kate asked, more than a little surprised.
“Yeah! I need a piece of gum! Hurry!”
“Uh…actually, I just tossed my last piece.”
“You’re a liar.”
“I am not! I left the new pack in my car. Here, check my purse if you don’t believe me…” He let go of me to catch her purse when she chucked it at him from the floor. “What is his deal? And why is Jeff so out of breath?!”
I looked around to the door to see Jeff stagger in, holding his side and breathing heavy.
“What’d I miss?” Jeff gasped.
Having actually gone through Kate’s purse and discovering she’d told the truth (thank God), Tristan tossed her purse back to her and dropped to his knees in the middle of the room. Then he threw his arms wide and shouted to the room at large, “For the love of all that is holy, does anyone have a piece of gum?!”
The bell rang.
“Damn it!”
Hallelujah!
Still on his knees, Tristan grumbled and shuffled his way over to his cushion and pulled me down to sit on his lap which totally surprised just about everyone in the class including me. Then he whispered in my ear, “So exactly how freaked were you when you saw Kate?”
I smacked him on the shoulder and moved off his lap to the cushion next to him while he chuckled at me.
“I’m so glad the two of you finally worked things out, I was hoping you would… Oh, Tristan dear, did you need some gum?” Huh. She’s not as oblivious as one would think.
Tristan’s eyes lit up when Mrs. Henderson handed him a stick of Wrigley’s before going back to her desk and her crossword.
I was about to protest a violation of the rules with him having not come up with it in time, but Jeff snatched it out of his hand and hissed, “Dude, that’s teacher gum…you’d totally be picturing her face the whole fuckin’ time, so you’re welcome.”
I beamed a smile at “Dear Jeff,” but then thought about what he meant. EW.
Tristan echoed my mental sentiments by making a gagging sound which prompted me to pat his back like I was trying to aid him in dislodging whatever was blocking his windpipe, and in the voice I reserve for Phineas and Ferb I asked, “What’s wrong, baby? You got a furball you need to
get up?”
Kate and Jeff started cracking up at Tristan’s resulting petulant expression. Oh God, it just gets funnier and funnier.
“Haha. Okay you guys, here’s fair warning…the gloves are comin’ off. That includes you over there across the room too,” he warned while indicating Melissa, who’d been paying attention from her pillow on the other side of the classroom.
Melissa stuck her tongue out at him and started reading her book, Kate and Jeff kept laughing at him, and I began thinking I should probably be very careful about what I say and do around him from now on because, that’s warning number two for me...
25.
I’d Like To Thank The Academy
When the bell rang dismissing us from class, I was honestly expecting to partake in the much-desirous event of walking to lunch with Tristan, but he bowed out by saying he’d meet me at the stage in a few minutes. So, with a quick kiss, he left me with my three good buddies. I know it’s highly unreasonable to expect him to stay glued to my side, but after this morning and everything, I feel sort of lost when he’s not.
And as I would discover, being lost in his absence makes it easier for me to be found by others…
Standing by the corner of the stage talking to Brenna and Conner, I knew something was coming. They were doing a poor job of maintaining their secret by holding hands and it wasn’t the sudden looks of disbelief evident in their faces that alerted me; it was the foreboding sensation I felt in the pit of my stomach. Having thus been warned, I stiffened, immediately knowing it wasn’t Tristan’s arm that landed on my shoulder.
“I’m really sorry, Camie, I would’ve kept that asshole away from you but he got me with that sucker punch…forgive me?”
He’s gotta be kidding. First of all, if you had been there you’d totally understand that it was so not a sucker punch, but he also had a verbal warning it was coming. Second, you, me, and basically everyone on the planet now knows I never wanted Tristan to be kept away—obviously. I mean, DUH.
I turned to face Zack and saw that, nope, he’s totally not joking. I went to get out from under his arm so he grabbed my elbow to stop me from leaving. He honestly does have a death wish because if Tristan doesn’t kill him, I might. I hate being manhandled. Well, by everyone aside from Tristan. For some reason it doesn’t bother me one iota when he does it. Go figure.
Shark Bait (The Grab Your Pole Series) Page 37