“You’re not strong enough to tangle with these vamps.”
“I know a pureblood can be capable of just about anything when necessary.”
“True, but you’re not cruel enough to fight against them. You want to save the world, not tear the throat out of a vampire trying to kill you.”
“I want to save my sister more than anything else right now.”
“I will find Vicky, and you will do as I say.”
“Do as you say!” she nearly screeched. “I’m not five, and I’m not leaving my sister and possible mate behind!”
His nostrils flared as he exhaled sharply. “Possible mate?”
She stared back at him unflinchingly. “The bond isn’t complete yet. I’ve lived this long without you in my life, I can do it again.”
She might be able to live without him, maybe. She was in it a whole lot deeper with him now than she had been for the past six years, but she wasn’t going to spend the rest of her life having him order her around whenever he felt like it.
“Do you think to try and leave me again?” His voice was deceptively calm given the mounting strain in his body.
“I’m not going to let you order me around. This isn’t the eighteen hundreds anymore. In case you missed it, women now have the right to vote, get a loan, buy a house, and you’ll be amazed to know we can even think and talk for ourselves! Most importantly, we can do it all without a man!”
Brian took a deep breath to keep himself from leaping on the bed and claiming her completely. He had to put a stop to any idea she might have of escaping whatever this was between them. Abby didn’t back away when he took a step closer to her, but rather rose higher on the bed in preparation for a battle.
“You will listen to me on this,” he grated. “Once this bond is completed between us, our lives will be bound together, and it will be completed no matter what you think.”
He may not have been looking for a woman in his life, but he knew he wouldn’t be walking away from her. She’d fled three blocks from him by the time she was done traversing her convoluted route, and he’d nearly lost his mind.
If she left him for good…
If he had to live without her, he’d destroy everything and everyone he got his hands on. He would become the one thing he’d hated most. The thing he’d battled against becoming after he’d killed those two humans. No, she would not be walking out of his life. They may not love each other, but there was something else pulling them together, and he was going to do everything in his power to keep her with him.
“The bond won’t be completed if you force me to leave here without Vicky. You don’t always get what you want,” she told him.
She kept the sheet pulled against her as she crept backward on the bed. His eyes were the color of blood, and the muscles in his arms and legs stood out. He looked tensed to spring on her. She was half-afraid she may have pushed him over the edge, and he would force her to complete the bond.
To be honest though, she’d cave faster to his touch than a house of cards in a tornado if he got his hands on her again. She had to get some distance between them before he could grab her, or else she feared there would never be any separating them again. Rising, she pulled the sheet from the bed and wrapped it around herself.
“I’ll never forgive myself if you get killed because I allowed you to stay,” he said in a voice hoarse with emotion.
Those damn traitorous heartstrings of hers tugged again, but she couldn’t cave on this. He would think it was okay to continue to order her about for the rest of their lives if she gave in now. “And what if you die because you forced me away?”
“That won’t happen.”
“Your arrogance will get you killed one day.”
“Most likely.”
“So, I’m supposed to give myself over to you and complete this bond when you freely admit your behavior will likely get you killed?”
“Abigail—”
“If this bond is completed, your death would mean my death. Doesn’t that bother you? What if we have children? Your actions would orphan them.”
“There will be no children.”
Abby recoiled from him as if he’d slapped her. Grief twisted her heart and caused her fingers on the sheet to tremble. He’d accepted there was a bond between them, that their lives would forever be interwoven together, but he would never love her, and he would never want children with her.
Fine. I don’t need love or children anyway.
She could tell herself that all day, but she did need love, and she did want children. She thrived on love and happiness, thrived on the laughter of her family. She’d always dreamed of her children knowing such love as she’d grown up knowing. They’d know joy while running around with their many cousins and aunts and uncles.
Instead, she would watch her nieces and nephews grow while never knowing what it would feel like to have a child of her own.
Fate had thrown her either a sexless, lonely life, or a life of sex and loneliness with a man who would push her away for the rest of their lives. She didn’t know which was worse, but it didn’t matter. She had to stay focused on finding Vicky, and in order to do that, she had to stay in this city.
“If they killed Marissa, it’s because they realize you’re getting closer to finding Vicky or discovering what is going on,” she said. “I’m not leaving here without my sister.”
She didn’t wait for him to respond before she spun away and stalked into the bathroom. She barely refrained from slamming the door shut behind her.
Brian ran a hand through his hair as he stared at the closed door. She’d been unable to hide her despair when he’d told her there would be no children. He’d known she would want children, but she had no idea what it was like to lose one, and being born a vampire was no guarantee their children couldn’t be killed.
He’d barely survived it before; he wouldn’t survive it again if he lost another child. His gaze fell to the hand Beatrice had held as she’d regaled him with her day. She’d been so trusting, so young, and he’d been her hero until he’d become her biggest disappointment.
No, there would be no more children for him. Abby would come to see it was for the best, just as she would come to understand leaving here now was the best for her as well. She would get over her anger at him eventually; she had far too many years ahead of her to carry a grudge for long.
Like you’ve gotten over your anger and moved on from the loss of your family?
They were entirely different situations. He told himself she would get over it, but what if she never did and her resentment toward him only grew as the years went by? Did he want to take the chance she might hate him for eternity?
If it meant keeping her alive, it was a risk he was willing to take.
Chapter Eighteen
Abby was back to not speaking to him as she stood by his side with her hands folded demurely before her. The only sign of her inner storm was the fire that blazed to life in her eyes the minute she’d emerged from the bathroom, and he’d informed her he’d called Stefan to let him know what was going on. She had clamped her mouth shut when he’d told her some of her family would be arriving soon.
The words he’d left unspoken had hung heavily in the air between them. And at least one of them will be taking you home.
He hated the idea of being apart from her and despised making her unhappy, but this was for the best. She had no idea how horrific the nefarious side of the vampire world could be. She’d gotten a glimpse of it in Karina’s club and in that drug house they’d been in, but she hadn’t even touched the tip of the iceberg.
She’ll forgive me. She has to. Although, deep down, he knew she didn’t have to forgive him and might not. Being mated to someone didn’t guarantee happiness, and he’d driven two rather large wedges between them by first declaring no children, and then seeing to her removal from this situation.
Now she stood, her eyes back to their emerald color though he could see a hint of red in them as sh
e stared at the elevator doors. He wouldn’t have brought her into public right now, but they both had to feed. He could have called for room service, but he never would have been able to tolerate the idea of her feeding from another in front of him. Right now, he didn’t think she’d be willing to accept the idea of feeding from him, so he’d had no choice but to bring her with him to secure blood from the nearest hospital.
The elevator doors opened with a ding and she stepped out. She held herself so stiffly, he half-believed she’d break apart as she strode forward. He went to take hold of her elbow, but she sidestepped him with ease. “Abby!” he hissed.
“Screw you.”
Abby didn’t look at him when he huffed out an irritated breath and dropped his hand back to his side. She’d been planning to call her family last night to get their help, but she’d intended to stay here when they arrived. Now, she had no doubt they’d be trying to drag her away from the city. They would see no reason for her to stay any longer. Brian could fill them in on everything and get them more leads.
Before, she probably could have convinced them she would be needed to help find Vicky. At the very least, she would have convinced them that she may be the only one who could get Vicky to leave willingly if she wanted to stay, but she had no hope of that now. They would be infuriated she hadn’t been the one to call them; they would drag her away from here kicking and screaming if necessary, and they would do the same to Vicky, if and when they found her.
They may never forgive her for keeping this from them, and she may never forgive Brian for not giving her the chance to speak with them first. He’d gone behind her back to force her to do his bidding. She’d had plenty of overprotective alpha men in her life. She didn’t need or want another one.
“You’ll forgive me,” he insisted when they stepped outside and onto the busy sidewalk as dusk descended on the city.
“You keep telling yourself that, see how far it gets you.”
When he went to grab her arm again, she moved four more steps to the side, allowing the crush of people to flow between them. She contemplated fleeing down the city streets, but he would find her before she made it to the nearest subway station. He’d taken away her freedom, her choices; she’d never been so angry in her life.
She was also hungry; she didn’t think she’d ever been this hungry before. She never should have come out in public feeling like she did, but she couldn’t remain in the hotel room. He surprisingly hadn’t argued with her when she’d put on her coat and low-heeled boots to join him.
She kept the people between them, but she found her gaze going more and more toward the pulse in their necks. Unwittingly, she licked her lips as one man brushed entirely too close to her. The man had been trying to get a cheap feel; he nearly got her fangs in his throat.
Brian was suddenly beside her. Taking hold of her elbow, he steered her toward an alley lit only by the lights they’d left behind on the sidewalk. “Stop it!” she protested.
“It’s either you feed from me or on one of the passersby, right now,” he replied. “You’re staring at them like they’re meals on legs.”
“They are meals on legs,” she muttered, then shook her head in annoyance at herself. She was hungrier than she’d realized if that was her attitude about humans at the moment. “I didn’t mean that.”
“When was the last time you fed?”
“I don’t know, a few days ago. I was going to call for room service last night, but you interrupted me before I could.”
A jolt went through Brian at her words. “You will not be feeding directly from humans any more. It will either be blood bags or me.”
“Oh, you managed to go almost a half an hour without bossing me around. It must be a new record.”
“Abigail—”
“I bet it’s perfectly fine for you to continue to feast on humans though, and I’m sure you prefer females.”
He had no idea how it had all gone so bad so fast. Last night she’d been moaning and writhing beneath him; now she was pricklier than a cactus. He was beginning to realize it was only going to get worse if something wasn’t done to stop this downward, angry spiral between them.
“I will provide for you,” he told her.
“You won’t be providing shit for me.” The truth was she actually didn’t care for feeding from humans. She’d been scared she was going to hurt the human boy she’d fed from. It had been too stressful to be fulfilling, but Brian’s words had infuriated her all over again. “Not until you can treat me like an equal.”
She glowered at him before bowing her head to focus on the alley and her boots as she walked. She rubbed at her neck, hating the tension there. His hand slid up to replace hers; his strong fingers kneading her flesh eased the tightness in her muscles.
She melted beneath his touch before coming back to herself and slapping his hand away. “Stop that.”
She didn’t find his arrogant smile cute anymore. He pulled her to a stop and moved her backward to press her against the brick wall of a building. “What are you doing?” she demanded.
“You must feed. We have no choice but to go back into public before we reach the hospital. You have one alternative to grabbing a human and draining them dry, and that’s me.”
“I’ll starve, thank you.”
He blocked her when she tried to squeeze around him. “You won’t starve, you’ll snap.”
“I am perfectly capable of restraining myself, unlike you.”
His hand rested against her hip, drawing her up against the bulge in his pants. She squirmed away from him, refusing to let him melt her in any way.
“I’m being very restrained right now, just as I was last night. But I won’t let my mate go hungry,” he stated.
“The bond is not complete. I am not your mate.”
He grabbed hold of her chin, forcing her to look at him. “It’s as good as sealed, Abigail. You may be pissed at me, but you better get that realization through your head.”
She rested her hands against his chest, looking to force him away from her, but her fingers curled into his shirt. She despised this need she had for him.
Her fangs slid free, pricking her bottom lip when he leaned closer to her and turned his head to expose more of his throat. She inhaled his enticing scent; it reminded her of pine trees and the forest around her home in Maine. She wanted his blood, nearly as badly as she wanted to feel him inside of her, but she couldn’t give into him.
“It’s not giving in, Abby. It’s simply fulfilling a need.”
He seemed to have read her mind by uttering those words. Words she tried to shake off, but he was right, wasn’t he? It didn’t matter, her head spun with thirst as his blood rushed through his veins in a mouthwatering rhythm; she felt her heart slowing to match. She was far weaker than she’d ever thought herself as she leaned into him, her fangs resting against his flesh.
“That’s it, dove,” he whispered.
She shivered at the endearment, something she’d never expected from him. His hand wrapped around the back of her head, keeping her locked in place. As the vein pulsed beneath her lips, saliva filled her mouth and a whimper escaped her. She was helpless to resist the lure of his blood.
His body jerked against hers when she sank her fangs into him. The hot wash of his blood in her mouth was the most delectable thing she’d ever tasted as it filled her in pulsing waves. His lust pounded against her as he grabbed hold of her ass and thrust her against him. What had been a bulge before, was now a full erection he ground against her in his growing frenzy.
“More,” he commanded.
Helpless to resist, she bit deeper. His hand smashed against the wall beside her head; she scarcely noticed the bits of debris and brick falling around them. Her body quivered as she became swept up in all of his tumultuous feelings for her and his gratification over what was happening between them now.
Wetness spread between her legs as she lifted them and wrapped them around his waist. She rode him up and down with
reckless abandon. Through his blood, she could sense he was barely keeping himself restrained from tearing her jeans from her and sinking himself deep into her.
She was so far gone on the taste and power of his blood right now, she wouldn’t stop him from taking her virginity in an alley that smelled of things she tried not to think about. His hips thrust demandingly against her, causing her body to splinter apart as an orgasm ripped through her.
Her cry of pleasure was muffled by his throat; her nails raked down his back. His body gave a heaving shudder as his satisfaction and frustration flowed through his blood and into her as he found his release, but not inside of her.
“Will have you,” he whispered against her neck.
His fangs pressed against her, but he didn’t bite down. She wanted to scream at him to do it, but kept herself restrained.
Releasing her bite on his neck, she rested her head on his shoulder and turned to watch as the humans strolled up and down the busy city street with no awareness of what had just transpired fifty feet away from them. The humans were all so close, yet she’d never felt further removed from their world before. She was losing everything that had ever meant anything to her—her freedom, friends, dreams, and most importantly, her family.
Brian ran his hand over her hair. His fangs ached from their need to be buried within her, but he was far more concerned about seeing her fed than he was with leaving his mark on her. Her need for blood didn’t beat against him anymore as he cradled her closer. However, he could sense her euphoria fading away to be replaced with misery once more.
He didn’t know what to do to ease those feelings in her. She melted at his touch, but he couldn’t keep her in bed for the rest of their lives, no matter how inviting the prospect was. Besides, she would probably be leaving tomorrow, and he didn’t know when he’d get the chance to see her again. Her anger and resentment would only grow during their separation. When he finally did see her again, she wouldn’t run to him with open arms.
The scent of her arousal and climax drifted to him, causing him to become hard again. He’d ejaculated in his own pants; a feat he’d managed to avoid his entire life, but she managed to make all of his control and restraint become completely undone whenever he touched her. She made him forget about everything except for pleasing her. She made him forget what a monster he had been.
The Vampire Awakenings Bundle: Books 1-5 Page 130