Loved None But You

by Noelle Adams

  “What do you mean?” Anne didn’t know why she was stalling. Just that she was used to keeping the most serious of her feelings to herself. She’d done it her whole life. Even with friends as close as Em.

  “You know what I mean. You’ve been trying not to cry all day, and Robert looks like absolute shit.”

  “We ended things,” Anne admitted.

  “I thought you’d ended things earlier.”

  “We did. But then we... we slipped. It’s a real ending now.”

  Em shook her head. “Why? Y’all are crazy about each other.”

  “We’re good together. I think both of us know it. But there’s too much between us, and Robert doesn’t want to... He’s still holding back. And I’m not going to keep giving myself to a guy who isn’t in it all the way.”

  Em’s expression was deeply sympathetic. “I’m sorry, Anne. Did you tell him you still love him?”

  “Of course not. I’m not going to empty myself to a man who’s not willing to go all in with me. I’m not going to keep doing that. I meant my resolve about restarting my life a few months ago. I need to do what’s best for me. I can’t keep turning myself inside out for other people when they’re not going to reciprocate. I did give him a chance. But he’s not... he’s not...” Her voice cracked.

  Em reached out and gave her a one-armed hug. “Oh shit. I’m really sorry. You’re right. You can’t let him keep you hanging on a thread until he figures out what he wants. I wish it turned out differently. I was hoping for a happy ending for you.”

  “I can still have a happy ending.” Anne had cleared her throat a few times and breathed deeply enough that her voice was calm again. “I can have a happy ending without Robert. Or without any man at all.”

  “Of course you can! But you love Robert, so I was hoping he would... Anyway, it sounds like you did everything right, so at least you don’t have to wonder if you should have done things better the way I did when I messed things up with Ward.”

  Anne remembered Em’s grief and angst when she’d thought she’d lost the man she loved. Em had been a lot more open about it than Anne, but Anne was pretty sure she felt just as bad as Em had then. “I think we always wonder. But I know I did the right thing. I can’t give him... everything if he won’t do the same with me.”

  “Yes. That’s right. It sucks, but it’s right. Whenever you’re ready, let me know, and I’ll introduce you to some nice guys.”

  Anne chuckled. She couldn’t ever imagine wanting to date anyone but Robert, but she hoped she wouldn’t always feel the same way.

  People had broken hearts all the time.

  People healed and found someone new.

  It hadn’t happened for Anne yet. There had never been anyone but Robert.

  But she didn’t want that to be her reality forever.

  If Robert didn’t love her and want her enough to deal with all their mess from the past, then she would eventually find someone who did.

  TWO WEEKS LATER, AND Robert still had the weight of his heart in the pit of his stomach.

  He felt sick all the time. He didn’t want to eat. He didn’t want to go out. He didn’t want to do anything but mope, but he hated himself for being so pathetic, so he’d started to help out Vince and his mother in their antiques shop.

  Mostly for something to do.

  He’d only seen Anne in passing, and he’d thought that would make it easier for him. But it was terrible. Not to know how she was doing, what she was doing, and who she was doing it with.

  Not to know if she was perfectly fine while it still felt like he was falling apart.

  She’d said closure would be good for them—since they hadn’t gotten it last time—and theoretically he believed that was true.

  But this didn’t feel good. It didn’t feel like closure.

  He could still think of nothing but Anne and how much he missed her. Wanted her. Needed her.

  Loved her.

  What the hell was wrong with him?

  “Robert?”

  The voice was louder than he expected. He was sitting on a stool in the storeroom of the shop, ostensibly to sort through a shipment of cutlery they’d gotten in last week, but he’d been holding the same fork for five minutes now.

  He turned around and saw his mother standing right behind him. “Oh. Hi. Did you need something?”

  “I needed to make sure you weren’t in a trance back here. I said your name three times.”

  “You did? Sorry. I guess I’m just out of it.”

  His mother’s face softened, and she dragged a chair over to sit down beside him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  Robert turned back to the fork. “Not really.”

  “It might help.”

  “I don’t see how.”

  “Did she turn you down again?”

  He licked his lips slowly and breathed through his nose, trying to hold back the storm of emotions that threatened to erupt whenever Anne moved to the forefront of his mind. “I didn’t propose. Jesus.”

  “Why not?”

  “Why not?” His voice was too sharp, too dry. He almost sounded mean, and his mother didn’t deserve that. He toned it down as he continued, “We weren’t like that.”

  “You were something. You were starting to look whole again, and now you’re not.”

  “It’s not going to work out between us, Mom. You’re going to have to accept it.”

  “And you’ve accepted it?”

  “I don’t have a choice.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I can’t risk another broken heart,” he burst out, too upset to hold back the way he usually did. “I can’t! Not if she’s not a sure thing.”

  “Oh my goodness, Robert.” His mother reached out to put a hand on his arm. She sounded kind but also slightly impatient, as if he was being stupid. “Love is never a sure thing. Love is always a risk. Did you even tell her what you wanted?”

  He opened his mouth to reply but then closed it. The truth was he hadn’t told her, but his mother wasn’t going to be happy with that answer.

  Evidently he didn’t need to say it.

  “I don’t know how I ended up raising two sons so afraid of love.”

  “I’m not afraid of love.”

  “Yes, you are. Just like Vince was. I think maybe it has something to do with losing Georgie the way you did.”

  Georgie was Robert’s sister—a year older than him. She’d died her freshman year in college because her loser boyfriend had driven drunk. When she’d first died, Robert had felt like his whole world was slashed in two, but it was a loss he was used to now. A constant ache that rarely came to the surface.

  “It’s not about Georgie,” he said softly.

  “I know it’s not directly about her, and losing her changed Vince more than you. But still. I wonder if it’s somehow connected. You’re afraid of loving when you shouldn’t be. You’re afraid of being vulnerable again. You’re afraid of being hurt. And so, just like Vince, you keep holding back and expect the poor woman to do all the work. I don’t care if that’s typical in relationships nowadays. Women shouldn’t have to do all the emotional work. Love isn’t easy. It’s not supposed to be easy. And if you keep waiting for it to be easy, then you’re never going to have the real thing.”

  Robert stared at her, shocked by her vehemence and the truth in what she was saying.

  She smiled, her face relaxing. “Don’t look at me like I just slapped you. I’m not just here for soothing words, you know.”

  “I know. And you’re right. I know you’re right. But I still don’t know what to do.”

  “So tell her how you feel. For real. All the way. No holding back anymore.”

  “She doesn’t want to hear all that.”

  “Vince said the same thing about Liz, so he wrote her a letter.”

  Robert almost choked. “You think I should write her a letter?”

  “Why not?”

  “I’m not a letter writer. I’ll see her
tomorrow at Liz and Vince’s rehearsal dinner. I’ll see... maybe I can talk to her then.”

  “You’re so brave, Robert. You can be brave in this too.”

  Robert didn’t feel brave. He felt as weak and vulnerable as he ever had in his life.

  But he also felt desperate.

  And desperation could make people do things they never believed they would.

  ANNE HAD STEELED HERSELF all week to see Robert this weekend. Vince and Liz were getting married, and so there would be a whole weekend of events. Robert would be at all of them since, like her, he was part of the wedding party.

  Riot had come home from Virginia Beach acting like herself again. All the symptoms of the concussion seemed to have worked themselves out, and she was well and lively again.

  And completely in love with Brian, who’d spent a lot of time with Liz and Riot in the week they’d remained at the beach house.

  Anne was surprised by that development. Not surprised in Riot. The girl had always been impulsive and changeable, and Anne could easily see how she might romanticize her situation and Brian’s presence in her recovery.

  Mostly Anne was surprised about Brian. He’d seemed like such a quiet, thoughtful, devoted man. He’d been genuinely in love with the girlfriend he’d lost.

  To jump to dating Riot so quickly seemed out of character. They weren’t a good match. It didn’t make sense.

  Anne was a little disappointed in Brian.

  She made it through the rehearsal dinner without losing her composure. Robert was around all the time, looking stunningly handsome in a gray suit. His eyes were shadowed, like he hadn’t been sleeping well. He looked at her a lot.

  But he made no attempt to talk to her, so she didn’t know how he was feeling about everything.

  Maybe he was already getting over her.

  She wasn’t sure she’d ever get over him.

  The rehearsal and dinner afterward went smoothly. It was at a local restaurant, and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

  Except Anne.

  She was nervous and sad and confused about Robert, and she had to sit next to Riot and hear all about her great love for Brian the whole time.

  It got old really fast.

  Dinner seemed to last forever, but it finally ended. People milled around afterward, chatting and laughing and finishing their drinks.

  Anne was ready to go home. She waited in the lobby for Em, Ward, and Riot, who were going to ride home with her.

  Robert showed up after a few minutes. He looked just as tired as she felt, and his hair was slightly mussed.

  He stood over where she sat like he would say something.

  Her breath hitched as she waited.

  Before he could get anything out, Charlie showed up in the lobby.

  “Do you think we’ll ever get out of here?” he asked, sounding as good-natured as he always was.

  Robert’s shoulders slumped and he backed off. He went to sit on the opposite side of the room and pulled out his phone.

  Anne was strangely disappointed. It felt like something important had been about to happen.

  But now Charlie was there, and Robert had changed his mind about whatever he’d been about to say.

  Anne wasn’t about to take her disappointment out on Charlie. He was as nice a man as she’d ever met. So she smiled sympathetically. “Everyone does seem to be taking a long time.”

  Charlie sat down beside her. “So what do you think about Riot and Brian?”

  Anne shrugged. “I have no idea. It’s not what I would have expected.”

  “Yeah. Me either. They don’t seem very well matched to me, but if they’re happy...”

  “Yes. That’s true. And who knows if it will last. Sometimes things that start so suddenly end up burning out.”

  “That’s true. I’m surprised Brian fell so quickly. He seemed so in love with his old girlfriend.”

  “I thought so too.” Anne kept her voice low so it wouldn’t be heard outside the lobby. She knew Robert could hear, but he was still focused on his phone and didn’t appear to be paying attention to her and Charlie. “His feelings seemed so real. His loss seemed so real. But that does happen with men sometimes.”

  “What does?” Charlie cocked his head at her curiously.

  “I don’t know. Just that men seem to be able to move on a lot more quickly than women.”

  “Do you really think so?”

  “That’s what life seems to prove over and over again. They say that happily married men who lose their wives get remarried more quickly. Much, much more quickly than women who lose good husbands. Men are different.”

  “We love for real too,” Charlie said.

  “I know you do,” Anne said quickly. She wasn’t sure why she was saying all this, but she couldn’t seem to stop. Even knowing that Robert would be able to hear her. “I know you do. And I know that men can be just as devoted as women. Unquestionably. But after a love has been lost, women hold on longer. Women can’t let go even if the relationship is over. Men don’t have any problem moving on.”

  Anne was speaking softly, hoarsely, staring down at the floor. “Women keep loving, even after all hope is gone.”

  There was a long, tense moment of silence. Then Charlie reached over and gently touched Anne’s forearm. The gesture was kind. Supportive.

  Anne appreciated it.

  She felt naked. Like she’d revealed too much.

  But Robert wasn’t even looking at her.

  He was tapping away like crazy on his phone.

  What Anne had just said had felt like a confession of her deepest feelings, but Robert hadn’t taken them as such.

  She was right.

  He’d moved on.

  And she wasn’t sure she ever could.

  Ten

  ROBERT’S HEAD WAS ROARING, and his heart was beating so hard and fast that it actually hurt in his chest.

  He stared down at the text he’d just written out on his phone as he listened to Anne talking to Charlie.

  It was long. Too long to fit in one text message.

  It was... everything.

  He hit Send before he chickened out.

  He heard Anne’s phone chirp from the little purse she carried.

  She glanced down at it but didn’t pull it out to check.

  Shit.

  Fuck.

  Damn.

  Shit.

  He’d just poured out his heart to her in a text message, and she wasn’t even going to pull her phone out to read it.

  He had absolutely no idea how she would respond to it. She’d told him over and over again that she didn’t think a relationship between them could work out now.

  But that was what he wanted.

  He loved her.

  And he might have literally exploded with the power of it had he not gotten it into words at last.

  He was trying to figure out what he should do when the lobby was suddenly filled with people. Liz and Vince. His mother. Mr. and Mrs. Berkley. Riot and Jane. Em and Ward.

  Robert quickly became claustrophobic in the small space. It was just as well Anne hadn’t read the message because there was no way they could have a conversation right now.

  They said their good-nights and were walking into the parking lot when Vince fell in step beside him.

  “You okay?” Vince asked.

  Robert nodded. “Fine.”

  “You don’t look fine.”

  “Leg’s a little sore.”

  “It doesn’t look like your leg is what’s hurting.”

  Robert rolled his eyes. “I’m fine. Don’t push.”

  “If you’re so fine, you would have done something by now.”

  “I did do something.”

  That obviously surprised Vince. He jerked his head to the side in a quick, searching gaze. “You did?”

  Robert nodded and chewed on his lower lip until he realized what he was doing. He made himself relax. “Sent her a message.”

  “When?”


  “Just now.”

  “What did she say?”

  “She hasn’t seen it yet.”

  Vince gave a huff of dry amusement. “And it didn’t occur to you to just talk to her face-to-face?”

  “I couldn’t get her alone. The message was all I could do. I figure it’s better than nothing.”

  “What did you tell her?”

  “Everything.”

  Vince was almost smiling. “Good for you.”

  “We’ll see. I don’t actually have much hope, but I had to get it said anyway.”

  Robert’s blood was throbbing, and he didn’t know if it was in excitement or fear. It filled him. Overwhelmed him.

  And there was nothing he could do to calm himself down.

  Nothing but wait.

  ANNE FELT WEIRD AND unfinished as she rode back to Pemberley House.

  She didn’t know why, but it felt like something needed to happen. Something she was waiting for with her breath held.

  Nothing happened though. Charlie drove them home with Jane in the front seat, and Anne squeezed in the back with Em and Ward.

  Everyone was tired, so the group was quiet as they drove and then parked in the reserved spot for Jane and Charlie’s unit.

  Em fell in step beside Anne as they walked toward the building. “You’re supposed to check your text messages.”

  “What? Why?”

  Em shrugged, looking pretty and curious and slightly mischievous. “I don’t know. I just got a message from Liz. She says that Vince told her that you need to check your messages and you need to do it right now.”

  Anne frowned in confusion, but she slipped her hand into her beaded clutch purse to pull out her phone.

  She stared down at the alert for a new text message on the screen.

  It was from Robert.

  I’m sitting here listening to you talk to Charlie, and I can’t keep quiet anymore. I have to say this even if it’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. I never stopped...

  She fell to a stop, stared at the unfinished text.

  “What does it say?” Em asked, stepping closer to her.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t pulled it up yet.”

  “Well, pull it up, silly! See what he says.”