No, Ethan definitely wasn’t one for people, Paige agreed. “And Ian is all about the people,” she murmured. “So strange how different they are.”
Emma tore her attention away from Ethan to focus on her again. “Some of the siblings do better around humans than others. I don’t know why, I don’t think they do either.”
Paige looked toward Ian again. The sight of him robbed her of her breath. He stood over top of the men gathered around him, but he could be shorter than them and he’d still stand out to her. His smile could light up a room, and often made her smile in return, but she knew there was something sinister within him, within all of them. Would that live within her too?
“Do you have to fight the urge to kill?” she asked Emma.
“No, that urge isn’t in me, not like it is in them. Though I would tear the head off of anyone who laid a hand on Ethan, or anyone I love. I would have said the same as a human, but like this, I actually could,” Emma said with a laugh.
Paige gulped before picking up her water and taking a drink. “Is it terrifying to die?”
“It’s really painful at first, and scary, but it’s worth it when it’s all over.”
“Ian told me about what would happen, that there would be no turning back for him if our relationship progressed. I knew what I was getting into, but I thought I’d have more time before I’d have to transition. Maybe a couple of weeks or months, not days, and not with the threat of being locked away hanging over my head.”
Emma leaned toward her again and cast her voice low. “What would more time get you?”
“I…” Paige frowned as she contemplated that. “Time to accept my death maybe.”
“There’s never enough time for that. We could live another thousand years, and we still wouldn’t accept that. I’d think the prospect of imminent death constantly looming over you would actually start to drive you a little crazy after a while.”
Paige tapped her fork against her plate. “Yeah, probably.”
“It will be easier on Ian if you do it now, too. Ethan started to fall apart before I figured out what I wanted. I wish I could take back what I put him through, but I didn’t go into our relationship knowing what he was. To say I was stunned would be the understatement of the millennia.”
Paige laughed and took a bite from her mound of pancakes. It may be time for dinner, but if this was going to be her last meal as a human, she was going out in a sugary fat overload of maple syrup and mounds of butter. There was no reason to care about clogged arteries and diabetes anymore. To be honest, she would have dumped this much maple syrup on them if this were any other day. Maybe she would have laid off on the butter, maybe.
“Were you mad when you found out?” she asked.
“Yes, but I loved him enough to let go of my anger.”
“I can understand that.”
Ian glanced up at the diner window to find Emma and Paige watching them. Paige smiled at him and waved her fork in the air. His heart swelled as he watched her; he didn’t think he’d ever get tired of looking at her. It had never been his plan to rush her change, or force it on her, but he couldn’t wait to have her mortality firmly behind her and have her safely in his world. It would be easier to keep a vampire safe than a human, plus the ritual would be complete. She would be his, and every vampire they encountered would know it. They would never be separated from each other again.
“They’re getting along a lot better now,” David remarked.
“Paige doesn’t think we’re going to eat her anymore, so that helps,” Ian replied.
Aiden laughed and slapped him on the back. “I can’t believe you got taken down by a woman too. Who am I supposed to party with this summer?”
“I’m sure The Stooges will be more than happy to accommodate you on your escapades,” Ian assured him.
“I don’t know if they could keep up with me,” Aiden replied.
David shot him a look. “I can run circles around you, boy,” he scoffed.
Aiden smiled innocently back at him. “We’ll have to find out.” He turned back to Ian. “Just sucks to have lost you. I never thought you would settle down with only one woman.”
“Neither did I,” Ian admitted. “But I’m happy to have been taken down.”
“Ugh,” Aiden rolled his eyes. “You whipped guys are annoying.”
“I am not whipped,” Ian enunciated carefully.
“He doesn’t understand,” Ethan replied. “Maybe when he hits maturity things will change for him, hopefully not.”
Ian glanced at Paige again before stepping closer to his older brother. “Things changed for you after you stopped aging?” he demanded.
Ethan’s eyes were shrewd as they ran over him from head to toe. “Yes.”
Ian’s mind spun as he tried to process this information. He knew his sexual impulses had kicked into overdrive after he’d stopped aging, but he’d never seen Ethan with a girl, until Emma. “I don’t understand, you locked yourself away from humans. You never willingly associated with them, until Emma.”
Ethan’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Of course not, I wanted to kill every one of them.”
“It shows itself in different ways, with all of us.”
Ian had been so focused on Ethan, the brother he’d always considered somewhat of a hermit, that he hadn’t realized Ronan had approached them until he spoke. The man would make a ghost sound noisy, Ian decided. Ian glanced at Ethan before taking a step closer to his brother and David. Ronan may not be an outright menace to them, but any one stronger than them, was someone he would be on guard around.
“What does?” Ethan inquired.
“The beast, the demon, whatever it is you call what lurks within all vampires. In purebreds, it’s stronger and more incessant. Upon reaching maturation it becomes this insatiable, clawing thing inside of us that is only eased by finding our mates or by losing ourselves to the pleasure of the kill. In each of us, this insatiable hunger shows itself in different ways. Some of us seek out pain,” Ronan replied.
Beside him, Ian felt a ripple go through Ethan that caused his eyes to dart toward him. They were all so close to each other, would kill for each other, yet they’d kept this change within them hidden from each other.
“Others of us covet copious amounts of blood,” Ronan continued. “Some cannot have enough sex, some lock themselves away from humans, and others give in and kill in order to make it stop. In all purebred males, maturity means three things, they stop aging, their power increases and continues to do so as they age, and they hunger for things so endlessly it nearly drives them mad.”
“That’s something to look forward to,” Aiden muttered.
“What you will yearn for most after maturity is in you now,” Ronan replied. “You already know you have a penchant for one thing over another, and it doesn’t have to be only one thing. Many experience a combination of heightened urges, but there will be one that is more dominant than the others.”
“What of the purebred women?” David asked.
Ronan shook his head. “It’s not as prevalent in them. They do not feel the drive in the same way the men do.”
“Why not?”
Ronan held his hands out before him, his strangely colored eyes appearing redder in the fading sunlight. “Why do men think one thing, and women another? I’ve been on this earth over a thousand years, and women are still a complete mystery to me. The purebred women still exhibit some sort of change, it’s just not as intense or dominant as it is within the men.”
“Issy withdrew,” Ethan murmured. “We withdrew together.” Ronan’s eyes pierced him; his gaze flickered toward the tattoo on his arm. Ian could hear Ethan’s teeth grinding beside him. “You’re over a thousand years old, how have you kept yourself in control for so long?”
“I haven’t, I’m a bloodthirsty killer,” Ronan replied as nonchalantly as if he’d said please pass the salt. Uneasiness turned in Ian’s stomach. “I’ve just turned my impulses into hunting down those
of us that murder innocents, so has my team. We focus on destroying the most powerful of us who become murderers. Killing vampires makes us stronger; they are also a more thrilling hunt than humans.
“Unfortunately, that means we sometimes have to hunt the members of my team who give in and turn to the darkness. The lure of the taboo, and the insistent call of the impulses within us, is sometimes too strong for even the strongest of us to refuse, no matter how old and powerful we become, and they give in. As we age, it becomes more difficult to refuse our impulses. Many become tired of fighting it and some don’t bother to fight it at all. Vampires who are turned don’t feel the urges with the same intensity born vampires do. Some turned barely feel it at all, and others,” he flicked a pointed glance at Brian. “Feel it more.”
“What if a vampire who becomes a killer finds their mate?” Aiden inquired.
“By then it’s too late. Once you give in and start to destroy those who don’t deserve it, you give your soul over to the demon lurking within you. No monster is capable of love.”
“Way to successfully bring down the bachelor party.” Ian elbowed Aiden in the side for his comment; his brother glowered back at him. “What? You and Ethan have found your mates, you’re all set. Yesterday I was at college, hooking up with a hottie, enjoying a Mai Tai, and now I’m being told that when I stop aging, and my power increases, the shit is going to hit the fan inside of me.”
“You’ll survive it,” Ethan said.
“What if it takes me centuries to find my mate? Would you have survived centuries? And honestly I much prefer the single life to the taken one. I had plans, and they didn’t include a family for at least another fifty years, preferably longer.”
“Neither did mine,” Ian said. “But I wouldn’t change any of it.”
“Emma saved my life and probably some others,” Ethan added the last four words as an aside Ian didn’t think traveled past him or Aiden. He realized Ronan had caught his words when he lifted an eyebrow.
Ian folded his arms over his chest and rocked back on his heels. “You’ll still have all of us here to support you,” he said to Aiden.
“That didn’t answer my question,” Aiden replied.
“I don’t know how long I would have lasted without Emma,” Ethan admitted.
“What did you crave most after you reached maturity?” Ian asked Ethan.
“Pain,” Ethan answered flatly. “Solitude, blood, but mostly the pain, so I didn’t have to think about the blood and death I wanted so badly.”
Ronan glanced questioningly at him. “I’m all about the women and the sex,” Ian admitted without hesitation. He looked toward where Paige sat. “Or I was. I’ll admit I really liked the blood that came with sex, so it was a good way to kill two birds with one stone.”
“What about you, Aiden? What do you think you’ll crave the most?” Ethan asked.
Aiden shook his head as he stared at the pickup truck. “I don’t know. I like women, but who doesn’t? I don’t think I’m as enthusiastic about sex as Ian. I like to be around people, so I guess that means I won’t withdraw from them. Ethan and Issy were pretty anti-social even in high school. I’ve never enjoyed getting my ass kicked by these two assholes,” he said with a wave of his hand at Ethan and Ian.
“Nothing you didn’t deserve,” Ian retorted.
“So I guess that rules out me liking pain,” Aiden ignored Ian’s words as he continued to speak. “I assume blood will become my obsession.”
“Perhaps,” Ronan murmured. “You are still young, things may change over the coming years for you.”
“Oh, so it’s a grab bag of fun,” Aiden replied sarcastically.
“We all must go through it. It’s better to be prepared for it than taken by surprise. This conversation has brought me to the conclusion your brothers weren’t expecting it and didn’t know how to handle what was going on inside of them. As mated vampires they can’t help you as much as I can. If you choose, you can come and stay with my team and me when the time comes. We can aid with what you will be going through, and I am always looking for new recruits in our mission,” Ronan offered.
Ian glanced nervously at Aiden. He didn’t want his brother going anywhere with this man, for any period of time. They had no idea who he was, where he lived, or who exactly his team consisted of. Aiden didn’t look as put off by the possibility as Ian felt; he actually looked intrigued.
“It’s something we can discuss later,” Ronan told him before turning to Ian. “Have you made your woman decide yet?”
Ian released a bark of laughter. “You may be over a century old, but you have no idea about women if you think we can make them do anything.” Ronan glanced at the diner window. A ripple went through Ian as he stepped in between Ronan and Paige. “She’ll decide when she’s ready.”
“Make it soon.”
Ian’s lip curled, a low rumble of warning escaped him at Ronan’s words. “Don’t get too annoyed with him, Purebred,” Brian said to Ian. “One day he’ll be in your position, and he’ll know what it’s like to be led around by a woman half his size.”
Ronan looked Brian up and down scathingly. “I highly doubt that.”
Brian grinned at him as he rested his arm on the bed of the truck and leaned against it. “Believe what you will, oh great leader. Whether it be our hidden desires that takes us down, death, or a woman, we all must fall in one way or another.”
Ian had to bite on his inner lip to keep from laughing while Ronan glared at Brian. The vampire had no fear of anyone, Ian decided when Brian smiled in return. “Death will be your end,” Ronan grated.
“Probably one day, but not anytime soon,” Brian replied.
A circle of red raced around the outside of Ronan’s eyes, Ian thought he would say something more, but his lips remained clamped, and he turned away from Brian. Ian was still trying not to laugh when the door to the diner opened, and Emma and Paige stepped outside. Emma shaded her eyes against the sun as Paige looked toward him. She smiled before swiftly descending the stairs and striding toward him.
He took hold of her hand before pulling her against his side. Paige tilted her head back to look up at Ronan. “I’m going to do this,” she said firmly. “But I’d like your help with something afterward.”
Ian became rigid, he didn’t like the idea of Ronan involved in their lives any more than he had to be. “Paige…” he started.
Ronan lifted a hand. “I’ll hear her out.” Ronan clasped his hands behind his back as he watched her. “And what would that be?”
“You hunt down the murderous vampires and you destroy them. When I’m changed, I’d like you to help me locate my father. I’ve been hunting for the past four years, he killed my mother, and he needs to be destroyed.”
“Do you know where he is?” Ronan inquired.
“I don’t.”
“I see.” Ronan looked toward Brian. “Will you be able to help her with this?”
“With a description I might be able to,” Brian replied.
“What will that do?” Ian inquired.
Brian dropped his arm off of the pickup and stood away from it. “You have your secrets Purebred, and I have mine.” He turned to Paige. “You’ll have to let me know what he looks like.”
“I can do better than that, I’ll draw you a picture of him.”
Brian stared at her, seeming to size her up. “Make sure this is what you want.”
“It is,” Paige said emphatically. “I’ll never be able to start a new life…” She looked up at Ian and pressed her hand against his chest. “We’ll never be able to start a new life while he remains out there.”
“I agree,” Brian replied. “But make sure you want to be there when it all unfolds.”
“I have to be.”
Brian nodded before stepping away from her. “Get me that drawing, and I’ll do my best to help you.”
Ian stared curiously at Brian as he walked away. The man had always been a bit of a mystery, but there were far mo
re layers to him than Ian had realized. “So I assume the change will take place tonight,” Ronan said.
“Jeez you’re in a rush to see me dead,” Paige muttered, her head tilted back to look up at Ian. “But I’m ready if you are.”
Relief filled him, he crushed her against him and held her close.
Chapter Twenty-One
Paige found herself all alone in the motel room while Ian went to feed in preparation for her impending change. She paced the room, uncertain of what to do. What was someone supposed to do when faced with their impending death?
She finally settled on pulling out the pad and pencils Ian had bought for her. She flipped past the pictures of the cabin she’d drawn, the surrounding woods, mythological creatures, and one of Ian sitting on the porch with his legs on the banister, before finding a blank page.
In order to get her mind off of her impending death, she put the pencil to paper and began to draw the image of her father forever etched into her mind. Her fingers shook as she worked, but she forced herself to push onward, to get it done. Her stomach turned as she realized just how much his hated face reminded her of her own. She tried not to think about it as she sketched in the cheekbones and chin.
Holding the pad away from her to study it better, she was greeted with the heavily masculine version of her face staring back at her. His eyes were brown; she’d at least gotten her eye color from her mother, his hair was lighter in color, but there was no denying this man was her father, and his DNA had factored heavily into her creation.
She shuddered and tossed the pad on the bed. Her skin crawled; she had to get as far from his image as possible. Striding to the other side of the room, she fiddled with the sink and toiletries set out around it. She knew Aiden and David stood outside the door, watching over her in case her father or any of his cohorts were in the area. She couldn’t bring herself to go and talk with them. This wanting to be alone, and yet unable to be alone was the strangest sensation.
The Vampire Awakenings Bundle: Books 1-5 Page 107