Te quiero Mama, por siempre.
There wasn’t a dry eye in the house. I had to take deep breaths several times so my silent sobs would not become heaving noises. I knew how devastating it is to lose your mom, the one person in the world who loves you unconditionally. Losing your mom is like losing the lifeline to your childhood, the one person who holds all your memories, the person who loved you even before you took your first breath, before your tiny heart was beating.
I knew that a mother’s love defies logic, that from the moment her baby is born, she loves him more than anyone or anything in this whole world. And with that miraculous love comes a connection… a connection that is as much of a gift as giving birth. To lose the person who loves you like that leaves a chasm in your heart.
I took another pack of tissues from my purse, knowing I was not done crying for the woman who had once said she hoped I would become a part of her family. We sang “Amazing Grace” and “Ave Maria” and Angela Martinez’s final goodbye was over.
Rebecca grabbed my hand on the way out. “Maria, I’m so glad you are here, and I know Enrique is too. The burial is small, just family, but come by later. We have enough food to feed all of Lakewood. Any time after two, okay?”
“Sure, that sounds good.”
Enrique was standing on the steps of the church, shaking hands and accepting condolences from the mourners. By the time I reached him, he looked worn out. When I took his hand, he found the strength to give me a genuine smile.
“That was beautiful, Enrique, just lovely. Your mom would be so proud. I mean, she is so proud.”
“Thanks. It’s easy to write nice things about someone you love that much.” He choked on his words. “We’re going to the cemetery next, but we’ll be home later this afternoon. Can you come by?”
“Rebecca said after two this afternoon. I’ll be there.”
We hugged quickly, and I stood there watching the limo follow the hearse in the direction of the town’s cemetery. I turned to walk to my car, but instead my legs brought me back into the church. I walked up to the front pew, took out the kneeler, and fell to my knees.
I folded my hands, bowed my head, and prayed to God to give me strength, understanding, wisdom, for Him to give me something. I was on the verge of losing everything, and I knew I could not do it alone.
“Please, God. I know I don’t deserve anything right now, but I am lost and broken. Please help me make the right choices.”
In the silence of the church, I heard my phone vibrate. I pulled it out of my purse and read the text message.
Hi Mommy, when are you coming home?
My heart sank. Christina was missing me. I needed more time to figure things out.
Would it be enough? I had no choice.
GABBY
Midweek I told Steven a group of us from work were planning a girl’s night out for Saturday. I mentioned that I might stay downtown overnight, that one of the girls from the office had a cute little apartment and offered to let me crash there. Steven was all about safety and thought it was a good idea. He told me to have fun and seemed completely unfazed, blissfully unaware of my alternate universe.
I told myself closure was a good idea. And although the last thing I should have been doing was seeing Todd, at the time it made sense. Aside from being amazing in bed, I actually liked him. He made me laugh and made me feel young and beautiful. At the very least, I owed him an official goodbye.
I wasn’t going to lie to myself and say I wouldn’t sleep with him; the chemistry between us was too strong for me to resist. I knew if I stepped foot in his hotel, I’d fuck him again. I hadn’t cum so many times in one night, since, well … maybe ever. I was aching to feel that kind of pleasure again.
I packed a new red silk teddy. Red always made me feel sinful and sexy.
After hitting a little traffic, I found myself sitting in my car in the hotel parking lot. Something Todd had said in our last conversation was bothering me, but I could not put my finger on it. It was driving me crazy. I knew I shouldn’t be here; maybe it was that. Perhaps it was just my conscience finally finding its voice.
When I got to his hotel room, Todd greeted me at the door with his Cheshire smile.
“Hey, sugar tits. Come on in.”
“Hey to you, sexy. Nice hotel room!”
I looked around and was impressed that Todd had sprung for such a nice room. And it wasn’t just a room; it was a suite. I handed him my bag, walked through the sitting room, and turned down the hall. On my left was a small kitchen. Two martini glasses and a sliced blood orange were sitting on the granite countertop. I wondered what we’d be drinking.
I moved on to the bedroom. The bed could have easily fit three people. Finally, the bathroom had a Jacuzzi tub and the softest bathrobes I have ever felt.
Todd followed me as I explored the suite. “Do you like it?”
“Yes, Todd, you have very nice taste.”
Todd pulled me in close, his hot breath against my ear. “Yes, I do. Look at you. You are the sexiest woman ever.”
I could feel my body relax with his words. He sauntered into the kitchen and started mixing drinks.
“Try this.” He handed me a whiskey glass that looked red, vividly red, like the color of my new bra.
“Yummy! It’s delicious. What’s in it?”
“Vodka, Grand Marnier, and cranberry juice. It’s called Vampire Blood. I thought you’d enjoy it since you’re such a big fan of Twilight.”
“I love it. Thanks, Edward,” I said jokingly. “Are you going to suck my blood tonight too?”
“Now, there’s a good idea! No, no blood sucking. Not tonight, anyway. But I do have a surprise for you.”
“Ohhh, I love surprises!” I squealed in delight.
“Awesome! Me too.”
Todd’s smile totally disarmed me. His brilliant emerald eyes sparkled, so devious yet so sweet and mystical. I could get lost in them.
He came over to me and looked me up and down very slowly. Todd looked hungry. Actually, no… it was more like he was starving and I was his prey. He made me feel incredibly vulnerable and at the same time so desired and powerful.
He tugged at my hair a little while he kissed me. “You like when I pull your hair, don’t you?”
I could barely think with him so close to me. “Uh huh, I love it.”
Tugging even a little harder he smacked my ass. “How about that? You like that?”
My ass cheeks were tingling, radiating to the front. Wanting to be touched, held, caressed, I just nodded.
Todd knew I liked the hair pulling and the butt smacking from our illicit texts. I guess he was looking for visible confirmation. I think he got it when he could see my nipples hardening under my blouse.
He took my hand and led me to the bedroom. A king-sized bed was placed in the middle of the room against the back wall. The comforter was crimson red, and it sent a shiver down my spine. Red was everywhere tonight.
I was hungry with the anticipation of having sex with Todd again, his surprise, and the night itself. “Is my surprise in here?”
“No, but it will be soon.” Todd smiled like he had the best secret in the whole world.
I couldn’t wait any longer to be with Todd. “I’m going to change into something more comfortable. I’ll be out in a minute.” I slipped into the bathroom with my overnight bag. Quickly, I changed into the red teddy, brushed my teeth, and just for good measure, I filled in my full lips with my crimson red Chanel lipstick. The mirror approved, and I gave myself a quick sexy smile before I returned to the bedroom.
“Holy shit! You look effing hot, Gabby.” Before I could even thank him, his hands were all over me. He fondled my breasts, grabbed my ass, and kissed me quickly, hungrily. “Lay down on the bed,” he ordered.
His bossiness didn’t bother me. In fact, I liked it. I wanted a man to take charge, to take me. I lay down on my back, expecting him to lie on top of me, to kiss me lovingly, our eyes to lock like long lost lovers.
“No, not on your back. On your stomach.” I did as he said, but I was thrown by his suddenly harsh tone. He handed me a blindfold. “Put this on.”
My stomach was in knots, but I craved the kinkiness, so I put on the blindfold and lay back down on my tummy.
He ordered me to put my ass up a little and then started rubbing and smacking it.
“Mmm, your ass is perfect. I wanna kiss it and touch it and . . .”
The sound of a knock on the door shocked me, sent a chill up my spine.
“Don’t move a muscle. I’ll be right back.”
I was totally panicked, wondering who was at the door. I heard another man’s voice mixed in with Todd’s, then glasses clanking around, laughing. What the hell? Why did he let someone else in?
“Gabby, this is my buddy Floyd.” I sat up, ripped the blindfold off, and turned to face them. Floyd was hot in a rugged way, about six feet tall, nice build. He had dark, greased-back hair, dark brown eyes and a devious smile. He had tattoos on his right arm and wore shit-kicker boots. Blue collar, I quickly determined.
I tried to cover up quickly, but had no time.
“Don’t bother, sugar. Floyd is here to help fulfill your ménage à trois fantasy.”
I couldn’t breathe. The walls were caving in on me. This had to be a dream. Not a good hot porn dream where Brad Pitt and Channing Tatum take turns worshipping my body. No, this was a nightmare, and I felt like I was going to pass out.
“Todd, you’re kidding, right?” It occurred to me that he might just be messing around.
“No, babe. You said you wanted this. Remember the night with Candy? You said you had always fantasized about having a threesome with two guys.”
“Um, yes, but that was just talk, a fantasy. Can we talk in private for a minute?”
“Hey Floyd, go make us all another round of drinks, would you?” Floyd nodded as he walked out the bedroom.
“Listen, Todd. I appreciate you trying to fulfill my threesome fantasy. But you misunderstood. I don’t want that now. I’m married. Having an affair with you is bad enough. I don’t want to do it with two guys.”
Todd nodded like he understood and then pulled his iPhone out of his back pocket.
He read in a cold, high-pitched, feminine voice, “I want to feel you inside of me, Todd. I want to kiss your cock, lick your balls up and down, suck you dry. You make me feel amazing. Steven hasn’t ever made love to me like you did. I need you. I want you so much.”
He was reading all of the texts I sent to him. They sounded so much worse when I heard them out loud.
“Stop! Please stop reading those,” I half begged and half demanded.
Todd smirked at me. “What do you think Stevie boy would think about all these texts and Facebook chats if he read them?”
“C’mon, you know he would kill me, or at least leave me.”
“Yeah, I thought so. So here’s what’s gonna go down tonight: you and me and Floyd, that’s what. You’re gonna fuck us both like a porn star. While I’m fucking you from behind, you’re gonna be blowing my boy Floyd. Then we’ll switch it up, then we’ll train you, and just when you think you can’t handle anymore, we’re going for round two. If you refuse, then I will personally send all the texts to Stevie, post them all over your Facebook wall, expose you for the filthy whore that you are. You get the picture, right?”
I was in shock, paralyzed by Todd’s ruthlessness and the choice before me. Sleep with him and Floyd, or my marriage, my kids, my whole life would be ripped out from under me.
I nodded in agreement, tears stinging in my eyes.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he laughed deviously. “Yo Floyd, get your ass back in here. Game on!”
Floyd handed me one of the three drinks he was juggling in his huge hands and flashed me a predatory grin. “Here, hot stuff. Todd texted me a picture of you, but dude, you didn’t tell me she had such a rockin’ ass.”
The two guys laughed like Beavis and Butthead, and then they both looked at me like I was a piece of meat.
Floyd sat on the edge of the bed and ran his hands through my hair. He leaned in for a kiss. I could smell cigarettes and Vampire Blood on his breath. It made my stomach turn.
“Hand me my drink, please, Floyd?” I figured if I was sweet to him he would go easy on me. I threw back my third Vampire Blood in one shot and asked Floyd to please bring me another.
Todd came over. “Be nice, Gabby. Floyd is strong and horny. Do what he says or else.”
Could there even be an “or else” at this point? I had been blackmailed into being gangbanged. I wasn’t sure how it could get much worse. Clearly, I had not seen enough hardcore porn to realize how much more horrific my night could get.
MARIA
Shortly after two o’clock I arrived at Enrique’s house with two bottles of Ruffino and his favorite dessert: rum cake from Maestro’s bakery.
The house was packed with visitors. I ran into a few acquaintances from high school that still lived locally.
The story was pretty much the same for everyone there: married, two kids, a dog, a job, a house, blah blah blah. It was amazing that what once sounded like the ultimate fantasy to me now just sounded empty. Everyone was so pleasant and happy that I wanted to stand up on the living room table and ding my wine glass with a spoon.
“Can I have everyone’s attention, please? We are here today to pay respect and honor to a wonderful woman. But we are here because Angela Martinez is dead. She died. She doesn’t get one more day, not one more hour or even one more second to be on this earth. We are only here for a limited time, and I may not be right or even noble in saying this, but I think we are here to enjoy our lives. So you can all sit around in your Jimmy Choos, holding your Louis Vuitton bags, and tell each other how fucking great your shiny, saccharine-tinged lives are. But you’re all full of shit. I can see it in your eyes, the whole hypocritical bunch of you.”
That’s what I wanted to say. Instead, I held my tongue and played along for two interminable hours. Luckily, the wine was freely flowing, so I kept my glass full and my mouth shut.
Enrique came over a few times to check on me, but he was busy comforting older relatives, answering questions ad nauseam, and making sure there was enough ice in the bucket.
He could have handed out a response sheet; he sounded like a record on repeat. “Yes, I know, she did suffer a lot. Yes, we will all miss her. Yes, she was a great mom. No, her brother from Argentina couldn’t make it.”
Finally, at around four o’clock, the last guest left.
Enrique took off his shiny wingtips, loosened his tie, and fell into the cushions of the plush couch. “Damn, that was exhausting.”
He patted the spot next to him and motioned for me to come over and sit with him. I smiled at him, took off my heels, and plopped myself down on the couch, so close to Enrique that our legs were touching.
Rebecca took the hint, recognizing that we needed some time alone. “Hey guys, I’m going over to cousin Pilar’s for a few hours. See you later.” She gave Enrique a quick kiss on the forehead and hugged me. “Are you sticking around for a while, Maria?”
“I’m not really sure yet, but I’ll definitely be here till tomorrow.”
“If I don’t get a chance to say goodbye, it was so great to see you. Don’t be a stranger, hmm?” She smiled, squeezed me tight, and left me and Enrique alone.
Enrique exhaled a big sigh of relief. “I thought she was never going to leave.”
We chuckled, and I got up to get a bottle of wine. I brought back two very full glasses of Chianti. “I’m not sure what happened. We did have two full bottles, but looks like somebody might have had a few glasses.” I emphasized the “somebody” and Enrique smiled, knowing that I was the culprit.
He took a big swig. “That is just what I needed. How did you know?”
“I’m not going to ask you how you’re holding up. I heard you answer that question at least a dozen times today. You must be spent.”
“Spent, yes. That’s exactly how I feel. Thank you for being here, Mari. I can’t imagine having to go through this day without you.”
Enrique grabbed my hands softly and held them in his. “I don’t get it. How could you know more about what I need today better than my best friends, my sister, or even me? How is this even possible, Maria?”
“It’s a good question. The only answer I have is that you haven’t changed. Neither of us has. Time marched on, we got married, had kids, winters turned to springs, we lost loved ones. But you know what? None of that changed who we are at our cores. So if I have the capacity to know that you need space and a big glass of wine, that’s because that is exactly what the old Enrique, my Enrique, would have wanted too.”
“Also, and don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t really let many people in. So if your so-called best friends don’t know the things that comfort you, well… that’s your fault too. When you build up walls around yourself and put in no windows, most people can’t ever really see you.”
“Wow, Maria, that was deep. You really should have pursued your dream of being a shrink. You just get people. That is a rare gift.”
“Eh, I don’t get people. I get you.”
He laughed, leaned over, and kissed me softly. I didn’t protest. Instead, I kissed him back more strongly, yearning for him. Our eyes met, and I knew he could see how much I ached for him.
That’s all it took. Enrique stood up, took my hand, and led me to his childhood bedroom. He sat me on his bed like I was a porcelain doll. He sucked on my neck like the high school boy who’d gotten me grounded after I came home with hickeys.
Just like I had known Enrique would need space and wine, he knew my body and what it needed. My head tilted back in surrender; his lips were hot and moist as he kissed my neck. He sucked on my earlobes, and I could feel myself getting wetter by the second.
Slowly, he unzipped my dress, kissing my neck the entire time. He knelt in front of me, slowly lifted my butt, unrolled my black tights, and threw them across the room. He held my foot in his hand, kissed my ankle, and made his way up to my quivering thighs. He stood me up, turned me around, and pulled me in close. I could feel his hardness against my ass. His hands reached around to grasp my breasts. He buried his nose in my hair and drank in my scent, took the pin out, and let my locks cascade around my shoulders.
Sex and the Social Network Page 20