by Robin Hobb
"My king!" I begged him desperately.
"What is it, boy?"
"Have you nothing to ask me, nothing to tell me?"
He looked at me, but I was not sure he was really seeing me. He cleared his throat. "I killed Carrod with the Skill. That is true. I have not felt the others since then, but I do not believe they are dead, but only that I have lost the Skill to sense them. You must be careful."
I gaped at him. "And that is all? I must be careful?" His words had chilled me to the bone.
"No. There is worse." He glanced at the Fool. "I fear that when you speak to the Fool, he listens with Regal's ears. I fear it was Regal who came to you that day, speaking with the Fool's tongue, to ask you where Molly was."
My mouth went dry. I turned to look at the Fool. He looked stricken. "I do not recall… I never said…" He took a halfbreath, then suddenly toppled to one side in a faint.
Kettle scrabbled over to him. "He breathes," she told us.
Verity nodded. "I suspect they have abandoned him then. Perhaps. Do not trust that is true." His eyes came back to me. I was trying to remain standing. I had felt it as they fled the Fool. Felt it like a silk thread abruptly parting. They had not had a strong hold on him, but it had been enough. Enough to make me reveal all they needed to kill my wife and child. Enough to ransack his dreams each night since then, stealing whatever was of use to them.
I went to the Fool. I took his un-Skilled hand and reached for him. Slowly his eyes opened and he sat up. For a time he stared at us all without comprehension. His eyes came back to mine, shame washing through their smoky depths. "'And the one who loves him best shall betray him most foully.' My own prophecy. I have known that since my eleventh year. Chade, I had told myself, when he was willing to take your child. Chade was your betrayer." He shook his head sadly. "But it was me. It was me." He got slowly to his feet. "I am sorry. So sorry."
I saw the start of tears on his face. Then he turned and walked slowly away from us. I could not bring myself to go after him, but Nighteyes rose soundlessly and trailed at his heels.
"FitzChivalry." Verity took a breath, then spoke quietly. "Fitz, I will try to finish my dragon. It is really all I can do. I only hope it will be enough."
Despair made me bold. "My king, will not you do this for me? Will not you Skill a warning to Burrich and Molly, that they may flee Capelin Beach before they are found?"
"Oh, my boy," he said pityingly. He took a step toward me. "Even if I dared to, I fear I have not the strength any more." He lifted his eyes and looked at each of us in turn. His gaze lingered longest on Kettricken. "It all fails me. My body, my mind, and my Skill. I am so tired, and there is so little left of me. When I killed Carrod, my Skill fled me. My work has been greatly slowed since then. Even the raw power on my hands weakens, and the pillar is closed to me; I cannot pass through it to renew the magic. I fear I may have defeated myself. I fear I will not be able to complete my task. In the end, I may fail you all. All of you, and the entire Six Duchies."
Kettricken bowed her face into her hands. I thought she would weep. But when she lifted her eyes again, I saw the strength of her love for the man shining through whatever else she felt. "If this is what you believe you must do, then let me help you." She gestured at the dragon. "There must be something I can do to help you complete it. Show me where to cut stone away, and then you can work the details."
He shook his head sadly. "Would that you could. But I must do it myself. It all must be done by me."
Kettle suddenly surged to her feet. She came to stand beside me, giving me a glare as if everything were all my fault. "My lord, King Verity," she began. She seemed to lose courage for a moment, then spoke again louder. "My king, you are mistaken. Few dragons were created by a single person. At least, not the Six Duchies dragons. Whatever the others, the true Elderlings could do on their own, I do not know. But I know that those dragons that were made by Six Duchies hands were most often made by an entire coterie working together, not a single person."
Verity stared at her mutely. Then, "What are you saying?" he demanded in a shaking voice.
"I am saying what I know. Regardless of how others may come to think of me." She gave one glance around at us, as if bidding us farewell. Then she put her back to us and addressed only the King. "My lord king. I name myself Kestrel of Buck, once of Stanchion's Coterie. But by my Skill I did slay a member of my own coterie, for jealousy over a man. To do so was high treason, for we were the Queen's own strength. And I destroyed that. For this I was punished as the Queen's Justice saw fit. My Skill was burned out of me, leaving me as you see me; sealed into myself, unable to reach beyond the walls of my own body, unable to receive the touch of those I had held dear. That was done by my own coterie. For the murder itself, the Queen banished me from the Six Duchies, for all time. She sent me away so that no Skilled one would be tempted to take pity on me and try to free me. She said she could imagine no worse punishment, that one day in my isolation I would long for death." Kettle sank slowly to her old knees on the hard stone. "My king, my queen, she was right. I ask your mercy now. Either put me to death. Or…" Very slowly she lifted her head. "Or use your strength to reopen me to the Skill. And I will serve you as coterie in the carving of this dragon."
All was silence for a time. When Verity spoke, it was in confusion. "I know of no Stanchion's Coterie."
Kettle's voice shook as she admitted, "I destroyed it, my lord. There were but five of us. My act left only three alive to the Skill, and they had experienced the physical death of one member and the… burning of myself. They were greatly weakened. I heard that they were released from their service to the Queen, and sought the road that once began in Jhaampe town. They never returned, but I do not think they survived the rigors of this road. I do not think they ever made a dragon such as we once used to dream about."
When Verity spoke, he did not seem to be replying to her words. "Neither my father nor either of his wives had coteries sworn to them. Nor my grandmother." His brow wrinkled. "Which queen did you serve, woman?"
"Queen Diligence, my king," Kettle said quietly. She was still kneeling on the hard stone.
"Queen Diligence reigned over two hundred years ago," Verity observed.
"She died two hundred twenty-three years ago," Starling interposed.
"Thank you, minstrel," Verity said dryly. "Two hundred twenty-three years ago. And you would have me believe you were coterie to her."
"I was, my lord. I had turned my Skill upon myself, for I wished to keep my youth and beauty. It was not regarded as an admirable thing to do, but most Skilled ones did it to some extent. It took me over a year to master my body. But what I had done, I did well. To this day, I heal swiftly. Most illnesses pass me by." She could not keep a note of pride from her voice.
"The legendary longevity of the coterie members," King Verity observed softly to himself. He sighed. "There must have been much in Solicity's books that Chivalry and I were never made privy to."
"A great deal." Kettle spoke with more confidence now. "It amazes me that, with as little training as you and FitzChivalry have, you have managed to come this far alone. And to carve a dragon alone? It is a feat for a song."
Verity glanced back at her. "Oh, come, woman, sit down. It pains me to see you kneel. Obviously there is much you can and should tell me." He shifted restlessly and glanced back at his dragon. "But while we are talking, I am not working."
"Then I shall say to you only what needs most to be said," Kettle offered. She clambered painfully to her feet. "I was powerful in the Skill. Strong enough to kill with it, as few are." Her voice halted, thickening. She took a breath and resumed. "That power is still within me. One strongly Skilled enough could open me to it again. I believe you have that strength. Though right now, you may not be able to master it. You have killed with the Skill, and that is a heinous thing. Even though the coterie member was not true to you, still, you had worked together. In killing him, you killed a part of yourself. And that is w
hy you feel you have no Skill left to you. Had I my Skill, I could help you heal yourself."
Verity gave a small laugh. "I have no Skill, you have no Skill, but if we did, we could heal one another. Woman, this is like a tangle of rope with no ends. How is the knot to be undone, save with a sword?"
"We have a sword, my king. FitzChivalry. The Catalyst."
"Ah. That old legend. My father was fond of it." He looked at me consideringly. "Do you think he is strong enough? My nephew August was Skill-burned and never recovered. For him, I sometimes thought it a mercy. The Skill was leading him down a path ill-suited to him. I think I suspected then that Galen had done something to the coterie. But I had so much to do. Always so much to do."
I sensed my king's mind wavering. I stepped forward resolutely. "My lord, what is it you wish me to attempt?"
"I wish you to attempt nothing. I wish you to do. There. That is what Chade often said to me. Chade. Most of him is in the dragon now, but that is a bit I left out. I should put that in the dragon."
Kettle stepped closer to him. "My lord, help me to free my Skill. And I will help you to fill the dragon."
There was something in the way she said those words. She spoke them aloud before us all, yet I felt that only Verity truly knew what she said. At last, very reluctantly, he nodded. "I see no other way," he said to himself. "No other way at all."
"How am I to do a thing, when I don't even know what that thing is?" I complained. "My king," I added, at a rebuking look from Kettricken.
"You know as much as we do," Verity rebuked me quietly. "Kestrel's mind was burned with the Skill, by her own coterie, to condemn her to isolation for the rest of her life. You must use what Skill you have in any way you can, to try to break through the scarring."
"I have no idea how to begin," I began. But then Kettle turned and looked at me. There was pleading in her old eyes. Loss, and loneliness. And Skill-hunger that had built to the point at which it was devouring her from within. Two hundred and twenty-three years, I thought to myself. It was a long time to be exiled from one's homeland. An impossible time to be confined to one's own body. "But I will try," I amended my words. I put out my hand to her.
Kettle hesitated, then set her hand in mine. We stood, clasping hands, looking at one another. I reached for her with the Skill, but felt no response. I looked at her and tried to tell myself I knew her, that it should be easy to reach Kettle. I ordered my mind and recalled all I knew of the irascible old woman. I thought of her uncomplaining perseverance, of her sharp tongue, and her clever hands. I recalled her teaching me the Skill game, and how often we had played it, heads bent together over the gamecloth. Kettle, I told myself sternly. Reach for Kettle. But my Skill found nothing there.
I did not know how much time had passed. I only knew that I was very thirsty. "I need a cup of tea," I told her, and let go of her hand. She nodded at me, keeping her disappointment well hidden. It was only when I let go her hand that I became aware of how the sun had moved above the mountaintops. I heard again the scrape, scrape, scrape of Verity's sword. Kettricken still sat, silently watching him. I did not know where the others had gone. Together we left the dragon and walked down to where our fire still smoldered. I broke wood into pieces as she filled the kettle. We said little as it heated. There were still herbs that Starling had gathered earlier for tea. They were witted, but we used them, and then sat drinking our tea together. The scraping of Verity's sword against the stone was a background noise, not unlike an insect sound. I studied the old woman beside me.
My Wit-sense told me of a strong and lively life within her. I had felt her old woman's hand in my own, the flesh soft on the swollen, bony fingers save where work had callused her skin. I saw the lines in her face around her eyes and at the corners of her mouth. Old, her body said to me. Old. But my Wit-sense told me that there sat a woman of my own years, lively and wild-hearted, yearning for love and adventure and all that life might offer. Yearning; but trapped. I willed myself to see, not Kettle, but Kestrel. Who had she been before she had been buried alive? My eyes met hers. "Kestrel?" I asked her suddenly.
"So I was," she said quietly, and her grief was still fresh. "But she is no more, and has not been for years."
When I said her name, I had almost sensed her. I felt I held the key, but did not know where the lock was. There was a nudge at the edge of my Wit. I looked up, annoyed at the interruption. It was Nighteyes and the Fool. The Fool looked tormented and I ached for him. But he could not have picked a worse time to come to speak to me. I think he knew it.
"I tried to stay away," he said quietly. "Starling told me what you were doing. She told me all that was said while I was gone. I know I should wait, that what you do is vital. But… I cannot." He suddenly had trouble meeting my eyes. "I betrayed you," he whispered softly. "I am the Betrayer."
Linked as we were, I knew the depth of his feelings. I tried to reach through that, to make him feel what I felt. He had been used against me, yes, but it was no doing of his own. But I could not reach him. His shame, guilt, and remorse stood between us, and blocked him from my forgiveness. Blocked him, too, from forgiving himself.
"Fool!" I suddenly exclaimed. I smiled at him. He looked horrified that I could smile at all, least of all at him. "No, it is all right. You have given me the answer. You are the answer." I took a breath and tried to think carefully. Go slowly, be careful, I cautioned myself, and then, No, I thought. Now. Now is the only time in which to do this. I bared my left wrist. I held it out to him, my palm up. "Touch me," I commanded him. "Touch me with the Skill on your fingers, and see if I feel you have betrayed me."
"No!" Kettle cried, aghast, but the Fool was already reaching for me like a man in a dream. He took my hand in his right hand. Then he laid three silver fingertips against my upturned wrist. As I felt the cold burn of his fingers on my wrist, I reached over and grabbed Kettle's hand. "KESTREL!" I cried aloud. I felt the stir of her, and I pulled her into us.
I was the Fool and the Fool was me. He was the Catalyst and so was I. We were two halves of a whole, sundered and come together again. For an instant I knew him in his entirety, complete and magical, and then he was pulling apart from me laughing, a bubble inside me, separate and unknowable, yet joined to me. You do love me! I was incredulous. He had never truly believed it before. Before, it was words. I always feared it was born of pity. But you are truly my friend. This is knowing. This is feeling what you feel for me. So this is the Skill. For a moment he reveled in simple recognition.
Abruptly, another joined us. Ah, little brother, you find your ears at last! My kill is ever your kill, and we shall be pack forever!
The Fool recoiled at the wolf's friendly onslaught. I thought he would break the circle. Then suddenly he leaned into it. This? This is Nighteyes? This mighty warrior, this great heart?
How to describe that moment? I had known Nighteyes so completely for so long, it shocked me to see how little the Fool had known of him.
Hairy? That was how you saw me? Hairy and drooling?
Your pardon. This from the Fool, quite sincerely. I am honored to know you as you are. I had never suspected such nobility within you. Their mutual approval was almost overwhelming.
Then the world settled around us. We have a task, I reminded them. The Fool lifted his touch from my wrist, leaving behind three silver prints on my skin. Even the air pressed too heavily against that mark. For a time, I had been somewhere else. Now I was once more within my own body. It all had taken but moments.
I turned back to Kettle. It was an effort to look only through my eyes. I still gripped her hand. "Kestrel?" I said quietly. She lifted her gaze to mine. I looked at her and tried to see her as she had once been. I do not think she even knew then of that tiny hair of Skill between us. In the moment of her shock at the Fool touching me, I had pressed past her guard. It was too fine a line to be called a thread. But I now knew what choked it. "All this guilt and shame and remorse you carry, Kestrel. Don't you see? That is what they burne
d you with. And you have added to it, all these years. The wall is of your own making. Take it down. Forgive yourself. Come out."
I caught at the Fool's wrist and held him beside me. Somewhere I felt Nighteyes as well. They were back within their own minds, but I could reach them easily. I drew strength from them, carefully, slowly. I drew their strength and love and turned it against Kettle, trying to force it into her through that tiny chink in her armor.
Tears began to trickle down her seamed cheeks. "I can't. That is the hardest part. I can't. They burned me to punish me. But it was not enough. It would never be enough. I can never forgive myself."
Skill was starting to seep from her as she reached to me, trying to make me understand. She reached, to clasp my hand between both of hers. Her pain flowed through that clasp to me. "Who could forgive you then?" I found myself asking.
"Gull. My sister Gull!" The name was torn from her, and I sensed she had refused to think of it, let alone utter it, for years. Her sister, not just her coterie-mate, but her sister. And she had killed her in a fury when she had found her with Stanchion. The leader of the coterie?
"Yes," she whispered, though no words were needed between us now. I was past the burn wall. Strong, handsome Stanchion. Making love to him, body and Skill, an experience of oneness like no other. But then she had come upon them, him and Gull, together, and she had…"
"He should have known better," I cried out indignantly. "You were sisters and members of his own coterie. How could he have done that to you? How could he?"
"Gull!" she cried out loud, and for an instant I saw her. She was behind a second wall. Both of them were. Kestrel and Gull. Two little girls, running barefoot down a sandy shore, just out of reach of the icy waves licking up the sand. Two little girls, as like as apple pips, their father's joy, twins, racing to meet the little boat coming in to shore, hurrying to see what Papa had caught in his nets today. I smelled the salt wind, the iodine of the tangled, squidgy kelp as they dashed through it squealing. Two little girls, Gull and Kestrel, locked and hidden behind a wall inside her. But I could see them even if she could not.