by Amanda Tru
Stepping out the door, the sudden whoosh of cold air caused Emma to shiver.
“Are you cold?” Leo asked quickly. “If it’s too cold out here, we can go back inside.”
“No,” Emma said adamantly, drawing her coat tightly around her. “I don’t mind being cold. I think cold nights are the best to see the stars anyway.”
There was no way she’d go back inside. For the first time in the past few hours, she felt like she could really breathe.
“Yes. I don’t think we’re supposed to get snow until next week.” Leo touched her arm and directed her to the sidewalk extending to the right down Main Street. Sadly, he didn’t keep his hand on her arm, soon dropping it as they walked down the sidewalk in parallel lines with no hope of even their coats accidentally brushing past each other.
Emma chided herself for wanting him to walk closer beside her. With the exceptions of close family and friends, Emma hated for people to touch her in any way, and yet with Leo, she found herself longing for what she hated from others. Why was that?
Trying to focus on something other than the man beside her, Emma looked around as they walked. Strings of Christmas lights donned nearly every business on Main Street Crossroads, and it was beautiful. Emma knew much of the credit for the revitalized downtown belonged to Dylan Masters. The new community center had poured new life in the once tired town, bringing fresh new ideas and the willpower to turn Crossroads into the small-town USA people longed to visit.
It was working. With new activities and shops, tourists were bringing their wallets and smiles to visit a place that carried all the magic of the hometown everyone wished to come home to for the holidays. Even now, decorations festooned every surface in preparation for this weekend’s lighted parade and Christmas pageant at the community center, both events promising to bring visitors into the welcoming arms of Crossroads.
Emma felt proud to live in Crossroads and loved that tourists sometimes chose her ornaments and handiwork as souvenirs. It was a quaint and charming small town, and being dressed up in all the elegant, yet stained, eveningwear of the Christmas season only added to the allure.
Evergreen garlands wrapped the old-fashioned lampposts that lined the street. Winding around to the top, each was topped with a large red bow and a lighted wreath positioned directly below the lamppost light. Taking in the bedecked storefronts on either side, Emma realized the only thing missing from being postcard perfect was a layer of snow on the ground. Hopefully, next week’s predicted snow would add the last bit of finery to the Christmas card scene, carrying with it all the nostalgia of an old-fashioned Christmas done the way it should be.
Emma sidled a glance Leo’s way only to find him already watching her.
“Which lights are your favorite?” Emma threw out the question, feeling uncomfortable with his scrutiny and not knowing what else to say. “I don’t like the multi-colored ones or the ones that flash as much as the white icicles.”
“I guess I’ve never thought about which Christmas lights I like best,” Leo answered vaguely. “I like them all, but admittedly, I’m not the Christmas expert you are.”
“I don’t know that I’m an expert,” Emma refuted. “I enjoy making ornaments for people’s Christmas trees, but I do other things as well. Christmas just tends to be my busiest season.”
“You carry more than just ornaments in your shop?” Leo asked curiously.
Emma nodded. “I make home décor for all seasons, but my ornaments are the most popular.”
“I might need to check out your shop. What is the name of it?”
Surprised at the interest after his response to the pictures of her ornaments, Emma tripped over her words as she answered. “L-little Star Boutique. It’s an Artsi shop.”
Leo nodded. “Is that another reason why you’re so partial to that ‘starry night’ ornament of yours?”
He remembered!
Emma thought he’d thrown out everything she’d said as nonsense, but he had been paying attention after all!
“Sort of,” Emma said. Feeling a little nervous about sharing anything personal after his reaction the last time she’d talked about her work, Emma spoke with a slight hesitation. “You already know I love the stars, but that isn’t the entire reason I chose the name. It really refers to the song ‘Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.”
Emma paused, waiting for him to make a stinging comment. When he simply put one foot in front of the other and waited expectantly, she finally continued. “That song always reminds me of the Christmas star and how something so small can have such a big impact. It led the wise men to Jesus, which was a pretty important job. I liked the idea of making my own Christmas stars, ornaments that may seem small and insignificant but may lead exactly the right people to Jesus.”
Leo didn’t speak, and in the empty space, Emma had time to regret explaining something so personal. They crossed a street into the park where a large evergreen shown like a beacon as the Crossroad Christmas tree. Walking up to the tree, Leo stopped and looked up to the star gracing the very top, then turned back to Emma.
The lights from the tree bathed his face in a warm glow that softened his sometimes-harsh features.
“Emma, that’s a beautiful name for your shop.”
Emma looked at him skeptically. Was he being fake and making fun of her? How could he find it beautiful when he wasn’t even a Christian?
As if reading her thoughts, he shrugged. “Someone doesn’t need to agree with your theology to appreciate your heart and motivation. I think that’s a beautiful way of seeing your business as more than a means to make money. Seeing someone like you is unique. You don’t think like others, and that’s a good thing.”
Sighing, Leo looked up to the sky. “You’re right about the cold and the stars. The temperature is below freezing, but that seems to make the stars even more beautiful than usual tonight. Tell me what I’m looking at up there, Emma.”
Happy to oblige, Emma stepped behind the shadow of a nearby tree to get a better view. Leo followed, and she pointed up. “Do you see that star up there? That’s Sirius. It’s one of my favorites. If you look at it through a telescope, it twinkles rainbow colors.”
“Do you have a telescope, Emma?” Leo asked curiously.
“No, but I’d like to one day,” Emma said with a wistfulness in her voice she couldn’t hide. “I don’t want a small one, though. You can’t really see that much if it’s small. A friend of my dad’s once let us look through his 10-inch Dobsonian telescope, which is when I saw the rainbow colors of Sirus. I’d like to get a 12-inch Dobsonian, but they are over four feet high, so I’ll have to get the money and the space to keep it.”
Leo chuckled. “I really have no idea what you just said, Emma. I know nothing about telescopes.”
Emma smiled. “No worries. I’ll be the expert. And If I ever get a 12-inch Dobsonian, I’ll show you Sirius. Seeing it changes your perspective on God and the whole universe. Just to think that God put something so beautiful up there that most people never even glimpse is an experience you won’t forget.”
“I’m going to go home and do an internet search on telescopes now,” Leo said dryly. “When do you think you’ll get your telescope. Tomorrow?’
Emma laughed. “I wish! My car being stolen has set me off my plans. I wanted to get it before Christmas, but now I need to wait until the car insurance clears and I know how much income I’ve made this Christmas season. I really wanted it before the holidays because at around midnight on those dates Sirius is almost directly overhead. That seems like a special time to see it.”
The truth was that she’d wanted a telescope for a long time. They really weren’t as expensive as most people thought, but Emma wanted to be in good financial position before she spent money on something that wasn’t a necessity. If she’d asked, her parents might contribute money for her to get a telescope she wanted, but she didn’t ask. A telescope had come to symbolize something for her, and she didn’t want to be handed it. She want
ed to work for and earn it herself. It had come to be a symbol of her independence and success, and since the past few weeks had robbed her of both, she didn’t know that she would ever get to buy it.
“What about Regulus?” Leo asked, still looking at the sky and scanning it in all directions as if waiting for one of the stars to jump up and volunteer. “Where is that?”
“Over there,” Emma said, pointing.
“Where?” Not quite understanding which star her finger referred to, he came behind her and bent down so he could get the right angle to follow the direction of her finger.
Emma felt the warmth of his presence at her back. Instead of unsettling, she found it comforting and felt the strangest urge to lean back into him.
“What about Denebola?” Leo asked.
Feeling his warm breath against her ear, Emma swallowed and silently moved her finger over a little to point.
Leo held up his arm next to hers and matched his finger alongside hers. The contact of his coat brushing her coat sent shivers up her spine.
“And Algieba?” he asked.
Emma moved slightly and pointed.
“That would mean that the constellation of Leo is…?”
Emma traced the outline of the constellation. When Leo’s hand came over hers to follow it better, she traced it again. Feeling the warm ache of his hand touching hers, she tried valiantly to hold her hand steady.
“You know the names of some of the stars?” Emma managed to ask, impressed that he’d named the three brightest stars in the constellation of Leo.
“Not really. Only those three in Leo.” His voice came low and soft in her ear. “It is your favorite, right?”
Emma startled away from him, immediately recalling how he’d woken her up the night after her car was stolen. She’d been so aggravated with him that when he’d asked her to name the stars of her favorite constellation, she’d flippantly rattled off the brightest three stars in Leo, though she never actually mentioned that was where the stars hailed.
“Yes, Leo was my favorite that night,” Emma replied casually, keeping her distance of several feet and pretending a renewed interest in studying the lighted Christmas tree.
“And it isn’t now?” Leo asked, confused.
“Maybe. Maybe not,” Emma replied casually. The look on his face made Emma realize she had him slightly off balance, and she enjoyed the feeling! “It depends on if telling you the names of more stars in my ‘favorite constellation’ will cause you to do more astronomy research!”
Leo laughed, a deep, rich sound bursting forth and flowing over Emma in joy.
She’d made a joke, and Leo liked it!
“I don’t know that I was doing astronomy research as much as I was doing Emma research,” he said pointedly.
Emma’s heart fluttered. “You were trying to figure out how to get me to stop calling you about my ornaments, weren’t you?”
Leo laughed again. “Not exactly. I like you, Emma. You fascinate me. I never know what you’re thinking or what you’ll say. I guess I looked up the stars you’d mentioned to try to better understand what you like and what makes you tick. When I saw that you’d referred to Leo as your favorite constellation, I couldn’t help but wonder if you’d meant something more.”
“You like me? Still?” Emma asked, trying her best to pretend not to understand his implied question about if the mention of her favorite constellation had a deeper meaning. “You aren’t upset with me about tonight?”
His tone overly serious and slightly perturbed, Leo replied casually, “I’m a little upset that Pluto isn’t a planet, but I don’t really think that’s your fault.”
Emma laughed, for once having no trouble getting the joke.
“No, Emma, I’m not upset with you,” Leo continued, this time seriously. “Why would I be upset?”
“I’m not a very good date to take to a party,” Emma admitted solemnly, studying the dried grass of the park. “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you at the party.”
“You didn’t embarrass me. Everyone has personal challenges. I’m not overly fond of parties either.” The scowl on Leo’s face confirmed his distaste.
Leo seemed to be trying to minimize the issues, and Emma wasn’t comfortable with him believing anything that wasn’t the stark truth of how autism affected her. “Not being ‘overly fond of parties’ is not the same thing as not knowing how to function in a social situation and experiencing extreme anxiety along with it.”
Leo shrugged. “Like I said, everyone struggles with their own issues. They may not be the same variety, but that doesn’t mean they handle them any better than you. In my estimation, you handle things way better than most.”
“That’s what normal people think,” Emma said wearily. “A hangnail isn’t exactly on the same level as a critical injury.”
“You’re right,” Leo allowed, picking up a pinecone off the ground and giving it a long toss. “I have no idea what it’s like to be autistic, and I never will. But some people have issues that are even more debilitating than autism, and I probably fall into that category.”
“You?” Emma asked, disbelieving. Leo was normal. What issues could he possibly struggle with?
Leo sighed. “You asked why I was so mean.”
Emma winced. “I’m sorry. When I thought back on it, I realized I shouldn’t have said that where everyone else in the station could hear it.”
Leo shook his head. “Don’t apologize. I deserved it.”
Emma braved looking up to watch the myriad of emotions cross his face, but as soon as she thought she’d deciphered one, it was gone with another unidentifiable one in its place.
“And that’s the core of my problem,” he continued with another slight wince. “Even when I know I’m mean and not behaving well, I’m helpless to stop. I just get so angry that it’s difficult to calm down in the moment.”
“Lots of people struggle with anger,” Emma said, seeking to comfort his distress.
“This is a bit more than that.” Leo sighed. Then he looked directly into her eyes and spoke quickly as if wanting to get it all out in a hurry before second thoughts caught up to him. “I have a younger brother. The nice way of labeling his profession is that he’s a con artist. He’s dabbled in just about every crime from Ponzi schemes on down. I think he even once did a stint as a fraud psychic. He calls himself an investment specialist, but all of his investments involve getting other investors to pay him for something that doesn’t exist or has no value. Jeff has always been like that. Even when we were young, he always had some big idea up his sleeve. Having a brother who is a criminal is difficult, but when your parents believe every word he has ever said, it’s much, much worse.”
“I don’t understand.” Emma struggled to follow his story, feeling like there were missing parts she’d couldn’t grasp. “How could they believe him? Has he never been caught in his crimes?”
“Oh, he has,” Leo assured. “He’s been in and out of prison. The last time he did a couple years, but it’s all white-collar stuff, and from my parents’ perspective, he is misunderstood and always takes the fall for his business partners who take advantage of his good heart.”
“Isn’t there proof of his crimes that you could show them.”
Leo nodded. “There is, and I have. Multiple times. Unfortunately, their denial is so deep that they get angry at me for repeating lies about Jeff.”
“So that’s why you’re so angry all the time,” Emma surmised, still not fully understanding the situation, but recognizing it as the source of much of Leo’s struggles. “You’re really angry at your brother and parents.”
Leo’s mouth formed a thin line, and his words were clipped short and brimming with pent-up emotion. “It’s worse than that. My parents are always the first to invest in Jeff’s latest scheme. He has essentially stolen everything from them. They’ve done a reverse mortgage on their house and pawned off every family heirloom they’ve ever owned to help Jeff. After Jeff was arrested the last time
and nothing changed with my parent’s support of him, I finally had to leave. That’s why I came here to Crossroads. But many times, the distance is not enough. My parents ask me for money for food or bills, and I’ll send it every time, even though I know the reason they have no money for food and bills is because they’ve given it all to Jeff because he needs help. Goodness knows, they probably give Jeff the money I send as well. If ever I ask them about it, they say that Jeff is in a really bad place emotionally and that he needs just a little financial help to get by. Then they ask me to pray for my brother.”
Emma blinked. “Your parents are Christians?”
“Yes,” Leo said, the corner of his mouth lifted up in an ironic smile. “So is Jeff. Supposedly.”
Pieces suddenly fell into place, and Emma now understood Leo’s resentment toward everything Christian. “So that’s what you have against Christianity. Your experience is that those who claim to be Christian are hypocrites.”
“Not necessarily,” Leo hedged, the harsh glow of Christmas lights reflected in his eyes now softening. “My parents are good people and genuine Christians. Their one blind spot is my brother. Jeff is a hypocrite. He’s not a Christian unless it suits his purpose for making money at that particular moment. I guess I have no faith in Christianity or a God who would allow the situation with my parents to persist. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. I have no hope that they will wake one day and see how wrong they’ve been. Add all that to my profession, and I recognize I have a very cynical view of humanity. I see the worst of society. Everyone is evil with nothing in them worth redeeming, and if God exists, he is not powerful or loving enough to even attempt it. Why should he?”
“People make their own choices,” Emma said, slowly voicing her thoughts as they formed. “You can’t blame God for people’s sin. Just because your parents are Christians, that doesn’t mean they are perfect or without sin. It means they are works in progress. Maybe their eyes won’t be opened to your brother until they reach heaven, and then I doubt it will even matter. But you can’t judge God based on what He chooses not to do. You don’t know what’s best, but God does. God has a plan for your parents that includes even this. He could snap His fingers and their eyes could be open, but He hasn’t done it yet for some reason.”