by Abigail Agar
She would understand, wouldn’t she? There was no reason for her to be upset at him, it would only make sense. Of course, that was only so long as she was willing to meet him the next day and, at that moment, Jonathan was not certain that she was. For all he knew, she may have no plans at all to come to the house and speak with him.
It was possible that he had ruined things so badly that she would not give him another chance. If that was the case, there was nothing at all he could do about it now. He did not know her family and could not show up at her home even if he wanted to.
Of course, there was one thing he would have to do first. Before he could tell Miss Windsor the truth and express his love for her, he had to tell his mother the full truth about her. Maybe not her name, but at least the fact that Miss Windsor was actually an orphan who lived with her aunt and uncle, that she had no fortune and that was not from a family with any sort of reputation.
In essence, she was someone Jonathan should never have come into contact with, according to the rules and whims of society. His mother would never forgive him for abiding by anything different.
Jonathan took a deep breath and made his way down the stairs and to the drawing room where his mother was having a bit of tea and writing letters to her friends who were outside of the city, as she so often did. At the sound of his entrance, his mother looked up at him, her lips in a tight, grim line.
“Ah, there is my son,” she said, flatly.
“Indeed, Mother, here I am,” he said.
“And to what do I owe this visit?” she asked.
“I have come in order to speak with you regarding the young woman that I have fallen in love with,” he said.
His mother looked at him with a firmness in her gaze that left him somewhat wary. He was certain that she did not want to hear what he had to say, but there was nothing now that he could do about that.
“Tell me about her, then. I am listening,” his mother said.
“Yes, of course. Well,” he said, taking a seat of his own. “I know that you will not approve of this young woman. There is a reason I have struggled so greatly with telling you about her. Mother, she is not the sort of young woman I know that you want me to be with.”
“I figured as much. You would not work so hard to hide her from me if there was anything to be proud of,” she grumbled.
“She is very much the sort of woman you may be proud of. Just because she is not what you may expect does not mean that you cannot be proud of her,” he said.
“Then what? If she is perfectly fine and well, I would expect nothing but your utmost cooperation in all these matters. You would not be trying so hard to hide her from me if you thought I would actually approve of her,” his mother said.
“You are correct. I have tried to hide her from you because she is not what you may expect. But just because someone is unexpected does not mean that they are inherently flawed, Mother,” he said.
“But this one is. I can tell. What is it? What is so wrong with her that you have had to remain secretive? Tell me, Jonathan, for I can scarcely bear to hide my disapproval even now,” his mother said.
“Please, Mother. Reserve your judgments until you have gotten to know her. Allow me to court and engage her and then, by the time we marry, you will see that she is the most amazing young lady you have ever known,” he said, although he knew well that his mother may still not approve of Miss Windsor even after getting to know her.
His mother sighed and shook her head, already disapproving even before he had the chance to introduce the two of them. This was already not going very well.
“You, my boy, need to realize that your constant efforts to convince me of anything other than the reality are only going to make me angrier. Do you not think I am wise to your games? Come now, Jonathan, I am no fool. If you really thought that I would approve of this young woman, you would not have worked so hard to hide as much as you have,” she said again. Jonathan sensed she was resorting to her repetition as a means of wearing him down.
“She is not titled,” he said in a rush.
His mother tutted and looked away, rolling her eyes as she did so.
“You have already told me that. Please, is that the dramatic announcement you have about her? You have told me already and I could have figured that out with ease for the way you are constantly going on and on about it,” his mother said.
“But you have acted as though I have tried to hide these things when, in reality, you are right, Mother. I have already told you this,” he said.
“And now, I expect you to tell me something more. I know that she has no title. Is that all? Have you nothing more to share?” she asked.
“I do,” he said.
“Then share it. Tell me,” she pushed.
Jonathan swallowed and nodded.
“She is not from a wealthy family,” he said.
At this, his mother raised a brow at him. Somehow, he realized, she had wanted to believe the lie that he would only marry from within a decent status. She had convinced herself that he would marry someone with a claim to fortune.
“That is rather disappointing,” she said.
“I know you feel that way, but I can assure you that she is still a good woman,” he said.
“A good woman who wants your money,” she mumbled.
Jonathan was not ready to tell his mother that he had lied about his identity. She would only use that fact against him, but he still needed her to know that Miss Windsor was not the sort of woman who would seek after a fortune not her own.
“On the contrary, Mother, she is not that sort of woman. We met by chance, you see. She and I cared for one another before she even knew of my title,” he said. Then, before they could travel any further down that line of conversation, Jonathan shifted the direction of it ever so slightly. “She is not that sort of woman, and I am sure you could appreciate how hard she works for everything she has.”
“Ugh…she has to work? What is she, a laborer? Have you found some little maid? Is she a maid in this very home?” his mother demanded, growing shriller with each question.
“No, Mother, not at all! She is from outside of this home, trust me. I have no interest in any of our maids,” he reassured her.
“And is she a woman of…of…of other employment?” his mother asked in horror.
Instantly, Jonathan understood that she was asking him if Miss Windsor earned her living through immoral means.
“Good heavens, Mother, what sort of places do you think I frequent? No, she is not a…she is nothing like what you are suggesting,” he said, trying to explain in as delicate of terms as he possibly could.
“Very well, then. That is a relief. Although I cannot possibly comprehend what sort of woman she must be, I am very determined that you should eventually tell me,” his mother said.
“I know that. So…allow me to say that she is an excellent woman,” he said.
“Enough of that. I am tired of the flattery. What other secrets does she have?” his mother asked.
Jonathan was anxious, but knew that he had to tell her just one more thing. This thing could be the final one which his mother was willing to hear.
“She is not from a family with any name to claim. In fact, her mother and father have long-since passed away. She lives with her aunt and uncle now,” he said.
His mother’s eyes grew wide and she simply stared at him, the wrinkles sharply edged around her face. The anger he saw brewing in her expression was more than he could reasonably bear.
“You mean to tell me that this young woman is an orphan? She is an orphan with no fortune and her mother and father had no special name? And what of her aunt and uncle? What sort of people are they?” she asked.
“I do not know much about them, but I gather that they have money. Money which they are cautious not to share,” he said.
“You mean they cannot even bear to handle her? This young woman is so unimportant to everyone that she is, essentially, just wasting away?” his
mother scoffed.
Before he knew what he was doing, Jonathan was on his feet.
“She is important to me!” he shouted, fuming. He could not bear to hear his mother mock her any longer. He needed her to know that Miss Windsor was the most important person in all the world to him and he would not allow her to be spoken of so poorly.
His mother stood to her feet as well. She was a slight creature, but painfully imposing. There was no way he could possibly hide from her wrath.
“Now, you listen to me, young man. I do not care what you think about this woman. I do not care if you love her or simply find her beautiful. I do not care if you think she is the most incredible human in all the world. I am your mother and I am telling you here and now that you had best forget about her,” she said.
A wave of fury washed over Jonathan and he stared at her with resentment. How could she say these things? How could she make these demands? Did she not know that he was doing all that he could to find the happiness he wanted?
“Mother,” he began.
She cut him off before he had a chance to say anything else.
“No! There is nothing more you can say to me, Jonathan. You and I both know that this is sheer nonsense. That woman is no longer to be a part of your life, do you understand? You and this young lady? You are finished. I shall never let you be with someone of such circumstances. I am disappointed in you for trusting her, for thinking that there could ever be anything between the two of you. Whatever led you to these conclusions, it is over,” she said.
“You cannot forbid me from marrying her,” he shouted.
“I more than forbid you, Jonathan. I have told you the consequences. If you try to step forward in a relationship with this young woman, if you try to court her or become betrothed to her, I shall do everything within my power to ensure that you have nothing left to you within society. No one will trust you. No one will want you. You will be the joke of all those with whom you come into contact. Do you understand? Do you see what I can do? Do you know who your mother is?” she asked him, the threats dripping from her tongue with such ferocity that he could not believe she was saying these things at all.
His mother had never been so cruel to him as she was in that moment, but Jonathan knew that he could not stand there another moment.
“You, Mother, have never been more wrong in all your life,” he said, turning and running from the room.
Jonathan bolted out of the house and to the stables. He mounted his horse and took off into the woods, desperate to be as far from home as he could possibly go.
As he went along, he spooked a family of deer. They were possibly the same ones he and Miss Windsor had fed before.
And, in that moment, he longed for her all the more.
Chapter 26
Ellie debated the possibility of not even going to the house. She thought about the fact that it could only cause her more grief if she went and if she spoke with Mr. Potts.
Was it really better to know the truth? Or would she find herself too upset and disappointed that she would actually wish she had not known anything more than she already did? What if she just never saw him again and dwelt with the happiness of their memories together?
Wondering if that was the better thing to do, Ellie very nearly did not go to him at all. However, she knew that it was not possible. If she did not go, she would be dreadfully upset, wishing that she was with him.
Instead of pondering any longer as to whether or not she could bear being away from him, Ellie decided to just go. She would need to see him eventually and clear the air between them. She deserved answers and had every intention of finally getting them. All she had to do was go.
Things were still going to be strange between them, but this time, she would demand answers. If he did not want to give them, she would make her demand once more, giving him a final opportunity to tell her the truth. If he still refused, she would leave, forbid him from ever coming near the house, and she would leave.
Ellie waited until her aunt was gone, along with Katherine, and finally left the house as well. She knew that she would be home early enough to take care of a few chores and all would be well. It would be easy enough even if this conversation did take a while. She would just have to tell her aunt that she had gone for a walk and lost track of the time. She would be yelled at and scolded and they would all move on.
When she was constantly criticized anyway, it hardly mattered what the reason was and losing track of time was as good an excuse as any.
Ellie finally reached the house and went inside the gate and through the front garden. She paused at the door, nervous to enter. She did not know what she was going to find on the other side. How long would she wait for Mr. Potts? Would he tell her the truth? Or would he feed her more lies? Would he be forthcoming? Or would he be anxious and silent?
Finally, she turned the handle of the door and pushed. Going inside, she sucked in a breath of surprise when she saw that he was there already, standing in the hall as if he had come from the parlor to check for her.
“M-Miss Windsor. You have come,” he said.
“Yes, I have,” she said cautiously.
“I was not sure if you would. After our previous discussion, I know that you were upset,” he said.
“I really was,” Ellie replied.
“Could I interest you in a cup of tea? I think I made it better this time. I thought we could sit in the parlor and talk,” he said.
“Yes, all right. I am happy to talk,” she said, agreeing to his terms. Her heart ached at not being warmer and friendlier with him. Still, it hurt to have to be like this.
“Thank you, Miss Windsor,” he said.
“Certainly,” she replied, statically, as they made their way. She sat across from him and took a sip of the tea. It was very well balanced this time.
“May I speak openly?” he asked.
“I would appreciate that,” she replied.
He nodded, taking a moment to accept the dissatisfaction in her tone. Ellie was not going to pretend that she was happy with him and she appreciated that he appeared readier and more willing to accept responsibility than he had before.
“I hope you know that I never wanted to hide anything from you. I understand that you are upset with me, but I am just trying to…well, I think you will understand once I tell you what is really going on,” he said.
“I do want answers. I have tried pushing myself to trust you without them, but I am very eager to know what is going on and why you have been silent about so many things,” she said.
“Yes, of course. You deserve the truth and I am finally ready to tell you. I want you to know everything,” he said.
Ellie gave a silent nod, waiting for him to finally proceed.
“You should know that you mean very much to me. I mean it, Miss Windsor, you are…you are so important to me—”
“What is this? Impropriety!” screeched Aunt Glenda, bursting through the door followed by Ellie’s Uncle Abel.
Ellie gasped and looked at Mr. Potts, seated across from her. His eyes were wide and full of horror.