“That’s not so at all.”
“Time apart will help you find your true feelings.”
Amy shook her head. “I don’t want time apart.” Didn’t he feel the same? If he did then surely he’d never allow her to leave. He’d call her family and explain that they would marry and she’d have to stay.
“With age comes a more even temperament. You learn that sometimes it’s best to wait and not rush into things.” He ushered her closer to the river’s edge.
Amy watched the water lap at the small plants that grew on the edge of the riverbank. From his words, Amy knew he wasn’t going to propose.
“I’m busy, with a large order that’s just arrived, for the next couple of days, Amy, but I’ll see you Friday.”
Thunder clapped in the gray sky overhead, and the rain pattered down upon them.
“We should head back,” Amy said. She was too upset to enjoy their time together, and an hour later they were back at the mill.
Andrew got out of the buggy and looked a little sad when he said goodbye, but he’d said his part and she didn’t want to feel any more rejection. With tears in her eyes, she headed back to John and Jane’s house. What possible reason would he have for not seeing her in those last two days? He’d said he was the boss, couldn’t he delegate the work? And, surely he could come to dinner on one of those nights before she left, couldn’t he? It seemed he was letting go already.
The next days were a blur for Amy, and on Thursday she had Jane send Andrew a message that Gabbie would take her to the bus on Friday. She did not think she could say goodbye to Andrew without crying and causing a scene. It would be easier if Gabbie took her.
As Gabbie stood beside the bus, Amy said, “I’ll miss you Gabbie, but I’ll come back as soon as I can.”
“I’ll miss you too. You’ve been like a big schweschder to me.”
Amy smiled. “I’ll write as soon as I get there.”
“I’m going to go home right now and start writing you a letter.”
The girls hugged before Amy boarded the bus. As the bus pulled away from the stop, Amy looked back to see that Andrew had just arrived in his buggy. She saw him jump out and run up behind Gabbie, pointing to the bus. Amy could’ve stuck her head out the bus window, could've waved as it drove away. Instead, she sank down in her seat so he couldn’t see her.
Her stomach churned for the hours on tbe bus. Once she got onto the train, she pressed her head back into the headrest. Andrew had said that they shouldn’t promise each other anything. He could be keeping his options open in case he met someone else; that’s the only reason that made sense. Amy tried to put him out of her mind. She could not afford to see a future with him in case he met someone else. As much as she tried not to, every moment with Andrew replayed in her mind. He’d had the chance to ask her to marry him, but he hadn’t taken it. He as good as said that he was in love with her, and they’d even kissed. The only reason she could find was that his love for her wasn’t as strong as her love for him.
When Amy wasn’t crying she was sleeping, so the journey home was quicker than the one to Augusta. She was pleased to see Martha and her father when she got off the train in Lancaster County.
Martha ran to her and threw her arms around her neck. “Don’t ever go away again,” Martha said.
Something inside her relaxed when she saw her family again. She laughed and her father walked up to her and put his arm around her. “We’ve missed you, Amy.”
“You didn’t have to come all the way here. I would’ve got a taxi by myself. You shouldn’t have wasted the money on taxis both ways.”
“We were looking forward to seeing you and couldn’t wait another minute, that’s why,” Martha said.
“How’s Mamm?”
“She’s out of bed now. She was quite sick there for a while,” her father said.
“Jah, she’s okay. She’s been crying because she wants you home,” Martha said.
Her father frowned, obviously not pleased with the dismissive way Martha was speaking about her mother.
They’d barely gotten out of the taxi at home when her mother came running out to see Amy. She threw her arms around her daughter. “I never should have let you go so far away.” Her mother finished her embrace and stood with her hands on Amy’s shoulders. “You’ve lost weight.”
“Nee, I don’t think I have.”
“I think you have, Amy,” Martha said.
Amy frowned at Martha. Her mother didn’t need to worry about her weight.
“Well, you have,” her sister said.
Her father took Amy’s suitcase inside, and the women followed him into the haus.
“Are you better now, Mamm?”
“I got out of bed just this morning.”
“She’s been in bed for a good three weeks,” Martha said.
“I’m better now you’re home. I’m sorry we ever sent you to Augusta. You didn’t want to go, and we should’ve listened.”
“You look a little pale, Mamm. Why don’t you go up to bed and I’ll bring you up a cup of hot tea? Martha and I can cook the dinner.”
“Martha’s been doing it all herself since I’ve been unwell. Okay, I’ll lie down. Then you must tell me all about your trip.”
While Martha fixed her mother a cup of tea, Amy sat and watched.
“What happened?” Martha asked. “What was the man like?”
Amy put her hand on her head. Where would she start? Should she tell them she hadn’t wanted to return because she was in love? It wasn’t fair. She’d left Andrew, and her mother didn’t appear ill enough for her to be called back. “He was the nicest man I ever met. I want to marry him.”
Martha nearly dropped the teapot. “What?” She rushed at Amy and sat next to her. “Tell me more.”
“He’s kind, thoughtful, and sometimes he’s serious and sometimes he’s funny.” Amy couldn’t help smiling.
Martha frowned. “Is he handsome?”
Amy’s eyes twinkled. “Very. He’s tall and tanned with the most incredible blue eyes.”
Gasping, Martha covered her mouth. “Does he want to marry you too?”
There it was. The thing that irked Amy. He wasn’t as keen. “We never spoke of marriage, not much. I wasn’t there long enough, that was the problem.” Amy swallowed hard. He’d had every opportunity to ask her.
“You’ll have to go back, Amy, if you love him.”
Amy giggled. “Jah, I’ll go back as soon as I can. I miss him already. Now, hurry up and make that tea and we’ll take it up to Mamm.”
The girls took tea up to their mudder who was in bed, propped upright with pillows.
As soon as Martha sat on her mother’s bed, she said, “Amy’s in love.”
Her mother’s eyes grew wide. “Are you?”
Amy grimaced. She’d forgotten to tell Martha to keep it to herself. “I like the man you and Dat sent me to meet. I really like him.”
Their mother pressed her lips together. “He’s not a suitable match because he lives too far away.”
Amy’s mouth fell open. “But … you and Dat sent me there.”
“It was your vadder’s idea, and he made me think it was a gut one, but he sees now that it wasn’t.”
Amy pressed her lips together and looked over at Martha.
“You will allow her to go back though, right? She misses him dreadfully already,” Martha said.
Mamm passed her cup back to Martha. “We can talk about it later. I’m feeling poorly and need to sleep. Gut nacht.”
Amy closed her mother’s door, and she and Martha made their way downstairs to get the dinner ready.
“Don’t worry, Amy, they’ll let you go back.”
“Jah, I know. Mamm’s a little upset. I don’t think that Gott would’ve let me meet him if I couldn’t marry him. Gott will make a way. I know it.”
“That’s right. He will.”
The younger sisters came in from playing and helped with the evening meal.
Dat
didn’t mention Augusta over dinner. It was best to leave the subject alone for a time, Amy thought. Their mother did not come down for dinner and stayed in her room the rest of the night.
After dinner, Amy wrapped herself in her thick coat and sat on the porch by herself. It was the first time alone since she’d gotten off the train. Her mind and body gave way to numbness.
Her father came out and sat next to her. “Cold out here, isn’t it?”
“Jah it is. I’m just thinking here quietly, away from the noise of the girls.”
He chuckled. “Martha tells me you’re sad because you want to return to Augusta, and she said you’ve fallen in love.”
Amy looked straight ahead. “That’s true enough.”
“It’s not practical that you be away from the familye now.”
“Why, Dat? You and Mamm were the ones who wanted me to find a mann, the ones who sent me away against my wishes, and when I do go and find a mann, you send for me to come back. Are you saying that I can’t go back — ever?”
“Not for the time being. Your mudder will tell you why tomorrow, and then you’ll understand.”
Looking out into the darkness of the night, Amy knew nothing either of her parents would say could keep her from Andrew.
“Gott can find you a man here.”
“Jah, but I don’t want just any man, Dat.”
“All things are possible to those who believe.”
Amy furrowed her brow. When things got too difficult for her vadder to explain he always resorted to quoting Scripture. “I don’t know what Mamm can say that’ll make me want to stay.”
“I understand you think that now, but wait and see what your mudder has to say.” He stood and walked back into the haus.
Closing her eyes in the quiet of the night with the cool breeze stinging her face, she remembered the feel of Andrew’s lips against hers. Would she ever taste his sweet lips again? She placed her fingertips on her lips and imagined that he was right there with her.
Chapter 11
It was after breakfast when Amy and Martha were sitting in the kitchen that their mudder delivered the news. “I’m having a boppli.”
Amy raised her eyebrows. “Another one? Aren’t you too old?”
“Nee, I’m not and Gott has blessed us with another child.”
“That’s great, Mamm,” Amy said without making the effort to sound genuinely pleased.
“Yeah, great,” Martha said with less enthusiasm than even Amy had expected.
Mrs. Yoder frowned. “I thought you girls would be delighted.”
“Is this why I have to stay here? Is this why I was told I had to come home; to help you look after another boppli?”
“Aren’t you pleased?” Mrs. Yoder smiled.
“I’m shocked.” Amy rubbed an eyebrow. This couldn’t be happening. “I want to be pleased, but it doesn’t seem right.” Amy looked over at Martha.
Martha licked her lips. “How could this happen? It’s not right. Aren’t you too old or something?”
“Nee, your vadder and I have wanted another boppli for some time now. This child is a blessing from Gott, and you’re both acting spoiled. I thought you both would’ve been pleased.”
“But, Mamm, Amy is nearly twenty – it seems she should have her own bopplis soon and … well, it seems weird,” Martha said.
“James Byler is twenty two years older than his bruder, Thomas, and none of you has ever thought of that as weird.” Their mother spoke of their neighbors.
“You’re old enough to be a grossmammi,” Martha said, ignoring her mother’s words. “I’m eighteen, and if I get married now I could have a boppli in a year, so my boppli’s onkel or aente would only be a year or two older. I don’t like it; it’s not right.” Martha planted her feet firmly on the floor and placed her hands on her hips.
“You and Dat told me I had to find a mann to start my own familye, and when I try to do that, you stop me.” Amy rose to her feet, walked downstairs and right out of the haus. She knew she should’ve been happy to have another schweschder, or a bruder, but she wasn’t; not when the boppli was keeping her away from Andrew.
It was a week later that Martha came running through the door with a letter from Andrew. “Amy, quick, where are you? I have a letter and it’s from him, I’m certain of it.”
Amy grabbed the envelope from her sister. She recognized the writing as his from when she’d seen things he’d written at the mill.
She hurried to the privacy of her bedroom where she could read every word carefully.
His handwriting was smooth and flowing. To savor every moment, she brought the paper to her nose and inhaled, then she held it close to her heart. She knew he wouldn’t speak of promises or love — he’d made that clear before she left.
He wrote of how he’d enjoyed her company. It didn’t matter the words he wrote, all Amy cared about was that he had written and that meant he hadn’t forgotten, nor had he met another.
She would write straight back to him. Sucking the end of the pen, she wondered what to write. She could not tell him of her mother’s news, of the boppli. Although many women in the community had bopplis when they were older, Amy never thought it would happen in her familye. Finally, Amy wrote telling him about how she would come back very soon. Yes, if she wrote it, then it might just happen.
* * *
It wasn’t until the next day that her mother broke the news that Amy was expected to stay in Lancaster County and not return to Augusta. Ever.
Weeks turned into months, and the letters between Amy and Andrew became fewer. There was little for Amy to write to him about; every day was the same. She'd had to leave her job as a maid before she left for Augusta, and her mudder had been bed-ridden since she’d come back. Amy had become the one who ran the whole household.
Once the boppli is born, things will return to normal, Amy hoped. The lack of letters worried her, and she wondered whether Andrew’s feelings for her had dimmed. It preyed on her mind that he’d thought it too soon to make promises to her. It also disturbed her that he thought her too young.
Today was the first Saturday in months that she was able to get out of the house and see her friends in town back at their favorite coffee shop.
“I can’t believe I’m back here. I haven’t been here in ages.” Amy had missed going out with her friends. It seemed so long ago that she had been carefree and not encumbered with her mudder’s burden of running the house and looking after the kinner.
“Are you still writing to Andrew?” Jessie asked.
“His letters haven’t been as frequent. Now, I wait a long time before I write back. I don’t want it to seem like I’m anxious. I don’t want to scare him away.” Amy straightened her prayer kapp. “He should be the one who is keen.”
“He’s in Augusta and you’re here, I don’t think you could do anything to scare him any farther away,” Olive said dryly.
“Well, in the last two months I’ve only had two letters and they’ve both been short.” Amy looked into her coffee. “I think he’s lost interest. Who wouldn’t? It’s been so long and I haven’t told him why I can’t go back. I promised him I’d return as soon as my mudder got better.”
Jessie fixed her large green eyes upon Amy and grabbed her arm. “You must tell him, Amy, or he’ll think you have no interest in him.”
“I agree; you have to,” Olive said.
“What reason have you given for not going back?” Lucy asked.
Amy took a deep breath. “None really.”
The girls looked at each other.
“I don’t want to tell him my mudder’s about to have a boppli at her age. I’m embarrassed.”
“It’s a normal thing,” Lucy said.
Amy shrugged her shoulders. It might be normal for others, but it did not seem right. “He thinks he’s too old for me.”
“Nee, he’d only be saying that for your sake. He wouldn’t mind you being younger,” Lucy said.
“That’s right,” Ol
ive said.
They could be right, Amy thought, as she took a mouthful of coffee.
“You girls will have to be attendants at my wedding,” Olive said. “We’re getting married in nine weeks.”
“The boppli will be born by then,” Amy muttered to herself.
“Jah, we will, Olive, we’d love to,” Lucy said.
While the girls chattered about Olive’s wedding to Blake, Amy tried to appear interested and happy. All she could think about was Andrew. It didn’t seem fair to meet a man and then be whisked away from him.
When the talk of the wedding had died down, Jessie turned to Amy. “You know, Amy, my bruder has been asking questions about you.”
“Mark?”
Jessie nodded. “Jah; I thought if you’re not thinking too much about Andrew, I reckon Mark might be interested.” Jessie giggled.
“Did Mark ask you to find out about Amy?” Olive asked.
All eyes fixed upon Jessie.
Jessie giggled and said, “He might have.”
Amy’s eyebrows rose. She’d never considered Jessie’s bruder because he was so much older, but he wasn’t as old as Andrew.
“Just letting you know that Mark might talk to you at the gathering tomorrow,” Jessie said.
The girls oohed and aahed, and then giggled.
“Thanks for letting me know, Jessie,” Amy said. Maybe Mark would help her get over Andrew since she’d most likely never see him again.
Chapter 12
Amy drove the buggy home thinking about Mark. He was a nice man, and now, his age wasn’t an issue. Could Gott have sent her all the way to Augusta to meet Andrew with the sole purpose of opening her eyes to Mark? Mark had been there all the time, and she’d overlooked him.
The next day at the gathering, Amy knew that Mark was interested in her by the way he continually glanced in her direction. Of course, she didn’t look his way but kept a watch on him out of the corner of her eye. It wasn’t until the meal after the service that he approached her.
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