Finding the energy to talk was difficult, but I struggled through it, not wanting to give in to the silence.
"Who is Seth?" Her soft, seeking voice brought up my own painful memories. "I heard you calling out for him in your sleep."
I wondered now if this is what Seth went through. I figured it didn't matter what I said anymore and there was no reason to hide my memories from Becky.
"He was my brother." I finally got out. "We lost him a little bit before Ali and I found you guys." I swallowed the lump in my throat.
Becky asked, "Did he get bitten?"
I nodded in reply before realizing she couldn't see me in the dark. I couldn't bring myself to answer out loud, but I think she sensed my movement. She squeezed my hand tightly in response.
"Seth and I grew up in a little town in Oklahoma. I was only nine when all this started, and Seth was graduating high school that year. We were lucky for a bit. The world was collapsing around us, but we lived out in the country and nothing reached us for a long, long time."
The effort it took to talk was draining, and long pauses separated my sentences. I could tell Becky was patiently listening by her hand that held mine. She was gently caressing my thumb with her own, and would lightly squeeze my hand in response to my words.
I continued. "Dad taught us both how to hunt, and there were streams nearby. We had a few neighbors and we all banded together to get a farm going so we could eat. We had a nice little community, just like at the farm. Life was not the same, but we were surviving.
"It lasted like that for a few years. All it took was one dead-brain to come along and ruin everything. It caught Mom out in the garden and," I couldn't go on. I had seen her body even though Seth tried to keep me away. It was such a bloody mass of flesh there was nothing left of her to recognize. There wasn't enough left of her to turn either. At least she didn't have to go through what I was going through now.
I didn't want to cry, but the tears were running down my hot cheeks. I heard Becky sniffle too and wondered if I could remember a good time to talk about, but I couldn't. All the good memories belonged to the dead now. All except Ali, and I would never see her again. I determinedly wiped away the tears.
"Can you keep going?" Becky asked. "I've only lived here. I don't know what it's like anywhere else."
"Yeah, I'll try." I answered, not feeling at all like talking, but I continued. "After what happened with Mom, we started putting up perimeter fences. It was hard since the houses were so far apart. I remember we used all the wire fencing at the local hardware store and a few of the men had to run to town to get some more.
"They came back with candy, and canned goods and tons of other stuff. It was great for all the other families, but Dad wasn't ever the same. He did what he could for a while but it ate at him every day. I didn't understand it back then, but I know he was losing his mind.
"One morning, Seth and I woke up and he was gone. Seth thinks he went out to kill as many of those dead-brains that he could find. Revenge for killing Mom, ya know? We decided we were going to follow him and there was no one there to stop us.
"We never did find him though. We didn't stop moving, either, but we lost his trail pretty quickly. That was a couple years ago." I had to stop then. Just talking was exhausting, and I needed to take a break.
The silence seeped back in, more oppressive than it was before. It was unbearable, but I didn't have a lot I could combat it with.
"Becky?" I asked into the darkness.
"Mmm?" She answered. I knew she was exhausted too, but I hoped she could give me one good memory.
"Do you have any happy stories?" My request was met by a few minutes of silence before she finally started talking, her voice still low and weak.
"Christmas." She started. "Every year, Papa makes sure we get a good Christmas. He goes out to find us a tree, even though it's not always a good tree, but he gets us something. Even if it is some straggly looking loblolly pine sprout, he brings it in and we decorate it with whatever we can make.
"At first, I thought it was ridiculous that he was still trying to hold on to that old tradition. It seemed so stupid. It was Kevin that helped me realize what Papa was doing. When I pitched a fit about having to decorate another tree, the look on Kevin's face made me realize why Papa always did it. He made sure we stayed a family. He made sure we had hope.
"I never said anything bad about Christmas again after that." She had to pause, and I heard her take in a few deep breaths. I thought she might be done, and was grateful when she kept going.
"On Christmas Eve, we would make sure we got what presents we could together. We put them under that old tree and, on Christmas Day, Mama would make as big a meal as she could. We ate until we were full, and then opened all our presents. Kevin made me a stick doll once. It wasn't anything but two sticks tied together with some string, and he'd poked at the wood with a knife to make a face. It was such a horrible little thing, but I loved it. It's still sitting on my dresser under my mirror.
"After dinner, we would sit in the living room and sing all the Christmas carols we could think of. Every Christmas, Papa made sure we always had good memories." As her voice trailed off, I realized that was the most I'd ever heard her say at one time. The idea of Christmas was beautiful, and the pain and longing inside me brought more tears.
I thought she was finally done talking, but in the silence, her voice wavered from a whisper and bloomed into the most beautiful thing I thought I'd ever heard.
Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
I knew these words. I did my best to join in with her, hoping I wasn't destroying the beautiful sound of her voice.
Round yon virgin mother and child
Holy infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace
As our weak voices faded away, the silence boomed so loudly in my ears. I stared up into the darkness and felt so completely drained.
I was too tired and weak, not able to continue our conversation any longer. I think Becky sensed it because she moved over to me, and slipped her arm around my waist to snuggle against my shoulder.
I had never been this close to a girl before, and this felt really nice. It was very comforting, and I didn't want her to let me go. I reached my arm around her and she settled down against my shoulder. The heat from both our fevered bodies was stifling, but I didn't care.
I closed my eyes and let sleep over take me, all the while thinking that this was a good last memory.
* * *
Dawn was shining through the windows when I woke again and I doubled over with severe stomach cramps. I was barely able to grab a bowl before I started throwing up everything I'd ever eaten and then some. Tears were streaming down my face from the effort by the time I was done, and I slid the bowl away from me and collapsed back on the pallet.
It took a few minutes for me to recover. Once everything settled, I felt better than I had for hours, even though I knew the fever was still on me.
I set up to check on Becky. She had been still on her pallet while I was puking, and that worried me. I crawled to her, moving her to see if she was okay.
She rolled over, listless at my touch, and began whimpering and shuddering in convulsions. I dreaded doing it, afraid of what I would see, but I forced myself to pull her eyelids open to see if she had turned. Her irises were still the same beautiful light blue.
I heaved a sigh of relief, but that was short lived as I didn't know what else I should do.
Her whole body was shaking and spittle was foaming from her mouth. I pulled her up against me and just held her and rocked her as she shook. I cried against her soft blond hair, and whispered comforting words to her, hoping she could still hear me.
I was so scared. I didn't think there was anything else I could do for her. I knew that the turn was going to happen soon, but a part of me wished she would die of the fever. I wished again I had the strength and will
to end her pain.
It could have been hours or it could have been minutes, my only sense of time right now was the sun steadily growing brighter through the windows. She finally stopped her violent shaking, and drifted in and out of her fevered dreams. I didn't have the strength to keep holding her up, and had to ease her down to rest against my side.
Every now and then she would call out for her mother or father. Sometimes she would just scream out in fear. She was never lucid, and I knew this is what I would be going through in a few hours. Again I wished I had the strength to kill us both.
I was drifting in and out of sleep as the sickness increased, unable to keep myself awake to watch over Becky. I think something inside me thought that if I stayed awake to watch over her, the inevitable wouldn't happen. I didn't have the energy to keep my vigil.
I was dreaming fever dreams, and during the short periods of time my mind was able to reconnect with the waking world, it was difficult to distinguish reality from dream.
I was at a wedding. I was in a tux, standing as Seth's best man beside him at the altar. I could hear the wedding march playing, and the pews full of red-eyed dead-brains stood up to honor the bride as she appeared at the end of the aisle.
My father was there, leading her alongside him. The veil covered her face, and I couldn't see who it was, but I knew it was Ali.
We waited for her as the song droned on in the background, and she was walking so slowly. The dead-brains in the pews moaned and clawed at us, but it seemed they were all chained down.
When Ali finally reached us, Seth reached out to remove her veil and reveal her red eyes. I screamed out as I watched her lunge forward, her teeth sinking into Seth's throat. Blood sprayed everywhere.
My screams woke me up, and I felt like I was being smashed by Ali's dead weight on top of me.
No, not Ali. Ali's not here. Ali left me. Did she die? Did she turn too?
I pushed Becky from my side, trying to check on her as I did so, but immediately lost myself in the fever again.
Now I was walking in a field of wild flowers, and Ali was walking beside me. She was telling me things I needed to hear, important things, but the wind stole her words. She was trying to tell me how to save Becky. I was pleading with her, but she seemed unconcerned. When Seth appeared in the distance, Ali started running towards him and I screamed for her to wait.
I ran after her, calling out to her, but she was too fast. Ali looked over her shoulder at me, and I could see the fear in her eyes. Why was she so afraid? I looked to Seth for a clue, but he was just as frightened as she was. His terrified eyes were glued to me.
I tried to call out to them, but it came out as a growl. Ali continued to run to Seth as he waved her on, and I knew they were running from me, but why?
Because I wanted to kill them. The need to catch them, and rip them apart drove me on. When Ali tripped in front of me, I fell over her instantly in a rage. She turned to fight me off...
But it was Becky I was staring down at, not Ali. Becky's panicked and pleading blue eyes were staring up at me in horror. We were in the restroom in Bobby's Bar and Grill, and it was me that was trying to kill her.
I screamed in outrage and terror at what I had become, and jumped away.
I fell backwards from my pallet out into the restaurant floor, the rough fall jolting me out of the horrible nightmare. I was crying, sobbing, wanting it all to end, but I didn't have the strength to even pull myself off the dusty floor.
I raised my head enough to see Becky's lump under the blankets. She was so still, and I was so afraid.
I was filled with anger. I needed to check on her to make sure she was okay. I wanted to give her all my life force and will so that she would make it through this and come out on the other side, but I remained weak and helpless.
By strength of will alone, I rolled over to my stomach. I had to rest there for a few moments before I drug myself toward the pallet again. I had only fallen a few feet away, but it might as well have been a mile. With one last burst of energy, I pushed myself forward as far as I could, and was able to reach out and touch Becky's leg.
That's as far as I made it when I was falling into a swirl of fever dreams again.
I hadn't moved when I woke up hours later. The sun was already high overhead, dimming the light that was coming in through the windows. I was soaked everywhere, and for a moment I thought that I had knocked one of the water pails over.
Then I realized it was sweat. I was sweating everywhere, profusely. My fever had broken.
I was still extremely weak from the sickness, but I felt so much better. I reached out for Becky, the hope blooming in me that she was okay too. My hand only touched the empty blankets, and I managed to raise my head a little to see the pallets. Becky wasn't there.
I blinked in confusion, not knowing what to think for a moment. The hope I had felt earlier was rapidly disappearing. How could she have had the energy to move anywhere on her own? Then I remembered how I had ended up in the floor and thought maybe she had moved during her nightmares.
I gathered my growing strength and looked around at what I could see of the restaurant floor. She wasn't anywhere.
Panic bloomed in my chest when I heard footsteps coming from the other side of the restaurant, from the other side of the big glass dividing wall. Looking under the table legs, I could see Becky's white sneakers and blue jeans as she stopped in front of a table. The sound of clattering dishes followed, making a clunking sound as they were set.
I swallowed hard, trying to clear away the dryness in my throat, and pushed myself up to a sitting position.
"Becky?" I called to her softly. She turned at the sound of my voice, facing me. Her red eyes stared through me.
* * *
I collapsed back down to the floor like I'd been hit. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't focus. So many thoughts were whirling in my mind, it was like grasping at smoke.
Am I a dead-brain?
My heart thundered as I panicked.
No, I couldn't be. I still knew who I was. I still knew who Becky was.
I covered my face with my hands, willing myself to be dead. I just wanted to be gone. I lay like that for a long time until I heard Becky moving around again. I spread my fingers so I could watch what she was doing through my hands.
She was shuffling between the tables, setting plates on one, then taking those same plates and setting them on a different table. I rolled over on my side and sobbed. She was gone, and I would be gone soon, too.
I just decided I would lay there and wait. Again my thoughts turned to Seth and I wondered if this is how it all happened with him. The fever. The sickness. The horrible nightmares assaulting him right until the end.
Was there a beyond for us? Was Seth and Becky already there now, or did their bodies have to die first?
I thought about trying to end Becky's sad un-life again. I forced myself to sit up, and watched her for several minutes. She ignored me.
I reached for one of the many bottles of water that I had left sitting out and guzzled the whole thing down. I grabbed a second and drank over half of that one before I was satiated.
Again, I had to rest for a few moments and just watch Becky while my energy returned. I was finally able to pull myself back onto the pallets and I lay there, my eyes never leaving Becky for long. I hoped I would have the energy to kill her before I turned.
As I lay there, I began to wonder why she didn't attack me. Maybe she was different? Maybe there was something still inside her that remembered me? Maybe she could just sense that I was turning and knew to leave me alone?
I once again thought about Ali and Seth, the dream I had of their wedding dredged up memories. Seth wasn't much older than Ali, maybe a few months at most. I knew they absolutely hated each other when they first met.
I could still remember the first time I saw Ali. I was hiding in the dusty ceiling of a grocery store just knowing I was about to be killed. I could remember the furious red eyes of those d
ead-brains under me, reaching up to grab me.
Luckily they couldn't climb, but I knew I was going to fall. I could feel the thin framing wasn't made to hold my weight.
I was hoping Seth was going to come back for me soon. He had sent me up to the ceiling, and then ran off with what looked to be about ten dead-brains chasing him. He was trying to draw them all away from me, but they all didn't follow. I'd been up there alone for what seemed like forever when I heard a girl's voice calling out to me, asking if I was okay.
I could see her just at the end of the aisle, and I told her to run.
But she didn't run. She pulled out this huge revolver and starting shooting. Blew six of those dead-brains away without even pausing, then stabbed the other three in the neck and dropped them all.
She looked up at me, her bright green eyes glowing with life. She could have been a super hero. She was the most alive person I had ever seen, before the world turned and after. She was beautiful and so in control of this chaotic world.
Then Seth wrecked her truck and she was stuck with us. It made me so happy to have her with us. It had just been Seth and I since we left Lawton, still trying to find Dad. Dad was probably already dead though, we both knew it but we both refused to say it.
Ali and Seth didn't get along at first. They were so stubborn, but I was glad to have someone else around to talk to besides Seth.
It took a while for me to get Ali to talk, but eventually I wore her down. She was quiet, and all kinds of pissed off about her truck, but Seth was really sorry for that. He didn't know it was hers when he took it. He was just trying to save me.
I guess we only got to spend a few months with all of us together. Ali was awesome. She taught me how to shoot better than Seth could. I don't think he much cared for being beat at that, but Ali was really athletic and knew a lot about guns. She even knew stuff that Seth didn't know.
I don't know what happened that night Seth got bitten. I just know that Ali went in to get some supplies and told us to stay behind. When she was gone too long, Seth went in to find her. Ali was the only one to come back.
The Phoenix Curse (Book 1): After Page 9