by Carey Lewis
“Never been a pill person. I have a hard time sleeping, I just drink some, usually does the trick.”
“That’s the shit they guard in this house. Pills for days though.”
“Usually find I’m fine after an hour or two the next day if I been drinking to sleep. Those pills, I’m a mess the whole day and then some.”
“Your line, I imagine explaining the smell becomes a thing.”
“You’d be surprised how many think they’re smelling themselves.”
“Guess so. I tried a drink the first time two years ago, they sent me to a camp for it, some Christian deal.”
“Didn’t think those things still existed.”
“Yeah, it was a joke. We snuck out and hung with the ‘Pray Away the Gay’ kids. They were alright. Kept wanting to add color to my wardrobe. Other than that, they said I was fabulous.”
“You were drinking the other night.”
“Think they let that slide because of heartbreak.”
“You know why I’m here, right Kenzie?”
He saw her eyes drop. He knew the reason why she couldn’t sleep. He hoped she knew that he knew.
“Where’s your partner?”
Leaving Hank’s house, Ray came running out.
“What’re you doing? You can’t leave when we’re serving a warrant.”
“It’s your warrant, you serve it.”
“It’s your case.”
“My case to blow right? With a little help.”
Jamal climbed in his car then, said to Ray “these kids are on you,” then drove off, his phone ringing non-stop since he left. Hank said the guns weren’t there, Jamal believed him, all but telling him it was Lex. But the guy’s his father, what can he do?
“You looked like you wanted to talk, thought maybe it would be easier to do one on one.”
She smiled, almost laughing, “that shit you see in the movies?”
Jamal smiled now, said “guess it was pretty bad.”
“You want to ask me who killed Zax? I don’t know. We broke up.”
“Because of bum stuff.”
“He wanted to stick it in my ass, yeah.”
“This tough girl stuff come from the movies? How long you think before Lex comes here, does you too?”
“You think Lex did it?”
“Pretty sure and I think you know he did it. Why you can’t sleep.”
“I’m prone to anxiety.”
“You think it was Zax and that’s it? I just got back from his old man’s house where he was beaten with the butt end of a rifle. Before that I was at a park where I saw a kid shot twice in the chest and another shot in the chest lucky to make it through the night. This kid’s on a rampage Kenzie.”
“So go get him.”
“We don’t know where he is.”
“And me telling you he killed Zax, how’s that help?”
“We pick him up.”
“You don’t know where he is.”
“But when we do get him we can put him away.”
“And until that happens? You say he’s on a rampage, want me to say it was him. Say I do. Then word gets out I fingered him, then what? Then he comes looking for me. How am I better off?”
“You and Zax didn’t break up, did you?”
“Answer me Jamal,” dragging out the ‘L,’ “how am I better off with that out there in the universe?”
“We’ll protect you until we find him.”
“And my family?”
“We’ll put some cops outside, make sure you’re all safe.”
“Then he comes by knowing I finked.”
“But you’re safe.”
“You’re not getting this.”
“Then tell me.”
“He sees you guys here, thinks I ratted him out. Then it’s not just him I got to worry about, you understand? He puts the word out, these people don’t forget. Say it goes to the Black Knights, they got a long fucking memory Jamal. Zax used to tell me all the time about these guys. Says that some of you guys used to be them.”
“That’s a myth.”
“That’s a chance I’m not willing to take. You find Lex, you think it ends there? How long you going to keep your rent a cop security out there? They going to follow my dad to work? My mom on her trips to the pharmacy? They going to stick around until you got every gang banger in a hundred mile radius?”
“If you loved Zax you’ll want his killer brought in.”
“Oh, get the fuck out of here with that horse shit. Read a book and stop watching shitty movies.”
They were silent for awhile. Jamal looked around the room, couldn’t think of another course of action. Couldn’t think of something to say to make her talk.
“I was there,” Kenzie said, barely audible. Jamal looked at her, wide eyed, his heart beating loudly in his chest.
“In the washroom. I didn’t see anything,” tears were streaming down her face. “I just heard it. Heard some talking and then…” she couldn’t control the tears anymore, they came out in a flood. “I had to burn his shirt. His favorite shirt.”
And then she was in a ball, sobbing uncontrollably, finally getting relief.
He told her they’d get people to sit in unmarked cars, no one would know they’re there. She said he gave them too much credit. Besides, what could Jamal do for her? She didn’t see it happen, can’t identify anyone. She heard some muffled voices then some shots, what did that prove? She went into the washroom and Zax was alive, she came out he was dead, that was about it.
Jamal then saying, “maybe you did see him. Maybe the door was open a crack. No one knows that but you.” Well, where’s that put you in regards to trust, Jamal, telling her to lie. They were all the same, no regard for you if they can see a way to get what they want.
He waited for her to stop crying, trying to be a good guy. The crying was something Kenzie didn’t mean to do, curled up in a ball sobbing like an idiot. She’d have to fix her makeup again.
What she did get from the conversation was her family wasn’t safe, not as long as she was here. He told her Lex would come looking, and if he’s already killed three people then what was to stop him from killing everyone in the house? But where would she go?
Who did Lex know, which of her friends? She walked Jamal out of the house, telling him she’d be fine, she just wanted to be alone. Told her mother she was fine and to go back to bed then she went upstairs, looked in her room. What was she supposed to bring with her, all this shit she had?
She had a backpack, one she used for school years ago, but that carried books, not her life. And she still didn’t know where she was going. If she went to anyone’s place, there’d be a chance she’d be putting them in danger.
Did the buses even run this time of night? They had to. She could get on a bus, go somewhere and start brand new. Her parents could call the cops, but they couldn’t do anything, she was technically an adult now. She could go somewhere and start over, start living a life of her own. It’s not like anything around here had any ties to her, not anymore, not since Zax.
She had a little bit of money saved up, not much, but it could be enough, the thousand she saved. Who were the other two people he killed, a kid he said? What the hell happened to Lex, crazy son of a bitch.
Maybe she was looking at it wrong, thinking only of herself. What about Lex? Did he have enemies? She could go stay with one of them, get protection that way. She found out who he killed, she’d have a better idea of what to do. Find out why he killed Zax, get a better handle on the situation. Okay, think Kenzie. You’re not going to fit all these clothes in this tiny bag anyway.
Zax told her about the talks he had with Lex, saying something about him wanting to make a move. Ploppers? Boppers? Something like that. Lex thought they were moving up, wanting the Outcasts to get closer to them, see what was what and they could move up. Then what? Lex killed Zax because he didn’t want to? If that’s the case, okay, so what did Lex do then?
Let’s say that was why, th
en he goes and joins this other gang, brings the others with him. That’s already two gangs she had to watch out for that could be after her. Maybe the bus would be easier, get out of here. She should think about it on the run, get out of the house.
Last time she packed this bag, Zax took her camping. She told him she couldn’t fit many clothes in this thing, it was her only bag. She forgot about that time until now, shoving clothes in, seeing how little it held. Zax told her she wouldn’t need many clothes, gave her a wink. “Oh really Zax? I’m going to run around naked like Jane, get mosquito bites everywhere? Bugs crawling on me, what am I, Lord of the Flies?”
She didn’t like the idea of camping, found out she liked the activity of camping even less. Zax drove them an hour and a half to the site, then took that long to set up the tent. He got mad at her, told her she wasn’t helping. This was after he joked the whole way there about her pitching his trouser tent. When he got mad she told him she could give him a hard-on but didn’t know shit about tents.
When he got the tent set up, Zax wanted to fuck in it. So they did and it was too hot inside. The both of them were sweating and a mosquito kept biting her foot. It wasn’t the best time. The ground was hard, neither of them remembered to bring something to sleep on. Night came and neither of them knew how to light a fire and it got cold and Kenzie saw a bear so they packed up and went home, and that was her camping experience.
And now she wished she could do it all over again. She collapsed on the floor against her bed. He clothes strewn about the room, the small book bag overflowing and she cried.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
When they finished, they laid on the metal in silence, the little grooves sticking into her back, looking up at the stars as they caught their breath.
“We should—”
“Not yet,” Catharine said. There was just a little more she wanted to enjoy.
She could feel his awkwardness, how he wanted to do or say something.
“Just enjoy the moment,” she told him and in the corner of her eye she saw him smile. She had her head on his chest, her hand feeling his heartbeat. The fast rhythm slowing down as he took it in. Relaxed in the moment.
She’d bounced around for years, not remembering the last time she had a place she could call home. It was always someone else’s place. Some shitty motel she was allowed to stay the night at. Or she was kicked out as soon as it was over. It was the first time she could remember feeling like she was home, here, in this wide open park.
“I feel bad,” he said.
“Why?”
“I feel like I took advantage of you.”
She brought her head up to look in his eyes. She smiled. It was at that moment she knew she was falling for him. She kissed him on the mouth.
“You didn’t. I can’t explain this,” she said.
“It’s not just me?”
She shook her head and kissed him again, brought her chin to rest on his chest as she looked at him.
“I feel bad,” Cochise said, “doing this with Cleon and Ajax out there.”
“I’m sure they’re fine.”
“It’s like nothing else matters right now.”
“Good song.”
And they laid like that for a couple of minutes, not saying anything. Just staring at each other and smiling, looking like idiots, Catharine thought, thinking this was the kind of thing that only happened in movies. She felt the moment slipping away and then he said “we should go look for them,” and she knew reality had come back.
She sat up to grab her skirt when she saw something over the plastic wall. She quickly stood up, seeing a clown standing in the park, staring at her.
“Cochise?”
He put his pants on and stood up, “is that a clown?”
She looked around the park. There was another one on the swing, staring at them. When she looked behind her, she saw another, standing not twenty feet away, looking up at them. She was able to get a good look at the makeup on this one. The gray pointed teeth, the stringy green hair that ran down to the middle of his back, the dark caves in the eyes, the dirty and torn up clothes.
What bothered her was they didn’t move. They didn’t talk. They just stood there, perfectly still, like demented garden gnomes. She heard about them, quite a bit. They controlled the fear of everyone she knew that encountered them. This was the first time she’d ever been this close to one, let alone three she could see.
She saw one once before, the one with red hair coming out the sides of his head, a patch on the top. That one had a giant makeup mouth painted up in a smile that went to the eyes. But he was far away, off in the distance staring at her, the only thing she could make out was the hair and smile.
They didn’t have weapons she could see. Looking at their hands, just seeing the gloves - lime green, crimson red, hot pink.
“Leave the plaid,” she told him. It was at his feet, the plaid shirt, and she knew it was about more than the pattern of a top. But it was the pattern of the shirt that was going to cost them their lives. There was the off chance that’s what they were waiting for - confirmation of the target.
And then he said “I have to,” and she knew he did. Knew it when he slowly bent over to pick up the plaid. And now it was visible, ever so slightly, peeking out behind the plastic wall.
Catharine started walking, made her way slowly across the rope bridge, trying to keep all three in her sight. Cochise followed, the clowns staring at them the entire time. Stared at them as they made their way down to the padded ground below the jungle gym.
She saw the path. The path that led to the tunnel. The clowns still weren’t moving, just staring at her in that creepy way. She waited for Cochise to catch up. That’s when she took his hand, telling him that whatever was going to happen, they would face it together.
So they backed away, slowly, toward the path, hand in hand. The clowns started to move, walking toward them, getting closer together. Catharine backed up a little faster, the clowns still moved slowly, eventually coming together so they were arm to arm and then they stopped.
Catharine and Cochise walked backward the entire way out of the park, keeping an eye on the clowns. They didn’t follow.
The commuter train was the one Cleon and Ajax found themselves on. It would go in a giant loop, through the districts and towns in the region before connecting to the main station in the city where buses, subways, and other trains would branch off for further commutes.
It was part of a government initiative to bring businesses and populations back to the area as what was called a ‘brain drain’ was taking place - the smartest and brightest of the young professionals were leaving the area to pursue better opportunities elsewhere. So far, it had not proved worthwhile an investment other than to Ajax and Cleon.
They stared out the window, Ajax still holding onto the hockey stick that broke in half, keeping the shaft part of it. It was mostly trees and bush they saw whizzing by, the night making it impossible to see anything but shapes. In the distance were small specks of light, showing them how far away hope was.
“We go to The Boss,” Cleon said, out of the blue.
Ajax looked at him, waited for him to say more.
“Anywhere we go, they’re going to be there right? They know where we live. We can’t go back to Cyrus’s place. I don’t think The Boss liked him too much anyway.”
“He didn’t like us.”
“But he can protect us maybe.”
“If we give him a reason to.”
“Well, he won’t kill us, I’m tired of people trying to do that.”
They looked around the train car, only an elderly woman near the back and another man in scrubs, probably volunteering at a shelter. The only one they had to be concerned about was the guy in the next seat bank over, wearing sunglasses and large headphones, bopping away at music they could almost make out.
“We know where he lives Ajax. We’ve watched him cut his lawn.”
“He’s got a nice yard.”
<
br /> “So that’s where we go. You got a better idea?”
The train slowed to a stop. They looked out the window trying to figure how far they were from home. Looked at the platform, trying to see if anyone was getting on.
“I like your idea. We just got to give him a reason to protect us. The Boss don’t do things because he feels like it.”
Cleon went back to looking out the window, watching the platform slowly pull away. The lights started to disappear behind them. They were elevated now, going over a river or stream.
“So what does The Boss want?” Cleon asked.
They watched the man in the next seat bank stand up, straighten his jacket, and walk to the back of the car. He stood there, leaning against the door, looking down. The old lady stared up at him, silently wondering why he was in her space.
“That was weird,” Ajax said.
“The Boss wants money right? Do we have any?”
“We don’t even have enough for this ride. The guy comes by, he’s kicking us off.”
“We have information. We can tell him Lex killed Cyrus and Snow.”
“Maybe we should talk about this later,” Ajax said, not moving his gaze from the man in the headphones at the back of the car.
“We just got to figure out a way he’ll protect us after we tell him. Is there a way we can tell him a piece at a time?”
Ajax watched the rear door open, a group of four in grease smeared coveralls came into the car. The man in the headphones pointed at them. The four men had giant wrenches, a crowbar, a giant clipper thing used to cut chains. They were the Pelham 1-2-3’s.
“You got to be kidding me,” Cleon said, looking over at them. “Like, everywhere we go.”
The guy with the headphones took the old lady by the arm and brought her to the next car even though she fought him on it. The guy in scrubs sat there, unsure what to do. As they came forward, led by F-Train, the muscle holding the over-sized wrench, gestured for him to leave. He scrambled up and went past them to the back.
“They ride the trains, how they got their name,” Ajax said.