***
I decide to spend the rest of the weekend working on my designs. Once I push Reed from my head, as much as I possibly can, I focus on a theme for the collection. I need something narrower than Everyday Living. I think about what I wanted when I was Desiree’s age—to look like all the other kids, to have name brands like Justice and Abercrombie.
What if there was a brand that made trendy clothes affordable? It wouldn’t help kids like me when my dad was laid off for a year. But kids, whose parents have money for clothes—just not very much—could afford them.
The usual budget for each design student’s collection is five hundred dollars, but the foundation has kicked in an additional amount. I have fifteen hundred dollars to make real clothes for these kids. Clothes they can keep when the show is over. I search eBay for some fabric bargains then realize I’m going to have to leave my house.
What are the chances I’ll run into Reed at a fabric store?
I don’t want to risk it. I call Scarlett. “What are you doing?”
“Studying.”
“How’s your headache?”
She pauses. “How did you know I had a headache?”
Shit. Tucker told me and I told him not to tell Scarlett. “Um, I called you last night. Tucker answered and told me you were asleep because of your headache.”
“Do you happen to know where he went last night? I woke up and he was gone. When he got home, he wouldn’t tell me where he’d been.”
Guilt rushes through me like a tidal wave. “That’s odd.”
“I totally trust Tucker, and we never keep anything from one another. But I have to admit, I’m worried. He’s used to partying and we both know I hate it.” Her voice breaks. “What if he’s tired of me, Caroline?”
I push down a groan. I can’t let her think Tucker is going out without her, but I don’t want to tell her my secret shame. But she’s my best friend and I need to set her straight. “He was with me.”
“You? I thought you were on a date.”
“I was. But then I needed a ride home, and Tucker answered your phone and came and got me instead.”
“Oh.” She’s quiet for a moment. “Where were you? He was gone for over an hour.”
I sigh. “I promise you that Tucker picked me up and dropped me off. But Tina said he was sitting on our steps when she came home around eleven.”
“Why?” She sounds confused, not that I blame her.
“I need to tell you all of this in person. I’ll buy you lunch if you come to the fabric store with me.”
Scarlett groans. She hates the fabric store. “Lunch is hard to pass up. I want Mexican.”
“Done. I’ll pick you up at eleven. We’ll go to the fabric store before lunch.”
When I get to her apartment, I climb out of the car and see Tucker running down the steps. I walk toward him and he stops, a fierce look on his face. “Reed won’t bother you anymore.”
My stomach drops. “What happened?”
“I waited around to make sure he didn’t come looking for you. I was kind of surprised to see he was with Tina.”
My face blushes. “What did he say?”
“Not much. I did most of the talking. I told him I didn’t know what he’d done to you, but he had his two strikes and I guaran-damn-teed him I’d beat the shit out of him if he so much as talked to you again.”
I’m both relieved and disappointed. I look up at Tucker, surprised by the anger in his eyes. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”
“You and Scarlett had each other’s backs before she moved out, and we all know that Tina’s in her own little selfish world, which means you’re on your own. It worries Scarlett sick. I meant it when I said I’m here for you, Caroline. You’re like a sister to Scarlett, and she loves you more than her own family. That alone is good enough for me. If you’re upset, Scarlett is upset. But not only that”—his voice lowers—“you’re a sweet girl, Caroline, and the world is full of fuckers who only want to screw you and move on.”
I look down, my humiliation resurfacing.
“What you do is your business, but if some asshole hurts you in the process, he’s answering to me, got it?”
I nod, swallowing my tears of gratitude. When Tucker started showing up at our door last winter, I warned Scarlett that he was trouble and would hurt her. If someone had told me what he’d be doing for me now, I never would have believed it. I reach up and wrap an arm around his neck. “Thank you.”
“Anytime.” He squeezes me before pulling free. “Now I’ve got to get to the soccer field. Or a bunch of ten-year-olds will be without a coach.”
He jogs to his car, and I see Scarlett coming down the stairs. Her gaze follows him as he gets in his car. “Good chat with Tucker?” There’s no jealousy in her voice, only curiosity. She knows I’d swallow cyanide before I’d betray her.
“Yeah. For the record, I retract all objections to your dating him.”
She laughs. “He is pretty great, isn’t he?”
“Just don’t tell him. His head is already big enough.”
“True.”
On the way to the store, Scarlett fills me in on her decision to stay at Southern for graduate school, purposely avoiding anything about my personal life. She knows me well enough to know I need to ease into this slowly.
We wander through the store, and Scarlett asks, “So are you looking for something for the fashion show?”
I tell her my idea for my collection. She not only thinks it’s a great idea but has a few suggestions of her own. Now that she knows I’m making designs the kids from the center get to keep, she’s more willing to help.
I finger a soft denim, distracted. I need to tell Scarlett, but I’m not even sure where to start. “My date was a failure.”
She waits a second. “I figured that since Tucker came and got you.”
“But it wasn’t Brandon’s fault. He was thoughtful and witty and funny. He’s a pre-med student. He’s everything I’m looking for.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” she says in mock sympathy. “How awful.”
She’s joking, but tears fill my eyes.
“Hey, I was teasing.”
“I know. That’s why what I did is so awful.”
She grabs my arm and pulls me to the wall filled with clearance fabrics. “What you did?”
I swallow the lump in my throat and look at the ceiling to regain control before I face her. What can I tell her? We’ve never been prone to share the details of our sex lives with one another, and I don’t intend to start now. I lower my gaze. “I ran into Reed.”
She shakes her head. “I’m confused.”
“Scarlett.” I lower my voice. “This week, Reed kissed me. When we were at the nonprofit with Lexi. I saw a photo of me when I was a little girl and I got upset and Reed stayed with me and then before I knew it, we were attacking each other in the hallway. Oh, Scarlett. This is such a mess.” The words tumble out.
She studies me for several seconds. “Fabric shopping has to wait.” Grabbing my arm, she heads to the door. “We need food to go with the margaritas we’re about to drink.”
After Scarlett takes my car keys, she drives to an authentic Mexican restaurant we like. It has zero atmosphere, but the food is great and it’s cheap. The seating area is also usually filled with Hispanic men who won’t pay attention to my pathetic tale. When we order our food, Scarlett makes sure they send our drinks out right away. Once they’re on the table, she looks at me with a determined look in her eye. She’s analytical Scarlett, set on finding facts. “Start over. Way back to the second meeting with the committee.”
After I tell her about the committee meeting and our field trip and our kiss, I tell her about Brandon asking me out and my reluctant agreement.
“That’s not like you,” she says as the waiter sets our food in front of us. “You don’t turn down dates with cute guys who have great majors.”
The way she says it sounds superficial, but then again, I sup
pose it is. “Reed was already messing with my head. Even before he kissed me.”
“You’ve got it bad.”
“It gets worse.” I take a drink.
“Worse than you not being interested in what sounds like the most eligible bachelor at Southern University?”
I nod.
“Wow.” She sits back in her seat. “That has to be bad.” She’s teasing me, but little does she know.
After I tell her about Brandon picking me up and Reed showing up and the standoff at our apartment, I tell her about dinner with Brandon and how wonderful it was. “But when he leaned close, Scarlett, there weren’t fireworks or tingles.”
She shakes her head. “That’s not good, Caroline. I never felt it before Tucker, but once you’ve had the real thing, you can never go back to mediocre.”
“I’ve had the real thing.”
Confusion wrinkles her forehead. “You mean with your old boyfriend Justin?”
I slowly shake my head. “No, although I thought I did until I experienced the real thing.”
She looks worried. “You mean your kiss with Reed?”
I take a deep breath. “Our kiss was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, but no. Not the kiss.” I look into her eyes. “After dinner, we went to a club. Tina and Reed were there.” I pause, letting everything I’ve said sink in.
To her credit, she keeps her shock to herself and remains matter-of-fact, collecting the data before she comes to her conclusion. “So you were both at the club, with other people?” Her eyebrows rise with the question in her voice.
I nod. “But Lexi sat down at our table and the connection she and Brandon had was like….”
“The connection you have with Reed.”
I don’t say anything.
“Something happened in that club to upset you. That’s where Tucker picked you up.”
“Yes. Something happened in the club.”
She groans in frustration. “I’m not a mind reader, Caroline. What happened?”
“We had sex in the storage room.” I blurt out before I can stop myself. I release a sardonic laugh. “Who would have guessed that Five-Date Caroline turned out to be a slut who would fuck a guy who hates her in a storage room?”
Her eyes harden. “I love you, Caroline, and it’s because I love you that I’m saying this, but if you talk about yourself like that again, I will slap you. Got it?”
The way her jaw is set, I believe her. I nod.
“Okay.” She closes her eyes then opens them. “I don’t need the backroom details, please. But tell me what happened leading up to the storage room … incident.”
“I saw him there, with Tina and he’d been watching me. I went to the bathroom then went to the bar to get another drink when I felt him behind me. And I was … horny.” I take a deep breath. “But that doesn’t describe it. I was so angry with him for treating me badly a few weeks ago. And I was pissed at his arrogant, bossy attitude during our committee meetings, but at the same time, I felt this overwhelming urge. It was like he had something I needed so desperately that I’d do anything to get it.”
“So then what happened?”
“I decided to go for it.” I look down at my glass. “I downed my drink, grabbed his shirt, and pulled him to the back room. You can figure out the rest from there.”
“He willingly went with you?”
“He was shocked at first, but once he realized what was happening, he was a willing and eager participant.”
“But something bad happened.”
My mouth drops open. “I already told you I had wild, sweaty sex in a storage room. I think that counts as bad.”
Scarlett leans forward. “No, Caroline. It’s not bad all on its own. Sure, it’s a bit risky and true you don’t know him very well, but lots of relationships start with chemistry. Most relationships start with chemistry. Tucker and I are different.” She puts her hand over mine. “So when did it turn bad, because I’m guessing the sex in the storeroom part was pretty good.”
I pull my hand out from under hers. “Scarlett!”
“What?” she asks in mock innocence. “You started this story telling me you’d had the best sex of your life.”
“I did no such thing.”
She lifts an eyebrow. “Okay, I’m paraphrasing, but you know that’s what you were saying. So when did it go wrong?”
I close my eyes in embarrassment. “When we were … done … we honestly could have gone again, but someone tried to come in. So Reed blocked the door while I pulled my dress up and then he kissed me when the guy walked in, trying to make it look like we were back there making out.”
“And….”
“Then the guy kicked us out, and Reed pushed me up against the wall and kissed me until the guy left. But when Reed pulled back, he told me what we’d done was a mistake.” I bit my trembling bottom lip. “I asked him how he could say that. He looked at me with disgust and said because we were there with other people. I could handle what he said. It was how he said it.” I shake my head. “Like what we’d done was filthy.” I release a bitter laugh. “I suppose it was.”
“Caroline,” Scarlett’s voice is harsh. “You stop that right now. What you did was not filthy. You were both consenting adults. You both have feelings for each other.”
“Do we?” I ask. “We’ve barely had a civil conversation in the entire few weeks I’ve known him. No wonder he was disgusted with me. He thinks I’m a slut.”
Her eyes narrow. “I told you—”
“No, Scarlett.” My voice is hard. “Girls who fuck guys in a storage room who aren’t their boyfriends are sluts.”
Her face reddens. She’s furious with me. Finally, she says, “We’ll agree to disagree on that.”
“So I congratulated him on achieving what no other man had ever done and went into the bathroom. When I came out, he was gone, so I told Brandon I had a headache, but I had a ride home, and that he deserved someone better than me. Then I called you.”
“And Tucker picked you up.”
“Reed came out of the club as I got in the car, calling my name. Tucker knew I was upset and put things together. He wanted to beat the shit out of Reed, but I stopped him. He must have stayed after he took me home to make sure Reed didn’t come by and bother me.”
Scarlett’s lips lift into a sweet smile.
“Tucker’s a great guy and you’re lucky to have him.” I take a drink of my margarita. “I wasn’t going to tell you any of this, but I couldn’t let you think that Tucker isn’t happy with you. He’s crazy about you.”
“I can’t believe you weren’t going to tell me. You can’t keep something like this to yourself.”
“I’m humiliated, Scarlett. You and Reed are the only two people who know. I’m not sure what Tucker thinks, but I didn’t tell him anything.”
“It’s going to be okay, Caroline. I promise.”
“I have to face Reed on Monday at our meeting. I have no idea what I’m going to do.”
She grabs my chin. “You’re going to hold your head high, and if he treats you with the tiniest amount of disrespect, Tucker will beat the shit out of him.”
I laugh, grateful for the millionth time that Scarlett is my friend. “Why, Scarlett, Goodwin. You’re usually not pro-violence.”
“I am where you are concerned.” She stabs her enchilada. “We need to eat.”
“There’s something else.”
She looks up in surprise.
“Non-Reed related.” Scarlett’s bound to be upset that I kept this next subject from her. “It’s about my mother.”
Scarlett puts her fork down. “You talked to your mother?” She knows we haven’t talked since the day I left.
I nod and take a deep breath. “She called me.”
She takes a moment before she asks, “What did she want?”
“She called to tell me she’s dying.”
“Caroline, I’m sorry. What is it?”
I shrug, still amazed at my indifference.
What does that say about me? But I can’t confess this to Scarlett. “She said it’s lung cancer, and she doesn’t have long.”
“What did you say?”
“Nothing. I wasn’t sure what to say.”
She nods. She of all people knows my relationship with my parents. “Are you going to go see her?”
My eyes widen. “Why would I do that? They made their choice. They told me if I drove off to college, thinking I was better than my upbringing, not to come back. I’ve done what they told me to do, Scarlett.”
“She reached out to you, Caroline.”
I shake my head, refusing to cry.
“You think you’re over this, but you’re not. This is your chance for some closure.”
I release an ugly laugh. “Funny, I don’t see you running off to get closure with your mother.”
What I’ve said is the ugliest thing I’ve ever said to her, but she doesn’t bat an eye. “Maybe this is a wakeup call for both of us. Maybe we both need more resolution to our pasts. But you’re about to run out of time. Don’t do something you’ll regret.”
I almost say Like have sex with Reed in a storeroom? But the ugly truth is I don’t regret that part. I regret what happened afterward.
“Just think about it, okay?”
But I can’t think about it. My life is too messed up as it is. My mother is the proverbial last straw. She made her choice. Now she has to live with it. Or die with it.
Chapter Fourteen
Reed’s not at the committee meeting when I get there on Monday. I’ve worried myself sick all day. My heart races each time the door opens until everyone but Reed is seated.
“Reed won’t be able to attend today.” Lexi announces. “We’re in really good shape, though, and Reed has sent notes of what he thinks we need to address.”
We get through the list within thirty minutes and Lexi adjourns the meeting. “Caroline.” She looks into my face. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
I want to tell her no. I’ve spent the last half hour wondering where Reed is and why he’s not here. Is it because of Tucker? But I ask myself why I care. Isn’t it better this way?
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