Brian glanced at her over his shoulder. He really didn’t want to have to touch her again if he could help it, but he didn’t have a choice. “I can try on you,” he said. “You are a piece of her after all, and you look just like her.”
“So I’ve been told,” she replied with a wistful smile. She placed her glass on the table and tugged up the jacket that had slipped over her shoulder. “Whatever you have to do, do it.”
He would have to touch her, which could be the same as opening Pandora’s Box. In one gulp, he swallowed his fresh glass of whiskey before walking across the room to where she stood. She thrust out her rounded chin and tilted her head back to look him in the eyes. So proud, so determined, so alluring, yet he still couldn’t bring himself to reach for her.
“I don’t care if it hurts,” she said.
“It won’t.” If it did, he never would have offered to do it. He wouldn’t knowingly do anything to cause her pain, no matter how badly she wanted her sister back. “Remain absolutely still.”
She nodded her understanding and stood stock-still. Taking a deep breath to brace himself, he took hold of her hand. Her skin was silken beneath his, the bones in her hands delicate to the touch. Her breath caught in her chest and her eyes searched his as he rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand.
The scent of her arousal filled his nostrils. He suppressed the growl rolling up his throat as he fought the urge to draw her against him. He’d love to know what those pert breasts felt like pressed against his chest. She wouldn’t fight him if he tried to draw her closer; no, she’d eagerly meld her body to his.
He tried to block out his body’s need for her as he closed his eyes and focused on the brilliant spark of her soul. He concentrated on finding the link she had to Vicky. Searching through the tangled, interconnected waves of her soul, he finally found the thread he sought.
Latching onto Abby’s connection to her twin, the apartment fell away from his conscious mind when he was mentally pulled forward by the thread of Vicky’s soul. Blinding white stars rushed past him in a blur as he was sucked down what felt like a tunnel toward somewhere else. The tunnel ended abruptly; he opened his eyes and found himself standing on a piece of land staring at a calm sea.
Turning, he realized he stood at the foot of a large statue. Tilting his head back, he stared at the towering woman before him with her torch raised proudly in the air. A smile curved his lips as he lifted his eyes to stare across the water. Millions of lights blazed from the buildings on the other side and reflected off the water.
Manhattan. This vision was probably as close as he would come to finding Vicky given the amount of people in the city. Locating her in Manhattan would be like trying to find the proverbial needle in a haystack, but he’d promised Abby he would find her sister, and he would find her.
Abby stared at Brian as his eyes closed and a blank expression came over his face. He still stood before her, yet she sensed he was a million miles away, completely unreachable. She had no idea where his mind had gone, but since she’d met him, this was the first time she’d seen him look almost peaceful.
She itched to brush back the strand of blond hair that had fallen against the corner of his closed eye when his head bowed forward, but she didn’t dare disturb him right now. There was no way to know what would happen if she disrupted him while he was like this.
“Shit,” he muttered and lifted his head. His blue eyes blazed into hers.
Abby’s shoulders fell. “You couldn’t find her.”
“She’s in Manhattan, but that’s as close as I’m going to get to her. There are too many people there for me to pinpoint an exact location.”
“But you found both those houses in the city tonight.”
“They were both on the outskirts of the city so there were fewer people around either of them. It’s not the same where she is now. Plus, I still only knew the general area of where those houses were located until I was closer to them. Trying to do that in Manhattan will be about as easy as pulling a star from the sky.”
“We can still find her.”
“It’s going to be tricky.”
“Doesn’t matter. Manhattan it is. I’ll get changed and—”
He tugged her wrist to stop her before she could start rushing around. “Tomorrow, we will go to New York. Tonight we both need some rest, and we have to feed. You may not be hungry, but I am, and I’m not up for a nearly four drive right now.”
“But—”
“No buts, we’re staying here tonight. Getting so exhausted you can’t keep looking for her or you get yourself hurt won’t do anyone any good. Vicky will still be there tomorrow.”
“You can’t know that.”
“Then we will find her next location, and if she moves again, we will find the one after that. She can’t run for long; she has a disadvantage we don’t.”
“And what’s that?”
“She’s going to be looking for places to feed that will satisfy her new appetites. It will slow her down.”
“Vicky isn’t like those vampires in that house. I know she’s not.”
He didn’t know what her sister was messed up in, but after what they’d seen tonight, he wouldn’t rule anything out. “Maybe you should consider staying here while I go,” he said as he released her hand and took a step away from the wrath simmering in her eyes.
“I’m going.”
“Suit yourself.”
He tried to sound nonchalant, but that was the last thing he felt right now. The idea of taking her into more locations like tonight made him want to drive his fist through a wall. The vamps in those places may be mostly incapacitated, but they could still be a threat to her. Not to mention, any of those dens could be wiped out at any time by Ronan or some other vamp who discovered them and knew what a risk they were to the vampire race’s existence.
There were also places he was going to have to go in order to find out more information. Places she shouldn’t be in, but he knew she would insist on going with him. He needed more whiskey if he was going to get through this, and some blood, lots of blood.
“How did you discover your ability to find people like that?” she asked.
Walking back into the kitchen, Brian pulled the fridge open and removed two bags of blood. He didn’t care what she said, he could see her exhaustion and hunger in the shadows under her eyes and the slump of her shoulders. She had to feed.
“It was always something I could do a little. Then, one day, I needed it for more than trying to find the best scraps when I was hungry. I had to find someone close to me when I was a child, and I did,” he replied as he handed her the bag. He watched in fascination as she bit the corner of the bag and tore it open. Tilting her head back, she drained the blood in one gulp.
She wiped the corners of her mouth when she was done. “I was hungrier than I’d realized,” she said.
He handed her the bag he’d meant for himself before returning to the fridge and removing another bag for himself.
“What about your parents? Didn’t they feed you?” she asked.
“They took care of my siblings and I the best they could, but there were five of us to feed. My parents made the most of the little they were able to scrape together and I helped by bringing more food home. When I was twelve, they both died from influenza as well as three of my siblings. My youngest sister was only two at the time, and she was taken to an orphanage. I took off before they could lock me away too.
“My sister was the first person I ever went looking for. I had planned to rescue her from the orphanage when I found her, but she’d already been taken in by a loving family who could do more for her than I could. She deserved a better life than living on the streets and scavenging for food, so I left her with her new family and never saw her again.”
Abby struggled against the tears burning her eyes. Her entire life had been sheltered; she couldn’t deny it. When she was stable enough to control her hunger, she’d been let out into the world and allowed to go to school. She’d bee
n given the chance to make friends and have a social life. Her large family was overprotective but also full of love and laughter. She’d never known adversity or loss, not like Brian did. She would have given anything to soothe the scars those losses must have left on his soul.
“You were so young,” she murmured.
“There were many who were younger than me on the streets back then, believe me.” He tore the top off his bag and drained the contents. He tossed the bag in the trash after he finished, then grabbed his whiskey glass.
“What did you do after you left her behind?”
“I survived, which was no small feat back then. If the starvation, diseases, and cold didn’t kill you, then you’d better watch out for the others running the street with you, because they would. I had no friends then either.”
No wonder he’s so distant and harsh, she realized. All he’s ever known is violence, loss, and betrayal.
“When I was fifteen, a blacksmith caught me trying to break in to steal some iron from his shop. Instead of handing me over to the law to have my hand lopped off, or beating me himself, he took pity on me and took me in. He set me up as his apprentice and taught me his trade. He and his wife didn’t have any children and treated me as if I were their own. It was the first time in my life I went to bed with a full belly every night.”
“That was wonderful of them.”
Brian tapped his fingers on the counter. Those years with Simon and Martha had been bookmarked by so much misfortune on both ends of them, that he didn’t like to think of the happy years he’d spent with the loving couple. It was sometimes more distressing to remember the happiness than it was to remember the sorrow.
“Simon and Martha Stover were their names,” he told her. “I haven’t thought of them in decades.”
“What happened to them?”
“I hope they lived to be an old and happy couple before passing peacefully. It’s what I’ve always chosen to believe for them anyway. After I was turned, I fled Boston and didn’t return until twenty years later. They most likely would have passed on by then, but I didn’t look for them. Seeing me again, untouched by age, probably would have killed them if they had been still alive.”
Abby fought against tears. She knew he wouldn’t appreciate them, and might stop talking if she did start to cry, but he painted such a lonely picture of his life. “How much time did you spend with Simon and Martha?”
“A little over fifteen years. As soon as I was old enough, and experienced enough, I went into business with Simon. He expanded his shop for me, and between the two of us, we were able to do a lot of work. Simon was in his fifties at this point, but still strong and healthy. He was looking to take it easier, so I did a lot of the work, but I was happy to do anything I could to help them. They’d saved my life at a time when it had still been worth saving.”
Abby flinched at his words. She wrapped her arms around herself instead of around him like she would have preferred. The way he accepted what he said about himself made her ache for him. She ran her hands up and down her suddenly chilled skin.
Brian’s fingers stilled on the counter as, for the millionth time, he realized it would have been better if Simon had handed him over to the authorities or left him to starve in the alleyways. The earth would be short one less bloodthirsty monster if he had.
“After I met Vivian, I stayed with Simon and Martha, happy to share the money though I could have made more on my own. They’d become like a mother and father to me by then.”
“Who is Vivian?”
“She was my wife.”
Abby felt as if she’d been kicked in the gut. The air rushed out of her; her hands stilled on her arms as ice and heat licked over her skin in a rush that left her stunned. She didn’t understand the ferocity of her reaction to his last two words. He’d been married! He’d loved another, and judging by the sadness on his face now, he still loved her.
“You were married?” she croaked.
“I was.”
Brian had no idea why he was telling her this. It was of no relevance to what they were both involved in now, but for some reason, he found the words spilling from his mouth. Perhaps, it was her bright, warm soul that had him revealing to her things only Stefan had known until now. Maybe it was because they didn’t really know each other, or maybe it was because she was listening, and it had been so long since anyone had listened to him.
“Stefan never told you?” he asked. She closed her mouth and shook her head, but he didn’t understand the flicker of distress in her eyes.
“No, he’s never talked of his past or yours with me. Maybe he’s told Isabelle these things, but not the rest of us. What happened to your wife?”
“She was killed, along with our two daughters.”
Abby’s eyes became the size of saucers as she gazed at him. “Daughters?”
“Two. Beatrice and Trudy.”
She had to sit down before she fell down. She sank onto the leather sectional couch positioned against the windows. The life he’d led, the suffering he’d endured, she didn’t know how he’d been able to continue living at all, never mind how he’d kept himself from turning into a blood-thirsty monster.
Then she realized why he hadn’t given into his more malicious vampire urges. “They were killed by a vampire,” she guessed. She lifted her head to look at him. He hadn’t become a monster who preyed on innocents because he despised what and who those vampires were. Instead, he’d become a vampire who preyed on those he deemed worthy of death due to their actions. “The same one who turned you.”
His gaze focused on the twinkling lights of the city beyond her. “There were two vampires that night. The male killed my family; the woman turned me.” She pressed her knuckles against her mouth to hold back a sob. “Then they fled, leaving me there to endure the anguish of my family’s death as my body was brutally assaulted by the vampire blood coursing through my veins.”
“I’ve heard the change is excruciating.”
“It’s nothing compared to holding your daughter’s hand while she bleeds out in an alleyway, while you are helpless to save her because you yourself have been drained of everything you are. It still haunts my nightmares.”
“Do you have nightmares about it often?”
“Not as often as before,” he muttered.
She was unable to stop the tear sliding down her face. He may be a better man than many judged him to be, but he was far more broken than she’d ever realized. There was no saving him, and she’d been a foolish girl to ever daydream about him. She didn’t know if he could ever truly care for another again, if he could ever care for her.
What does it matter if he cares for you or not?
It mattered because she’d always been an undeniable romantic at heart, and a part of her had always believed he was her mate. She’d tried to deny it, tried to replace him with someone her family would find more acceptable, but it had been impossible. Brian had shaken every belief she’d had about what she thought she wanted from a mate when he’d stepped into that hotel room so long ago.
Prior to first seeing him, she’d always pictured a nice, calm mate, one who would love her family and who would be eagerly accepted by them for his kindness. She’d pictured a man who was a little more like Harry Potter with his massive heart for others, and a little less like Dexter the mindless killing machine.
She’d pictured her future mate with glasses and wavy brown hair. He’d be patient, would disdain killing, and would be content to curl up with her before a fire and read a book. This man was the exact opposite of what she’d dreamed. She didn’t think he knew the meaning of relaxing and reading by a fire, but she couldn’t deny the irresistible pull she felt to him.
She hadn’t been ready for him at fifteen, and he’d barely known she was alive, but she’d been only a child at the time. If he had looked at her with romantic interest back then, she probably would have been skeeved out, and her family would have killed him. Now, she was a woman, and though he look
ed at her like a woman, it was clear he was still nursing a couple centuries old broken heart.
She couldn’t compete with that, nor did she want to.
For the past year, ever since the day she’d woken up and realized she reached maturity and would never age another day again, she’d fought the urge to call him. She’d been curious what it would be like to see him again, to know if he could finally do what all the men since him had failed to do and make her desire to be touched by him.
Well, he could definitely do that, but that was all he would ever be able to do for her. He would never be the uncomplicated mate of her early daydreams.
“You loved your wife,” she stated.
His eyes flickered; sadness crept over his weary features. He rubbed at the stubble lining his jaw. “Very much. I will always love her.”
The little romantic in her was taking a big kick in the ass right now. If he was her mate, something she really hoped wasn’t true, but had the sinking sensation it was, she’d be attached to someone who would forever be in love with a ghost. Just because they were fated to be together, or however the mate bond worked, didn’t mean they had to love each other.
She couldn’t live for an eternity without knowing love. She couldn’t live with the knowledge that he would forever wish she were another. It would eat away at her soul until it destroyed her. No matter how badly she wanted to have him ease the clamoring urges of her body, she couldn’t allow anything more to transpire between them. She could not take the chance of a bond forming between them.
This was a working relationship only; she had to keep it professional and stay away from him. It would be a lot easier if he didn’t look so damn delicious and didn’t incessantly pull at her heartstrings.
“What did you do after you were turned?” she asked, her curiosity winning out over her determination to distance herself from him. “I’ve heard it can be disorienting and that a newly turned vampire must feed right away. How did you survive?”
“When I came to in that alley, the loss of my family and the shock of everything that had happened nearly drove me mad. I fled from their bodies, unsure of where to go and hungrier than I’d ever been in my life. I fed on a stable of horses, which helped to calm some of my disorientation, but it took me years to figure out exactly what I was and what I was capable of doing. Somehow, I managed to stumble through all of the new sensations and abilities that came from being a vampire without being killed or killing any humans.”
The Vampire Awakenings Bundle: Books 1-5 Page 119