by Tomas, G. L.
James was a British expat who’d settled in Helsinki after meeting a Finnish woman he’d met on holiday and decided Finland was where he needed to be. Strangely enough, that woman was my first cousin, and since they’d gotten married a few years back, he was literally family. His Finnish could still use some work, but he was conversational enough to speak until he displayed his sense of humor. Only then was his Welsh-English background prominently displayed. I wondered if it was a common occurrence to joke about killing someone in the UK, as it was a strange thing to ask in a crisis. But he was a damn good attorney, a valuable friend, and a colleague I could trust. A horrible sense of humor was the least of my problems right now.
“No, I haven’t killed anyone. But while we’re on the subject, in the next few hours, be sure to check the local hospitals and morgues just in case someone kills me.” It was a bad attempt at trying to match his humor, but since I wasn’t equipped for this type of exchange, it was no surprise he took it serious.
“Are we on a secure line?”
“Listen to me, James, and I will explain everything to you.” I was losing my patience and with so little time between making it through traffic and reaching Anna, I needed solutions quickly. In time, I managed to piece all the details together for him and all the things that made it challenging. I could hear the spiel from him playing in my head:
“You didn’t think to mention any of this shit as I drew up your prenuptials?” He asked, like clockwork, as I admitted I wasn’t sure it would matter based on the circumstance. We’d filed for separation; we lived in opposite hemispheres. We had virtually no contact. How was I to know a pitfall like this would follow me well into the day I was scheduled to wed my current girlfriend?
“I’m about to sound more like your lawyer than your friend right now, but please tell me you signed a prenup.” Silence on my end of the line answered all he’d needed to know about the question. “Hopefully, now, I sound more like your mate than your attorney. How could you forget to sign a prenup, you wank?!”
“It was close to a decade ago,” I defended. “I was broke; what could she have possibly taken?” Against her better judgment, Benny had married me when I was a mere grad student. Loosely translated, the broker part of me I’d like to forget. I’d managed okay in my native Finland, but the move to the US was the worst financial and career move I’d ever made. In the six months I’d stayed there, the trouble it took to secure a work visa I could barely find internships, let alone paid work. Benny had taken it upon herself to support me in ways she could as I tried and failed to find reputable work with a living wage.
With all Benny had done in our relationship, it had been a goal of mine to one day have the earning potential to give her options and alternatives, should she prefer to work from home. I hadn’t considered our relationship would reach an end, so now that I stood in that place again with another woman, I’d chosen to protect myself and get a prenup.
I hadn’t expected Anna to bankrupt me should our marriage meet the same fate, but I’d be lying if I said I trusted her the same way I did Benny.
“Are you two on speaking terms?”
I hesitated answering, not because I didn’t know what to say, but that I’d been embarrassed to admit the truth. “We haven’t spoken since I moved back to Finland eight years ago. The last form of communication we had was through the separation papers I’d gotten through the post.”
“Good, good. That might work to our benefit. What did you say her name was again?” he jutted off faster than I could process.
“I didn’t. But her maiden name was Maria Bendición Obiang.” Before I could ask him why he needed to know that, James began calling out random information from whatever resource he had, as if I’d instructed him to do so.
“Maria Bendición Obiang Tuominen. Born in Madrid, Spain on June 10, 1986 to Equatorial Guinean parents. Migrated to the US at age five, where she later became naturalized—”
“You’re looking her up?” I asked in pained confusion.
“I’m covering my bases. I should know everything there is to know about her if I plan to fight for you should things get ugly.”
I hadn’t realized I still carried this torch, but the compulsion to defend Benny was more potent than I even thought possible after so many years of estrangement. “No, no. Benny is not like that. I can try and contact her myself. I don’t expect her number to have stayed the same over the years, but if it hasn’t, I can get in contact with her and fly her out here is she’s willing. But just…let me do it my way. If it doesn’t work then we can do it your way.”
Benny and I had made a promise, though it’d been more verbal than any other form of agreement. If our marriage ever came to an end and we ever required an official divorce, we’d respect each other enough to do it face-to-face and not through some fax, email, or text message to avoid the other person. Even though I’d gotten separation papers via postal route, I’d never really considered divorce.
James didn’t know Benny. She’d been so much more to me than my wife. She’d been my best friend. My beacon of self-worth. But most of all, Benny had also been my submissive. And that was enough to honor our commitment with the respect and dignity we’d asked for all those years ago.
Our relationship had been like no other experience and because it’d been so difficult to replicate, I never took on another submissive. When Benny and I loved—and most of all, played—it was as if the world stopped every time. It would be a surprise to most to learn we had met through a matchmaker.
Most people looking for soulmates might stick their nose up at the idea of being set up. But the stakes were different when you were into kink, lived in a foreign place, and didn’t know where to find others who shared your affinity for dominance and submission. Which was why when Mistress Alice, a female Dominant who’d spent thirty years mentoring and teaching and providing public health, sex therapy, and human sexuality at universities all around the world had started her own matchmaker service, I’d been the first to inquire about her services.
She wasn’t an official romantic love matchmaker, but it wasn’t uncommon of her to offer her expertise to those she knew might match well based on their level of experience in the lifestyle. She offered her services at undisclosed fees, but for friends and people she’d saw potential in, she provided advice to them at no cost. Which, for me, at the time had been convenient as I hadn’t earned even an eighth of my present income.
I’d gone through a few failed matches before she insisted on Benny, since we weren’t far from the other as I’d been studying for my Masters in Spain at the time. I’d been reluctant, but after meeting, we hit it off. It felt like I blinked and all of a sudden we were married.
For a while, Benny and I had been happy. But our impenetrable bubble couldn’t last forever. In time, the cracks in our beauty began to show due to my insecurities and failures as a provider. No man likes to admit when he feels inadequate as a partner, but if I had been more honest with myself, I could’ve saved us.
“Do you think she’d be hard to convince to sign the divorce documents without any pushback?”
“By pushback, you mean…”
“Without compensation.”
I straightened my tie and considered how angry I’d sound to my driver if I didn’t choose my words carefully.
“James, I’m about to say this as both a friend and a client, so hopefully you do not take my words out of context. But don’t ever insult me by suggesting that my first wife deserves nothing from me after she nearly carried me on the back of her shoulders to get me where I am today.”
“I wasn’t trying to suggest—”
“When I’m done talking, you can say what you want. I never said I was done. Eight years ago, I was nothing. I had nothing. Benny gave me everything. This is not some stranger or woman I met on some street corner. I told you what you needed to know and what I expect of you.”
James gave a short pause before asking, “Do you think Anna would be o
kay with that?”
“I think you’re my attorney and not Anna’s.”
“Fine. I’ll head into my office, come up with a respectable draft then you can look it over tonight.”
“You do that.”
James sounded like he was about to say something else but wisely thought against it. He settled on a simple answer, one that gave us both food for thought. “I hope you know what you’re doing, my friend.”
The call dropped as I hung up the phone. I honestly didn’t know what I was doing, but there’d be consequences either way, so I might as well do the right thing. If I managed to get in contact with Benny, even if the divorce ran smoothly, even if we expedited every step, we were still looking at a two-week minimum delay in the wedding.
I had a feeling I’d be paying for this mistake for the rest of my life, whether or not Anna still wanted to go through with the whole thing. Our relationship worked, but it was not without hardship. Marrying Anna today was supposed to be the final ultimatum I was supposed to follow through with if I’d wanted to restore our cracking relationship, and I was moments away from telling everyone it wasn’t happening.
If they asked me why, I’d have to tell them and just the thought of that terrified me. I was ashamed. Ashamed at the fact that despite actually loving Anna and wanting to spend a lifetime with her, I was riddled with relief that the show wouldn’t go on today.
Was that horrible? Did that mean I wasn’t as ready for this as I invested convincing myself I was? Had I thought what might have happened if everything had gone as planned? If I had thought this through as much as I thought I had, why did the thought of even a chance that I might see Benny again fill me with a level of joy I couldn’t explain?
2
Benny
The thing I loved most about being a ski instructor was that it didn’t feel like work. I had so much fun doing it. Kids were always my favorite to instruct. Their laughs, their falls, their excitement when they learned something new on top of their fearlessness made them so much easier to teach. It helped that every once in a while I used my seven-year-old daughter, Olivia, as a guide when demonstrating a new move. For that reason, Olivia loved the snow, and while the resort I worked for was a bit of a drive from where we lived in West Covina, it was great that I got to expose my daughter to something different and beautiful every once in a while.
The first-time skiers, ranging in age from six to twelve, gathered around me on the beginner slopes, waiting for my final lesson for the day, but I only had one: just have a crap load of fun. They spent the last few minutes racing teacher down the hill, and I, of course, let them win as a boost to their skiing confidence. The kids squealed about how they couldn’t wait until their next lesson and quite personally it made my heart sing; I was grateful to have this job.
It wasn’t the career I could have had, utilizing my degree in History, but it paid well and the hours were flexible. It also made enough time for the demands of being a single mom to an ambitious second grader, who required most, if not all, of my free time. I would have done anything for that little girl. Olivia was, is, my pride and joy. The crunch of boots through the snow behind me prompted me to turn around.
It was my co-worker, Imelda. If it hadn’t been for her similar American mannerisms and little knowledge of the Spanish language, she could’ve passed for that gorgeous indigenous actress from Mexico who’d gotten so well known off that Netflix movie. Sometimes we taught together when one of us had a group too large to provide adequate attention to each student, and other times, she was just my happy hour buddy when I’d actually had enough time in my day to have a quick drink after work. I got along with everyone at the resort, but Mellie, as I had called her, was my go-to work friend.
“The weather is becoming ideal for a good ski. Have you gotten a chance to check out the summit?” With last night’s snowfall, it did make everyone’s jobs on the slopes that much easier. Plus, I loved a fresh coat of snow on the mountain. It always reminded me of a time I spent in a place I didn’t give myself nearly enough time to appreciate, given the person I had attached to all my memories of it.
“I know. We’re supposed to be getting even more later on, I think.” I was receiving winter weather warnings on my phone about a possible blizzard that I’d crossed my fingers, hoping for. I promised Olivia I’d take her to the resort this weekend to take on some snowboarding lessons. I wasn’t much of a snowboarder, but my baby loved the snow and had felt like she’d surpassed everyone her age with her mother-instructed, Olympic-level skills, as she put it. It was fun when we could do those mother/daughter types of things. I knew that in as little as eight years from now she would probably choose hanging out with her friends over spending time with her mom. So, I cherished those moments I’d have with her while she was young. I only wished I was able to do more.
“Hey, I’m about to head to the lodge,” I announced, hoping she’d join me but turns out she was on her way to a lesson. So, I took a lift back myself to make sure I didn’t have any more lessons in my schedule today. Best case scenario was that I could surprise my daughter with picking her up early from school instead of her taking the bus to my mom’s house, which was almost an hour’s drive but a ninety-minute bus ride. When I arrived at the lodge, it was virtually empty. There were peak times for the resort and this time was usually our slowest. But still, we got enough visitors to meet the season’s sales projections. There were rumors that they were laying people off, but at the moment it was just that—rumors. I had a lot of loyal, pocket-emptying students, so while the gossip had worried others, it hadn’t crossed my mind enough to concern me. As far as I knew, my job was secure.
The mounted TV’s hung high along the walls, displaying a multitude of programming, one confirming the upcoming blizzard. I was in pursuit of making my way toward the mountain eateries to grab myself a cup of coffee before making my way out when I was stopped by my boss, who’d claimed to have been looking for me since the completion of my last class.
“Do you mind if we talk in my office for a minute, Bendición?” he asked with a stern look on his face that was somewhat hard to read, but with what I’d learned from him over the years meant that he wasn’t the warmest person to begin with. Silently, I followed him to his office, shutting the door behind me at his request, after which he offered me a seat on the opposite side of his desk. Folders and papers laid across his desk in messy, unkempt piles, but the photos of his family more than made up for his organizational skills. He had a beautiful wife and kids.
“I’m afraid the reason I asked you in here isn’t exactly good news.” At this moment, my palms were such a sweaty mess that I had to wipe them down on my jeans as I prepared for what bad news he had to tell me. My thoughts flew back to the rumor
that there could be layoffs soon, but I kept reminding myself that I was valuable. I’d been here a long time and there was no way my boss would ever fire me without good reasoning and sufficient time to search for something else.
“As you know this season hasn’t been all that profitable as past quarters. While this is usually our slower season, this was been the worst season regarding projections we’ve had in years. Re-examining the company’s budget, we’ve been forced to let go a third of our full-time staff. Your name, Bendición, I regret to say was on that list.”
A wave of shock coursed through me. How could that have been? I’d been on staff the longest, and visitors who came here loved me. Requested me. It didn’t make any sense as to why I was being let go over less tenured, qualified staff. My whole existence at the time being depended on this job. My daughter depended on my having this job.
“Unfortunately, you’re one of our most expensive employees to keep on. The truth is we can’t afford to keep every single seasoned instructor. We just don’t have the money. Eventually I’m going to have to move everyone to part-time.”
My heart sank into the pit of my stomach. I was being fired. I was being fired from the only source of income I had at t
he moment. I had rent, a car note, my daughter’s private school tuition to pay for. How in the hell could they just fire me? What was I supposed to do on such short notice? There had to be something. Anything, even if the schedule I had dwindled down to half the hours I had now. I couldn’t just be without a job. Not without the required time it took to find another while still being able to meet all my financial responsibilities.
“Ron, is there any way you could keep me on? What if you kept me on part-time just until I find something else?” I asked in one last act of desperation. He shrugged, finally giving me the sympathy I deserved with a regretful look whiskering into his expression.
“Unfortunately, Bendición, there isn’t anything I can do.”
There wasn’t anything he could do, he told me. And now I bore the burden of informing my hopeful seven-year-old daughter that the plan to visit Mami’s job over the weekend would be permanently canceled. Until I figured something else out, the only things on my to-do list was to find a job before all my savings ran out. This, of all things, couldn’t have happened at a worse time.
3
Olli
I’m right outside the church. Be here as quick as you can. Make sure you come with information I can use.
It was the last message I left on James’s voicemail to make sure he was on his way. He sent a text assuring me he was “on it”, and since I paid him enough to deliver on time, I expected him not to show up empty-handed.
It didn’t matter what he walked in that chapel with; either way, I was walking into two possible situations. One, in the perfect world I knew didn’t exist, I’d encounter an understanding Anna. An Anna who, while I’d expect there to be some pushback, wouldn’t fault me for the mistake I hadn’t meant to make. She’d understand we still planned to marry; it just wouldn’t be today.
But I had a strong inkling the Anna I was about to confront wouldn’t mirror that fantasy Anna in any way. The reality Anna wouldn’t be talked down, no matter what excuse or plan of action I had to offer to remedy the delay. I didn’t expect her not to be upset, as she had every right to be. I was just at a loss of what it would mean if things didn’t go as planned, which was bound to happen.