The Smoking Bun (Apple Orchard Cozy Mystery Book 10)

by Chelsea Thomas

  “Wow,” I said. That was a lot of information in not a lot of time. I was impressed by Amy’s ability to talk fast, if nothing else. “That’s… terrible. I know how you feel. I got left at the altar by my fiancé and then he stole my interior design business out from under me.”

  “This is why I’m sticking to dogs from now on. And sometimes cats. Or horses or whatever. Animals never break your heart.”

  Over the next few minutes, I filled out a pile of paperwork about Steve and Kitty for Amy’s records. Then Amy asked me a surprising question.

  “Hey, so you and your aunt and your friend solve murders, right?”

  I blinked in surprise. “Yes. I’m surprised you knew that if you’re not from here.”

  “I do a quick Google on all my new clients and their addresses before I head out for the day. I don’t wanna end up driving this puppy van into some sort of sketchy situation. Anyway, I was so excited to read about the three of you. Before I came out here today, I decided I was going to keep our conversation strictly professional. But I just want to tell you how inspiring it is to know that you ladies are out there solving crimes. I wish I had a crime to solve. I think I’d be great at it.”

  “Thank you so much,” I said. “I think you’d be great at it too. Especially if you really do have great attention to detail.”

  Amy opened the back of her truck. Every inch was meticulously organized and scrubbed clean. “Take a look for yourself.”

  I climbed in the truck and glanced around. All of Amy’s tools were branded with her “Wizard of Paws” logo. There was a special area for both dogs and cats. And everything had a clean, welcoming energy that was perfect for a dog groomer.

  “You’re right. You are quite detail-oriented,” I said.

  “Thanks,” said Amy as she helped me out of the truck. “So, I don’t want to pry, but I’m going to anyway because that’s what I do. Are you working on any fun cases right now?”

  I didn’t want to reveal any details about Buck’s murder but I let her know we had a few suspects in a recent case, and that we were trying to find our way to the truth.

  Amy must have detected that I felt unsure about who might have killed Buck because as soon as I stopped talking she offered a piece of advice. “It seems like you and your aunt are great at getting information around town and chatting with your suspects. I think if you ever feel stumped, maybe it would help to remember that at the end of the day, people really are like dogs. Sometimes they get scared around strangers. But once you calm them down and give them a treat they open right up.”

  Three loud barks rang out from inside the house and Steve trotted out to meet Amy. She squatted down and played with him like the two of them were old friends. Miss May and Teeny hung back. Kitty watched skeptically from Miss May’s arms.

  “You’re a good boy,” said Amy. “What a good boy. Are you ready to get clean? I bet you are. Look at your pretty eyes.”

  As I watched Amy play with Steve and load him into the grooming truck, I mulled over her words.

  Amy was right, people were a lot like dogs. Most were nice. But some were groomed to kill.

  27

  Fine as Frog Hair

  After Amy left, Miss May, Teeny, and I decided to go over to Petey’s apartment for a quick conversation.

  We needed to find out why Petey had created a flyer to hire Buck’s replacement before Buck died. And we needed to ease our way into the conversation so Petey wouldn’t feel threatened. Just like Amy had said. All we had to do was calm him down and he might open up.

  So Miss May and I nominated Teeny to take the lead.

  Teeny protested the whole drive over to Petey’s place. “I’m not the lead investigator here. I’m Jenna. You do the talking, May. You’re Mr. Flowers.”

  “If you’re Jenna, who am I?” I asked.

  “You’re right,” said Teeny. “Miss May, you’re Mr. Flowers. Chelsea is Jenna. And I’m no one. I’m their cat Mr. Piggy. Mr. Piggy doesn’t question suspects.”

  Miss May smiled wide. “You’re not Mr. Piggy. You’re a valuable member of the team. Besides, you mentored Petey. Remember when he was just a slacker kid scraping gum off the tables at your restaurant? You helped him become the restauranteur he is today. He trusts you. You’ve got to lead the way.”

  “Miss May is right. We need that trust,” I said. “I think if Petey did something wrong… he might open up and confess to you. But he wouldn’t confess anything to either of us. Probably wouldn’t even tell us if he had a hangnail.”

  “But I feel bad,” said Teeny. “Petey was a mediocre employee. He was never thorough with the gum scraping. But he’s a good kid. Good head, good heart. Sure, he left my restaurant and opened up a competing spot. But I don’t want the kid to go to jail. I’m sure whatever Petey did to Buck, Buck deserved it. Even though Buck was a… sweet, polite gentleman.”

  “Good catch,” I said, noting Teeny’s dedication to her ‘compliment Buck’ game.

  “Thank you.” Teeny sat up tall. “I loved wonderful, handsome Buck.”

  We rounded the corner and stopped in front of a little apartment building beside Pine Grove’s town hall. The two-story building contained four apartments. It had white vinyl siding and forest green trim. And several American flags hung in a neat row from the second story banister.

  “These apartments are adorable,” said Miss May. “Pine Grove needs more apartments. What if I want to downsize one day?”

  “You’re going to downsize from a hundred acre farm to a miniscule apartment?” I asked.

  Miss May sighed. “Who are we kidding? I love that farm. I want to be buried there.”

  “Speaking of which,” said Teeny, “any word on that disembodied foot Steve dug up on the orchard?”

  “Wayne says he’s working on it, but I don’t know what that means,” I said. “Which apartment belongs to Petey?”

  “Top left,” said Miss May.

  I climbed out of the car with a deep breath. “Let’s see if he’s home.”

  Petey opened the door wearing gym shorts and a tattered T-shirt. He had dark circles under his eyes and his hair was matted with grease.

  “Hi.” He didn’t manage to open his eyes all the way when he spoke. “I’ve been expecting the three of you. What took you so long?”

  Miss May looked over at Teeny. “Teeny?”

  “Oh. Right. I’m supposed to do the talking. Hi, Petey. Poor kid. Look at you. What are you wearing?”

  “What are you wearing?” Petey emphasized the word ‘you’ as though Teeny was also dressed in rags, but she looked cute that day in nice jeans and a collared shirt.

  “Hey. Don’t give me attitude, Petey. We’re here to help. And for your information, these are my nice jeans. Not even from a thrift store.”

  Miss May nudged Teeny to remind her to be gentle. Teeny coughed and straightened up. “Sorry. Give me attitude if you want. I get it. We feel so bad about your predicament. I know how hard it is to have a scandal in your restaurant, trust me. I’ve had so many murderers and victims come through my place sometimes I lose count. But it helps to have people to talk to and a slice of fresh apple pie.”

  Petey looked up. “You brought pie?”

  Miss May produced a large apple pie from her purse. “Of course we did.”

  Moments later, we were inside, watching as Petey ate a huge slice of apple pie in silence. He devoured the pie as though he hadn’t eaten in days. As soon as he finished, Miss May cut a second slice and offered it. Petey accepted and took a huge bite. Miss May, Teeny, and I exchanged looks of concern. It was hard to tell what was wrong with Petey. But something was definitely wrong.

  “So… Peter. Petey. Pete,” said Teeny. “How are you feeling? Why are you so stressed?”

  “What do you mean ‘why’? The cops have been here five times since Buck died. Flanagan says I should turn myself in for the murder or she’s going to come with a warrant.”

  For the first time I took a look around Petey’s
apartment. Wood floors. Scuffed white walls. A flatscreen TV and a futon. “There’s not much to search,” I said.

  “I know,” said Petey. “It’s some kind of intimidation tactic. It’s working. I’m intimidated. And scared.”

  Teeny patted Petey’s shoulder. “You don’t need to be scared. Unless you killed the Rat King. But I’m sure you didn’t.”

  Petey took another huge bite of pie without responding. Then he spoke with his mouth full. “Everyone who worked in my restaurant saw me and Buck argue. They heard the way Buck talked to me. He was a Rat King, that’s a good term for it. Yeah, I hated him. But everyone did.”

  “If you hated him, why didn’t you fire him?” I leaned forward a bit in my chair. “You’re the boss at that place. You call the shots.”

  “Buck turned things around. I couldn’t afford to lose him. So I ate all the garbage he fed me, so to speak.”

  We sat in silence for a few seconds. We needed to broach the topic of Petey’s want ad for a new chef but it was a delicate subject and he was in a delicate place. There was no clear path forward. So Miss May brought out her metaphorical bulldozer and created one.

  “We know you created an ad to replace Buck, Petey. Before he died.”

  Petey choked on his bite of pie and had to wash it down with a big gulp of water. Miss May continued. “There’s no use denying it. But it would be helpful if you explained to us how you knew you were going to need a replacement before he passed.”

  Teeny shifted her weight in her chair. “It makes it seem like you planned on killing him.”

  “No, no, no,” said Petey. “No one was supposed to see that ad. I didn’t even put it out. How did you—”

  “Stay focused, Petey,” said Miss May.

  “It’s OK, kid,” said Teeny. “If you killed the guy I’m sure he deserved it. Buck was… Nevermind. Can you answer the question? ”

  Petey’s fingers clenched around his fork. His eyes darted toward the exit. My body tightened and I prepared for a fight. But then Petey hunched over and his face reddened. “Buck quit in the middle of last week. Told me he was working one more weekend and then he’d never be back. Didn’t even have the courtesy to give me a full two weeks.”

  “And that made you mad?” Miss May asked.

  Petey tossed his fork back down on the table with a clatter. “I didn’t kill him.”

  “But why didn’t you tell us he had quit when we talked to you the day Buck died?” Teeny had to force the words out, like she was squeezing the last bit of toothpaste from a tube.

  “Because I knew it would make me look guilty, alright?” Petey’s eyes hopped from me, to Teeny, to Miss May. He brought both fists down on the table. “You think I did it. That’s— that’s— that’s so insulting. Get out. Get out of my apartment.”

  We stood up and backed toward the door. Teeny tripped over a wayward video game controller and stumbled against the wall. “Petey… It’s OK… We don’t—”

  Petey took a threatening step toward Teeny. “Now you’re just being rude. Stepping on my Nintendo controller! I think you should go.”

  Teeny nodded. “Sorry. So sorry. Everything’s fine, Petey. Fine as frog hair. We’re going.”

  Miss May, Teeny and I tripped over one another as we stumbled toward the door. Then we hurried down the steps and back toward the truck. Petey stood up at the banister and yelled down to us. “Frogs don’t have hair! And you’re not welcome here anymore!”

  We piled into the car and I started the engine. Petey called out once more. “Leave the pie!”

  Miss May darted to the staircase and left the apple pie on the bottom step like she was leaving a sack of a money for a ransom payment.

  The whole departure felt charged with such wild hostility it made me wonder… Could Petey have more of a criminal streak than Teeny thought? And what were we supposed to do next?

  28

  Mad Hatters

  I let out a trembling breath as I pulled away from Petey’s building. “Teeny. Are you OK? That was crazy. Petey really yelled there at the end.”

  Teeny waved me away. “I’ve been around my share of mad hatters. I don’t get shaken up by some light yelling from a scrawny little boy.” Teeny spoke more loudly, back toward Petey’s apartment. “Hear that, Petey? I’m not scared of you.”

  “You tell him, Teeny” said Miss May, looking half amused, half proud of her friend.

  “It’s true, though,” said Teeny. “I’m not scared. I’m tough. Even tougher when Chelsea’s there to back me up. Petey can yell all he wants, I doubt he’s got a black belt from Master Skinner’s dojo like Chelsea. Chelsea hasn’t lost a fight yet.”

  “I’ve gotten lucky,” I said. “And I usually have the element of surprise on my side. But the truth is I never even got my black belt.”

  Teeny stopped in her tracks. “You didn’t?”

  I shook my head. “Brown.”

  “Oh. Brown is fine too,” said Teeny. “That’s just black with a little bit of water in it.”

  Miss May laughed. “I don’t think that’s how you make brown.”

  “No,” said Teeny. “It is. I’ve done it.”

  “So what are we thinking about Petey?” I asked.

  “Well,” said Teeny, “Petey says Buck quit. So at least now we know Petey didn’t make the flier because he was planning on killing Buck.”

  “I suppose that’s true,” I said, “but the fact that Buck quit doesn’t make Petey look any more innocent. What if Petey freaked out when Buck quit? Buck was leaving Petey in the lurch. That could be a motive for murder.”

  Miss May bit her lip. “That’s a sound theory. But if Petey lost it and killed Buck because Buck quit… I would think that would be a crime of passion. Petey would have lost his marbles in the moment and killed Buck then and there. But this murder was premeditated, as we’ve said before. So that makes me think maybe Petey didn’t do it.”

  “That’s not how my brain thinks of it,” I said. “The way I see it, Petey was flabbergasted the moment Buck quit. Think of the way Petey is. He’s an insecure kid. He wouldn’t have had the gumption or the impetus to kill Buck in that moment. But the more he thought about it, the angrier he got, that’s what I think. Petey’s resentment bubbled up like fruit filling through a pie crust. So maybe the day after Buck resigned… Petey started planning the murder. Looking for the right poison, gathering his baking supplies and steeling his resolve.”

  “So you think he did it.” Teeny had her head against the window in the back seat. “It seems like you think Petey is a hundred million percent guilty.”

  “No,” I said. “Just a theory.”

  “I think we need to know why Buck quit,” said Teeny. “That seems important to me.”

  “Seems like he had serious creative differences with Petey,” I volunteered. “And also like he was just an unreliable, self-centered guy. Based on Buck’s attitude toward women, I’d say he had commitment issues too. Maybe he hates staying at the same restaurant too long.”

  Miss May shook her head. “I don’t think creative differences are what drove Buck away from the restaurant. Buck was the type of guy who probably had creative differences with everyone he ever met. I think he quit working at the restaurant because he finally couldn’t stand working alongside his wife and his lover every single day. Think about how tense that must have been.”

  “Great point,” said Teeny. “Jenna and Mr. Flowers should have something like that. It’s a pretty rich setup.”

  “You mean we’ve finally come across a scenario that hasn’t been covered on one of your shows?” I asked.

  “Well I haven’t watched every episode,” said Teeny. “There are twenty-nine seasons and only so many hours in the day.”

  I chuckled. “I would quit working at the restaurant if I were Buck. I mean, you’re right, Miss May. Who wants to spend every day sandwiched between their wife and their secret lover?”

  “Exactly,” said Miss May. “My thoughts? I bet Buck wanted
to get back with Hannah. Wouldn’t you want to move back in with your wife if you were living out of a hotel in absolute filth like Buck was? I think Buck quit the restaurant to show Hannah that he didn’t want to be with Rebecca anymore.”

  “If you’re right, that wouldn’t have made Rebecca happy,” I said.

  “It would have made her furious,” said Miss May. “Maybe that’s why Rebecca stopped visiting Buck’s hotel room about a week ago. And maybe that’s why she decided to dye her hair bright red. People tend to make drastic changes in the midst of heartbreak. It makes them feel like a new person. Stronger, somehow.”

  “I can attest to that,” said Teeny. “I wore a pink wig the entire year after my first divorce. I also started training for marathons and tried to learn French. In my mind, I was becoming a sexy, superfast, French spy with attitude. In reality… Not so much. I ran two miles and learned to say ‘Bonjour,’ and ‘Au revoir.’”

  “It’s ‘au revoir,’” I muttered.

  “Oh shut up, Chelsea,” Teeny said.

  Miss May smiled. “I remember that pink wig. You didn’t go anywhere without that thing.”

  “Oh, I know,” said Teeny. “I still have it, too. Sometimes I put it on if I’m feeling spunky.”

  “Hold on a second,” I said. “We haven’t confirmed Hannah knew about Buck’s affair with Rebecca. This theory only makes sense if Hannah knew that Buck and Rebecca were together.”