by J. M. Walker
My stomach twisted.
Once we entered the large open dining room, I took a deep breath. Every now and again, an overwhelming feeling washed over me. Remembering how far I’ve come. Remembering that I didn’t just have clubs all over North America but in other continents as well. The Red Love , as old as it was, would always be the first.
“Alright, sweet girl.” I sat on the stool by the bar and handed Miracle a menu. “Anything you want. And if you can’t eat it, we can bring it home for your brothers.”
She tapped her chin, her eyes moving back and forth over the menu. “I want everything.”
I chuckled. “Can you eat everything?”
“No.” She giggled.
“Hey, boss,” Tanner King called out, walking toward us. “What can I get for you and the little lady?”
Miracle’s cheeks reddened.
“What would you like?” I asked her.
“Orange juice please,” she whispered.
I grinned. “Orange juice for Miracle and just a beer for me.”
Tanner nodded, making our drinks.
“You’re in early,” I said, making conversation with the guy who I never really talked to before.
Tanner’s mouth fell open. “Uh…” He shook himself. “Yeah, well, the new guy hasn’t been very reliable. I needed the money and I also like this job. Have you seen Cocktail ? I always wanted to be a bartender since seeing that movie.” He reiterated his statement by flipping a martini shaker into the air and catching it behind him.
Miracle’s eyes widened in awe.
“My wife used to bartend here. Her and the other bartender would put on shows for the customers,” I said more to Miracle than to Tanner.
“Mama did that?” she asked, her gaze glittering.
“She did.” I tapped her nose. “She was amazing at it too.” Memories of those nights so many years ago bounced around in my mind. If only we could find that happiness again. “Her and the other bartender would do flips and tricks with the cups. They even had fire involved.”
“Wow.” Miracle’s eyes rounded even more.
“So, are you hungry, baby girl?” I nodded toward the menu in her hand. “We have a surprise guest working with us this week. He’s made some delicious meals that I think you would enjoy.”
“I am hungry.” She chewed her bottom lip. “Hmm…I want this.” She pointed to a salmon dish.
“Perfect. I think you’ll like it.” I kissed her head.
“Mr. MacLean.”
My gaze snapped up at a man coming toward us from the back kitchen. “Ah. Troy Danvers. Just the person I wanted to see. This is my daughter, Miracle. She’s going to be having your salmon dinner.”
“Oh God.” Troy’s cheeks reddened. “That’s the newest dish.” He leaned toward her. “If it sucks, you’ll be nice right?”
She giggled. “Of course. I’m not my dad.”
A burst of laughter sounded through the room.
“Alright, alright,” I chided. “It’s not that funny.” But I couldn’t help but smile.
“It’s okay, Daddy.” Miracle tapped my hand. “I still love you.”
“Getting called out by my own kid,” I said, gripping my chest. “You wound me.” I nodded to Tanner. “Will you please grab her another drink? Whatever she wants. But no alcohol.”
Miracle pouted.
“How about the world’s best orange juice?” Tanner asked, waggling his eyebrows.
“Oh,” she exclaimed, the sense of loss at not being allowed alcohol at thirteen years of age, disappearing. Only my kid.
“Anything you want changed with the menu?” Troy asked me.
“No.” I held out a hand. “But I do want to thank you.”
“For what?” he asked, returning the handshake.
“You’ve made my menu the best it’s ever been. I want to put your recipes on every menu in every restaurant that my wife and I own.”
“Really?” Troy’s eyes shone.
“Of course. I wasn’t kidding when I said that I only want the best for my customers. You are the best. I’ve had food at a lot of places all over the world but there’s something about your recipes that make them extra special.” And they tasted so fucking good. Memories of me feeding Evvie Troy’s delectable desserts caressed my mind. My body stirred. Clearing my throat, I shook myself, not needing to get a hard on while doing business.
“I am honored.” Troy shook my hand again. “I would also love to meet your wife.”
I cleared my throat again. “I’ll set something up.”
He nodded, his gaze softening in understanding. “I can’t thank you enough. Oh, just wait until my husband hears this.”
I chuckled. “I’m sure he’ll be proud.” I clapped a hand on Troy’s shoulder. “I know you’re busy but would you mind cooking up my daughter’s meal for her yourself? I think she would like that as well.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He grinned. “So, Miracle. How do you like your salmon cooked?”
***
(Evvie)
“Mama! Mama! Mama!”
I laughed at the excitement coming from my daughter. “What, baby?”
She ran into the kitchen, her cheeks flushed and her dark hair a mess on top of her head. “I went to see Daddy today and I had this most amazing meal. Salmon with these nuts and veggie thingies that I wasn’t quite sure what they were but they tasted good, so I ate them. And I met Troy Danvers, I think his name is. He’s the best cook ever. And Tanner was there.” She slid her bag off her shoulder, letting it drop to the ground beside her. “And he’s really nice and I’m totally going to marry him one day. So, Daddy drove me home after we were done eating because he had work to do but he told me to tell you that he loves you.” She blew a loose strand of hair out of her eyes and went to the fridge. “Daddy wants to use Troy for all of the restaurants I think but I’m not sure. I wasn’t really listening anyway because Tanner was talking to me and did I tell you that I’m totally going to marry him one day?”
“Wait…” I shook my head. “You did what?”
“I’m going to marry Tanner.” She grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and kicked the door closed. “He’s really nice. Have you met him yet?”
“I…back up to the part where you went to see Daddy. You went to see him at work? What about school?”
“I was bored so I left,” she said it like it was no big deal and I didn’t just find out that my thirteen-year-old daughter took a trip across the damn city to see her dad.
“You were bored,” I repeated. “How did you get there?” I asked, trying hard to understand and not lash out.
“I took the bus.” She shrugged. “No big deal.”
“No big…” I blew out a slow breath, pinching the bridge of my nose and mentally counting to ten.
“You know, Daddy does that too when he’s frustrated.” She pointed the bottle at me. “It’s usually how I know he’s going to tell me he has work to do and then he ends up swearing and yelling. He thinks I can’t hear him but I can.”
“Yeah,” I grumbled. “I know.” I sat at the kitchen table. “You shouldn’t have left school early without telling one of us.”
“It’s no big deal, Mama.” She went to grab her bag off the floor when I stopped her.
“It is a big deal.” I grabbed her hand and pulled her back to the table, sitting her in front of me. “I know you’re bored. But I’m not upset about you leaving school early.”
“You’re not?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
“No. I’m upset because you took the bus across the city by yourself.”
“But I’m fine.”
“I know you’re fine and I also know that you’re a big girl, but I worry. So next time, please ask one of us first.”
“But you wouldn’t pull me from school early just because I was bored.”
She was right. “I know. So, tell me about Tanner?”
Her face brightened, her smile widening. “Oh, Mam
a. He’s so dreamy. And he does tricks with the drinks just like you used to do.”
I smiled, memories of the past catching up with me. Drinks. Tricks. Fire. And me teasing Brett. “That’s wonderful. Tell me more.”
Miracle went on and on about Tanner, her smile widening and her eyes brightening the more she talked about him. I had yet to meet him but if he was still breathing and Brett hadn’t laid a hand on him for drawing our daughter’s attention, he must be a good guy.
***
Later that evening after the kids went to bed, I was curled up watching TV and drinking a glass of wine when someone came into the house.
“Evvie?”
My stomach flipped over hearing Brett’s deep voice. “In here,” I called out. My body came alive. It had been a couple of days since I had seen him or even just talked to him. I remembered how he left me. Fucked into exhaustion.
He came into the living room, took off his suit jacket and placing it on the back of the chair. “The kids in bed?”
I nodded, noticing the dark circles beneath his eyes. Looked like I wasn’t the only one who was losing sleep.
“Can I sit with you?” he asked, taking a tentative step toward me.
“It’s your house.” I shrugged. “You can do whatever you want.”
“It’s our house, Evvie,” he corrected, slumping down beside me. There was a foot of empty space between us. We didn’t touch. He didn’t give me a kiss in greeting. He didn’t even attempt to give me a hug.
“Is this what we’ve come to now?” I asked him, my voice wavering. “We don’t touch anymore?”
“What do you expect from me?” His words were clipped. “I’m scared if I touch you, you’ll pull away. I can’t handle that shit right now.”
“Have I ever pulled away from you? Even when I should have?”
He didn’t answer.
“I’m mad at you but I want you to touch me.” I turned to him. “It confuses me because I know I shouldn’t want you this much after what you’ve done.”
Brett’s jaw clenched.
“Do you know her name?” I asked, turning back around and staring at the TV. What was I even watching?
“No,” he mumbled, taking the glass of wine from me and took a sip.
“You don’t know her name?” I frowned, my gaze snapping to his. “Why not? Why the hell has her grandmother thrown this on us when we don’t even know the girl’s damn name?”
“I don’t know,” he said, his voice rough. “I don’t know anything.”
“Well I don’t know what I should do, Brett.” I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat becoming permanently lodged there. “What’s the right way? A part of me wants to meet her because she could be yours but then another part loathes her because of who her mother is.” I crossed my arms under my chest. “That makes me a horrible person.”
“No. It makes you a human being.” Brett stood. “I shouldn’t have come here but I missed you. Even if we don’t touch. I just miss your company.”
“The kids and I are going to stay at Evan and Anna’s for a couple of days. You can stay here instead of at the hotel.”
“Evvie.”
I rose to my feet and went to walk by him when he grabbed my arm and pulled me against him. My back was to his chest, his hands gripping me tight.
“Please,” he murmured, his lips brushing over the shell of my ear.
“I need time. I don’t know how much time but you have to give that to me.” I shook my head, swallowing hard and forcing myself not to break apart in front of my husband.
“I won’t push you.” He kissed my head. “Let’s watch a movie or something. Please, Evvie. I need you. Even if it’s just your company.”
“Can you do that without touching me?” I turned in his arms. “Without kissing me? Without putting your hands on my body?”
“It will be fucking hard but if it makes you happy, I won’t touch you.” He kept his hands at his sides, clenching them into fists.
I sighed, walked around him, and sat on the couch.
Brett sat beside me. “Can I at least hold your hand?”
I met his gaze that time and really looked at him. He had bags under his eyes, wrinkles sitting in the corners. Silver had grown into his dark hair some but he was still the most breathtaking and broken man I had ever seen.
All I could do was nod as I stared at how handsome my husband was.
He linked our fingers, brushing his thumb back and forth over my hand.
My free hand fluttered up to my chest, fingering the necklace around my neck. The gold E and B pendant rested gently between my breasts.
“I don’t hate you,” I blurted, my cheeks heating at the random confession. “I’m mad, yes, but…” I looked at Brett. “I could never actually hate you. You’re the father of my children. You’re my husband. As much as I’m enraged right now, I could never hate you.”
“You should hate me,” he muttered, holding my hand in both of his. They engulfed mine, wrapping me in so much strength, it took my breath away. “I’m going to go meet her. I’ll find a way to make this work. To make us happy again.”
My heart jumped but all I could do was nod.
“I promise, Evvie.” He cupped my cheek, staring down at me with so much love in his dark blue eyes, it made my heart skip a beat.
If only time would stop. No heartache. No pain. Just him and I. I licked my lips, itching to have his mouth on mine but I cupped his hand instead. Leaning into his palm, my eyes fluttered closed. His soft but firm hand was gentle to the touch but rough when needed. When I needed it.
“Did you want me to come with you?” I asked him again. My eyes slowly opened when he didn’t respond. He only stared down at me.
“What the fuck did I do to deserve you?” he murmured a moment later.
My cheeks heated. “I’m not a monster, Brett. I know it’s not her fault. Can you get in touch with her grandmother?”
“I’ll set something up.” He thought a moment. “I’ll contact Mathis if I have to.”
Mathis Verlinden had been an old business partner of Brett’s when we first started dating. Claire was also his ex-sister in law. “Maybe he knows where Claire is. We need to make sure this girl is yours. We need…finality.” And I needed to know for my own peace of mind.
“I’ll set up a meeting with our lawyer.”
“Okay,” I whispered. Was this it? Were we finally moving in the right direction?
We sat there. In silence. Which didn’t do us any good but neither of us knew what to say. Or I sure as hell didn’t anyway. I could feel Brett slipping away from me even though he was so close. His touch was on my skin but I could sense his fear. He was terrified that I would leave him and I was even more scared that he was right.
Patrick and Eddie took that moment to come into the living room.
“Hey, boys,” Brett said, pulling away from me.
My cheek burned from where his palm had been, a cold draft washing over me at the sense of loss.
“What are you doing up?” he asked them, crossing an ankle over the opposite knee.
Patrick looked up at his big brother, giving him a small nod.
Eddie glanced between us both. “Patrick had a nightmare and wet the bed.”
Our youngest boy’s cheeks reddened, looking down at his feet.
“Let’s get you cleaned up.” Brett stood. “I’ll make the bed,” he told me.
“I’ll give him a bath,” I muttered, my heart thumping hard in my ears over Patrick not telling us himself about his dream.
I grabbed his hand, leading him to the bathroom. “You can go back to bed, Eddie. Thank you.”
“Okay.” He looked between Patrick and I. His brows furrowed in the center but he didn’t say anything more.
Running a bath for Patrick, I helped him out of his soiled pajamas and threw them in the laundry hamper.
“Are you going to tell me what happened?” I asked him, helping him into the warm water and sitting on the floo
r beside the tub.
He shrugged, playing with the bubbles that popped around him.
“Did you want to talk about your dream?” I knew there was more to do with it than just the dream. He was worried. He was Brett’s mini-me when it came to his feelings and being closed up. He hated talking but he loved with every inch of him. He would make someone happy one day but they needed to be strong and stubborn and definitely not back down. Patrick was almost seven and he was already so damn quiet and withdrawn.
He shrugged again, his small shoulders lifting and dropping quickly.
“Baby.” I pleaded for him to give me his words. I hadn’t heard his voice in so long. “You know I love you right?”
His dark eyes met mine. He nodded vigorously.
“And you know I love your brother and sister. Right?”
He nodded again, his eyes shining.
“And that I would do anything for you three. You’re my rock. My strength.” I ran my fingers down his cheek. “If you’re not ready to talk, I can live with that.” For now, but I wasn’t sure how much longer I could take.
Patrick chewed his bottom lip. “Daddy hurt you,” he whispered.
My heart jumped. It was only a whisper but I would take it. I would take it and latch on. “Yeah, baby, he did.”
“Do you want me to kick his ass?” he asked, his voice strong and determined, and no longer a whisper.
I knew I shouldn’t have but I laughed. The sound left me until I was doubled over, my eyes brimming over with unshed tears. “No, baby boy,” I said after catching my breath. “I appreciate that.”
He sighed, giving me a slight nod.
I kissed his head and rose from my spot on the floor. “Clean yourself up and we’ll get you back to bed.” I headed to the door. “Oh and, Patrick?”
His eyes snapped to mine. “Yes, Mama?”
I took a breath. “Thank you.”
Evvie
AFTER PUTTING PATRICK back to bed, I didn’t know where Brett went, so I headed to bed myself. Maybe he left. I knew I kept saying that I was taking the kids and going to my brother’s place but I didn’t want to. I had hoped that this would all be over with. It was naïve of me to think it, seeing as it only happened a couple of weeks before, but I prayed that things would turn around or that we would find out that it had all been a lie.