“He gave you money,” Goodall sneered.
“He gave me an excuse to do what I wanted to do anyway.” I dug the gun muzzle into his neck harder. “You want to give me another one? You think I didn’t enjoy taking Alice’s head off?”
Wygan laughed and a sensation like knife-edged shards of ice ripped down my spine. “I know what you want. Equity, knowledge, justice . . . yes, those are the currencies that move you, Greywalker. But not all. You have the weakness of loyalty, a useless emotion. The fury in you, the anger . . . that I can use.”
I could feel imminent motion building in the room like a static charge. I wanted to get closer to the hanging coil of darkness that might contain my father or Edward. I shifted the pistol so I’d have a better arc of movement and Goodall started to duck away from me. Wygan lunged forward, making a shrieking noise that should have frozen me in place like a jacklighted deer, except that the noise in my ears cut across the sound and kept me moving, though trembling.
Ahead of me, the oily magical curtain billowed as if in the wind of Wygan’s passage. The normal world fell aside, letting the Grey flood the room, lit with fire and neon. Goodall tumbled away, pushed or falling I didn’t know, as I toppled the other way, toward the gleaming void.
Wygan’s claws pierced into my upper arms. As at the first time we’d met, his true form showed through in the Grey: white and scaled, with a long, ophidian skull topped by a ridge starting above mesmerizing, pearl-black eyes. And like the first time, I screamed, feeling something ancient and awful cut into me. With time, the memory of his soul-chilling touch had softened and made the terror bearable, but it rushed back and once the air had fled my lungs, the deathly cold of it suffocated me.
“Remember this world, remember what I showed you,” Wygan hissed. “I taught you to see. Now learn it all. Take it in, gather it to you, let it rush into you, the sound, the feel....”
I just had to concentrate on getting to that dark ring within the magic, certain that something I needed lay beyond it. I didn’t want to touch it or take it in, but I was hearing far more than he knew. He wouldn’t have wanted me to listen to the voice that worked its way through the crystalline cold of his words. . . .
“Harper, I’m sorry. I didn’t think it would come to this.”
I gulped for the wisp of warmth his voice brought. “Dad?” It wasn’t even a sound, just the shape of the word cracking against the ice. I tried to look for him and spotted a ring of dark fire around the black center of the gleaming nimbus of void. I struggled to turn toward it, to move into that familiar silent flame I’d first seen around the hole where my father’s ghost should have been.
Wygan pushed me forward, toward the blazing grid of magical energy that roared up in the Grey. Twin fires leapt as my head and shoulders crossed over the black edge of the ring—cold flame edging the oubliette while the hungry, singing power of the grid flared with surreal color. Agony raced over my nerves, wrenching another soundless shriek from me and turning the world black at the edges. I felt twisted, immolated like a tree writhing in wildfire.
“It’s knowledge you crave,” Wygan cooed at me, stabbing my heavy, ice-bound limbs with his claws. “Here is knowledge. Is that not an equitable exchange? Drink it in and know.”
His voice flayed me and I gagged, struggling to wriggle free even as the sensation worsened with every second I resisted him. I was half in, half out, held on the brink by Wygan’s bitter grip. I couldn’t stand it. . . . It felt as if every molecule of my body was tearing apart from the rest, exploding from the sound and power at the black edge.
The other voice drifted to me. “Don’t fight yet. It makes the pain much worse. Slide, go limp.”
That’s what I’d seen happening to Simondson; when he fought, when he moved toward the memory of life, he was burned and tormented. It felt like my brain was bleeding, my limbs charring into brittle sticks. No, I thought. I can’t give in. I will die. I’ll become what he wants; he’ll win!
“It’s not so simple. Listen to them, little girl. Let them in.”
It wasn’t Edward and it couldn’t be my father. He’d killed himself to keep me safe, so how could he tell me to give in? He wouldn’t! It was a trick. It was something of Wygan’s to pull me into the Grey beyond redemption, beyond my control. This voice was a monster that wanted nothing less than my soul—if I had one.
The cacophony of the grid sang and boiled at my brain. Snatches of words fluttered in my ears with a whisper of moth wings and the screech of magic. The sound tore at my mind and burned into my body like acid. Shrieks of pain and terror snuffed to whimpers as they caught and burned away in my throat.
My father’s voice continued in swift blasts of soft air against my face. “It’s everything. That’s what he wants. He doesn’t need me, only you. You have to listen. The song will tell you. There’s a back door. Use the puzzles to open the way. Shape the key to the lock and open the maze. Each puzzle is a door. The doors are always at the center. From center to center you can cross to me. From the center you’re in the Grey, but you’re not really here. You’ll be safe if you come through the maze. Find the labyrinth—the first maze. Open the right door with the key.”
Things were starting to fade, a darkness like fever sleep closed in as the cold and anoxia shut me down. The ringing in my ears, the screeching and muttering, became a shouting chorus of voices tumbling over one another into babble. I felt myself going limp, the pain easing back but not helping me stay alive.
“Not like that, little girl. I said not to fight; I didn’t say to give up.”
Wygan’s voice floated over the top of my consciousness, crooning, “Yes, yes....”
And in counterpoint, the voice from within the void continued as if from another conversation. “You’ll have to come back for me later. He can’t know I have any strength or he’ll destroy me and . . . then I can’t help. Listen, listen. . . . I remember your mother. . . . I remember the time she bought you those red tap shoes so the blood wouldn’t show. I was so angry with her! So angry ...” Dad’s voice slid upward into a spine-jarring shriek of anguish I could feel through my whole body, like the cutting agony of those horrid crimson shoes. The angrier he got, the more I thought I could see his shape in the darkness, nearly there, nearly solid and writhing in torment with every word. His pain seemed to infect me. A scarlet rage of suffering ripped through me, shouted into my head on the voice of the grid and I jerked away from Wygan’s grip.
The frigid ivory knives of his claws slid out of my flesh and blood washed onto my skin, warm and sharp with the scent of life. I rolled onto my back, the floor unexpectedly solid beneath me as the Grey pulled away, recoiling as if in shock. The room flushed amber as the lights in Wygan’s rack shifted to keep the Guardian Beast at bay.
They were all I could see and all I could think of to buy time to escape. The echo of the grid’s refrain vibrated along my nerves as if the energy of the Grey were powering my limbs and not the weak impulse of my own battered brain. Wygan swooped to grab me once again and I clutched my hands together over my chest, feeling the hard shape of my pistol between my palms.
I squeezed and shot. Again and again. The gun kicked against my sternum as each light shattered and the room went dark with the roar of the Beast descending.
I rolled again, the ringing of the gunshots in my ears deafening me, and started crawling. . . .
TWELVE
I t didn’t matter now if I touched the red spiderweb lines that coated the hallway. Wygan and Goodall already knew I was leaving, but there was nothing they could do; they were too busy with damage control and keeping themselves out of the jaws of the Guardian Beast. I didn’t doubt they’d survive—it couldn’t be that easy to stop the Pharaohn-ankh-astet or someone would have done it long ago. I dragged myself down the darkened corridor toward the exit, a growing square of distant, white light.
Even crawling, I felt I was staggering, swaying unsteadily from wall to wall and losing my focus under bouts of nausea. Yeah
, that was familiar. But this time I didn’t feel like a rape victim. This time there was some hope under the ache, horror, and disgust. Also a hell of a lot of fear, but I wasn’t listening to it gibbering in the back of my head; I pushed it down and dragged onward.
The light grew painfully bright and ran toward me, making a sound like wings. It started dipping toward me, that light and a gold thread of a voice called out from a distance, “Not yet! You don’t know what they’ve done.”
The chorus in my head shouted through my efforts to shut it up, like a dog barking to greet its master, cutting through the physical ringing of my shot-damaged hearing. I stifled an urge to puke from the pressure of the noise.
Something shiny and pale blue whirred through the air and settled on me, prickling on my skin like sleet and covering me in a glittering reticulation of energy. It had no weight, but it pushed me to the ground and I sprawled onto the streaked linoleum, sighing out the breath I barely had. “Know the song—”
Someone scooped me up, bundling me over their shoulder with the urgent speed of a fireman exiting a blaze. Jouncing miserably, I was carried outside and into the dimness of the dark streets behind the radio tower. That was when I gave up and vomited.
The jarring, rushing trip continued, down a hill and across broken fields of light and darkness. Feet pattered behind and ahead, and something snorted a hot breath onto my ankle.
“Grendel, sit.” It sounded like I was underwater again but at least my normal hearing was returning.
All right: That was Quinton. And the dog. And I thought I saw Mara . . . so . . . Ben had to be around somewhere. . . .
I still couldn’t put the images together but I heard the bang of the Danzigers’ back screen door and the light around me became a soft, silent yellow. The chattering Grey sound in my ears faded back to the most distant of whispers as the screen door slammed again, leaving only the lingering high-pitched whine of fading gunshots.
This must be the kitchen. I tried to raise my head, but it was difficult and Quinton hefted me higher on his shoulder, knocking the air and the fight out of me. In a minute, he rolled me onto the bed in the basement bedroom and sat down beside me.
“Hey, Harper. Hey, can you hear me?”
“I’m dead, not deaf,” I moaned. “At least not permanently deaf.”
“Not dead this time,” Mara said, her voice drawing closer. She sounded annoyed. “Quinton, you’ve sick on your coat. You might be wantin’ to clean that off.”
“It’ll wait.”
Mara cleared her throat. “It shan’t. Go upstairs and wash. Ben’ll help you while I take a cloth to Harper. Off with ya.”
Quinton’s weight shifted away and the slighter one of Mara took his place at the edge of the mattress. I pried my eyes open to see her bending over me, scowling.
“You look bloody mangled.”
“Thanks.”
“I mean it. Burns, blood, scrapes. What happened to ya?”
“If I knew I’d tell you.” I could feel the press of her frown. “Really.”
“Well.” She took a deep breath. “I hope y’aren’t overfond o’ these clothes. They’re beyond salvage. I shall have to cut you out or risk tearin’ off your head to get the shirt off ya.”
“Go for it,” I muttered, lolling on the bed, feeling like my bones had been removed.
She stripped off my upper layer and swabbed at me with a wet cloth. I tried to figure out how my body was doing beyond the feeling of having been put backward through a wringer.
“So, was it worth near-dyin’ for?”
“Huh?”
“Goin’ in there. Whatever y’got. If y’got anything.” Angry red and orange sparks danced around her head. I couldn’t recall ever seeing anything like that with her before.
“Yes. There’s a back door. A way in. I heard my father. I didn’t see him, but I knew it was him. He told me about the door.”
She made a muffled snort. “Quite sure it wasn’t a trick of Wygan’s?”
“I thought so at first . . . but he’s not that brand of subtle. I didn’t get any idea about Edward, though. Or Goodall, except he didn’t make any magical moves while I was there.” Talking helped to straighten the ideas in my head, but I was still a little confused.
“And has the Pharaohn gotten what he wanted of you, too?”
“I don’t think so. He didn’t kill me—he didn’t really try—and except for this damned ringing in my ears, I don’t feel any different.”
She sat back, her eyes narrowed. “But would y’know if he had . . . bent you?”
“Yes. I think I would. He hurt me, but not more than that. He said he wanted to give me some kind of knowledge. . . . He tried to force me to listen to something, but I was too busy screaming. What brought you in at the right time?” I asked, hoping to redirect the questions before I had to say anything about the unsettling whispers of the grid. And I didn’t mention my far-too-narrow escape.
Mara glared. “You were over time. When I got up the hill, Quinton said he’d heard gunshots and reckoned that was as good a signal as any that y’might be in a bit too deep this time.”
“This time? What the hell ...?” I levered myself up, feeling a little dizzy but not too wretched, and rested against the headboard so I could look at her without straining. “I’m always in too deep with this stuff. What’s with the inquisition?”
She frowned at a spot on my shoulder. “I’ve always seen us as friends, but there are times I’m unsure what’s the cost of that friendship. Or what you really are. I’m always here for you. Always. But you’re keeping secrets from me and you make me doubt my own judgment. The business with Albert hasn’t done my confidence any favors. I could have lost my son.”
“That was more than a year ago. And you didn’t have any way to know.”
“Hah! I’ve always read people very well. But I didn’t read that right. And maybe it wasn’t Albert. Maybe it’s you.”
I shook my head, thinking I couldn’t be hearing this clearly. “What? You think I made Albert do the things he did? He was a bad guy, living and dead. I didn’t make him that way. This isn’t some experiment where observation changes the outcome.”
“That is not what I mean! Some people change things—it’s a trick they’re carryin’ with ’em like luck or disease. With you there’s always damage! We met because you’d been damaged, but when it’s not you, it’s someone else: my son, your da, my husband, Will. . . . What’s going to happen, now, hm? Just look at ya. I don’t know what you are!”
I was so startled, all I could do was stare and shake my head. I hadn’t changed into a monster in the past ninety minutes, hadn’t grown an extra head, or fangs. . . .
Mara could see I wasn’t understanding her. She pointed at my shoulder and pushed her finger hard into my flesh. It hurt, but not enough to make me wince. “Look: You’re healin’. I’ve seen that before, but not like you’re doin’.”
I glanced down, tucking my chin so I could see the shoulder Wygan had sunk his claws into. The deep gouges and pits were smeared with blood that had soaked into my shirt and dappled my skin with scarlet and dried brown. It wasn’t disappearing or soaking into my flesh, like you’d see in a movie. The holes weren’t pulling themselves closed; instead they were weeping light that slowly choked off as the ragged openings dilated shut. They looked like shining, eerie eyes, closing for the night.
“You left here tired and still injured from what happened in London. You came back pukin’ ill and bleedin’. But y’aren’t now. And how long have we sat here? I’d wager y’don’t feel like a woman’s just done battle with an asete. Do ya?”
I flexed my hands into fists and ground my teeth, watching the smallest of the bright little wounds wink out and vanish. “No,” I replied over the swelling roar of the Grey in my head. I ached and felt burned and bruised, but I didn’t hurt like I had in the radio station, or as I lay over Quinton’s shoulder being sick from it. Even my ears had stopped ringing.
“Then
what happened to ya?”
That was a very good question and I, of course, had no answer. I realized that Mara wasn’t angry; she was scared—well, perhaps a bit angry. I had brought a lot of distress into her home and now I was freaking her out. I was freaking me out a bit, too.
“I don’t know. I don’t feel different. . . . Trust me: I’ve got a pretty good idea what dead feels like and this wasn’t it.” I poked at my shoulder and smoothed a finger over one remaining cut. It felt irritated and raw, and the rate of healing had slowed down to a crawl. It was creepy. “As I understand it, I have to actually die—not just come close—to make any changes, so whatever happened isn’t a final change. He said he was giving me information . . . no, knowledge. Someone said I should know the song. . . . Huh . . . all I got was this noise in my head and I’ve had that off and on since I got back from London. There is something ...” I thought aloud. “There’s something going on that just hasn’t crawled up to the front of my brain yet....”
“And that’s all? That’s the payment for whatever you went through?”
“It’s not payment. It’s just another block in Wygan’s construction.”
“Of what?”
“Some kind of gate . . . I think.”
She snorted. “To hell I hope, and then shove him in.”
“I’ll do my best.”
She made a face but looked less pinched. I guess I scared her less when I made bad jokes. “Mara. Are you still angry at me about Ben?”
“Angry? Y’mean about the swamp? No. . . . Well, perhaps a bit. Y’really shouldn’t have—”
“Taken him where he wanted to go? Mara, could either of us have stopped him once he knew there was a monster to interview? Maybe I shouldn’t have asked at all, but it was Ben’s choice and I needed his help. The same way it was your help I needed and your choice to come with me to the Madison Forrest House. I do ask too much of you guys. I know I do. Thank you and—” There was that word I rarely used, hanging in the air like a sword, like “I love you” and all those other things that are hardest to say when you mean them most. “I’m sorry.”
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