by Abigail Agar
“I think most do not take the time to stop and allow it to happen. If they did, you would see it a good deal more often. What I wish I saw more was the love of nature in others. If they would simply take the time, I am quite certain that they would all have this same luxury which you and I are now getting to experience,” she said.
Whether or not that was true, Jonathan considered it. He thought about everything he had missed out on in the past and the times which he could have enjoyed doing something like this. His mother would be furious, but he would be happy.
What was most important to him? Even now, he had to discern what his mother would think if she knew about Miss Windsor. She was already angry enough at him.
Would she ever accept what made him feel joy?
Chapter 21
The very last thing Ellie wanted was to spend more time with Wendell Carruthers, but she had been given no choice in the matter. Her aunt had made it very clear to her that her only option was to entertain him as best she could.
Going for a walk in one of the parks, they made their way in silence. Ellie was quite certain that Wendell was either nervous or equally uninterested and she wished that she could simply end the entire ordeal.
It was...painful. Nevertheless, she tried to be polite and make conversation in the hopes that they might at least pass the time.
“I like your shoes,” he said, as if scraping for anything he might be able to comment on.
“Oh, thank you. My aunt insisted that I get a new pair,” she said.
“Did she?” he asked.
“Yes, she did. I know that she is greatly bothered by my penchant for going barefoot,” Ellie said, wondering if that was the reason for which he had noted them to begin with.
“Well, I know that you probably would rather be barefoot, but I am glad that you wore them. This ground is fairly stony and I cannot think it would be comfortable,” he said.
“You would be surprised. It is actually very easy to adapt to walking on all sorts of surfaces. But I know that you would not wish to be seen with a barefoot young woman. I understand that my aunt deems it scandalous. It is just the way I find myself comfortable,” she said with a shrug.
“It hardly bothers me. I mean, I cannot deny that I find it to be a little bit strange, but I really don’t care about these things as much as others may,” he said.
That was certainly a comfort. Even though Ellie did not expect him to be the kind of man who would actually allow her to do this on a regular basis once they were forced to be married, she was glad that he did not seem as stiff about these things.
“So, if you do not mind such things, what do you mind? I would like to know more about you as we continue to be pushed together,” she said.
He gave a small chuckle at that, acknowledging that they were, indeed, pushed together.
“Yes, well, I have to admit that I am a little surprised that we have been made a match, but I do not wish for you to be offended by that,” he said.
“I am not. Please, do not worry. I know that there are not many men who would really want to be my husband,” she said.
“Do not say it like that. I never complained about it. It is just…well, we may discuss it at another time. For the moment, I believe we are just supposed to be getting to know one another and then we may make other decisions down the line. At least, that is what my mother has told me. Repeatedly,” he said.
Ellie appreciated that Wendell was, likewise, making an effort. Even if she understood that there would never be love between them, she could not deny that he was nice enough. It was also a relief to listen to him acknowledging these things with ease and without pretense.
“So, as we are in this position, I should very much like to know more about you. I know that we are different from one another, but you are certainly a nice enough man. I just do not know anything more about you than that,” Ellie said.
“Oh, of course. I am more than happy to tell you more about me. Well, I am a man of simple tastes, I suppose. I enjoy a good meal, reading, and studying languages,” he said.
“Those are all good things,” Ellie replied.
“Yes, I suppose. And I do like to sit with my father and discuss things. He is very interesting, a genius when it comes to the history of the British empire. We talk a lot about politics and how this country came to be what it is,” Wendell said.
“So, the two of you have a lot in common?” Ellie asked.
“Yes, yes, very much,” he said.
Although Ellie admired that he seemed to be rather intellectual, she could not help wondering about any other interests he may have. Was Wendell really only interested in things that took place inside? Of course, it was good to find a man who enjoyed reading, but did he read in a study or out in the beauty of his family’s garden?
What about the other things? Did he and his father talk inside or outside? Did they ever wander? Did he go riding? Did he appreciate the beauty of a lone flower?
“Are you all right?” Wendell asked her, observing her expression.
“Hmm? Oh, yes! Yes, I am perfectly well, thank you. I was just thinking…” she tailed off. What had she been thinking? Was there anything she could tell him that would not be offensive?
“You were thinking that we have very little in common?” he asked her, a faint smile at the corner of his lips.
Ellie looked down in shame, her cheeks burning.
“I understand,” Wendell said. “I imagine that I would be terribly disappointed with your lack of interest in politics and history just as you would be terribly disappointed in my lack of awareness of the environment surrounding me.”
“I truly have no problems with your interests, I just fear that I will never be able to fully engage with them,” Ellie admitted.
“I know. Please, do not worry. I am not offended,” he told her. “I think we are both here today because we have been arranged to be here by those who want to see us married off. I have no problems with you or your interests, it is just that I cannot share them.”
“Yes, I think that is a good way to put it,” Ellie said, sadly.
“I suppose we shall just have to make the best of it and try to find areas in which we can relate better,” Wendell said.
“I believe you are right,” she replied.
With that, they continued to walk and talk about whatever they could, trying to get to know one another and find any common points of interest that they could. It was not easy, but Ellie was grateful that they did not have to pretend.
She was not faking an interest when he bored her, nor was he acting as if he cared about things which meant nothing at all to him. It was a perfect opportunity for each of them to try and be as honest as they could and accept that their future had been decided for them as a result of his mother and her aunt.
“Well, I am glad that we had this time to discuss things. I am also glad that my mother has trailed far enough behind us that we were able to speak openly. I know some mothers and chaperones stay so close at hand that they hear everything.” Wendell chuckled.
“Indeed, there are those. You are right, though, it is good that we were able to discuss the truth of our situation,” she said.
Along with Wendell’s mother, they made their way back to Ellie’s aunt’s house where they had tea with her Aunt Glenda and then Wendell and his mother departed for home.
“Well, how did it go?” her aunt asked afterwards.
“Hmm? I suppose it was all right,” Ellie said.
“Just all right? Why? Did you do something peculiar? Oh, Eleanor, please do not tell me that you have made a fool of yourself and driven him away. That boy is your only chance at getting married. His mother is desperate and that is the only reason they were willing to consider you for him,” her aunt said.
“Aunt Glenda, I did everything within my power to be presentable and dignified. There is no reason for you to be upset. I promise you that I tried my hardest to be the sort of person you want me to be,” she said
.
“And? Did he like you? Oh, it hardly matters, actually. Whether he likes you or not, he is going to be proposing very soon, I expect,” her aunt said.
“You think so? Why would he? If he does not care for me, he would not propose, would he?” Ellie asked, trying to tame her panic.
“You and he are in very similar situations. His mother understands the need to marry him off and that he must quickly be made a better man. You, on the other hand, must simply be brought to heel before you shame us all,” her aunt said.
Ellie sucked in a breath of air, mortified that her aunt would word it that way. Was she really so shameful? Was she such a terrible person that her aunt could feel so disgusted by her as this? It was not fair. Ellie did not think she was really so bad as all that.
Her aunt was always convinced of the worst in her. If Ellie was so terrible, surely her aunt would have done something sooner? And yet, maybe this was the first opportunity she had been given to finally be rid of Ellie and to have her out of the way and out of their lives.
“Aunt Glenda, do you really think that this is the best thing? I mean, marrying me off to Wendell Carruthers, is there nothing you can find better to be rid of me?” she asked.
“Be rid of you?” her aunt asked with a shrill, nervous laugh.
“Is that not what this is all about? You do not want me to be in the way. You want me gone, freeing up your time and restoring peace to your home. Is that not it?” she asked.
“Oh, hush, Eleanor. Do not be so dramatic. You are the daughter of my sister and I shall always take care of you, of course. If I did not think this match would be advantageous for you, I would not be so diligent in arranging it. Can you not see that I am doing this for you? It is for your own benefit. Goodness, it is taking time away from other things I should like to do, but for your sake, I am making the effort,” her aunt said, as if she truly believed her own words.
Ellie stood perfectly still, listening to this reasoning, aware that it was untrue. Her aunt was doing all this for no other purpose than getting Ellie out of her home.
She understood it. Her aunt had never wanted her to live there anyway. It was all a matter of having been an orphan and her own mother and father had not left enough for her to live on. Her aunt had only taken her in because that sort of charity was expected of her. She had never had any desire to look after Ellie, but she had been left with the responsibility as if it was something she had truly cared about.
And now, they had no choice. Neither of them wanted to be near the other, but there was no other option. Ellie and her aunt were stuck together and that meant her aunt had to find someone else to take on the responsibility of this girl who was the bane of her existence.
Wendell Carruthers was the perfect mark. His mother wanted him married off. He was fairly average in his interests and mannerisms. There was nothing distasteful about him, but nothing remarkable either. He was simply an average man for an average marriage and he would be respectable enough to marry Ellie.
“Anyway, I do think he shall propose to you soon enough,” her aunt said.
“But why? If he does not like me, I cannot imagine him being excited to marry me,” Ellie said.
“It is done, Eleanor. He shall propose to you very soon and then you shall quickly be married,” her aunt said.
“But I do not wish to marry Wendell. Nice as he is, I do not love him,” she said.
“Enough! You are so ungrateful, Eleanor. I have had enough of it. You are going to marry Wendell Carruthers and that is all there is to it,” she said.
“But—”
“Go to your room! You are so ungrateful and such a waste. I have told you how it shall be. If you do not like it, that is not my concern. You must get over your ideas that you are in a position to do whatever you wish. The fact is, you are foolish and you are never going to find another man willing to marry you,” her aunt said in a cruel shout.
Ellie stayed silent, not knowing what to say.
“If I thought that there was any other hope for you, I would try to find it, but there is not. You will do as you are told and that is the end of it. Now, go to your room. I cannot bear to look at you any longer,” her aunt said.
With that, Ellie turned away and ran, having nothing else in her heart to which she could cling.
Chapter 22
“Jonathan, come and sit down,” Jonathan’s mother said when she heard him in the hall.
He had no desire to go, preferring instead to go out and enjoy his day as opposed to the fact that he was certain his mother only wanted him to come so that she might have a chance to berate him for something. That was her preference lately. She always wanted to remind him of something that he was not doing properly.
Typically, it was related to finding a wife, but he had no choice in that moment. His mother had demanded his presence and he would have to go to her.
“Yes, Mother, what is it?” he asked, making his way to the parlor where she awaited him.
“I have a matter to discuss with you,” she said.
“What sort of matter?”
“You know that I am very eager to see you married, yes?” she asked.
Jonathan could not help but sigh. He tried to remain calm, but held himself together as best he could.
“I am very well aware of this,” he replied.
“Excellent. Because I have an idea which I am now forced to implement,” she said.
Dread washed through Jonathan in a way he could not possibly express. His mother’s idea could be nothing good. Most assuredly, it was going to be cause for his very grave concern.
“What sort of idea, Mother?” he asked.
“It is very simple, Jonathan. If you cannot find a wife within a specific deadline, I shall have to find one for you. And you cannot refute the woman I choose if this comes to pass,” she told him.
“A deadline, Mother? Come now, this is nonsense. You cannot possibly expect me to marry whomever you choose just because I have not had the time to declare my own affections,” he said.
“I absolutely expect this. If you respect me at all, you will abide by this. In fact, if you do not, I shall do everything within my power to publicly declare my displeasure,” she threatened.
Jonathan had never felt so unloved by his mother in all his life as he did in that moment. She had never treated him quite this badly and it saddened him greatly that she would resort to this sort of bullying in order to force his hand.
“What is this nonsense? There can be no need for such drastic measures,” he said.
“You will not marry if I do not make you and you are the one responsible for forcing my hand. Therefore, I expect that you shall take that responsibility and do something with it. I have had enough of your games, Jonathan,” she said.
Bitter and furious, he clenched his jaw and balled his fists in an effort to remain as calm and collected as he possibly could, given the situation.
“And how long do I have to take this step, Mother? How long until you decide my future for me?” he asked her, seething.
“Two weeks. I think that is more than generous, given how long I have been waiting for you to find someone on your own,” she said.
“Two weeks?” he gasped, utterly astonished that his mother considered this enough time for him to find a wife of his own liking. What was she thinking? How could he possibly manage to move things along with Miss Windsor in just two short weeks?