by Simone Elise
“You don’t feel the same?”
I’m sure there were numerous things I could have said to wipe his fear away. But this was me, so rather than doing that, I went back to speaking like a toddler.
“I… well… I… umm…”
A dry smile spread across his lips. “Don’t. Just stop. I get it.”
He was off me before I blinked.
My stomach twisted as I watched him pull his pants on.
“Should have expected it,” he grumbled to himself.
“Expected what!” I threw the blankets back and stumbled out of bed toward him. “Ethan, stop!” I grabbed his arm, stopping him from leaving before I got a chance to explain.
“Addison. I get it, okay?” He was acting like it wasn’t a big deal but the flicker of hurt in his eyes when I didn’t say it back had slayed me.
“That’s just it, Ethan. You don’t get it.” He couldn’t understand because when it came down to it, I didn’t fully understand. “You took me by surprise.”
I just had to explain it to him the best way I can.
He opened his mouth, and I placed my hand over it.
“I died before I really got a chance to love anyone. Sure, I loved my dad but I’ve never loved…” Come on, Addison. Just keep speaking. I took a calming breath.
“I don’t really know what love is, Ethan. But I know that when you aren’t here, I feel lost. Then when I see you, my stomach twists into this unbearable knot and I get terrified because I don’t want to lose you. So, if love is insanity, then yes… I love you.”
One moment, I couldn’t find my voice and the next, I just couldn’t stop my feelings from tumbling out.
What do you call that?
He stared down at me blankly.
God, please tell me he didn’t just go deaf.
“You mean that?” He didn’t seem to want to believe me. Which was strange because moments ago, he went all broken-hearted on me.
I couldn’t help but smile at him. I stepped in closer and went up on my tippy-toes. “I love you.”
His stone-cold expression melted into a warm smile. I instantly knew he believed me.
Chapter 24
Ethan
Addison was as consuming as she was beautiful. We’d finally taken a step, hell, a leap in a direction toward a relationship together and guess how she reacted? She decided to have short-term memory loss.
“I told you, old man, I didn’t touch your magazines.” Her devilish smirk and mischief-filled eyes told me she was pouring gas all over Archie, just waiting for his head to explode. Then Addison, being Addison, would most likely light another match to throw at him, just for the fun of it.
“For the last time, they aren’t magazines! They are newspapers. Newspapers that date back way past your limited existence. They were in order and now…” He held up an old yellow-stained newspaper. “Now they aren’t in order! You did this!” He pointed his finger at her. “Just like it was you who cut all the holes in my trousers.”
“There you go again, speaking like a corpse from the eighteen-hundreds. They are called pants, Archie-bald.”
“Ethan.” Archie was trembling with rage. “Move out and take that with you.”
“You can’t just kick me out!” Addison stomped her feet. “It’s my home now. too.”
“Like hell it is!” Archie snapped back.
“No, that’s where Ethan lives.” She planted her hand on her hips, with a smirk. “Face it, Archie, you love me.”
“It is impossible to love a monster like you.”
“Ethan loves me.”
Their eyes snapped to me. So, now she wanted to remember that it had happened.
Crossing my arms, I stared across the table blankly at her. Of course, I loved her, but now she was using it to her advantage.
“I’m not getting involved with this.” I gave her a pointed look. She hadn’t acknowledged what had happened since it had happened. So, I wasn’t going to give her the upper hand. “You two can fight your own battles.”
Addison huffed like a child while Archie mumbled something nasty in French.
“Why don’t you two agree to disagree?” I suggested after hearing their useless fight for at least an hour.
“I want her gone!” Archie snarled. “Always eating my food., looking at me, making pointed remarks and not to mention what she did to my prize paintings!”
“Not my fault you bought such depressing art. All I did was put some smiles on their faces.” Addison shrugged while flicking rubber bands at him.
Yeah, she was really trying to defuse the situation.
“Come on, Addison, let’s go for a walk.” I stood up, stretching my back. We needed to talk about what we were going to do next and getting her away from Archie, who she was purposely stirring up to avoid conversation with me, seemed like the right step.
“Yeah, take her back to Hell,” Archie suggested before storming off into the kitchen.
A wishful expression came into her eyes. What would she be wishful about? Speaking to me?
“Do you wanna walk or—”
She cut me off. “I don’t want to walk and I don’t want to talk about it. So, you can just leave like I know you’ve been waiting to all week.”
Did she really think that?
“Addy, I’m not leaving you.”
“You’re from Hell, Ethan! You’re not from my world. Literally. I was the one who kissed you, and I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have said I love you. I shouldn’t have done any of it because now,” her eyes filled with tears, “I have to experience this.”
“What’s this?” I moved closer to her but she just took a step away.
“I don’t want to lose you, but I already have. So, what I mean by ‘this’ is that I’m never going to get over you, Ethan Beast, because you’ll be forever in my heart.”
All her walls were down, her raw emotions just tumbling out at me. She wasn’t holding back, and the sad expression of grief on her face told me she wasn’t lying to me. She was already mourning my loss.
She truly did love me, and that put my mind in crisis. I found myself stumbling for words. Sure, I’d pushed her to tell me she loved me, but now I was looking at our relationship in the light she already had been.
“I don’t know what to say,” I told her.
Tears welled in her eyes. “And that is exactly why I’ve been avoiding this.” She swallowed sharply. “Because there can’t be an us, can there?”
I took a step closer to her, and she immediately took a step back.
“When are you going home, Ethan?”
Going back to Hell was something that I didn’t want to think about right now. Even though I knew it framed our whole future. What could I say to her?
Again, I walked toward her, cupping her hands, which I was surprised to find trembling.
“Addison, look at me!”
When she did, I could see the fear in her eyes and it suddenly became a lot harder to do this.
“No matter what, I will always be with you.” I cupped her face. “This world is a big place, and I promise you that I will be by your side each step, no matter where you go.” I wiped the tears from her eyes. “I won’t ever leave you.”
A sad smile crossed her wet lips before she planted them on mine and kissed me passionately, as if it was the last kiss we would ever share.
Chapter 25
I was never really into girly things. I admit that right now. I spent my childhood in the mud, chopping the heads off Barbies and climbing everything that I shouldn’t have. That was just who I was.
High school didn’t really change me either. I didn’t get girly, chase down boys, or wear lipstick or makeup. I was plain old Addison who hung around with the two big thugs I had grown up with. Having them at my side meant I was never bullied.
Nevertheless, I would always find myself in trouble and nine out of ten times I deserved it.
So right now, as I stared up at Ethan, all teary-eyed and acting like a
true girl, it frightened me.
How had I let him in?
How had my happiness suddenly come to depend upon his happiness?
“Addison, come on, don’t let it be like this.” Ethan grabbed my wrist as I turned on my heels to leave. “It hasn’t happened yet.”
I turned my back to him, squeezed my eyes tightly shut, and let the tears flow before I looked over my shoulder at him.
“No, but when will it? Tomorrow? Tonight? Next week?” It was hurting me knowing that once he was gone, he was gone for good.
“Well, there is something I can tell you that might ease your anxiety.” His words were filled with his own sorrow so I turned to face him.
His expression was soft and kind but his tiny smile was clearly depressed.
“When I leave, you lose your memories of me.” He spoke each word clearly. “Actually, you will forget all this. Now that your new identity has been established, they will know who you are when you wander into the hospital having lost all your memories.”
My mouth opened then closed.
What. The. Fuck!
“How the hell is that fair!” I screamed, not caring if Satan down below could hear me. “So, not only do I lose the love of my life, but I also never get to remember him?”
The grin on his face caused me to slap his cheek.
“Ouch, what was that for!” He rubbed the side of his face.
“For grinning!”
“I was only grinning because you called me the love of your life.” He pulled me into a hug, with those haunting eyes still locked with mine.
I wanted to take it back. I wanted to say I’d lied. But I hadn’t; it was the truth.
“Well, lucky for you, I’ve only had a short one.” I smirked up at him and for those few moments, I didn’t think about him leaving. I just thought about how comfortable it felt in his arms.
Ethan
“Heard you’re finally going back to where you belong?” Archie walked into the kitchen at just about the same time Addison had left.
“Didn’t realize you were eavesdropping now, old man?” I nodded my head at the empty chair in front of me. “I’ve got something to ask you.”
“If it has to do with Addison, the answer is no.”
“I can’t leave her here with a wiped memory and no one she knows.”
Surely, even Archie could see how cruel that was? I didn’t want to leave Addison’s side to begin with. If he and I could trade places, I would.
When it came to Addison, there wasn’t much I wouldn’t do.
“She’s a brat.”
“She might not be. You know people change when their memories are wiped.”
“Of course, I know that,” he snapped in a defensive manner. “Which is why I don’t think we should do it at all. The girl won’t say anything; you can be sure of that.”
I hadn’t picked up on it. Not once. But now it was so obvious. Archie liked Addison annoying him.
He didn’t want her to go or change. Which explained why he hadn’t reached out for me when she turned up here empty-handed and alone. He knew she was running, and he was happy to keep her secret.
“My parents won’t settle for less, you and I both know that.” I lowered my voice. “Which is why it has to be done quickly and by me before they realize that the girl I was meant to dispose of three months ago is still walking around knowing everything.”
A look of sorrow came over his face. “Well, I won’t be around when you do it. Seeing the light within their eyes dull as their memories are being sucked away pains me.”
My stomach twisted and turned like it normally did when the thought of losing Addison came up. But I knew it had to be done. For her own safety and mine.
***
“You better have made this worth the walk, Ethan, or I am giving you a dead arm,” Addy threatened while wearing a blindfold.
“I thought it would be romantic to end it where it all began.” I took off her blindfold.
She slowly turned around, looking down the dimly lit alley.
“So, you brought me back to where I died.” She smiled. “You were right; it is kind of romantic. That this is where our love began and now shall end.” Her tone softened as she spoke.
“We both knew it was coming. I can’t be with you now, Addison.” I brushed her black locks from her face. “Just think of all the adventures you have ahead of you and men drooling at your feet for your attention.”
“And just think how much more peaceful your life will be. Your books will stay in order with me gone.” She faked a smile. “I’m going to miss you, Ethan Beast.”
Her words caused something inside me to pinch with pain. I didn’t want to do this. I couldn’t do this to her. I can’t let her go!
As if she could tell I was melting down, she placed her hands on my shoulders, dipping her head up to lock her eyes with mine.
“I give you full permission to stalk, in fact, I encourage it.” She smiled sadly.
Because she didn’t know, and I didn’t have the heart to tell her.
“See you around, kiddo.” I nudged her shoulder while trying to keep my emotions in check.
She shook her head and then engulfed me in a hug. I melted into it, enjoying wrapping my arms around her one last time, touching her one last time.
“I love you, Addison,” I whispered in her ear.
She pulled back, her opal eyes shining. “I love you, too.”
We slowly separated, and I knew what I had to do next.
“So, how does this work, you say some magic words and I forget about Hell and just remember you. Or what?”
I didn’t have the stomach to tell her the truth.
“Just turn around,” I said slowly, and she did. Placing my hands on her hips from behind her, I inhaled her scent one last time. “Then clear your mind, and I’ll do the rest.”
I let go of her and took a step away and began the process. I was thankful that she couldn’t see the tears in my eyes; this would be the most difficult thing I will ever have to do.
Chapter 26
Addison
It is said that there are moments in life where you see everything clearly and for those split seconds, you can make life-defining decisions.
“I thought you said that this was going to be quick?” I sighed, shrugging my shoulders and finally giving up, turning around to talk to Ethan.
I was ready to mock the hell out of him and his so-called ‘wiping my memory’ rubbish.
But my plan disappeared instantly when there was nothing more than an empty alley behind me.
I blinked a few times and slowly I realized it was happening. I couldn’t see him anymore. I would bet my new life on it. Suddenly, I was consumed by this core-squeezing pain.
I didn’t want to forget him.
I couldn’t forget him.
But even as my heart panicked, I could feel sensations draining away. Like the touch of my hand in his. I rested against the brick wall as I came to terms with what was happening.
I knew within moments I would forget him completely. My breathing sharpened and as I panicked alone in the alley, my mind was blanketed with one and only thought.
I love him.
And in mere moments, I wouldn’t remember that… that I loved Ethan Beast.
Running out into the street, I knew I had to act quickly before I lost him completely. It was already happening, our memories becoming dull, distant.
My gaze darted up and down the busy walkway. Time to become the crazy woman and do as much damage as I could, because there was only one place I was interested in going and that was Hell.
I took a sharp breath. Time to do some deeds that would give me my one-way ticket to Hell.
***
“You again.”
My eyes fluttered open, and I stared up at the dirty man who was hovering over me.
Where was I?
Then it came flashing back to me just as quickly as the truck that I’d jumped in front of.
“You can’t skip the line!” the man yelled at me as I pushed my way up the staircase.
Was the line this long last time?
Surely, I would remember walking these many stairs?
Finally reaching the top, I pushed past two more rows of people before my eyes landed on the council.
“Next.”
A big smile spread across my face at the sound of Ethan’s rough-edged and unhappy voice. But there was something else mixed in his tone, and it was clear to everyone what it was.
Sadness.
“I said next!” he roared, and I hadn’t noticed how everyone had taken a step back, leaving me standing there by myself.
Guess I was next in line.
I went to stand in front of the council, my eyes locked with his. I watched as he was handed my book.
I knew he was going to give me a lecture for all the things I had managed to do before I forgot about him.
“You are being accused of disrespecting elders…”
So, stealing that old lady’s walker had paid off.
“Endangering the lives of others…”
I scrunched my nose up at that one. Surely, whacking random people with a rolled-up newspaper wasn’t putting their lives in danger.
“Nudity.”
I rolled my eyes. Talk about Ethan being a drama queen. I had just flashed a few strangers my bra.
“Public…” His eyes shot up, for the first time since he’d opened that stupid book. Now this one I thought would get his attention.
His blank, cold, chilling face broke for a moment. His eyes searched mine.
Fear crept through me. Only now did I think to wonder if he loved me as much as I loved him?
My hands shot up, and I felt as if I needed to explain myself before he sentenced me.
“Please, don’t be mad at me.” Honesty flowed through my words and, in an ideal world, I wouldn’t be about to put all my feelings on the line for him in front of hundreds of strangers.
“I know you thought I was better off staying there by myself. I know you wanted me to move on. I know you gave me my life back but…” I took a sharp breath. “I can’t forget you. I can’t because I don’t want to.”
His eyes were still locked with mine as he stood up and walked toward me.