“Your intelligence continually charms me.” A real smile wreathed that compliment. “Stanley used an absolutely rational argument to convince me to help him. That I felt very little about the actions he asked me to undertake helped, and that I trusted this friend of my father’s because he was my father’s friend.”
“Why would Kid do that to you?”
“It wasn’t deliberate, I know that now.” Absolute certainty rang through the statement. “Kid would rather gut himself than hurt another person.”
“Why would he do it then? How could he take that from you?”
“Because he wanted to help me.” Jason’s arm tightened. “You don’t have siblings. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for my brothers. I would murder, maim, steal, plunder or destroy to protect them. Kid would do the same for any of us. Well, maybe not for me, not now.” His attempt to be wry didn’t disguise the regret or the loss. He had done all those things in the name of his family and Olivia wanted to weep for the boy who’d made those decisions.
“How could stripping you of feeling help you?” She couldn’t comprehend it. Her world had been marked by a lack of sight, but she understood how music made her feel, how the stories she heard, or the people she touched—it was filled with feelings, tactile and emotional.
“He didn’t know what he was doing and for that matter, neither did I. Not really, it took me time to understand it. I pulled away from him, retreated and I didn’t even understand why I was doing it.”
“Until?” Because there had to be an until.
“Until I went on my first mission for Stanley.” Until he’d killed for the first time. “And that is enough of sadness and angst for tonight.” He kissed her forehead. “Let’s go inside and explore other feelings…” She let him distract her because it was what he needed or he wouldn’t have asked for it. Jason never asked.
Except with me…
Always with you. The response beckoned her surrender and she gave it willingly.
Jason, Olivia
He woke to the feeling of her curled along his side. It was like nothing he’d ever experienced. She pillowed her head to his chest and her arm reached across him, hand curled over his heart. Her hair teased his flesh, and he loved to run his hand through her hair and let the loops curl about his fingers. In every way that he’d looked toward his future, he’d never seen this possibility. Certainly he’d always planned to be there for her, to make sure she had everything she needed, and that her life continued to flourish, but with him?
Glancing down at her, he felt the smile on his face and its presence was unusual in most circumstances. Except with her. He liked knowing she was in his mind, though he was still not in hers. It was a violation he wouldn’t commit and not from lack of ability, but lack of desire. What had torn his brother apart had held Jason together—the desire to protect. Despite the segmentation he could maintain, she still saw him far more clearly than he was certain was comfortable.
The lack of emotion hadn’t disturbed him truly until he’d realized what he’d missed. And he couldn’t tell her when that realization had been borne. Shying away from the memory, he tucked it back into the vault lest it escape or she drew it out of him. Having her so near brought him enormous pleasure, but it also troubled him…
Awareness of another crashed into him and Jason focused his attention on the area around the cabin. He found a solitary mind—Buck. The dreamwalker waited, his mind stationary and drawing no closer though it had ventured close enough for Jason to notice. Easing out of the bed, he carefully settled Olivia back against the pillows and dragged the blankets over her.
When she grumbled, he placed a hand against her cheek until she drifted back into deeper slumber. Satisfied she wouldn’t be disturbed, he pulled on his pants and padded barefoot to the front door.
He found Buck waiting in the pre-dawn gloom. “Morning.”
“I’m sorry to come by so early, but I’ve heard from my father.” The dreamwalker didn’t waste time.
Bracing himself for bad news, Jason nodded. “Kid?”
“Is well.” Buck’s solemn face relaxed into a smile. “His control is much better. Father said he’s overcome a lot of what held him back. We don’t have to worry about him. What broke in him has repaired.”
Relief, profound enough to stagger him, had Jason reaching for the railing. He white-knuckled the wood in an attempt to absorb the blow. “That is excellent news.”
“Yes. Father has been circumspect in telling us anything, so I suspect it has been a difficulty that he didn’t want to share for fear we would all march up to the mountain and make matters worse by trying to help.” Shrugging, Buck rose and walked closer to the porch. “But he assures me, Kid is well.”
“Thank you.” Blowing out a breath, Jason remained braced. “You didn’t come all this way just to deliver the news, no matter how grateful I am to hear it.”
“No. There is another problem.” He took his time, weighing his words. It was one habit of the dreamwalker that Jason appreciated. “Another Fevered came to the mountain while Kid was training, a young woman. I believe she is one that Cody, Micah and I encountered in San Antonio several months ago. We gave her a horse, but we didn’t realize she was Fevered.”
A woman? On the mountain with Kid? Jason knew where that had to have led. Cutting off that race to judgment, he nodded for Buck to continue.
“She has been training there, but her gift remains somewhat unstable. There is another issue, however, and one we need to investigate.”
Straightening, the last vestiges of sleep vanished from his mind. A threat? “What is it?”
“The young woman used her gift against some men in Kansas. She killed one after they murdered her father.”
Jason saw no problem with the martial use of her ability no matter what it was not when it came in defense of another. “What are we investigating?”
“They witnessed what she can do. They may have followed her and their awareness is a problem.” Buck didn’t have to paint a picture. If the men knew of a Fevered, it meant they could tell others and all it took was one to believe them.
“How long ago?”
“Winter. She had time to make it to the mountain, alone.” Admiration filled the man’s voice. “I doubt she knew to mask her trail. If they hunted for her, they could have followed the stagecoach. That means the last place she was seen was San Antonio.”
“With Micah.” Jason remembered the story, it had been a passing comment his brother delivered during mealtime. Beyond that, the woman hadn’t made much more of an impression.
“You should know one more piece of it…” Buck held up his hand. “Kid and the woman have become involved.”
That didn’t surprise Jason. Kid liked women. He liked them too much sometimes. “We need to backtrack to San Antonio to see if anyone has been looking for her.”
“Cody and I will take care of that. Father is going to give me their images so we can know if they’ve come here. May I enter your dreams tonight and give them to you as well?”
Surprise flickered through him. “I’m surprised you just didn’t do it.”
“Since you told me to stay out or you’d kill me?” Buck’s brows rose.
Jason chuckled, the sound no longer as rusty as it had been once. Olivia made laughter easy. “I’d forgotten that.”
Shock turned to amazement and Buck grinned. “I hadn’t.”
“Permission granted,” Jason waved a hand. “Let me know what they look like. If they’re here, we’ll find them.”
“I will. Sorry to interrupt…” The man turned and headed back across the open ground to the horse waiting for him. Jason waited until he’d ridden out of sight and scanned the area again. Kid was well. Olivia was safe. Both items that should have quieted his troubled nerves, but he was missing something. He knew he was. At least the nagging headaches that had plagued him for months seemed to have eased.
Returning to the bedroom, he found Olivia awake. She held out her hand
to him, inviting him to join her. He stripped out of the pants and slid back into the bed, pulling her soft, warm and willing back into his arms. “You should still be asleep.”
“You weren’t here when I woke.” Sleep thickened her words and she snuggled closer to him.
Smiling at the way she fit him, he combed the hair away from her face. “How much did you hear?”
“Most of it. I’m glad Kid is all right. You were more worried than you told anyone.”
“Yes.” He could admit that, particularly in light of Buck’s news. He’d tried to reach out to his brother, far too little, too late, but he had tried. Kid’s rejection had stung, but Jason accepted it because in some ways his brother was correct. He’d cut him off and he’d done so deliberately. “You should go back to sleep.”
“Hmm,” Olivia stretched and rolled over to drape across him. “What are you going to do about those men?”
Whatever is necessary. “Undecided,” however, was the better answer. He needed more information.
Olivia said nothing for so long, he half thought she’d gone back to sleep. When she shifted again and touched his cheek, she caught him off guard. “You don’t have to make the decisions alone anymore. Never forget that.”
Instead of answering, he pulled her in for a kiss and tumbled her back into the sheets to show her how not alone he was.
* * *
Three days later…
* * *
Despite his attempts at distraction, Olivia managed to draw their conversations around to his intentions about the three men Buck mentioned. If she had been anyone else, he would simply have ignored the inquiries. Most people let it go if they couldn’t get a response from him—a hard but apt lesson he’d learned very well. Well enough that his brothers and father had all used Olivia to needle him.
She, however, could not be ignored nor would he allow himself to contemplate it. When Micah rode out to tell them her trunks had arrived in town, and that he and Sam had transported them to the main house, he’d hoped that would distract her. But again, he’d underestimated her determination.
“Olivia, there is no point to this discussion until we have more information.” He’d saddled a horse and taken her for a ride. The summer weather had turned beautiful and there were many areas on the ranch he wouldn’t mind showing her. Beautiful spots, hidden ones.
“We shouldn’t wait until we have no choices or until the need outweighs the potential discussion.” She tapped his arm. “Are we somewhere we can stop?”
He glanced down at the canyon. The rocky terrain would be spectacular as the sun set, and he wanted her to see the profusion of color it would bathe the landscape in. “Yes, why?”
“Because we need to have a fight and I think it would be better done off the horse than on.”
Intrigued, he slowed the horse. “Why do you think that?”
“On the ground you don’t have to touch me and use carnal means to win an argument.”
He couldn’t dispute her logic. “Then I think we’ll ride a little further.”
“Jason!” She laughed and pinched his arm, but he let the gelding continue at a leisurely pace.
“Make your case,” he told her, and slid a hand around to rest against her abdomen. What she didn’t understand was he was far less likely to engage in ‘carnal’ persuasion on horseback. He would never endanger her that way.
She huffed out a breath, but covered his hand with one of her own. The automatic way she held onto him, increased their contact…he was developing a craving for it. He liked the way she touched him. It was both proprietary and affectionate. “My case is this, you’re contemplating the most efficient method of disposing the three men. It may seem like a reasonable response to a potential threat and, admittedly, you have more experience in this area than me.”
“However?” he prompted patiently.
“However,” she agreed. “Is it the best solution for you? Will you consult your brothers? Can you merely erase their memories of the situation? Is there an alternative to killing?”
Good questions. He considered his responses, turning the information over in his mind in an attempt to make sure he’d examined each of the angles. “I cannot answer the first question with any real assurance for you. Killing has never been difficult for me.”
“Is it really that easy for you?” The direct challenge blunted any anger in the question.
Braced against the potential backlash his answer might provoke, he said, “Yes. I have found that in most situations where death is warranted, killing is not something that particularly bothers me.”
“But when you killed that man in the woods…”
“That was a little different.” He’d tried to explain it before, though he still struggled to understand all the nuances of it. “I lingered too long in the man’s mind. The injury muddled my thinking—”
“I muddled your thinking,” she corrected him. “If I hadn’t been there, you would have reacted differently.”
Not disagreeing, he merely gave her hand a squeeze. “When I stay within the mind of a dying person, a part of me wishes to go with them. It is difficult to explain the reaction I experience in conjunction with the event.”
“So the man in the woods wasn’t the first time it happened?”
Not even the third. “No.”
“In the interest of our argument,” and he had to smile at her emphasis on the last word, “can you tell me about the others?”
He picked up on the turn of phrase. Can, not will. He would tell her, if she asked it of him. But she hadn’t, she’d given him a graceful exit. “I would prefer to not discuss it, even in the interest of our argument.” Lingering in a mind on the verge of death had changed him inexorably the first time, it had woken up his dormant emotions and snapped him free from whatever Kid had attached. It had taken him months to figure out what had actually happened and the first time he’d drawn near to Kid after, he’d known and he’d blocked his brother’s attempts to reach him again.
Kid saw it as a rejection. He hadn’t understood and Jason hadn’t explained. It had taken him years to understand his younger brother had needed an explanation. Had needed him. The lingering regret persisted, but another thought surfaced beneath that one…
“I understand,” Olivia drew him back to the present and he slowed as they arrived near the outcropping he wanted to set up their makeshift camp at. Dismounting, he helped Olivia down and let her walk and stretch her muscles while he turned the gelding loose. They’d had such a gentle ride and the animal was barely sweating. That, of course, didn’t stop him from dropping in the dirt and rolling before wandering toward the grass to eat.
“As for discussing it with my brothers, when I have something to discuss with them. I will.” It was no concession to involve Micah and Sam, because both of his brothers had made it clear they wanted to be involved. In an effort toward honesty, and better relations—he couldn’t just deal with matters any longer.
“You don’t have to sound grumpy about it.” Despite her teasing tone, he frowned.
“I don’t sound grumpy.”
“Fine, you sound grudging as in you do not care for the idea, but you are willing to humor us all.” She held up the leather satchel she’d carried since they began the ride. “Do you want to eat now or after?” They’d brought cold chicken, bread and some cheese for their supper.
“After we’re done arguing?” He’d rather hoped they’d completed that particular task. Ah, the last question… “Changing memories—changing a mind is far more difficult a prospect than killing.”
“So killing is easier?”
“Not easier, more expedient. To change a mind—to change a memory—one must know all the pieces associated with it and be willing to spend hours within the other’s mind. To track down each trailing thought to wherever it might lead.” An odious prospect and once he so deeply immersed, it could be even harder to disentangle himself. He’d only managed it once with any measure of true success.
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Well, once and had the person survive it with most of his faculties intact. Killing really did seem kinder.
“Hmm, perhaps I am really glad you were never able to read me. You might have been tempted to change my mind when I was a brat.”
“I would never do that to you.” A protracted silence met his statement and Olivia paced toward him, hand outstretched. He caught her and pulled her to him.
“I know that, Jason. I meant it only as a jest.” Her apology soothed him, but a ragged piece of him flinched. Even understanding how he’d protected her from his gift all these years, or that she even now nestled safely with his mind available to be explored at his leisure, he would never hurt her… “Tell me you know that.”
He opened his mouth to do so, but reality punched him hard. She was in his mind. Jason switched his attention to that part of himself and the inflexible barrier he’d erected. He tested the connection, could he sever it?
“Jason?”
“Shh.” He pressed his fingers to her lips. Over and over again, he studied the construction and the bond, but it was everywhere—tied into every piece of him with filaments so fine, he could barely distinguish her from himself. God help him, she was in his mind. If he died…
“Jason.” Olivia gripped his arms. “I meant it, I was only teasing and I shall never do it again.”
Focusing on the woman in his arms, he touched his thumb to her chin and opened her mouth before claiming it in a hard kiss. She was a part of him, inextricably linked and severing that connection—he had no idea what would happen. He needed time to examine it, time to figure out an answer.
Time to make sure she remained safe.
“I know,” he whispered. “You reminded me of something else entirely. And changing your mind would be like trying to touch the moon, impossible. I rather like your mind as it is.” Safe. Alive. Whole.
She relaxed and her smile eased the fear that began to gnaw at his spine. He’d counted on a few months at best, time to love her, and to build a place for her amongst his family and their friends. A place she would be safe and cared for when he had to go. Hunting MacPherson needed to be done.
Wanted: Fevered or Alive Page 24