“I don’t know. I really don’t know if I can trust Sally again. You remember what happened last time.”
“You’re still in love with him, aren’t you?”
“Jah, I am, but I can’t take this letter seriously. I told you I’m trying to make myself a better person, and to run home is something the old Gabbie would do.” Gabbie was silent for a moment before, she added, “That’s what the old Gabbie did do.”
“Are you going to wait until you know whether it’s true?” Martha wrinkled her nose.
Gabbie shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know what to do, except wait, and see what happens next.”
“You really have changed, Gabbie. You were always a person to act first and think later.”
Gabbie smiled at Martha. “I do want to be different.” Gabbie wanted to speak to Betty. She trusted that Betty could give her some advice. Betty had lived a long life and had learned from making many mistakes. Even though Martha’s father was a deacon, Gabbie did not feel comfortable talking to him about her life or about the boy she liked. “I think I’ll go and visit Betty tomorrow and see how she’s getting along.”
“I’ll drive you there. I’ve got to go into town to buy some supplies for me and Michael. I could take you there on the way and collect you on my way back.”
Gabbie nodded. “Denke, Martha. I would appreciate that. Now, we’d better keep going with the gardening before we have to help with the dinner.”
The rest of the afternoon in the garden, Gabbie had some quiet time to think things through. She was glad that she had gone home and hadn't stayed in Lancaster the first time she’d been there. She was also happy that Martha and Michael were married.
Betty was sitting on the porch when Martha’s buggy pulled up in front of the house. Gabbie jumped out of the buggy, ran to her and threw her arms around her. “How have you been, Betty? Can I make you some tea?”
“Hello, Mrs. Zook,” Martha called from the buggy.
“Hello, Martha.” Mrs. Zook waved.
“Hey, Gabbie, you forgot the bread.”
“Ach.” Gabbie ran back to the buggy and grabbed the basket of food they had packed to bring Mrs. Zook. “Denke, Martha.”
“I’ll be back soon,” Martha said before she clicked her horse forward.
“I’ll put this in the kitchen, and then I’ll make a cup of tea,” Gabbie said.
“Denke, dear. What did you bring me?”
“We brought fresh bread, milk, butter, and eggs. Mrs. Yoder made you an orange cake. No broth or soup.” Gabbie giggled, then made her way into the kitchen.
“Good.” Betty laughed.
Gabbie brought two cups of tea out to the porch.
“I’ve something to ask you, Betty.” Gabbie placed the tea on the low table next to Betty and then sank into a chair.
“You know you can ask me anything, Gabbie.” She peered into Gabbie’s face. “You look troubled.”
Gabbie smiled. “Well, the thing is that I received a letter from my friend, Sally, telling me that Joseph has ended the relationship with Ilsa.”
“Just like the letter she sent when you were staying here last time?”
Gabbie nodded.
“And you want to ask me what you should do?”
“Jah. In the past, I would’ve hurried back there before Joseph found another girl, but now I’m not so sure what I should do. I have to admit that the thought of Joseph being single made my heart rejoice, mostly because I knew I had nothing to do with their separation.” Gabbie took a sip of tea. “I don’t know if I should trust that this letter is truthful, or if it’s just another false alarm. Maybe it’s a test from Gott to see if I’m committed to changing my ways. Should I ignore it entirely? But would I be a fool to ignore it, since Joseph is the only man I want?”
Betty picked up her teacup carefully, and took a good mouthful. “Ah, nice tea.” She placed it down onto the saucer. “Gabbie, I can’t tell you what to do. You must do what your heart tells you.”
“Well, what would you do?”
“If it were me, I’d go back home if your parents were ready to have you back. You didn’t manipulate this situation between Joseph and Ilsa, did you?”
“I couldn’t have; I’m a day’s journey away from them.”
“This could be Gott’s way of working things out for you. You’ve changed, and you’ve learned patience. The very fact that you’re seeking advice shows that you have changed and have grown wiser.”
Gabbie smiled at the elderly lady. “I don’t feel as if I’ve learned patience.”
“From what you’ve told me of your past behavior, you’ve always acted before you thought too much.”
“Jah, that’s true. I guess I can’t go back home anyway unless Mamm and Dat want me back. You’ve been a real friend to me, Betty. When I was here looking after you, I didn’t even care about myself. I only wanted you to get better. I’ve learned so much from you.”
“And you’ve brought joy to me, Gabbie Miller. You must write to me when you go back home.”
“I will write to you. I want to be just like you when I’m old.”
Betty laughed.
“I mean when I’m older. Both my parents lost their parents early, so I never knew my grandparents. You’re like my grossmammi.”
Betty placed her hand over Gabbie’s.
Chapter 43
It was two weeks after her letter from Sally before Gabbie was on the train going home to Augusta. The decision to return home had not been a rushed one. Gabbie had received a letter from her parents allowing her to come back home. In the same letter, it was mentioned that Ilsa and Joseph were no longer together, so Gabbie knew for a fact it was true.
Gabbie was no longer a girl out for her own interests. Now, it pleased Gabbie to care for others and to be mindful of things that mattered to them. Looking after Betty and Nancy had enabled her to grow up.
Her favorite times in Lancaster County were when she had helped Betty. Betty had become a good friend even though Betty was old enough to be her grossmammi. Betty knew who Gabbie was, and knew the terrible things she’d done, yet, there was no judgment within her. She would miss Betty, and Martha, as well as Martha’s younger sisters. This was the second time she’d left Lancaster County, and this time she knew she had changed and become nearly a different person.
When she arrived back home, her father was waiting for her at the bus station. It had been a long ride on the train, not as long on the bus, but between the two, it was a tiresome journey.
When she stepped down from the bus, her father came forward and hugged her tight. He was not one to show affection openly; even with her mother he would sometimes appear cold and almost indifferent. Gabbie knew that her father had missed her, and it made her feel good.
“I’ve missed you and everyone, Dat.”
“We’ve all missed you, Gabbie.”
“And I have changed. I’m no longer selfish and mean.”
Mr. Miller laughed. “You were never that, Gabbie.”
“Jah, I was, Dat.”
“Let’s get you home.” Mr. Miller took Gabbie’s suitcase from her, and they headed to his waiting buggy.
Gabbie was pleased to see her brothers and mother, and also Amy, when she got home, but all she wanted to do was sleep. She went up to bed and changed into her nightgown. As soon as she put her head on the pillow, she fell soundly to sleep.
After breakfast the next morning, she tried to help her mother and Amy with the chores, but her mother shooed her away.
Amy said, “You have a rest today, Gabbie, after your long journey.”
Gabbie agreed; she was tired. She’d missed home, and she’d missed her secret spot down by the creek. “I’ve something to tell you one day soon, Amy. Something about that letter you once wrote to Andrew.”
“That’s okay, Gabbie. Andrew already told me. We have no secrets.”
Gabbie’s mother spun around to face her. “What’s this about?”
Amy said, �
��It’s nothing really. Off you go and rest, Gabbie.”
Gabbie wasted no time getting away before her mother found out the dreadful thing she’d done. She said a quick prayer of thanks that Amy wasn’t holding anything against her, and then she decided to go back and visit the creek. It had always been a good place to clear her thoughts.
Her main problem was how she should approach Joseph without scaring him away. Or should she approach him at all? Should she wait until he made a move in her direction? Her head told her to wait, but her heart was worried that he might meet another girl, and be lost to her again. Pushing the dilemma out of her mind, she grabbed her coat from the laundry room and headed to the creek.
It looked as though it might rain. Even though it was morning, the sky was gray, and the wind was chilly. Gabbie didn’t mind if it rained; she would shelter under the thick trees by the creek until the rain eased.
She arrived at her favorite spot and soaked in the beauty of the vibrant colors. Even in the gloomy weather there were purples and warm orange hues reflected in the cool waters. Being in nature made her feel close to the Creator, so she spoke to Him. “I’m sorry, Gott. I’m sorry for all the horrible things I’ve done, and the awful things that I’ve said about people.” She closed her eyes while peace washed over her. Not long after that, she heard a deep voice.
“You’re back.”
Gabbie gasped with fright, spun on her heel and looked directly into Joseph’s face.
“Joseph. You scared me.”
He chuckled. “Sorry; I didn’t mean to. When did you get back?”
“I got back late yesterday.”
“What are you doing here?”
Gabbie looked around. “Thinking. I always come here to think.”
“I know, I’ve seen you here before, remember?”
Gabbie nodded.
“Did you enjoy your vacation?” Joseph asked.
“It was good, but I’m pleased to be home. I guess I’ve missed lots of things since I haven’t been around.”
Joseph looked at the ground scratching his head. “Well not much has happened,” he replied. “Things are mostly the same as they were when you left. Only small changes happened here and there. Nothing stays the same forever.”
“Mm-hmm, I know what you mean. I’ve changed considerably since I’ve been away.”
“You have?”
Gabbie nodded.
“How have you changed?”
“I’ve been a horrible person, Joseph.”
Joseph chuckled softly. “I can’t believe that.”
“I used to tell lies and try to force things to benefit myself, without giving consideration to how it would affect other people. I had an experience in Lancaster, and it changed me, really changed me. I used to do some terrible things.”
“Like the time you invited Ilsa and Stephen to dinner? The time that you told me there was something going on between Stephen and Ilsa at the horse auction?”
Gabbie’s mouth fell open. “Now I feel ashamed.”
Joseph looked around, took off his coat and placed it on a fallen log. “Let’s sit and you can tell me more.” He sat and patted his coat, encouraging her to sit next to him.
She did so and then said, “I wasn’t pleased with myself and I asked Gott to change me. I started helping Nancy out with her kinner. Things were so bad for Nancy, but she was always so cheerful, and she taught me to see things differently.”
“What happened to make your parents send you back to Lancaster?”
“They weren’t happy with my behavior over a couple of things. Anyway, I asked Mr. Yoder if I could do volunteer work, and I ended up meeting Betty Zook, a wunderbaar old lady. She changed my life. We had many gut talks, and I cared for her more than I cared for myself. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t concerned with myself or any of my problems.”
They were silent for a few moments, and then Gabbie said, “After the first days I spent taking care of Betty, her situation improved. She told me lots of stories, and we had a lot in common; she was very much like me. She could have been my own grossmammi we were so alike. Anyway, she helped me grow up and think differently about everything. When I got back to the Yoders’ after staying with Betty, I could tell that I was a whole different person. Even Martha and her family noticed something different about me.”
“It feels good helping people, doesn’t it?” Joseph asked.
“It does, it certainly does.”
“It sounds like Betty made quite an impact on your life.”
Gabbie nodded. “It’s like she’s familye to me, closer than some of my real familye. I’m going to write to her every week.” Gabbie looked into Joseph’s eyes. “Or, have I changed? Here I am prattling on about myself, and you haven’t told me what you’ve been up to. Are you okay? You look kind of troubled.”
“You’re right,” he said. “Something did happen. I suppose you heard that Ilsa and I are no longer going to get married.”
Gabbie nodded, blinking rapidly trying to hide her nervousness. “I heard.”
“I suppose being the bishop’s dochder you’d hear most things before anyone else.”
“Nee, Dat would never tell us anything private. Mostly, I find out things from others.”
“I didn’t mean to say that he would repeat things. I guess that he wouldn’t, or couldn’t do that.” Joseph rubbed his neck. “I guess things weren’t meant to be between Ilsa and me.”
Gabbie nodded. “I’m sorry, and I really mean that.”
“Denke.”
“Hurt passes in time; I’ve been told.”
“You’re probably too young to have been hurt, Gabbie.”
“I suppose I am.”
“You haven’t asked what happened between Ilsa and me.”
Gabbie’s mouth fell open. “Nee, that’s private. It’s not for people to gossip about. Or for me to know any private details.”
“Gabbie, when you went away again, I realized that … I missed you.”
Gabbie looked into his blue eyes. “Like, really missed me?”
He nodded and swallowed hard. “It was then that I knew I couldn’t go through with marrying Ilsa. We’d already had some arguments, which showed me we weren’t suited. Still, I was reluctant to end things because I’d made a commitment.”
“You don’t need to tell me all this, Joseph.”
“I do. The truth is that Ilsa and I had parted some time before we had made it known. We had agreed to keep the whole thing quiet, even from your vadder, the bishop.”
“Why, Joseph?”
“I think we were embarrassed that we got engaged so quickly. We didn’t want people to think that we were fickle.”
Gabbie nodded, knowing how some people in the community liked to talk of others.
After a few moments of silence, Joseph looked at her with a softer face. With a quiet voice, he said, “You understand me, Gabbie, like no one else seems to. I hope you won’t go away again. I don’t want you to leave again.”
Gabbie’s mind blacked out for a second. His words were the ones she’d always wanted to hear from him. “Well, jah, I missed our conversations too. It’s hard to find friends who can understand who you are sometimes.” Gabbie tried to reply objectively even though her heart pounded.
“The truth is, I’ve liked you for some time, Gabbie. I was afraid to let you know because you're the bishop’s dochder. I thought I wouldn’t have a chance with you. But now, I’ve decided not to settle. I will try to have what I want, and that is why I’d like to see you more often. I enjoy your company.”
Gabbie swallowed hard. “You do?”
“Jah, I do, Gabbie. So, do you think that would be possible to see you again? Go on a buggy ride maybe, or just meet for a walk to start with?”
Gabbie could not stop the smile she knew was spreading across her face. “I’d like that, Joseph.”
His blue eyes lighted up. “I like the way you say my name.”
She giggled.
&nbs
p; “You’re a woman who thinks deeply about things, and I like an intelligent woman.” He tipped his hat back slightly. “I don’t know why I asked Ilsa to marry me.”
“We’ve all done things we regret. Well, I know that I have.”
“What do you say, Gabbie?” He picked up Gabbie’s right hand and covered it with the warmth of his.
Gabbie looked up into his eyes and nodded. A smile twigged at the edges of Joseph’s lips, and his eyes crinkled at the corners.
Gabbie couldn’t wait to write to Betty to tell her all that had happened. As Joseph squeezed her hand, she closed her eyes and said a quick ‘thank you’ to God. She’d gone through some hard lessons, but with her eyes on God and off herself, she knew a wonderful journey had only just begun.
All of Amy’s girlfriends from Lancaster had gathered for her wedding to Andrew at the Millers’ house in Augusta. Even her friend Claire, who had married the Englischer was there, minus her husband who was too busy with work to attend.
Now, as Amy stood beside Andrew in front of Bishop John at their wedding ceremony, it no longer mattered to Amy that all her friends had gotten married before her. The past was behind her, and all that mattered was the present and the future.
As the bishop finished his talk and a man got ready to sing a hymn, Amy glanced behind her to see Gabbie wearing a grin from ear to ear and looking very much like she had a secret. In Amy’s heart, she knew Joseph had proposed to Gabbie, and Gabbie didn’t want to announce it just yet because this was Amy and Andrew’s special day.
Then next to Gabbie was Amy’s sister, Martha, who’d married Michael. Claire was sitting in between Olive and Jessie, who was cradling her new son, James. Olive’s stepson, Leo, was on Olive’s lap whispering something to his stepmother whom he now called ‘Mamm’ since he and his father, Blake, had joined the community before Blake's marriage to Olive. Then on the other side of Jessie was Lucy, who was married to Joshua Hershberger and they were both dedicated to the movement to save the Amish farmlands.
Olive told Leo to be quiet and he frowned.
“Can I go over to Dat?” Leo asked.
“Nee, you said you wanted to sit with me. This is an important day for my friend. You have to be quiet.”
The Amish Deacon's Daughter Page 24