When he kissed me again, I gave into it fully this time. And as the seconds flew, my guilt was getting less and my desire was growing more. He suddenly gripped my thighs possessively and aggressively shoved me back, pushed up my dress, and he slipped his head between my legs. He placed me in bliss as his tongue flicked over my clit. Although I was in love with Dannon, he had been my only partner since I had discovered sex. And Santana was giving it to me in a way that had me yanking at the curls on his head and screaming at the top of my lungs.
Everything about this man had me in a wild-ass frenzy. See, I don’t think it was just because of my curiosity to be with another man, or the fact that Santana was a real man. In the short time I had been around him, he had captivated me. I had allowed myself to see him for what he really was. He was a mystery as much as he was an open book. Something about him was trapping me there in that apartment, when I knew I should have gone . . . I couldn’t and I didn’t wanna. I wanted him to do all the things to my body that he wanted to. So I willed myself to deal with the consequences later. . . .
I opened my legs as he munched away like an expert. I felt my legs stiffen as he stuck a skilled finger in me and started stroking me.
Then he stuck a finger in my mouth, forcing me to taste myself. And I liked doing that. It was not something Dannon would ever make me do. But I enjoyed it. Then he made a fist and rubbed it up and down my shaft in a frenzy. I screamed at the top of my lungs. My pussy started making a gurgling sound and fluid shot out of me into Santana’s face.
He chuckled at me and went back to eating my pussy. The next thing I knew, he had me on all fours and his dick was stabbing my pussy, doing an assault on it like it was on punishment.
I was yelling and could feel myself nutting. Abruptly, he pulled out and got up. Disappointed, as the sensations slowly begin to leave me, I watched him sit on the edge of his couch.
“Get over here,” he commanded.
I obeyed. He had me position myself so that my back was to him and my legs were on the outside of his legs.
“Okay. Get the dick.”
I slowly eased myself down on him inch by inch. The pleasure was good but it hurt at the same time because he was so damn much bigger than Dannon. I had to get used to the size before I rode him faster. I rode him slowly and moaned deeply at how good it felt. I threw my head back and moaned loudly.
“What you crying for? You wanted this dick so take it!”
His hands gripped my waist and he shoved me down his shaft. My walls widened and I cried out at the pleasure. I rode him at a faster pace. He gripped my breasts in his hands, squeezing my nipples. Then, he slapped me on my bottom, telling me to get off of him. I did. He shoved me until I was on my knees. He got behind me again and was humping me doggie style.
Suddenly, he jumped up, sat on the backs of my legs, and gripped his hands around my neck. He whispered in my ear, “Check this out, bitch, today and every day after today, you mine and this is my pussy. So tell your fiancé he gotta kick rocks. You understand me?” He eased back down and stuck his dick back into my pussy all while still holding my neck.
He plowed deep into me, causing me to bite my bottom lip.
“You understand?” He jabbed me again. “Huh?”
“Yes!”
From that point on, my purpose for life was forever changed.
Chapter 4
Two Months Later . . .
Something about him . . . He had turned my normal world upside down. My daily motivation was keeping him happy. The affair I was having with Santana lasted a good month before Dannon found out about it. Initially, I told myself that my desire and attraction for him was just about sex. He was a very attractive man, with a big penis, and I thought I would get over it. That it was merely a woman’s curiosity because I had only been with one man and about to marry that man. Who knows . . . Maybe it started out that way. A means for me to sex another discreetly. That day we did what we did, I was already in his house, so who would find out? But I just couldn’t end it there. Each day, I wanted to be around him more, like he was my drug. I started getting clumsy with him, ignoring Dannon’s calls, not being available to him, and missing our dates. This was because the more I saw Santana the less interest I had in seeing or being around Dannon. That meant sex as well. It became more mundane with Dannon. Boring. With Santana we did wild, freaky, new things I knew Dannon wouldn’t be down for. We even filmed ourselves, watched it, and made love again. Maybe some people thought that was dumb of me. But for me I had learned long ago that time didn’t make a friend and time certainly didn’t make a partner. Even though I had known Santana for a short time frame, my feelings for him were way more intense than the feelings I now felt for Dannon.
I knew people wouldn’t understand so I didn’t bother going to Dannon’s funeral, although it enraged my parents, who both went. Even my sister went. She told me I should be ashamed of myself and asked me what I was on. Seeing as she had come completely undone her first year at Spelman, she was no one to judge. I had seen the pictures on Facebook. As far as Santana . . . I couldn’t explain the feelings; they just were there the way they were there. To sum it up in a sentence, I had a loss of feeling for Dannon and the instant outpour of emotions for Santana.
I felt bad that Dannon had taken his life and I wished I had done things differently. But I didn’t want to be around people pointing the finger at me like I had killed him. Dannon killing himself was completely unexpected, let me tell you. I knew I couldn’t blame myself, only a fool would. He didn’t have to take his life. True enough, we had been together for ten years, but he could have just moved on. I wasn’t going to make myself miserable feeling bad because he killed himself. How was I to know he would go there? Dannon never appeared to be the type of man to have suicidal tendencies. He always seemed happy and never seemed to be down. It couldn’t have just been about me. But everyone seemed to blame me for it. Who really knew what was going on in his head? It was easier to blame someone, I suppose, but I wasn’t going to blame myself. That’s one of the main reasons I didn’t go to the funeral. I refused to be persecuted.
Santana told me from jump that to be his woman there were certain rules I had to follow. He was a man who needed to be cared for properly or I would lose him to the next bitch. My man had goals and I needed to make sure he accomplished them. He said I needed to hold him down. So I bought him a new wardrobe, with top-of-the-line tags. He stopped working for my daddy and enrolled in school. I agreed to pay his bills so all he had to do was focus on going to class and studying. He was studying to be an auto mechanic. He was happy to have a woman to hold him down. He said I needed to make sure he was always well fed. He said good food would always keep him potent and make the sex good. His meals typically consisted of steak or seafood that I either prepared or went out and got. I never bought cheap food or fast food. He liked gourmet. And I had no problem delivering. He also expected me to give him the best head at the drop of a hat. He said that’s where dumb women fucked up and lost their man, because they didn’t want to go down. “Remember,” he told me, “What you won’t do another woman will. And I ain’t got no problem letting her, if you ain’t trying to take care of home.” Well, he didn’t have to worry about that! I put it down with my head game. I learned from him how to do it just right. I also had to be ready at all times to ride his cock and take it however he wanted me to. In fact, I had to put him first in everything. If I was at work and he called me saying he needed some loving, I had no problem leaving my job, going to him, and then going back to work with a smile on my face. The only thing I didn’t do was let him move in. I told him it would have to be marriage first. I didn’t even live with Dannon. He never responded to that. I was glad he didn’t because, truthfully, I didn’t want to shack and we needed a little more time before we thought about marriage.
I walked into Santana’s apartment and sat down. When I called him and told him I was on the way, he said he was just getting in the shower. I moved his wallet
and cell phone over, sat down on the couch, and put my purse down next to me. His cell phone started ringing. I snatched it up to give it to him when I saw it said that Reina was calling. I wondered who that was. But since our relationship was still fresh, I didn’t see him cheating on me. Look what he had and what I was offering him: all my love and faithfulness. I had got him hired with my father, cosigned for him to get a new car: a Chrysler 300. He had no reason to do me wrong. I ignored it and set the phone back down. He was in the shower getting ready for church. I was taking him there for the first time to meet my family.
Our church was called The Rock and was located in Long Beach, in the Traffic Circle. I had been going there for as long as I could remember. My mother was the choir director and my father was one of the deacons. After service, my mother always made a huge dinner, and that would be the opportunity for them to get acquainted with Santana.
We arrived to the church a little late. After Santana was seated, I rushed up to the stage and stood next to my best friend and roommate, Arianna. My mother was in front of the choir and gave me a weird look for my lateness. I ignored it and joined them in singing “Going Down to Yonder.” The song was almost finished. Once everyone clapped, the entire choir sat down and I was left standing because I was supposed to sing a solo this week. Truth was, I hadn’t really practiced. But I was pretty much a natural at singing so I knew I would be able to pull it off.
I closed my eyes as the band played the tune and I let my voice take off:
“I had enough heartache and enough headaches.
I’ve had so many ups and downs.
Don’t know how much more I can take.
See, I decided that I cried my last tears yesterday.”
People were shouting, “Thank you, Jesus!”
My dad yelled, “Sing that song, baby!”
By the time I got to the second chorus, my mother was crying. It was always like that.
People in my church always got emotional when I sang.
I was so into the song too that I started tearing up as well. My mother always said that when I opened my mouth to sing, it was one of the greatest gifts the world could be blessed with. I was three years old when my church discovered that I could sing. I had been on that stage ever since.
I sang the chorus and some people started standing and waving their arms. But the person I wanted approval from was missing from his seat: Santana. However, I knew I could be heard even if he was in the restroom. I closed out the song with the last lines:
“Here ain’t nothing too hard for my God, no.
Any problems that I have.
He’s greater than them all.”
Tears slid down my face at the last line. I made my voice rip into the last line. “So I decided that I cried my last tears yesterday.”
I got a standing ovation like I normally did. Santana came out of the restroom and sat down.
The pastor started his sermon and my friend whispered in my ear. “So finally I get to meet this Santana, huh? The one who you are so into you wouldn’t even bother coming to your fiancé’s funeral?”
I pierced her with a glare. “Arianna, not now. I’ve had enough backlash from my family. I don’t need it from you.”
“Really, Alexis, what are you thinking? You know that Dannon’s parents are members of this church. How could you?”
“You act like I pulled the trigger!” I whispered furiously. “I am sorry that Dannon ended his life but I won’t be held responsible for it by you or his parents. I like Santana and he is here to stay no matter what you or anyone else says. And, besides, they haven’t been back to this church in weeks.”
“Would you? They probably want to avoid you at all costs! You were, after all, the apple of their son’s eye and you didn’t even go show your respects to his family. I can’t see them ever showing their face here again or anywhere near you.”
I hoped they didn’t come back. I could do without that awkward moment when we came face to face. I was glad they stopped coming to this church. When they were contacted by one of the ushers they said they no longer wished to be members.
Aside from how I felt about the backlash, the day of Dannon’s funeral, I was also too engulfed in Santana’s dick. We had tried anal sex that day. And it felt so good I wanted more and more. I was too bent out of shape to show my face at anyone’s funeral. I snapped at Arianna, “Did I plan to go? Yes! But I got wrapped up into something. I couldn’t!”
My mother looked our way. I tried to smile. “Drop it, Arianna. Be a friend and don’t judge.” I quickly put my head into my HTC phone to follow along and read the scripture.
The whole time my best friend mumbled, “Umph.” She continued to stare and shake her head at me. I tuned her out.
When church services were over, I went over to where Santana was sitting and kissed him on the lips. “How was it?” I asked him.
“Too fucking long.”
I put a finger to my lips and studied him. He looked disinterested. But, then, I learned that not everyone was into church. Maybe it was something that I could introduce him to and he would soon have a passion for learning the Word as well. Dannon had always had a love for Christ. It was good for your mate to be spiritual and since I wanted Santana to be my man, I had to help him get there. I knew that I could.
As people exited the church, I slipped my hand in Santana’s and told him, “Come on. You can meet my mother, sister, and the pastor.”
“We going to eat over there ain’t we? I can meet them there. Forget your pastor. He’s boring as fuck.”
“Okay. And shh about my pastor.” I giggled and tapped him on the shoulder as he guided me out of the church. I loved my pastor and I knew eventually Santana would as well. And yes, church did take eons and eons to be done. But I was used to it.
We made our way over to my car; I went toward the passenger side. As I waited for Santana to unlock the car, someone tapped me on the back. I smiled and turned around. I was shocked when I came face to face with Dannon’s mother. I gasped and nervously stuttered over my words.
“I just came here to see if it was true. You had the audacity to bring him to this church where my son used to worship. He is part of the reason my son is no longer here.”
I snapped my head back. “You don’t even know him.”
An audience slowly formed around us in the parking lot and I could hear whispers. Church people liked gossip just like anyone else.
“Don’t insult my intelligence, you little bitch! I know he is Santana, the same man who was there screwing you the day my son came in! What happened to you, Alexis? You were the light of my son’s life! He was so in love with you. How could you do this to him? You didn’t even have enough respect to come to his funeral!” Her hand flew back and she slapped the shit out of me.
My eyes teared up and one of my hands went to my face.
“Old lady, get the fuck out of here!” Santana shouted.
“You bastard!” She held her hand up to strike him but he grabbed it and shoved her roughly to the ground. She fell hard and she skinned one of her knees.
“How can you do that to a woman?” Mr. Waters from the congregation demanded. He bent over to help her up.
“You old dumb-ass bitch.”
“Hey!” Mrs. McGee shouted as she rushed toward us. “Watch your mouth. I’m going to get your mother. I can’t believe you are keeping company like him and are letting him disrespect Mrs. Reed that way!” She was outraged and stormed off, shaking her head.
I put my head down. But I agreed with Santana. Dannon’s mother was out of line. It was not my nor Santana’s fault her son had killed himself.
He tossed a hand at her and said, “Get in the car, baby.”
I did as he said. I didn’t like all the foul language Santana had used but I appreciated him defending my honor. Especially since everyone else was making me out to be the bad guy. People would just have to accept the fact that I was down with Santana. To love me was to love him.
Chapter 5
My parents live in a huge six-bedroom upstairs and downstairs home in Bixby Knolls. When Santana and I arrived, the whole house smelled like collard greens and sweet potato pie.
My parents’ house was huge. Over the years we had added on. As much as I had always loved my parents’ home, I had moved out and into one of my father’s properties with my bestie Arianna a couple years ago. My parents didn’t want me to leave but I felt it was time for me to branch out on my own. And even though I didn’t pay rent there, I felt living on my own gave me some independence and made me more responsible. I wondered if my sister graduated college would she leave the nest or stay with my parents. She would probably stay.
“This is a bad-ass house,” Santana said.
“There is where I grew up. Maybe one day we will have a house just as big.”
“Yeah, maybe.” His tone was doubtful.
He sat down on the huge brown suede sectional and I went into the kitchen to see where my mother was. She was there with my nana. Both were cooking.
“Hey, ladies.”
My grandmother stopped what she was doing and kissed me on my cheek. My mother ignored me.
“Mommy. You need any help?”
“No. But it seems like you do.”
I narrowed my eyes at her, confused. My mother was very pretty and looked youthful to be in her fifties. She was light brown with deep brown eyes, high cheekbones, and straight white teeth. We were the same height, had the same frames: big breasts, small waists, and we were hippy. While my mother had her hair cut short, my sister and I kept our real shoulder-length hair flat ironed and silky, always parted down the middle. My sister and I were often told that we both looked a lot like Laura London. I was fine with the comparison. She was a movie star, after all.
The Demise of Alexis Vancamp Page 3