by M. E. Parker
Andy grinned and leaned in for another kiss. “You are completely gay. Just ask.”
I felt nervous. “Um…. Well, the other night, before we left to come home, you wondered what we were doing.” Andy cocked his head in confusion. “I mean, you said something like, ‘We’re just hooking up, it doesn’t mean anything’ and I just wanted you to know—”
Andy interrupted me. “Wait, Chance, I didn’t mean that. I mean, I didn’t mean it that way. Of course, it means something to me. I was just mad. I was being stupid.”
“No, you weren’t. I’ve been thinking about this for the last four days, seventeen hours, and however many minutes you just said. I know this is all new. I also know that I’m a mess. I’m not out and I’m not sure how everything would work. But you were wondering what we are to each other.” I grabbed both of Andy’s hands and squeezed them. “I want to be your boyfriend. I want you to be my boyfriend. I want us to be together. Just us,” I said, smiling at him.
His silence was killing me as he stared down the cold wooden floor of the treehouse. I needed him to at least look at me. I had no idea what he was thinking. When he finally raised his eyes to meet mine, he wasn’t smiling. I freaked out. “Oh god, Andy. It’s too soon, I know. I’m not out. I’m a mess. Just forget I said anything.” I felt like an idiot.
“Chance, stop. No. I just … this scares me.” I tried to look up, but I couldn’t. My eyes were glued to the floor, to that stupid heart I carved in the wood. I don’t know what I was thinking.
Andy took a deep breath. “Have I told you about Jeff Sidner?”
I blew out a breath, let my head fall back, and closed my eyes. Things were definitely not going how I imagined. “I don’t think so.”
“He was the first guy I ever messed around with.”
I opened one eye and managed a small smile. “I already hate him,” I joked.
Andy snorted. “He wasn’t so bad. It’s just, after a few times together, I realized it was just physical and we had nothing else in common.”
“Okay. So?”
“So, sometimes I worry that I’m your Jeff Sidner. This is all new to you. There’s a whole world out there, Chance. The planet is full of gay guys. And if you ever come out, you’ll have your pick. I just—I don’t know if I can deal, when you figure out I’m just Jeff Sidner. You know?” I watched as a tear fell down Andy’s cheek.
I reached up and wiped it away. “Andy, what the hell are you talking about?”
He shrugged. “I’m just the first guy you hooked up with. That’s all. You’ll see.”
I rolled my eyes. “Really? Are you being serious right now? You’re just the first guy I hooked up with? I think you’re a little more than that. I know I fucked things up. But we were best friends for ten years, Andy. I know you inside and out. I know you. Don’t get me wrong, the hooking up part of being with you for the last few weeks has been fucking fantastic. But it’s not just about hooking up. It’s about who you are. Every guy I’ve ever been attracted to reminds me of you. Every guy. So, why would I want someone that reminds me of you if I could have the real you? Look, if you don’t want this, just say so. But don’t try to tell me that what I’m feeling isn’t real. It pisses me off.” The more I said, the more frustrated I became. My father’s words came back to haunt me. What you’re feeling for Andy isn’t real. I tried to ignore my memory. “For the record, this scares me too. I’ve never felt like this before.”
I looked down and Andy was running his finger over the little heart I’d carved in the floor of the treehouse. He cleared his throat, “Yes.”
“Yes, what?”
He looked up at me with a smile and wiped another tear from his cheek. “Yes, I want us to be together. Yes, I want to be your boyfriend. Ignore me. I’m an idiot.”
Relief flooded my entire body as I listened to his words. I let out a breath and held out my hand. “Come here.” I kissed him gently on the mouth and whispered against his lips, “You are an idiot. I’ll never want anyone besides you.”
His bright green watery eyes met mine as he rested his forehead against mine. “You’re going to break my heart someday, but this is totally worth it.”
I smiled at him. But what he said made me sad. I decided then that I would do everything I could to keep that from happening. If I was honest with myself, I was more terrified that he would break my heart. “Andy, I—” The words were on the tip of my tongue. I love you. I stopped myself. It was too soon. “I’m going to prove you wrong,” I said as I gently kissed his neck. Before I knew it, he was in my lap straddling me. I needed to feel close to him.
I reached for the hem of his shirt and he stopped me. “As much as I want to fulfill one of my childhood fantasies, it’s freezing, and this floor is not very comfortable.”
I laughed. “Tell me about this fantasy.”
He shrugged. “Duh, you and me naked. In the treehouse. What else?”
Laughing, I laid him flat on his back. “So, let’s do it.”
He shook his head and laughed as I pinned his wrists to the floor. “No way. Maybe this spring. Let’s go inside.”
“This spring… It’s a date,” I said before I kissed him again and let him go. “We’ll go inside. But first, open this,” I said, reaching for the red gift bag sitting in the corner of the treehouse.
“What’s this?” he asked, reaching for the gift bag.
“Merry Christmas.”
“Oh god, Chance, I didn’t know we were… I didn’t get you anything.”
“It’s not much. Don’t worry about it. Just open it.”
I watched as he tossed the green tissue aside and reached down into the bag and pulled out the box. “Russian piping tips. How did you know I wanted these?” he asked excitedly.
I laughed. “I have no idea what they are. I’ve just watched you take them in and out of your Amazon cart for the last three weeks. I figured I’d get them for you so you would stop the madness.”
He chuckled. “So, these are so cool. They’re for cake decorating—I mean, really, you could use them for anything—cupcakes, cookies, candy—they make all sorts of flowers and shapes with just one squeeze of a pastry bag. I can’t believe it. This is so thoughtful…” His voice trailed off and he looked up at me, smiling.
I shook my head and laughed. “There’s something else in the bag.”
He reached down in the bag and pulled out the small picture frame. It was a picture of Andy and me standing in front of the treehouse the day we finished it. We had our arms draped around each other. Andy looked up at me with watery eyes. “You used to have this picture in your bedroom at home.”
“I still do,” I said.
“Dad took it,” he said as he ran his finger over the glass.
“I remember. I miss him. What do you think he’d think about us now?”
“I think he’d be happy for us,” Andy said.
“Me too,” I responded, clearing my throat. “Do you think he knew?”
“Knew what?”
“I don’t know, that you were gay? That we’d be together like this? That I was gay?”
Andy smiled at me and reached for my hand. “I always regretted that I didn’t come out sooner. I guess I needed to know that he would have been okay with it. I finally worked up the courage to ask Mom, and she told me that he knew—that they had talked about it. She said that he just wanted me to be happy. He would’ve accepted and loved me no matter what. He would’ve felt the same way about you. He loved you.”
I felt a lump forming in my throat. I nodded. “I loved him too.”
“I know,” he said, squeezing my hand. “I know it’s only been about five minutes, but so far you’re the best boyfriend I’ve ever had.”
I laughed. “I’m glad I’m off to a good start. Let’s get inside before you freeze to death.”
He leaned over and kissed me. “Thanks.”
“For what?” I asked.
Andy shrugged. “I don’t know, for the best Christmas morning
I’ve had in a very long time.”
Winking at Andy, I climbed out of the treehouse. “We’re just getting started, monkey…”
KEEP READING FOR A SNEAK PEEK AT
CATCHING CHANCE
COMING NEXT MONTH!
CATCHING CHANCE
by
m.e. parker
prologue
Andy
What happens when you suddenly get everything you ever wanted?
First, you don’t believe it’s real.
Then you want more…
That’s exactly what happened when Chance looked me in the eye and asked me to be his boyfriend.
Can you blame me for freaking out a little bit?
Chance was my best friend for nearly twelve years. From the time we were six, we were almost inseparable. We shared secrets. We talked about everything. He knew almost everything there was to know about me—my hopes, my dreams, my flaws, and my worst fears. But he didn’t know everything.
If he’d known everything, he would’ve known I was gay. He would’ve known I was hopelessly in love with him.
I’d never be able forget the moment he found out. It was our last year of high school. It was a muggy night in September. It was our last camping trip together—the night I admitted I was gay. It was also the night that our friendship ended and the night my heart broke into a thousand pieces. He ghosted me. He stopped speaking to me for the next four years. Not one word.
A crazy twist of fate pulled us together a month ago. It had only been one month. One month since Chance told me he was gay. One month since we’d slipped back into an easy friendship. But we weren’t just friends anymore. He’d spent almost every night with me. We’d fooled around. We were friends who fooled around. At least that’s how I thought Chance viewed us until he asked me to be his boyfriend.
The truth was, I was just as in love with Chance as I’d always been—more even, since we’d spent the last month together. Everything felt right with Chance. The way he looked at me. The way he kissed me. The way he touched me. The way he held my hand. It all felt right. But it wasn’t just the physical stuff. Our personalities just meshed, the same as always. Laughing, talking, and sharing our lives felt comfortable. Being with Chance felt like home.
So, when I heard the words, “I want to be your boyfriend. I want you to be my boyfriend. I want us to be together,” come out of his mouth, I couldn’t make myself believe him. I couldn’t make myself believe that he was feeling what I was feeling. I’d wanted it for so long. It seemed impossible. It didn’t feel real. Being back home in Wytheville in my backyard, in the treehouse with Chance, felt surreal. It was the same treehouse we built together with my father when we were just twelve years old. It was the same treehouse we’d spent so many summer nights together that I couldn’t even remember them all.
When I heard his words and looked into his dark glistening eyes that were full of hope as he smiled at me, I couldn’t let myself believe that he’d meant what he said. I felt frozen. I couldn’t respond. I didn’t know how to respond. A memory flashed in front of me like a movie on a big screen. It was us. In the treehouse. On a hot summer night. We were thirteen …
Chance lay on his side, his head propped up on his fist. I was facing him, lying in the same position. Our faces were inches apart. It was dark. Only the moonlight streamed through the tiny open window of the treehouse, illuminating his perfect face. “Did you know that Jason Heffner’s dating Becky Jones?” he asked.
I rolled my eyes because the last thing I wanted to do was talk about girls. We never talked about girls. “Since when?”
Chance looked down. Even in the darkness, I could tell he was embarrassed. “I don’t know. He was bragging about it after baseball practice. He was talking about how Becky was the hottest girl in school and how he made out with her and stuff. He said they went to second base last night.”
“So?” I didn’t really care about Jason Hoffner and Becky Jones. I didn’t want to talk about them. I would rather talk about our mansion, the shape of our swimming pool, or how many dogs we’d have when we grew up. I would have even settled for talking about obscure football players from the sixties and seventies. The last thing I wanted to talk about was Jason Hoffner making out with Becky Jones.
He shrugged. “So, do you think Becky’s the hottest girl at school?”
I rolled my eyes again. “I don’t know, do you?”
He shrugged again. “I don’t know. Would you make out with her?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”
“Why not?”
I sighed and wondered how I could change the subject. “I don’t know. I think it would be gross.”
He smiled a little. “Me too.” He stared at me. His face grew serious. The tip of his pink tongue darted from his mouth and he licked his full lips. “If you could make out with anyone, who would it be?”
It was an easy question. If I was brave, I would have answered, “You.” But I wasn’t brave. I hadn’t told anyone my secret. It may have been okay with my parents that I liked boys, but I understood enough to know that it wouldn’t be okay with almost everyone else, Chance included. But the way he was looking at me that night—there was a slight smile on his face and his eyes seemed focused on my mouth—it gave me some tiny sliver of hope that maybe he had a crush on me too. But I wasn’t brave, so I answered, “I don’t know. Who would you make out with?”
He didn’t respond right away. He kept staring at me. There was a second that passed, maybe even two or three, that I thought he might lean in and kiss me. But he didn’t. He rolled over and turned his back to me before he responded, “I don’t know. Probably nobody.”
I sighed and rolled over on my back. “Me neither,” I lied. I fell asleep that night disappointed and mad at myself for hoping for something that wasn’t possible—for wanting something I couldn’t have. Chance wasn’t like me. He’d never like me the way I like him…
Chance’s voice startled me back to the present. “Oh god, Andy. It’s too soon, I know. I’m not out. I’m a mess. Just forget I said anything.” I wondered how long I’d been silent. I looked up at him and he quickly looked down at the floor. He was embarrassed, maybe even a little hurt. But what he was asking, it couldn’t be real. It just couldn’t. His earlier words were still running through my mind… I want to be your boyfriend. I want you to be my boyfriend. I want us to be together.
“Chance, stop. No. I just … this scares me.” My words surprised me. Chance was offering me everything I ever wanted and I still couldn’t believe it was real. So, I launched into the long story of Jeff Sidner, the first guy I ever fooled around with in college to prove my point. Only I didn’t think he got it. So, I just spit it out. “I’m just the first guy you hooked up with. That’s all. You’ll see.” I’m not special. It’s not possible. You don’t really want to be my boyfriend.
Chance’s reaction surprised me. He was angry. “Really? Are you being serious right now? You’re just the first guy I hooked up with? I think you’re a little more than that. I know I fucked things up, but we were best friends for ten years, Andy. I know you inside and out. I know you. Don’t get me wrong, the hooking up part of being with you for the last few weeks has been fucking fantastic. But it’s not just about hooking up. It’s about who you are. Every guy I’ve ever been attracted to reminds me of you. Every guy. So, why would I want someone that reminds me of you if I could have the real you? Look, if you don’t want this, just say so. But don’t try to tell me that what I’m feeling isn’t real. It pisses me off. For the record, this scares me too. I’ve never felt like this before.”
I listened to his words, but my eyes were on the wooden floor of the treehouse. They were glued to the little heart that Chance had carved in a floor board. It had our initials in it. I’m crazy, I thought. My heart pounded with excitement. If Chance Wyrick wanted to be my boyfriend, there was no way I’d turn him down. “Yes,” I blurted out before he finished his last sentence.
; “Yes, what?” he asked warily.
“Yes, I want us to be together. Yes, I want to be your boyfriend. Ignore me. I’m an idiot.” I looked up at him and prayed he hadn’t changed his mind. As he pulled me toward him and kissed me on the lips, he whispered something. I couldn’t pay attention. All I could think was… I just got everything I always wanted.
I felt like I was in a fog when he surprised with me the most thoughtful Christmas gift I’d ever gotten. “I know it’s only been about five minutes, but so far you’re the best boyfriend I’ve ever had.”
I thanked him for giving me the best Christmas morning I’d had in a long time and, as he climbed out of the treehouse, he winked at me. “We’re just getting started, monkey.”
A flock of butterflies unleashed in my stomach as I watched him climb down the ladder. Things were changing. We were different. We weren’t just hooking up anymore. We were in a relationship. Then, the worst happened. A bout of momentary panic hit me. He’s not out, I reminded myself. We’ll still be a secret. He’s the quarterback at Gilcrest. He won’t come out. You won’t be able to marry him and have kids someday. He can’t give you that.
I immediately hated myself for letting my mind go to that place. I hated myself for wanting more. He really had just given me more than I ever dreamed of. Just knowing that he wanted us to be in a relationship was enough. I made a silent promise to myself to stop questioning it—to just enjoy it, no matter how long it lasted.
chapter one
Andy
My legs wobbled as I climbed out of the treehouse. I felt like I was in a dream.
Chance Wyrick just asked me to be his boyfriend.
It was the last thing I’d expected. I wasn’t lying when I told him the whole thing scared me to death. Chance had the power to break me. I knew that. It happened once before. The next time would be so much worse.
As I stepped off the last rung onto the ground, he put his arm around me, kissed my cheek, and whispered in my ear, “Race you inside.” His warm breath against my ear sent a shudder of excitement through my entire body.