All the Reasons I Need

by Jaime Clevenger

  “Everyone’s good. Carly and Bryn are testing the spaghetti to see if it’s done. Apparently Reed taught them to throw the noodles against the refrigerator to see if they stick, but I told them to aim for Reed instead. I just cleaned the fridge.” Julia laughed. “There’s a noodle stuck on Reed’s glasses. I guess dinner is ready.”

  “I miss your little family.”

  “You should come over Sunday. Reed wants to have a barbeque. She seems to think that you can barbeque crab. But she thinks you can barbeque anything. Did I tell you about that broccoli incident?”

  Kate smiled. “I’ll see what I can do.” She walked over to the window and eyed the street below. A heavy fog had settled, and in the gathering darkness, lights from the passing cars cast a pulsing glow. She’d missed the city. The day had been one of those February gems where all of San Francisco was bathed in sunshine, but the fog mirrored her mood now.

  “Oh, that reminds me. The girls want to know if you’re coming to Mexico.”

  Kate leaned against the window, feeling the chill seep through her blouse. “Tell them I haven’t decided.”

  “Because of Mo?”

  When Kate didn’t answer, Julia made a clicking sound with her tongue the way she did when she was disappointed. “Kate, the trip is in six weeks. You need to decide. By the way, I told her you were back in town.”

  “When did you tell her that?” Kate didn’t want to make a big deal about it, but the timing mattered. She pushed away from the window and walked back to her desk. If Mo had known that she was in town for the past two weeks and hadn’t reached out to her… She stared at the business journal open to Mo’s interview.

  “I just sent her a text. Don’t hate me.” Julia’s voice was muffled for a moment as she told someone to wash their hands.

  “I wish you hadn’t.”

  “She still thinks she’s your friend. Waiting two weeks to tell her that you’re back in town—”

  “She is my friend,” Kate interrupted. They’d once been best friends but now she wasn’t certain where things stood. And it was her fault.

  “Look, she was complaining about being lonely with her girlfriend gone this week. I thought you two could meet for dinner.” Julia paused. “You two need to talk.”

  Where would they even start? Kate reached for the business magazine and flipped to the cover. Mo’s face smiled up at her. “Did you know her picture’s on the front of SF Bay Business?”

  “She mentioned getting interviewed for something. Is it a good shot?” Dishes clattered in the background.

  “She looks great.” Nothing had changed there. Mo was wearing a black blazer with a white button-down shirt. The top two buttons were undone, revealing a triangle of smooth brown skin and enough of Mo’s collarbones to make it hard not to stare. What was worse, the photographer had caught her laughing. Kate couldn’t resist tracing the tiny lines at the corner of Mo’s eyes. “She topped their Forty Under Forty professionals list. I can’t believe she didn’t say anything—it’s a big deal.”

  “You know Mo doesn’t brag.”

  Add it to the list of her charms. Kate tossed the magazine on her desk. “I don’t know about dinner. Maybe I could swing coffee later this week.”

  “You take people to dinner all the time. This time you won’t even need to try and raise a million dollars before dessert. We’re talking about Mo, remember?”

  Raising a million dollars was easy. Dinner with Mo was much more complicated.

  “Six months might have changed things. Maybe you won’t even want to kiss her.”

  “I don’t want to kiss her.” Kate glanced at Mo’s picture again and her chest ached with the mutinous thought of wrapping her arms around her.

  “So we’re still pretending you don’t have a crush on her?”

  “Seriously, Jules? A crush?”

  “You’re the one who’s acting like we’re back in college.”

  Kate sighed. When the Denver position came up at work, she’d jumped at the opportunity. It was true that she’d wanted to be involved in getting the state-of-the-art cancer treatment center built, but that was also a good excuse. She needed a break from sharing an apartment with Mo—and a break from the constant questioning of their friendship.

  Unfortunately six months apart didn’t help. As soon as she’d stepped off the plane in San Francisco, her first thought had been of seeing Mo again. But she’d resisted calling her. For her own sake, she didn’t want to see Mo until she was ready to be friends.

  She looked over at Peeves, his fawn-colored head nestled on the edge of his pink cushy bed. Lately she was careful not to say Mo’s name aloud. Peeves would jump up and bark, then run in circles around the room, hoping to see her.

  Her phone buzzed with a text and she held it away from her ear to read the screen. As soon as she saw Mo’s name, her stomach clenched.

  Mo: You’re back?! Can you meet me at Mario’s tonight?

  Julia’s voice came through the line at the same time. Something about Reed and the twins throwing pasta at each other. Laughing followed. Kate stared at Mo’s text, feeling a rush of excitement promptly followed by a recrimination.

  “Mo texted me,” Kate said, holding the phone against her ear again. “She wants to meet at Mario’s.”

  “Perfect.”

  Not perfect. “It’s already late. I’ve got Peeves in the office with me today and I’ve still got a mountain of work to do.”

  “And you’ll be busy tomorrow,” Julia said. “And the day after. Sweetie, this isn’t going to get easier. Go home and drop off Peeves. You can walk to Mario’s from your apartment.”

  Kate’s stomach rumbled in response. She’d skipped lunch in lieu of taking Peeves for a walk in the park—at least that was her excuse. In only two weeks, her clothes were getting loose again. As much as she told herself that she had control of her eating issues, stress brought back old habits.

  “Mo thinks she did something to piss you off… Something to make you leave.”

  “I got transferred to Denver—she knew that. I left for work.”

  “Right. Why tell her the truth? Why talk about the elephant in the room?”

  Kate exhaled. An elephant was one way to describe her attraction to Mo. “She was spending most nights at her girlfriend’s house then. Talking about it wouldn’t have helped.”

  “It may seem like a foreign concept to you, but sometimes it’s good to talk about things.” Julia’s parenting tone had kicked in.

  “Thanks for the advice, Mom.”

  “You’re such a pain in the ass. It’s a good thing I love you.” Julia hollered for the kids to stop running through the kitchen. When she came back on the line, she said, “Do you want me to text her about Mario’s, or are you going to put on your big girl panties and text her yourself?”

  Every day that she’d resisted contacting Mo had become a sort of badge of honor. But what good had resisting done? If anything, she was only more desperate to see her.

  Kate eyed the magazine again. Mo looked every bit the part of a savvy CEO of a successful startup. Funny, adventurous, sometimes nerdy, Mo had made it big. Kate had known it would happen eventually. “I’ll text her.”

  “Good. And in case you can’t hear them, the twins are yelling that they want both of their aunties to come to Cozumel.”

  “I can hear them.” Kate couldn’t help smiling. “Give your little family hugs and kisses from me.” Without committing on the trip, she said a quick goodbye and hung up the line.

  Kate clicked back to Mo’s text. Keep it simple, she thought, staring at the screen.

  Eight o’clock?

  Mo’s answer was immediate: I’ll be there!

  Kate swallowed. “Okay. We’re doing this.” At least they were going to Mario’s and she knew what she wanted to order. Her old trainer had made her keep a diary of her meals and she’d gotten good at guessing calories. The less thinking she had to do tonight, the better.

  She pulled on her coat and jingle
d her keys. Peeves’s ears twitched but he didn’t move otherwise. One of the perks of being the director of development meant she was in charge of her floor and could decide things like a pet policy. Peeves had no idea how lucky he was.

  “Peeves, wake up.”

  Without opening his eyes, Peeves nestled his head deeper in the curve of his bed. For a Chihuahua-terrier mix, he was decidedly lazy. His bed was under her desk and unless she had meetings with a donor, he came to work with her every day. Now he was clearly hoping that she’d leave him in the office for the night.

  “Come on, I don’t want to be late. I’ve got a date with Mo.”

  At Mo’s name, Peeves sprang up. He gave a full body shake and then trotted expectantly to the door. When Mo didn’t instantly appear, he turned his big doe-like eyes up at Kate, whining softly.

  “I know you miss her, but do you have to rub it in?”

  Peeves’s tail waved as he whined again. He raised his paw and scratched once at the door. When Kate shook her head, he danced in a circle on his hind legs. Part of her shared the sentiment and she couldn’t help smiling at his antics.

  “This isn’t a real date,” Kate reminded herself. Peeves looked up at her, cocking his head as if he didn’t understand why it couldn’t be. “Because she’s got a girlfriend and I’ve got issues.”

  Peeves did another spin, adding a yip for emphasis.

  “And I hate to break it to you, but you’re not coming to dinner.” She leaned down to pat his head and he tried his best winning grin. “If I brought you along, I’d only be jealous when you hopped into Mo’s lap and licked her chin. There are some things humans can’t get away with.”

  Chapter Two

  Mario’s was open late, but it mostly catered to a lunch crowd. By eight, the place had only a handful of diners. Kate had arrived early, planning on scoping out a table and settling in before Mo got there, but there was no hope of relaxing. Her nerves were eased some when the waitress gave her a familiar smile. “Haven’t seen you in here in a while. What can I get you?”

  “I’m waiting for a friend.”

  “No problem. Can I get you a drink in the meantime?”

  Kate wanted to order the house wine, but her stomach was empty. The last thing she needed was to get tipsy. “I’ll take water for now.”

  As the waitress stepped away, Kate looked up and saw Mo in the doorway. She was holding the door for a couple who were just leaving and not looking in Kate’s direction. When she turned to scan the room, their gazes met and Kate straightened up.

  The business journal’s photographer had gotten a good shot, but Mo Calloway was even better in real life. So tall and handsome… Kate felt light-headed taking in the sight of her. But it wasn’t simply Mo’s good looks. She’d missed her. Too much.

  Mo slipped off her black leather jacket and folded it over her arm. She was wearing a light gray collared shirt, which she’d paired with trim black slacks. No doubt about it—she looked like a million bucks. Kate wondered if she’d gotten dressed up for dinner. Dressed up to see her? She clenched her jaw, hoping not to give away the emotions that rippled through her.

  After college, Mo’s body had filled out in all the best places. She was a regular at a kickboxing gym and lifted weights, which meant she still had an athletic build. But she was less the skinny tomboy now and more the strapping woman. Strapping? Seriously? Did her mind have to go there?

  As Mo neared the table, Kate stood up. In her heels, the height difference between them wasn’t as noticeable, but she still had to look up to meet Mo’s brown eyes.

  “Hey, stranger.” Mo smiled.

  “Hey yourself.” Kate smiled back. Her pulse quickened when Mo held out her arms. She stepped into the hug, begging her body not to respond. Mo radiated warmth and her embrace was as strong as ever. God, she felt good to hug. Kate quickly let go and took a step back, her heart hammering away in her chest.

  “It’s good to see you,” Mo said, hanging her jacket over her chair. “You look great. Is that a new dress?”

  Kate nodded, hoping to keep the blush off her cheeks by sheer willpower. She’d changed out of the suit she’d worn to work and, after much deliberation, decided on a silk dress she’d bought on a business trip to Tokyo.

  “You look great too.” Strapping, in fact. Kate wanted to say those words aloud, knowing Mo would laugh, but she was still unsteady from the hug. She dropped into her seat, trying to push the image of a strap-on out of her mind.

  She knew Mo packed. Although Mo hadn’t brought it up directly, Julia had guessed it one night when all three of them had had too much wine. Instead of denying, Mo had elaborated. It wasn’t an everyday thing, she’d said, but for special occasions she had a dildo that could be bent down and worn in public with little notice. Kate had found the whole concept entirely too arousing. As much as she’d wanted to know more, she’d only hid behind her wineglass as Julia teased Mo about it not being fair that she oozed sex appeal and could pull off packing.

  Mo settled into her seat. “I was going to wear my sexy dress too, but then I couldn’t find my little black heels.”

  “Little black dress and sexy heels.”

  “Not the other way around?” Mo tapped her chin. “Huh. Good thing I don’t have to try and be sexy.”

  “For you it comes natural.”

  Mo laughed and Kate felt the tension ease some when she joined in. Flirting was something they’d always done and she’d missed their easy banter. Plus it felt good to laugh. But their old ways had gotten her into trouble before. This time she had to be careful.

  “By the way, you totally made my night. I think the neighbors may have heard me squeal when Jules texted saying you were in town. How long have you been back?”

  Kate opened her mouth to answer, debating telling her the truth, when the waitress appeared. She set two water glasses down and gave Mo a wide smile.

  “Should I give you a minute to look over the menu?”

  “I think we’re ready.” Mo glanced at Kate. “Do you want to go first?”

  “You go ahead.” Kate hoped she sounded more relaxed than she felt. Her stomach had knotted up again. Getting through the meal was going to be a small miracle.

  “I’ll take the chicken artichoke panini with a side salad. Extra parmesan, please.”

  Kate bit her lip. That was what she’d been planning on as well—right down to the extra parmesan—but she didn’t want to order the same thing now. The waitress looked her way and she quickly decided on the veggie pesto panini.

  As soon as the waitress walked away, Mo said, “You always order the chicken.”

  “I wanted something different.”

  “Different can be good.” Mo clinked her water glass against Kate’s. “Cheers. If different isn’t good, I’ll share mine with you.”

  “You don’t need to do that.”

  “Afraid of my germs?”

  Kate rolled her eyes. “You’re gonna be jealous of my pesto.”

  “’Want to place a bet on who gets the better panini?”

  “You’re a goofball.”

  “That’s why you love me.” Mo grinned. She looked around the restaurant. “I missed this place.”

  Kate’s heart raced. Mo had no clue. “I couldn’t find any place in Denver with decent paninis. Although good Thai food was even harder to find.”

  “At least there was some reason for you to come back.”

  “I had a few reasons.” Kate knew she couldn’t analyze every sentence or even the way Mo looked at her. This was simply dinner with a friend. But the butterflies in her stomach started chasing each other every time Mo’s eyes met hers. She cleared her throat. “Guess what I found on my assistant’s desk this morning?”

  “A banana?”

  “You and bananas.” Kate laughed. “Why is that always your answer?”

  “Consistency. After sixteen years, it still makes you laugh.” Mo’s eyes sparkled.

  “For that I shouldn’t tell you.”

&
nbsp; But Kate couldn’t help laughing again when Mo asked, “You sure it wasn’t a banana?”

  “If I had a banana, I’d throw it at you right now.”

  “I’ve seen your aim. I’m not scared.”

  Kate pretended to be dismayed, but Mo only laughed. “Okay, now I’m curious. What was on her desk?”

  “Last month’s business journal. That was a great interview.”

  “You saw that?” Mo scrunched up her face.

  “Why are you embarrassed? It’s a huge accomplishment.”

  “I didn’t know they were going to put me on the cover. You should have heard all the teasing in my office.”

  “They’re just jealous. You should be proud. Not only are you the CEO of a successful start-up, that app you designed put your company in the big leagues. HeroToday is awesome.”

  “You’ve checked it out?”

  “I donated to two different groups after the fires—because of your app. It made the whole process easy. And I loved the map that you can click on to show where you can drop off donations or where volunteers are needed.”

  Mo beamed. “We’re working on improving that. The more local charities and groups we can connect, the faster we can help people.”

  “I love it. That interviewer did too. Although by the end of the article, I wasn’t sure if it was the app she was gushing about or you.” Kate winked.

  Mo looked down at her napkin. “When I got the call about doing that interview, I almost said no.”

  “Why?”

  “They made it sound like it was all me. I couldn’t have gotten HeroToday off the ground by myself.”

  “A year ago you were working Internet security for someone else. Think about what you’ve done this past year—you deserved that top spot. You’ve worked hard.”

  “A lot of people worked hard,” Mo argued.

  “But it was your idea. And you did it to help people—not just to make money.” When Mo sighed, she added, “Anyway, it was a good article. And you need a class in taking compliments.”

  “Maybe.” Mo took a sip of water and shifted back in her seat. “Enough about me. How have you been?”