Arriving at the restaurant I saw one of my friends straight away. Her curly ginger hair was easy to pick out, even though she was sitting with her back to the door.
‘Isn’t Nina coming tonight?’ I asked as I sat down.
‘No, she’s away.’
‘Of course, I’d forgotten.’ I forced a smile, trying to act normally. ‘Have you lost weight?’
Katie’s plump cheeks reddened slightly. ‘I’ve been trying. I really need to get back to Weight Watchers, but it’s hard to find the time. There always seems to be so much going on.’
I wasn’t sure whether she noticed my conversation was stilted, but I was finding it hard not to mention what was on my mind. Finally, after a couple of glasses of wine, my resolution collapsed, and I heard myself telling her about Paul’s phone messages. At once I regretted having blabbed, but my friends would find out about it once Paul left home, so my telling the truth straight away didn’t really matter.
‘But you must promise to keep this to yourself,’ I stressed. ‘Paul doesn’t know that I know, and I really don’t want Dan upset while he’s doing his exams. Promise me, Katie.’
To my surprise, it wasn’t difficult to admit what had happened. Katie’s eyebrows shot up but, apart from her initial surprise, she didn’t seem particularly shocked.
‘Is there any chance you could be mistaken?’ she asked. ‘I mean, you were reading his private messages.’
When I told her Bella had called Paul a sexy beast, she giggled.
‘It’s not funny!’ I protested. ‘This is my husband we’re talking about. How would you feel-’
‘Okay, sorry,’ she interrupted me. ‘Come on, don’t get upset with me. I’m your friend, Julie. I’m here for you. But are you sure you didn’t misunderstand? I mean, could it have been someone messing about?’
Glancing around, I lowered my voice. ‘I’m not making a mistake. It was perfectly clear. He’s seeing someone else.’
‘Do you think it’s serious?’
I shrugged. ‘How should I know? I'm not the one having an affair.’
‘Could you be overreacting? I mean, perhaps it’s just a drunken one-night stand? Maybe if you talk to him, he might come clean and be terribly contrite, and…’
‘No, it wasn’t a one-night stand. He’s been seeing her for about two years.’
Katie gaped. ‘Two years?’
‘According to her messages, he's promised to leave me, and he’s been begging her to be patient.’
‘That sounds pretty serious. Is he really talking about leaving you? Shit, Julie, are you, all right?’
‘I think so. To be honest I’m confused rather than upset. Is that awful of me?’
‘You really had no inkling he was having an affair?’
I shook my head. ‘Honestly, not a clue. I mean, you never really know what someone else is thinking, I suppose, but I didn't have a clue he was seeing someone else. Not a clue. He goes out every Tuesday to play squash with another man, well, that's what he told me. But all the time he was seeing this other woman. I feel such a fool. How could I not at least have suspected something was going on?’
She gazed at me. ‘So now you’ve found out, what are you going to do?’
‘I don't know. I don't know. It’s all such a mess. He has no idea I read his messages. What would you do if you were me?’
‘I’d chuck him out and change the locks,’ she replied promptly. ‘So, what happens now?’
I crumbled a piece of bread between my fingers. ‘The trouble is, this isn't a good time.’
‘Is it ever a good time to discover your husband’s cheating on you?’
‘No, of course not, that’s not what I mean. The point is, Dan’s right in the middle of his GCSE’s, and you know how important they are. He’s desperate to get into college to study for A Levels. He’s been working so hard for so long, I can’t let anything upset him now, not if I can help it. He’s stressed enough as it is. It hasn’t been easy for him.’
‘Oh yes, how’s he getting on?’
‘Okay, I think.’
It felt surreal to be sitting there chatting about everyday things, almost as though I hadn’t just told her that my husband was having an affair with a woman who called him her Sexy Beast.
‘So, what do you think I should do, really? I mean, what would you do?’
‘Listen,’ she replied, ‘it happens a lot. How many people do you know whose marriages have lasted after one of them cheats?’
People split up all the time. It’s sad, of course it is, and I’m sorry about you and Paul, but you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. This wasn’t your fault. If that’s how he’s prepared to behave, then he’s a shit, and you’re better off without him. If I were you I’d get rid of him as soon as you can. Just throw him out. You know what they say, once a cheater, always a cheater.’
I wondered if she’d made up that saying, because I couldn’t remember having heard it before.
She leaned forward, scowling. ‘I’ve never told you this, but I never liked Paul. I know I’ve only met him a few times, but I remember thinking you could do so much better for yourself.’
I was genuinely surprised. ‘What’s wrong with him?’
‘Apart from the fact that he’s cheating on you? Oh, I don’t know, he just struck me as a smooth talker, you know. The kind of man I’d never trust. A real bullshitter. All talk and no decency. I mean he’s smart and attractive enough, but you’ve got to admit he’s full of himself. The first time I met him I remember wondering how you put up with such a bighead.’
We both knew Katie was just saying that to make me feel better about what had happened. I appreciated her loyalty, but it didn’t help.
‘Remember what happened to Nina,’ she added darkly.
‘Don’t worry,’ I reassured her. ‘I’m not going to fall apart. I can handle this. Like you said, he’s a shit and I’m better off without him.’
We were silent for a moment, remembering how Nina had gone to pieces when her husband had left her a few years earlier.
‘Yes,’ I repeated firmly, ‘I’m better off without him.’
The broken pieces of SIM card were still in my purse. Instead of walking straight home after we left the restaurant, I took a detour and stopped beside a bin at the top of a drive. Looking around furtively for fear of being seen, I put the smashed phone in the bin, pushing it down until it was out of sight. I dropped a piece of the SIM card down a drain as I walked away. Before I reached home I stopped again. Having made sure no one was watching, I dropped the other pieces of card down another drain. Then I hurried home, feeling like a criminal, even though I hadn’t broken any laws.
That night I slept badly. In the morning, I remembered fragments of a nightmare where the police arrested me for illegally disposing of a phone. They produced the missing handset which rang, and my husband’s voice ordered me to confess that I was guilty of war crimes.
3
The following Tuesday, Katie and I met up again, and this time Nina joined us. Before I had even taken my coat off, Katie asked me whether I had thrown Paul out yet.
‘Have you even tackled him about it?’ she pressed me, a frown in place of her usual smile.
‘Hang on,’ Nina interrupted us, her face alert with curiosity, ‘what’s going on? What’s happened? Have Julie and Paul split up?’
Unlike Katie, Nina seemed distressed to hear about the affair. She gave me a sympathetic grimace across the table and said how sorry she was. Her face always appeared anaemic in its frame of dark hair, but she looked even paler than usual. She seemed so disconcerted, I was afraid she might burst out crying.
‘Are you sure you're okay?’ she asked me, although she was the one who seemed agitated. Always jittery, she was more fidgety than ever. ‘You can come and sleep at mine if you need somewhere to stay, you and Dan, until you sort yourselves out. I’ve got a spare room, and we can easily-’
‘Paul’s the one who should be moving out, not Julie and D
an,’ Katie interrupted her. ‘He’s the one who’s been playing away from home. If he were my husband, I wouldn’t mess around. I’d get rid of him straight away.’
Meanwhile, having had a week to get used to the situation, my own stunned disbelief had turned to dull anger at Paul’s betrayal.
‘But who is this other woman?’ Katie demanded. ‘What do you know about her?’
‘All I know is what I told you. He’s been seeing her every Tuesday for about two years, at least that’s what the phone messages said.’
‘They’ve been seeing each other long enough for them to have discussed his leaving Julie,’ Katie told Nina.
‘Bloody hell. He’s talking about leaving you? You’re joking. That’s awful. Throw him out, Julie,’ Nina said.
‘Where’s his phone now?’ Katie asked. ‘Can we see the messages?’
I described how I had destroyed the handset and the SIM card.
‘But that means you can’t contact the other woman,’ Katie pointed out.
I thought she sounded disappointed.
‘Why would she want to speak to the woman Paul’s been having an affair with?’ Nina asked.
‘She needs to call her and tell her to stay away from him,’ Katie replied.
‘I wrote her number down but then I was afraid Paul might see it, so I ripped up the piece of paper.’ I hesitated to add that I had memorised Bella's mobile number before tearing it up.
‘Didn’t you learn the number off by heart first?’ Katie asked. ‘I know I would have done.’
‘Yes, I did actually.’
‘So? Have you called her? What did she say?’ Katie pressed me.
‘No, I haven’t called her, and I don’t intend to either. She doesn't know me. Why would I want to speak to her, and if I did, how could I explain who I am and how I even had her number?’
‘You don’t have to tell her who you are,’ Katie pointed out. ‘But don’t you want to find out who she is and what she’s like?’
‘Why?’ I asked again, although my interest was piqued, as well as my resentment.
‘Yes, why would Julie want to see her? She’s a marriage breaker,’ Nina said. ‘She knows he’s married but she still kept on seeing him. This other woman was trying to get him to leave you. I wouldn't want to have anything to do with her if I were you.’
‘Well if it were me, I’d call her and tell her exactly what I think of her. Or I’d phone her and tell her he’s never going to leave me, and he doesn’t want to see her again,’ Katie said. ‘Why should she get off so lightly?’
‘But Paul's bound to talk to her and then she’ll tell him what I said, and he’ll deny it.’
‘So? What if he does? Who cares?’ Nina said, seeming to change her mind and agree with Katie. ‘You can’t just take this lying down, Julie.’
We ordered another bottle of wine. When I admitted I was curious to learn more about my husband's mistress and find out how long they had really been seeing one another, Katie suggested I call her anonymously.
‘Here, you can use my phone,’ she added, fishing it out of her bag as she was speaking.
‘But what am I going to say?’
I wanted to know what kind of woman could have attracted my husband away from me, but despite my curiosity I don’t think I would have made the call if I hadn't drunk so much, and my friends hadn't been there, egging me on. We were all quite sloshed, with Katie urging me to tackle the marriage-breaking bitch and thrusting her phone into my hand. Taking a deep breath, I recited the number. Katie dialled it and handed the phone to me.
‘It’s ringing!’ she hissed.
A woman's voice answered, husky and a little breathless, as though she’d been running. ‘Who’s this?’
In a panic, I muttered an apology about a wrong number, and ended the call. Somehow until that moment I hadn't really believed Paul’s other woman existed. A mistress was a character in fiction, not an actual person. Seeing my expression, Nina poured me another glass of wine.
‘I wonder what she’s like,’ I muttered. ‘He must be with her now.’ I didn't want to think about why she had sounded out of breath.
‘You could arrange to meet her and go along and just see what she looks like without speaking to her,’ Katie suggested.
‘I can’t see the point in torturing yourself like that,’ Nina said. ‘Paul’s the one who should be suffering, not you. Get rid of him as soon as possible. Cut him right out of your life. You can find someone better than him. He doesn’t deserve you.’
I explained that nothing was going to happen before Dan finished his exams.
‘One more day,’ I said, ‘and he’s gone. Dan’s got his last exam tomorrow and then I’ll pack up Paul's things and chuck the case out on the street.’
‘Why waste a suitcase?’ Katie asked. ‘Just throw all his things out of the window. When it’s raining.’
I smiled at Katie for saying what I was thinking.
We ordered another bottle of wine and all drank far more than we should have done. Sharing a taxi home, we squashed together on the back seat and Katie pulled a bottle out of her bag and passed it round.
‘Here,’ she whispered, holding it down so the driver wouldn't spot it in his rear-view mirror. When I asked what it was, she giggled.
‘A night cap.’
‘I’ve already had too much.’
‘So, a little more won’t hurt, will it? Go on, it’ll help you sleep.’
My husband had let me down, but at least my friends were there for me. I hoped that Bella would abandon Paul, and everyone else would shun him for ruining our marriage and destroying our family. Our home that had once seemed tolerably happy had been wrecked by his deceit. I felt strangely numb when I reflected on the end of my marriage. But when I thought about Dan, and how our break up would impact on him, I struggled to contain my fury. I wondered whether I ought to wait until he went away to college before confronting Paul.
Old enough to know better, the next morning I woke up feeling as though a heavy weight was pressing down on my face. It must have been getting on for twenty years since I had last been this hungover. All I wanted to do was go back to sleep, but my head was pounding and besides, I had promised to drive Dan to school that day for his last exam.
It was a physical effort to open my eyes. Afraid of throwing up in bed, I struggled to the bathroom where a quick glance in the mirror showed me that I looked almost as terrible as I felt. Splashing cold water on my face, I had to force my eyes to open properly. Feeling ill, I went back to the bedroom where Paul was lying on his side, facing away from me, sleeping peacefully.
‘It’s all right for you,’ I groaned. ‘I’ve got to take Dan to school today. He’s got a nine o’clock exam.’
I was half hoping Paul would wake up, leap out of bed, and tell me he would drop Dan at school, so I could have a lie in. But he didn’t answer.
I pulled on my clothes and tapped on Dan’s door.
‘Are you awake?’
‘Yes. Leave me alone, will you? I’m getting ready.’
I smiled, remembering how he had struggled to learn to dress himself.
‘Don’t be too long. I’ll go and get breakfast ready.’
‘I don’t want anything.’
Ignoring his reply, I left him to get washed and dressed. In the hall downstairs, I spotted an unfamiliar coat on the coat rack. Lifting it off the hook, I checked the pockets and found Katie's purse. I called her straight away. She was almost in tears as she thanked me.
‘I was sure I was carrying it over my arm when we left the restaurant, so I thought I must have left it in the taxi, along with my purse! Thank you for taking it home and looking after it. I was going to call you and Nina later to see if either of you had picked it up for me.’
When I replied that I had no recollection of taking her coat from the taxi, she laughed.
‘It’d be a miracle if you could remember anything about last night. You were out of it. I must say I feel rough today. Are y
ou at home now? I can pop over right away and get my things on my way to work, if that’s okay.’
‘Sure,’ I said. ‘I’m dropping Dan at school for an exam, but we won’t be leaving for about half an hour, or you can come over later after work.’
Katie said she would come over straight away as she would need her purse at lunch time, and we hung up.
‘Come on, you can’t go into an exam on an empty stomach,’ I told Dan as he toyed with a slice of toast I had given him. ‘Dad said to wish you good luck,’ I added untruthfully.
‘Where is he?’
‘Still in bed.’
‘Typical,’ he muttered. ‘He couldn't have got up a few minutes early to say it himself.’
‘I think he was tired.’
‘I’m tired. I’m the one who’s working all the time.’
Katie arrived to collect her coat and we stood in the hall for a moment talking.
‘Have you decided what to do about you know what yet?’ she whispered.
I shook my head. ‘I’ll talk to you later.’
: She nodded her understanding. Calling out to wish Dan good luck in his exam that morning, she left. I shouted up to Paul that we were leaving, but he didn’t answer. I knew he would be late for work if he didn’t set off soon, but I didn’t care. It would serve him right if he got in trouble.
Each preoccupied with our own thoughts, Dan and I didn’t speak on the short journey to school. I glanced sideways at him a couple of times, but he was staring straight ahead, and appeared to be concentrating. Guessing that he was repeating formulae in his head, I didn’t disturb him. Not until he was gathering his bags and preparing to clamber out of the car, did I wish him good luck. He looked back at me with his father’s dark eyes, his limbs lank and gangly as Paul's used to be when we first met. Dan looked so young and thin, I felt a lump in my throat and had to turn away, blinking.
The Adulterer's Wife: a breathtaking psychological thriller Page 2