by R. Cayden
I cleared my throat, feeling funny from all of his compliments. “Thanks,” I said. “I’m really glad you feel that way.”
Malcolm glanced at the money again. “We’ll have to figure this out later. I should probably get going to dinner with my family now.”
I ran my hand through my hair, still feeling a little flushed from his compliments. “Hey, I’ve got an idea,” I said. “Why don’t I come with you?”
Malcolm startled. “To dinner?” He laughed to himself. “My family requires an RSVP in advance. If my mother didn’t have enough baked brie, she’d never forgive herself.”
“How about next week? I don’t work Sunday night. You always act like it’s such a downer. Maybe I could keep you company. Whisper dirty talk in your ear, crack wise with your old man, stuff like that.”
Malcolm shook his head quickly, suddenly looking nervous. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”
“Why not?”
He smoothed down the front of his button-up shirt. “For starters, you would not have a good time. They’re incredibly boring and stuffy. On top of that, they wouldn’t have a good time, either. You’d make them nervous, you know?”
I scoffed. “No way. Trust me, I’m actually really good with parents.” I grinned at him, winking. “You know how charming I am.”
He stood up from the mattress, looking awkward. “The fact that you’re a smoker alone would make them turn on you,” he said. “It’s hard to explain because they seem really nice in a lot of ways. But if you’re not the right kind of person, they can be really awful.”
I felt frustrated, like I kept fumbling things that were important to me. “I guess I’m not the right kind of person, then,” I said, standing up.
Malcolm’s face crumpled, and he stepped closer to me. “You’re the right kind of person for me.”
I turned away, not wanting him to see how upset I was. “Whatever,” I said. “You have your life, and I have mine. Enjoy dinner with your family. I’ll just be chilling here.”
“Is it okay if I come back to your place tonight?”
“I should probably rest,” I said, still avoiding his eyes. “I have work early in the morning.”
We stood there in the awkward silence for a second. Then Malcolm nodded. “Okay, Gunner,” he said, his voice tight. “I hope you get some good sleep tonight.” He leaned in for a quick kiss, his hands landing softly on my chest. “See you soon.”
As soon as he was gone, the anger I was trying to bury exploded to the surface. I grabbed the bundle of money, throwing it at the wall and cursing. The stack exploded from the impact, and bills scattered across my floor.
“Is this enough money to impress your parents, Malcolm?” I asked out loud, falling back to the mattress with a groan. “Maybe if I buy a fancy suit, they’ll let me come to dinner?”
I wished that I hadn’t sent him away for the night because the second he was gone, I just wanted him back. I wanted to hold him and have him look at me that special way, like he thought I was good.
And I really wished I could call up Maddox. He would know the right thing to do.
But I didn’t have Maddox or Malcolm. I just had myself and a stupid pile of money.
Once a fuck-up, always a fuck-up.
At least, that’s what my father always told me. And maybe he was right about some things after all.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Maddox
In a leather apron, welding mask, and heavy gloves, I was dripping buckets of sweat. Even with the windows open and cool autumn air rushing through the workshop, I felt like I was about to overheat.
I finished guiding my MIG welder along the hunk of metal I was working, then threw back the protective mask to study my work. I had spent all morning welding gnarly scraps of steel together, but the sculpture just wasn’t coming together. Instead of a giant snake for my yard, it looked more like I had made a monstrous, misshapen worm.
I threw my gloves to the work bench, cursing under my breath. Of course I couldn’t concentrate. I was still too goddamn furious with myself.
Stepping outside into the cool air, I grabbed my cell phone and stepped into the part of the yard where I received reception. Not knowing who else could understand the trouble I was in, I punched a few numbers on the phone and swallowed my pride.
“Maddox?” Declan said, answering after a few rings. “How about that. You decide you want to take me up on the offer anyway?”
I barked out a laugh. “You don’t know the half of it. Are you busy? Can you chat?”
“Fuck, man, I never hear from you. There’s nothing going on in Vegas I can’t drop for a little catch-up. From your voice, though, it sounds like there might be something up. You in trouble?”
I tried to think of a way to explain. Declan wasn’t exactly the relationship type, and after we parted ways and ended our crime spree, I hadn’t known him to pursue anyone seriously.
“I messed up,” I said, kicking my boot against the grass. “I messed up big time, man.”
I heard a lighter flick, and Declan sucked on a cigarette. “Start from the top,” he said, blowing the smoke out slowly. “You in danger here?”
“No danger,” I said. “At least, not that I know of. But I did go back to Uncle Elmar’s place, like you talked about.”
“Twenty percent, man,” he said quickly. “That’s the finder fee you owe me for running that job.”
“It’s not like that,” I said, although the stack of money Gunner grabbed flashed back to mind. “I met a couple of younger guys, and one of them was getting scammed out of his apartment by my uncle. He was in a tough spot, and I wanted to help him out…”
“What did you do?”
“I failed him,” I said, my heart aching a little. “I failed him, man.”
With a deep breath of air, I launched into the story. I told him about the briefcase full of cocaine and cash and the foolish decision I had made to use someone as green as Gunner for my lookout. I told him about Malcolm, sucked up in the whole scheme despite himself. I even admitted that his offer from a month earlier had tempted me.
“I wanted to run that job again,” I said. “I could taste the money.”
“Fuck yeah, man,” he said. “Me, too.”
I kicked the dirt again, sending a little clump of grass flying. “Yeah, but I let that screw up my head. I put those guys in danger, Declan. I’m no better than my parents.”
“I haven’t heard you talk about anyone this way in years,” he said. “Is something more going on between you and these kids?”
“They’re boyfriends, or something like it,” I answered. “I hooked up with them a couple of times, but it’s not like that.”
“Not like what?” he pressed me.
“They’re fifteen years younger than me,” I said, trying to dismiss him. “They don’t need some old man getting in the middle of their relationship. And it turns out I’m no use to them as a role model anyway.”
“You’re really beating yourself up for this, Maddox. It’s not like they got shot or something. But then again, you’ve never been able to let shit like this go.”
“What does that mean?”
He laughed, his voice loud in the phone. “I’ve only seen you screw up a few jobs in your day, but every one of them was because you were thinking with your dick instead of your head.”
I clenched my jaw and started to protest. Maybe my dick was part of the equation, but it was my heart that was hurting now. Telling Declan that would just earn me another round of mocking, anyway. “I don’t think that’s true.”
“Don’t you remember that job we screwed up when we were nineteen? It was easy, just moving a couple ounces of weed, but somehow you ended up getting us chased across town by one very pissed-off slumlord and a cop who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
I couldn’t help but grin remembering that afternoon. With Declan driving his car, I just about sprained my neck, peering over my shoulder and freaking ou
t. “That wasn’t about some guy, though,” I objected. “I was trying to get in trouble back then. All I cared about was pissing off my old man and ruining his reputation.”
“That doesn’t mean it was smart for you to try to stick up the guy we were selling weed to,” he pointed out. “But you weren’t thinking about your dad that afternoon, Maddox. You were thinking about me.”
I scoffed. “I was not.”
“Sure you were. Just that weekend, I’d started hooking up with Silvio on the sly. You had sworn you didn’t care about being in a committed relationship, but the second Silvio got in my bed, you started making all kinds of screwed-up choices. I’ve seen it time and again, Maddox. You convince yourself you don’t have feelings for some guy, and then you go turning your life upside down instead of admitting the truth.”
“I’m trying to be a role model to these kids,” I said again. “They were looking up to me, and I set them up to get killed.” Just saying it out loud made my stomach lurch, the vision of Malcolm and Gunner in my uncle’s office flashing back to mind.
“Sure,” he agreed. “But just because you’re their role model doesn’t mean you can’t have feelings for them. Shit, man, even I know that.”
A cloud came across the sun, casting shadows over the mountain. I gritted my teeth together, forcing myself to hear what Declan had to say.
“Maybe you’re right,” I said. “But that doesn’t help me any. If I can’t take care of those guys and protect them, what right do I have to try to start a relationship? My feelings will just tangle me up again, and I’ll end up dragging them down.”
“Maybe,” Declan said, never one to beat around the bush. “But you’ve spent the last decade hiding in the mountains there, man. You don’t want to run another job with me, that’s fine. I’m not going to push you on it. But maybe it’s time you consider sticking your head back out in the world anyway.”
I kept Declan on the phone a while longer, catching up and hearing his Vegas stories. It felt good just to have someone to talk to, someone who understood me and the life I used to live. He might still have been rough around the edges, but Declan would never judge me, and that was something I had learned to value.
When we hung up, I headed back to the house. It felt quiet inside, even after I flipped on the stereo. Sitting on the leather couch, I pulled out the stack of papers I had taken from the office, shuffling through them as an old Alice in Chains song throbbed through the house.
Just like I thought, all of the records were there. My uncle was such a prick; he never had the good sense to cover his tracks. Pulling a few select sheets from the stack, I decided to take care of the problem myself. I knew which people in the local government were on my family’s payroll, and it wouldn’t take more than a few carefully placed anonymous letters to put the right pressure on Uncle Elmar. I had intended to leave the task for Malcolm, thinking it would be empowering for him, but considering all that had gone down, it seemed smarter to wrap up the loose ends myself.
I might have been fooling myself, pretending I could be the man in their life. But if there was still a way to help those guys out, I was going to do whatever I could.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Malcolm
I woke up in my own bed, the sun shining through the windows and birds chirping in the tree. Yawning, I stretched my legs out and smiled to feel the morning light on my face.
Oh my gosh. No construction!
I sat up with a start, then peered out the window. There was no oversized truck parked on the street and no tools spread out on the front lawn. There was just the quiet street and the morning sun.
It was immediately clear what happened. Maddox must have taken care of his family, wrapping up the last of the job and making sure I had the home I needed.
“Thanks,” I whispered, wishing I could say it to him in person.
The extra sleep did me good, and all morning, I kept thinking about what the guys had done for me. From the moment we met, actually, Maddox was taking care of Gunner and I. And Gunner was looking out for me, too, in his own way. They had each become so attentive and so kind. Even with the tension between us, I felt cared for.
By the time I got to the library, greeting my favorite kids at the door, I realized something else.
It was time for me to take care of them, too.
“You’re looking especially handsome today,” Linda said, wandering up to the checkout desk with a big pile of picture books under her arm.
“I got a good night’s sleep,” I answered.
She grinned at me, setting the books on the counter. “Why do I get the impression there’s more to the story than that?”
I laughed, appreciating how well she knew me. “I think I met someone, too,” I admitted.
“What’s his name?”
I hesitated, uncertain whether I could admit the truth right in the middle of the children’s section of the library. Dating two guys just felt like such an extreme thing, and I didn’t even know whether Maddox was open to seeing us again. But with Linda smiling at me, I knew that I wanted to tell her. I wanted to make the whole thing real by saying it to someone, rather than acting like my guys were some dirty secret.
“Gunner,” I said. “And Maddox. There are two of them.”
“Oh my!” Linda said, tittering to herself. “And you’re seeing both of them?”
I nodded quickly, glancing around to make sure no one was listening. “Is that weird, do you think?”
Linda scoffed, waving her hand in the air. “Not in my book! Trust me, I’ve seen plenty of odd relationships in my day. You should have seen what some of the lesbians were getting up to in the 1980s!”
She was so unbothered by the announcement, I was almost shocked. “But do you think a three-person relationship could actually work? I can’t imagine I could bring them to the annual fundraiser gala for the library, for example.”
She frowned, pushing the books around. “And what do you think would happen, sweetheart? You’re about the most well-liked man at the library. Sure, some people have their traditional ideas, but outside of some stinky looks, I can’t imagine you would have any consequences for falling in love.”
I startled at the word love. It seemed so permanent and momentous and much more traditional than I dared expect from guys like Gunner and Maddox. “Maybe,” I said, appreciating her thoughts but not totally buying into them.
“Tell me this,” she asked. “Are these gentlemen good to you?”
I nodded quickly. “Very much, yes.”
“And do you share interests? Do you share passions and have fun together?”
“Maddox has a beautiful garden—you’d really love it. And Gunner and I have so much fun together. He gets me doing things I never even knew I was interested in doing.”
“I’ll bet he does,” she teased under her breath.
“Not just like that!” I laughed.
Linda shrugged, picking the books back up. “That sounds like your answer, then, darling. Life is too short to keep trying to please other people. Follow your heart. It sounds simple, but sometimes, the simple lessons are the ones that matter the most.”
As soon as Linda returned to shelving books, I knew what I needed to do. Yanking my phone out of my pocket, I opened a new text message to my parents.
Hello, Mother and Father. I wonder if you’re free one evening next week? It’s time to introduce you to my new romantic interest. Perhaps you could come over to my apartment for a glass of wine and some dessert?
It might have been rushing things a little, but I couldn’t wait any longer. I was discovering a new side to myself, and I was done hiding it.
That night, I was busy tidying up the apartment and preparing myself to call Gunner. I had a lot of things to say to him, but more than anything else, I just wanted to tell him that I was sorry.
Luckily, Gunner wasn’t the kind of guy to make me wait. As I started to dust the windowsills in my living room, I saw his truck pull up outside.
Gunner stood around for a minute, pacing a circle and talking to himself, and then grabbed a bouquet of flowers from the passenger side and headed toward the building.
“Gunner!” I declared, opening the door wide as soon as he was walking down the hallway.
“Damn, give a guy a chance to surprise you,” he joked. He had on the same leather jacket and tight jeans he always wore, but with a white button-up shirt underneath.
Handsome. Very, very handsome.
“Trust me,” I said, throwing my arms around his shoulders and greeting him with a kiss. “You always surprise me.”
“That means you’re not mad?” he asked, coming inside.
“Why would I be mad?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Because I’m not respectable enough for you? Because I fucked up and stole the money?” He shoved the flowers out, offering them to me awkwardly. “You haven’t texted me in a few days.”
“Neither have you,” I pointed out, leading him to the sitting area in my living room. My parents had gifted me a couple of mid-century modern couches and some other antique furniture, and I took a seat on the couch. “Anyway, I’m the one that needs to apologize.”
He looked startled. “Really?”
“It was really kind of you to offer to come to my parents’ house with me, and I shouldn’t have acted cagey. I needed some time to get used to the idea, but the way I dismissed you was inappropriate. Of course I want you to meet them, and if they have a problem, that’s on their end.”
Gunner bit down on his lip, nodding. “Okay,” he said hesitantly. “So you’re bringing me to dinner at their place?”
“If you’re still up for it, I’ll have them over here. It will give us a little more control over the situation.”
His eyes lit up, and my stomach flipped. If introducing him to my parents made him this happy, clearly, I had made the right call.