Sadly, Lilliana Rose’s biggest heartache on this most sacred of days was that her father Jessup wasn’t around to give her away. She’d always dreamed of a fancy wedding and of walking towards her groom on her father’s strong arm. It was with great sadness that she reflected on her father’s murder as she sat in her bedroom with Minnie.
Minnie was making last minute adjustments to Lilliana Rose’s wedding dress, making sure that the bodice of the gown fit perfectly over her bosom and that the length of the dress was perfect. Minnie didn’t want her friend tumbling down the stairs of the Homestead and breaking her neck on her wedding day. Lilliana Rose was a vision in a floor length, ivory silk gown that accentuated her lush figure without being immodest. Minnie had sewn onto the bodice a half dozen pink roses, which added to the femininity of the gown, while still lending her a demure look.
“You look beautiful, Lilliana Rose. Pretty as a picture,” she gushed in obvious admiration.
Lilliana Rose stood before the full-length antique mirror and studied her reflection with a critical eye. Impulsively, she twirled around like a ballerina, enjoying the feel of the ivory silk against her body. “I feel like a princess, Minnie. Please tell me I’m not dreaming.”
Minnie reached out and pinched her friend’s arm, grinning as Lilliana Rose yelled, “Ow,” then saying, “Hmmm. I’ve pinched you and you’re still here in this wedding gown. It can’t be a dream.”
Both women dissolved into giggles as they fell back onto Lilliana Rose’s bed and clutched their stomachs as they continued to laugh uproariously. They were both feeling giddy with joy and excitement.
“How I wish my daddy could be here today, Minnie.” Tears gathered in Lilliana Rose’s eyes as she spoke about her father. She missed him dearly each and every day, but she especially felt it on this most sacred of days. A day when every bride needed her daddy by her side, walking her down the aisle and whispering his blessings and best wishes. “But he’s gone, Minnie, and he’s never coming back.” She sadly wiped a tear away from her cheek, her face filled with misery and deep sorrow.
“Your daddy will be here today, Miss Lilliana. In your heart-in your soul...he’ll always be here with you,” Minnie said soothingly as she patted her friend’s hand, wishing she could ease her pain.
Lilliana Rose smiled through her tears at her best friend, her spirits buoyed by Minnie’s words of wisdom and by the knowledge that her father would always rest in her heart. Forever. Even the night riders’ viciousness couldn’t change that.
A loud rapping on the bedroom door startled both women, causing both of them to jump off the bed in surprise. Minnie walked towards the door and swung it open, her eyes widening in surprise when she saw Jock standing at the door, his cowboy hand respectfully placed in his hand.
“Jock, what are you doing here?” Minnie yelled. She tried to slam the door shut in an attempt to keep the groom’s eyes off his bride, but Jock quickly placed his foot in the door and prevented her from slamming it closed.
Jock’s eyes were filled with desperation and urgency as he said, “I need to talk to Lilliana. It’s important, Minnie.” His eyes were now pleading with her to let him in. “You know I wouldn’t come here like this if’n it wasn’t important.”
A feeling of foreboding flashed through Minnie as she stood by the door and silently summed Jock up. He was standing in the doorway looking as disheveled as a man could look. A twelve o’clock shadow graced his chin and his eyes were red-rimmed with dark circles underneath. More ominously, he wasn’t dressed in his wedding finery, nor did he resemble a man who was getting married that afternoon.
Lilliana’s voice rang out from behind the door, “Let him in, Minnie. If’n Jock needs to talk to me, I need to listen. I’m not going to let silly old superstition get in the way.” When Minnie turned around Lilliana Rose’s smile was radiant, and it was clear that she wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of her perfectly wonderful wedding day. And Minnie knew from experience that her dear friend usually got her way.
Minnie ushered Jock into the room, watching in satisfaction as he stopped dead in his tracks to admire his fiancee. Even a blind man could see the love radiating from Jock’s eyes as he drank in the sight of Lilliana Rose in her wedding finery. The look on his face was one of pure rapture, then right before Minnie’s very eyes the look changed into one of devestation...and loss.
“Good Lord Almighty, Lilliana,” he said in a strangled voice. “You look...you look like you’re not of this world. I think the sight of you could make the angels cry. Sure enough.”
“You’re my angel, Jock. My very own angel.” Lilliana smiled at him then, a breathtakingly beautiful smile that spoke volumes of her love and devotion.
Rather than smile back at her, Jock was grim faced and stoic, deep worry lines etched in his forehead. “Lilliana, I...I came here today to speak my piece,” he said in a raspy voice.
“W-what is it? What’s wrong, my darling?” Lilliana Rose’s voice was full of concern, and she looked as if she wanted to reach out and smooth away the worry lines that dotted his brow. But as she reached out to him he took a step backward, his face not showing any signs that he wanted her near him.
“Lilliana, I-I can’t marry you today.”
For a moment she looked stunned at Jock’s bombshell, her beautiful features turning slack and pale, her mouth hanging open in shock at the unexpected announcement. A few seconds later she recovered her equilibrium and began talking, “It’s alright, Jock. We don’t have to do this today. I know everything was rushed and all...and if you want a small ceremony by a Justice of the Peace, then it’s all right by me.” She then flashed him an understanding smile, one that relayed the message that she understood perfectly his feelings on the matter.
Jock shook his head, his eyes filled with sorrow as he said, “No, Lilliana, you’re not understanding me. We can’t be together. Not now. Not ever.”
A sharp intake of air was the only sound that echoed in the stillness of the room. Minnie sat like a statue on the bed, for all intents and purposes an unseen, unheard entity. On the inside her heart was breaking for Lilliana Rose because she knew that her dearest friend’s world was coming to a crashing halt. In all likelihood nothing would ever be the same for her again.
“I-I don’t love you, Lilliana,” Jock continued. “Not enough to marry you.”
“That’s a lie!” Lilliana Rose screamed as she shook her head to indicate that she didn’t believe his words. “That’s not true, Jock. How can you stand here and lie to me like this?”
“It’s the truth, Lilliana. I swear it! On my soul, I swear it!” he cried, the words nearly ripped out of his very soul.
“You have no soul if you could do this to me. Why? What has happened to turn you against me like this? What happened to turn you away from me?” Lilliana Rose’s cries were heartfelt and emotional, and they clearly struck a nerve within Jock, who could not mask the pained expression on his face.
“I...I can’t stay,” he muttered as he turned to walk away from her. “It will only make it harder on both of us.”
“Jock! Please. Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me like this!” she cried out in a hysterical voice. “I don’t want to live without you.”
For a moment Jock halted in his tracks, and he half turned towards her, his face reflecting uncertainty and regret. Just as it appeared as if he would turn back toward her he turned away, his shoulders slumped forward, his head hanging low like a man who’d lost everything. In four short strides he walked out of the door and out of Lilliana Rose’s life.
Minnie reached for Lilliana Rose, who was clawing like a wild animal at her wedding dress and crying hysterically, her sobs plaintive and heart-wrenching. She collapsed onto the floor and was writhing around like a wounded animal who needed to be put out of its misery. Thankfully, Lilliana Rose sank into unconsciousness, and it was as if her body was seeking to protect her against the savage pain that Jock had inflicted with his stunning betrayal. It was as
if her body knew that even Lilliana Rose couldn’t withstand this deep pain without shattering into a million pieces.
***
“The doctor came to the Homestead and administered some medication to your grandmother which calmed her down a bit. She was in her sick-bed for near to a month. She wouldn’t talk and she barely ate a bite. We thought she’d just waste away. And then one day she simply snapped out of it. The first thing she did was to go outside and tear down that gazebo, piece by piece. She forbid anyone to mention Jock’s name around the Homestead or the Diamond Lil, and of course we wouldn’t have dreamed of it. Everyone hated Jock for what he’d done to Lilliana, especially when he up and married Shanae and told everyone they were expecting a baby.” Minnie's voice bristled with anger as she continued, “I wanted to kill him myself a couple of times. Your grandmother of course was never the same. She became hard. Older. Wiser. And even though she married your granddaddy...she never let herself love a man like she’d loved Jock.”
“Such cruelty!” Sierra exclaimed, still caught up by the story that Minnie had told and infuriated by Jock’s cruel desertion of her grandmother on their wedding day.
Minnie let out a loud sigh, filled with all the pain and heartache of the past. “She didn’t want the circle to repeat with you and your young man. If you’d have seen the pain that your grandmother suffered after Jock left her, maybe you’d fully understand.”
Sierra rose from the table and reached into the kitchen drawer for a tissue to blot away her tears. Her face felt puffy from crying over Minnie’s story and she knew that she looked a mess. “I’ve seen my own pain up close and personal, Minnie. And the circle repeated anyway, regardless of what she tried to do. The big joke is that my grandmother thought she was sparing me from pain, when the whole time she was the one placing a dagger through my heart.”
“Seems to me you could clear this whole mess up with your young man if you really wanted to, although you’d have to swallow your pride a bit to do it, I imagine,” Minnie said knowingly.
“It’s not that simple, Minnie. He’s hot one minute and cold the next. Every time I’m with him he’s singing a different tune. He hates me, he hates me not.”
“Hmmph! I’d be hot and cold too if’n I thought a woman I’d loved had run off on me. No explanation. No nothing. What’s a body to think?”
Sierra shook her head, trying to shake off Minnie’s advice. “I just need to forget him. The past is the past and there’s no going back.”
“Hmmph! You haven’t forgotten him in eight years, chile, what makes you think you can forget him now? You need to just go on and tell him the truth and face the music.”
At that moment the kitchen door swung open and Jacey walked through the entranceway, her beautiful face lit up with excitement. “There you are, Sierra. I’ve been looking all over the place for you. Don’t you ever answer your cell phone? Marissa called earlier and she wanted to know if you were up to going to Tumbleweeds tonight. One of the hottest new groups in Houston is performing there tonight and we’re planning to have a ladies’ night out.”
Sierra felt skeptical at the mention of a ladies’ night out. She was bone tired from working the horses all day and she didn’t know how much fun it would be to subject herself to endless love songs and couples slow dancing on the dance floor. Besides, after hearing Minnie’s tragic story and talking about the hopelessness of her relationship with Caleb, she was in no mood for socializing. At this moment all she really wanted to do was to bury herself under the covers with a pint of Haagen Dazs ice cream and a juicy novel. Not that she’d get any reading done with Caleb on her mind, she thought glumly.
She hesitated. “I don’t know, Jacey. I was planning to take a long, warm bath and curl up with a good book tonight. I’m exhausted from working the ranch today.”
“Go on, chile,” Minnie advised with a warm smile and a shooing motion. “You have the rest of your life to rest up. Go out and enjoy yourself while you can.”
“Listen to Minnie,” Jacey cajoled. “She’s always been the voice of reason in this house.”
Maybe it would do her some good, she thought. Her only other option was to sit at the Homestead and think about Caleb all night. And that sure didn’t sound appealing, she thought. With her luck he’d probably creep into her dreams and haunt her all night long. At least if she went out on the town with Jacey and Marissa she’d be surrounded with music and people, all forms of distraction.
“Okay. I surrender,” Sierra said with a grin, realizing she was fighting a losing battle with Minnie and Jacey. She knew from experience that they wouldn’t give up until she agreed to the night out. She sighed and held up her hands in defeat. “Count me in,” she said.
***
“How many beers does it take to make an Irishman slur his words?”
Caleb signaled the bartender and ordered another Corona, not even bothering to spare a sideways glance at his companion. “I’m not in the mood for stupid jokes, Cruz. I’m busy.”
Matt Cruz snorted, then asked, “Busy doing what?” Cruz counted the number of empty beer bottles sitting in front of Caleb at the bar and shook his head. “Drinking? You don’t even drink, Caleb.”
“Mind your business, Cruz.” Caleb’s words were abrupt and to-the-point. Clearly, he was not in a mood to be messed with - not even by his blood brother, Matt Cruz. Caleb and Cruz had been friends since early childhood when Jake had introduced Caleb to the American Indian culture, and in turn Caleb had shown Cruz how to ask a girl out on a date and get a favorable response. Not counting Sierra, Matt Cruz had been the best friend he’d ever had in his life.
It had been Matt who had rescued Caleb from his rabble-rousing after his break up with Sierra. Caleb had helped him get back on his feet, convincing him that living well was the best revenge for faithless girlfriends. Matt had even lent Caleb the money he’d used to start up his ranch. Although Matt Cruz was the sheriff of Briarwood, he’d come into an inheritance at the age of twenty and was independently wealthy.
“It is my business. You’ve been on the wagon for six years and all of a sudden out of the blue you’re drinking when I know it’s not your style. What’s going on?”
“I’m not drunk, Cruz. As you said, I haven’t touched the stuff in years.”
“And all of a sudden you have a hankering for beer? I’m not buying it. I think you’re drowning in your cups over here because of a certain brown-eyed girl named Sierra, a girl you haven’t been able to forget. Or forgive. Am I right?”
“Don’t say her name.” Caleb gritted the words through tightly clenched teeth, his fist curled around the neck of the beer bottle as if he was fighting for control.
“What? Too painful to hear her name?” Jake asked. If nothing else he wanted a reaction out of his friend, even if it was explosive anger. Too often Caleb held his feelings in check, leaving them to fester on the inside. Matt knew it wasn’t healthy for his best friend to keep his emotions bottled up. He was determined to get a reaction out of Caleb, even if he ended up scrapping with him. At six feet one, two hundred twenty pounds, he wasn’t worried. Not that he would ever use his strength to hurt Caleb. He’d rather die than raise his hand against his “blood brother.”
“Shut up, Cruz! You have no idea what I’m feeling,” Caleb growled. Caleb couldn’t imagine another living soul knowing how he felt, torn between hatred and longing. Or was it love? No way! He didn’t even want to consider that possibility - it was far too painful.
All he knew for sure was that he ached for Sierra. He wanted her more desperately than he had as an eighteen year old. If that was humanly possible. He didn’t know how long he could hold on to his pride without going to her, pulling her into his arms and kissing her. All he could think about was the night they had spent at his grandfather’s cabin and the way they’d bonded. He’d felt that familiar attraction between them—that magnetic push and pull.
Cruz interrupted his thoughts by saying, “Remember, Caleb. I was there eight year
s ago when she turned your world upside down. I saw the wreckage up close. If anyone knows how it is...it’s me.”
Caleb let out a ragged sigh and laid his head down on the wooden surface of the bar, gently banging his head against the wood. “Unless you’ve been in love Cruz, and I don’t remember you ever being in that glorious state, you can’t know how it feels to have her back here in Briarwood. I want to be with her, but I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that the sight of her still tears me up inside. It’s tough, man.”
Cruz slapped Caleb on the back, a gesture that signified his solidarity. “Whatever happens between the two of you, just don’t lose yourself in the process. No woman is worth all that! And besides,” he said cryptically, “isn’t it about time you sent that plan in motion, the one you’ve been telling me about for months?”
“Lower your voice!” Caleb ordered in a fierce tone. “Do you think I want all my business out on the street? I’ll put the plan in motion when the time is right and not a minute sooner!”
Cruz nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders and swiveled around in his bar chair, a small straw dangling from his lips as he perused the crowded bar. “I think a woman could do wonders for that foul mood you're in,” he said. “It's amazing what a pretty face can do to make a man forget the woman he thinks he loves.”
Suddenly he let out a low whistle and turned towards Caleb, a hint of a smile plastered on his face. “Well, it seems that this night might get interesting after all.”
“What are you mumbling about?” Caleb whirled around in his bar chair, reeling a little bit from the spinning motion and the beers he’d downed. Everyone and their brother was at Tumbleweeds tonight and the place was wall to wall people.
Cruz raised his finger and pointed to a female figure standing on the other side of the room next to the pool table. Caleb squinted in an effort to see who had captured his friend’s attention. Whoever she was, he thought, she was wearing jeans and a blue shirt that hugged her curves.
Through The Fire (Guardians, Inc. Book 2) Page 11