by J. M. Walker
“Excuse me?”
My head snapped up. “Leave. Get out.”
“Brett.” Roxane’s hand fluttered to her throat. “You need to reach out to your daughter.”
“And say what?” I boomed, shoving to my feet. “I have a family…” I swallowed the rest of my sentence. It wasn’t the girl’s fault that she was born into a fucked-up situation. I had so many questions.
“Where is Claire?”
Roxane looked away. “That I can’t tell you.”
“Why the hell not?” I demanded, taken aback that she would even consider withholding that information from me.
“Claire asked me not to tell you where she is.” She rose from the couch. “I’ll be in touch. But until then, I suggest going home to your wife.” Roxane left the office, leaving me alone to the questions banging around in my head.
I needed to tell Evvie.
Knowing this revelation could possibly end my marriage, I did the only thing I could. I prayed. And I prayed fucking hard. I wasn’t sure anyone was listening because hell if I knew that I didn’t deserve the silence, but I was desperate.
“I fucked up,” I whispered, slumping back onto the couch and dropped my head in my hands. “Fuck .”
Suddenly my phone rang, the noise distant, like I was listening through a tunnel. I reached for my cell and saw Matteo Santos’ name flashing across the screen. Perfect fucking timing.
“I need you,” I told him, instead of giving him a proper greeting.
“I’m on my way,” came his deep reply.
I hung up and headed to the bar, needing a drink. Pouring a shot, I slammed it back and took another one before I turned around and leaned against the bar. My gaze landed on the tumbler sitting on my desk across the room. I had every intention when I poured that drink to finish things up at the club and head home. But now, I avoided it.
“Brett.” Matteo entered my office, slowly closing the door behind him. “What’s wrong?”
“You got here fast,” I muttered.
“It’s been a half hour.” He stepped farther into the room, his gaze taking in the shot glass in my hand.
“Oh.” I scrubbed a hand down my face, time lost to me. “I…”
“Let’s sit.” Matteo moved to the couch, lowering his large body to the leather beneath him, and waited. That was what I liked about the guy. Having met him over ten years ago, Dr. Matteo Santos was now a friend and part of the family. My kids even called him Uncle.
“Brett,” he said gently. “Tell me what happened.”
“I fucked up,” I said slowly. “And I think it’s going to end my marriage.”
Brett
I DIDN’T WANT to tell her. I didn’t want my wife to look at me with contempt and loathe me like I deserved. I was selfish and wished I could have kept the secret to myself, but if I did and Evvie found out, it would end my marriage faster than I could ask her for forgiveness.
I spent the better part of the afternoon pacing back and forth in my office. How was I going to tell her after keeping it a secret for so long? I had gone almost fifteen years with not having to tell Evvie that I fucked Claire after her and I broke up. Although the details of that night were fuzzy, finding out I had a kid with another woman proved what I thought had happened to be true.
Matteo had listened to me rant and rave about my mistake. The only thing he had said was for me to tell Evvie, and that was it. It wasn’t helpful and I lashed out, but I knew it wasn’t his fault. It was no one’s fault but my own.
After calling Anna and asking her to pick up the kids for the night, I could already see the judgment in her eyes. It wasn’t her fault. It was me. I was an asshole and always thought about myself first. It was how I was in the beginning and how I would be until the day I died. Or that’s what her accusatory stare led me to believe. Was I still that damn selfish?
“Brett? Are you home?”
My stomach flipped at my wife’s voice coming from the hallway.
“Are you in here?” she asked, opening the door. “Hey.” Her eyes shone with the love that I didn’t deserve. “What are you doing? I was about to get supper started. I didn’t even hear you come home. Where are the kids?” Question after question left her mouth and if this was any other day, I would have laughed and teased her about it. But this wasn’t one of those days.
Before I knew what I was doing, I closed the distance between us and pulled her into my arms. Rubbing my face into the crook of her neck, I inhaled. The scent of vanilla and everything that made up my beautiful wife, wafted into my nose. My body stirred, my cock growing at the mere scent of her. Fuck me, she always smelled so damn good.
“Hey.” She leaned back, cupping my face. “What’s wrong?”
And she also knew me too fucking well.
“Brett.” She frowned. “Talk to me.”
I swallowed hard and pulled her to the couch. “The kids are with Anna and Evan,” I finally said.
“Oh, okay.” Evvie took my hand in hers and kissed my knuckles, smiling softly at me. “Is everything alright?”
I shot up from the couch, rubbed the back of my neck and started pacing. I couldn’t handle her being gentle with me. Her showing me how much she loved me when I didn’t deserve it. I never deserved it. Her love. The kids she gave me. The fucking family I never had growing up. I didn’t deserve any of them. They would probably be better off if I just left. I was a controlling asshole. It would be expected of me.
“Brett.” Evvie’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. “Talk to me.”
“I had a visitor today at The Red Love . Claire’s mother came to see me.”
“Claire’s mother,” Evvie repeated. “Why?”
“She came to tell me something.” Fuck, this was hard. So damn hard. “Claire’s in a mental hospital.”
“Oh.” Evvie paused. “Is she okay?”
My heart panged. As much as my wife hated the woman, she was still empathetic. Claire didn’t deserve shit from her and yet, there Evvie was, still feeling bad that the woman who tried so hard to ruin her, to ruin us, was locked up like some lab rat.
“Do you know where she is?” Evvie thought a moment. “Maybe we could go see her. See if she’s okay.”
My eyes snapped to hers. “Fuck, I don’t deserve you. Not one bit.”
“I…” She cleared her throat. “What happened was years ago, Brett.” She shrugged. “I may not like her but I would never wish her harm. And mental health hits a little home for me.”
I looked away, knowing she was referring to me and all the years I’d spent in therapy. It helped, but being with her helped more.
“Are you okay?” Evvie asked, placing a hand gently on my arm.
“Stop,” I yelled, making her jump.
“What the hell is going on with you?” She shoved to her feet.
“Why the fuck are you with me? I don’t deserve you. You’re offering for us to go see a woman who tried to break us apart. Why, Evvie? Why are you so damn perfect?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about but you’re really scaring me right now.”
“I cheated on you.”
Evvie’s jaw clenched. “You already fed me this lie. That’s why we broke up in the first place, remember? And if you think you’re being funny by bringing that shit up again, you’re not.”
“I’m not lying this time, Evvie.” I took a step toward her, forcing her back. “Years ago, when we broke up after the shit with Claire went down, I got drunk. Really fucking drunk. I was beside myself. I couldn’t stop it from happening. I wanted you so bad, I fucking pushed you away.” My fingers gripped my hair, pulling and tugging. I was losing the very control I had worked for years to gain.
“I really hope the next words out of your mouth are that you got drunk and went home to bed,” she whispered. “By yourself.”
I didn’t say anything as I saw my wife’s heart breaking right before my very eyes.
***
(Evvie)
“Say somet
hing,” I told my husband. “Say anything. Tell me why. Tell me how good she was. I don’t give a fuck.” I clenched my hands at my sides. “Just tell me something.”
“I regretted it the moment it happened,” Brett muttered.
“It shouldn’t have happened in the first place,” I screamed, slamming a fist against his chest. “You were supposed to be with me . You were supposed to love me . But you got scared and you left me. You went to the one person who tried to ruin you. Ruin us. And even locked away, she fucking succeeded. Why are you telling me this now?”
“Because that’s not all her mother had to tell me.”
I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “What could be worse than that?”
“She had my kid.”
Evvie
LAUGHTER ESCAPED ME.
Brett’s kid.
Fucking great.
Claire Morgan had her claws latched into Brett from the very beginning. After meeting me, he was done with her and told her to move on but she wouldn’t. Pregnancy lies went around and now I find out, they weren’t actually a lie?
“How is that possible? You told me she lost the baby.” My hands curled into fists for fear that I would beat the shit out of my husband.
“She did.” Brett looked down at his feet. “The first time.”
“The first time.” My blood pounded in my ears. “You got her pregnant twice? So, she lost one and got pregnant again after you fucked her…” Memories rushed through my mind. “Wait.” I pushed him, forcing him to look at me. “You broke up with me. Fucked me. Went home. Got drunk. And fucked her ? All in the same night?”
His jaw ticked. “Yes.”
At that point, I slapped him. My palm tingled, the pain slicing through my heart. “How could you do this to us? After all of this time? I gave you three fucking kids, Brett. Three of them. I almost died giving birth to Patrick. You should have told me.”
“And say what, Evvie?” His gaze hardened, his cheek turning red from where my palm had connected with his face. “Would you have forgiven me right away? Would we be together now if I had told you? Come on. You’re not stupid. I love you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. That’s why I never told you because I knew there was no way in fucking hell that we would be together now.”
“That’s not your choice to make.” I beat my fists against his chest, a sense of relief washing over me the longer I hit him. “You should have told me. You should have been honest with me. We have been through so much already. Look at us. We were doing good.”
“We were never doing good.” He grabbed my wrists, holding them in one hand between us. “What we have has been hard work. So damn hard. Nothing comes easy for us. I almost lost you due to cancer.” He kissed my cheek.
“No.” I shook against him. “You’re going to lose me due to that whore. I’m sorry she’s sick. I can’t imagine being in a mental hospital. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, no matter how much I hate them but…” My eyes welled, my throat closing. “I can’t believe you did this to us.” I turned away from him.
“Evvie,” he whispered, keeping a firm grip on my wrists and pulling me hard against him. “Look at me. Please.”
No matter how pissed I was, my body still heated over being restrained by him.
“I hate you.” My chin trembled. “I fucking hate you. But I hate her even more. She’s locked up and I hate her. That makes me feel like a worthless human being because she’s fucking sick. I can’t even do shit about it. I can’t yell at her. I can’t beat her face in. Because she’s sick .” I shoved out of his grip and pushed him. “I can’t do this.” I went to leave his office when he grabbed me from behind.
“You’re not leaving,” he growled, his hot breath washing over the side of my face.
“You can’t make me stay.”
“You bet your fucking ass I can.” He spun me around, slamming me up against the door. “I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you.”
“You can’t make up shit,” I screamed, pushing him back. I threw open the door and stomped to our bedroom. I didn’t know where I was going but I needed to get away. From him. From my life. From everything. He broke me. Destroyed that part of me I had never given to anyone else. He owned me. Molded me into what he wanted only to throw it all back in my face.
“You’re not leaving me, Evvie,” Brett said, raising his voice.
“What the fuck do you want from me?” I spun on him. “How would you feel if the situation was reversed? How would you feel if I hooked up with some guy and had his kid, Brett?”
He laughed, the deep sound taking on a dangerous edge I had never heard in him before . “I would beat your ass and then kill the fucker who got to you before I did.”
“Well I can’t very well beat your ass, now can I? Because we both know how that would end up.”
His gaze darkened.
“And I can’t kill her because I have no fucking idea where she is,” I continued, ignoring the way he looked at me. “How convenient is that? Did you know about this? Did you know that you had a baby with her?”
“Fuck no. I promise you,” Brett’s voice softened. “I didn’t know.”
“There has to be a reasonable explanation. Maybe the kid isn’t yours. Please tell me that it’s all a lie. Please.” Betraying me was one thing but to have a constant reminder of that betrayal, I wasn’t sure if I could handle that. Claire latching on to him made me sick to my stomach. The idea that he was inside her, touching her, making her scream his name…bile rose to my throat.
“It’s not a lie.” He came toward me.
“No.” I took a step back, shaking my head. “I need to leave. I can’t look at you right now.”
“I need you.” His voice shook.
I bit back the urge to run into his arms and tell him that I would get over this, that I forgave him. Years ago, I probably would have. But not now. Not ever.
“I don’t give a shit what you need, Brett.” I stomped to the closet and grabbed a bag. Pulling open drawer after drawer, I shoved clothes into the duffel.
“Evvie.” He grabbed my arm, stopping me from filling the luggage. “Listen to me.”
And that was when I broke. I covered my face, tears streaming down my cheeks. Sobs left me, racking through my body until they became uncontrollable. Everything inside of me hurt. My chest ached. My muscles were pulled tight, rolling over my bones until my knees shook. I had to hold onto the edge of the dresser for fear I would fall.
“How could you do this to us?” My heart banged in my chest so damn hard, I thought it was going to explode.
Brett wrapped himself around me, kissing my head, the side of my neck, my cheek. He kissed me over and over, but it didn’t help. It didn’t make me feel better. It didn’t resolve these new problems we were having. It didn’t get rid of the fact that he fucked Claire the same night he was with me and now had a kid with her.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice thick. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“You need to leave,” I finally said but I couldn’t let him go. So many questions bounced around in my head. So many what ifs. I wanted to go back to the day before. I wanted to go back to the moment when he brought me to our playroom and made love to me until all I felt was our souls connecting.
“I need you to forgive me,” he said, his mouth brushing over the back of my neck.
“Forgive you,” I repeated the words. “Forgive you?” Something inside of me snapped. I turned around, shoving him back. “You can’t tell me that you fucked someone else, have a kid with them, and then minutes later expect me to forgive you just like that. I may be naïve with some things but I’m not fucking stupid.”
“Evvie,” he said, his brows narrowing. He took a step toward me.
“No.” I held up my hand, stopping him from coming any closer. “You can’t kiss me and expect me to get over it just like that. You can’t touch me and expect me to fall back into your arms like nothing happened. I’m not that girl anymore.”
In the beginning, I fell for him hard and fast. It was an instant connection that we had shared. Well, now I was older. Wiser. And I knew him.
“How can I make this up to you?” His gaze darted back and forth, pleading. There was so much hope hidden behind his eyes, it took a moment for me to get control of myself. For me to stop myself from jumping into his arms. For me to plead with him that this was all some sick joke.
His question threw me off because I didn’t have an answer for him. We may have been broken up when he fucked Claire but in my mind, he still betrayed me.
“You can leave.” I swallowed hard. “That’s how you can make it up to me.”
“Evvie.” His eyes shone. “Please, baby.” He fell to his knees, wrapping his arms around my middle.
“Brett, I can’t...” He wasn’t one for terms of endearments so calling me baby broke my damn heart. “I can’t do this. I need time. I need answers. But right now, I need to be alone.” I tried pushing him off me, but his hold only tightened.
“I’ll do anything,” he choked, rubbing his face against my stomach. “Just tell me what to do.”
“The fact that you have no idea what to do just proves…” Another sob left me. “Get out.”
“I’m not leaving.” His hold on me only tightened. “Not until we fix this.”
“Fix this,” I repeated. “How the hell are we supposed to fix this? You can’t tell me something this extreme, apologize, and then expect me to be all, ‘Oh that’s fine, my love. I totally understand that you thought with your dick first before your love for me.’” I scoffed. “No big fucking deal at all.”
“Evvie,” he warned, staring at me with those deep blue eyes of his that I had drowned in so many years ago. He rose to his full height, his hard body brushing up against mine. With his hands firmly on my ass, he held me against him.
No matter how pissed, hurt, and angry I was, I couldn’t help the way my body reacted to him. It wasn’t right to be thinking about sex when my heart was breaking. It wasn’t right to be looking at my husband like he was a piece of meat and wanting to fuck this pain away. He made me like this. He made me crave the parts of sex I was never introduced to before him.