by Kahele, J
“Do you send him letters back?” I asked as I swirled my fork in my food.
He grunted. “Violet, can we not talk about this anymore? I told you more than I wanted, can we just give it a rest for tonight?”
I smiled. “Okay.” I really didn’t want to push him. I knew it was hard for him to talk about it, but it still didn’t make me stop wondering about why he was so angry at his father. Sure, he explained that he blamed his father for the accident, but Chain wasn’t a man who held grudges. I couldn’t see him going through life dismissing his father over an accident that, from what I gathered, wasn’t his father’s fault. There had to be more to it and even though I was not going to push him tonight, I definitely planned on finding out the real truth of why Chain refused to speak to his father.
After dinner, Chain worked on his laptop while I cleaned up the dishes. The mall in Minneapolis had become a thorn in his side since the city revoked his building permits because he had changed the structure without giving them notice, namely the small palace he had built for the children to play in when they visited the mall. He had attorneys working day and night to get the permits and he was constantly looking over the blueprints, trying to figure out a way he could please the city and himself.
I walked into the living room where he sat back on the couch, laptop in his lap, scanning the blueprints on his screen. I slid behind him and began massaging his neck.
He closed his eyes, moaning softly. “That feels so good.” I began to rub his shoulders and he leaned slightly forward, placing his laptop on the coffee table, then pulled me into his lap, placing a sweet kiss on my lips. “Have I told you how much I love you today?”
I grinned as I stroked his cheek. “Yes, about ten times.”
“Well now it’s eleven,” he responded as he patted my behind. I stood up. He rubbed his neck before standing and facing me. “I’m tired, I’m going to hit the sack, are you coming?”
I shook my head. “No.” The air grew silent and thick with tension as it always did when I refused to go to bed with him, which during the past three months, I had done every time. I flickered my eyes up at him and I could see the sadness and disappointment in his eyes.
Since the incident with Phillip, I had become quite trained in the way I approached bedtime with Chain. I knew him like a book. The minute he hit that bed, he was out within fifteen minutes, so I waited twenty before I slid into bed next to him. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to lie with Chain, cuddle up next to him. I did more than anything, it’s just I couldn’t. I didn’t want to start anything I couldn’t finish and cuddling with us always led to more and more was not something I was ready to give right now.
He bent and placed a quick kiss on my cheek. “Night.”
“Night.” I watched as he disappeared behind the bedroom door and a cloud of depression surrounded me. I stood up and walked out to the balcony, leaning my arms on the rail.
This was getting out of hand. Chain didn’t deserve this, I didn’t deserve this. I had to stop letting what Phillip did to me control every aspect of my life. The only way I was ever going to get past this was to make a stand and take my control back.
But how could I do that? How could I reprogram my brain to forget about Phillip, to forget about what he had done? Then Harrison entered my mind. I remembered thinking my world was over, that I would never get through what Harrison had done, but I did. I think every memory you have, good or bad, stays with you, it’s just learning how to live with it and move on. I had to find a way to live with what Phillip did and move on.
A scuffling noise caught my attention and I turned to see Chain standing near the balcony door. Our eyes locked and we stood staring at each other for what seemed like forever. His eyes said it all.
He missed me.
He needed me.
He wanted me.
I couldn’t look at him any longer, I was afraid of failing him, of rejecting him, of hurting him.
I felt his hands press against my shoulders as he stood behind me and I was nervous, really nervous. The touch of his lips against my skin sent a shivering tingle through my body as he kissed his way across the back of my neck. “You’re so beautiful.”
I closed my eyes, embracing his touch as his lips dipped to the top of my shoulder. “I love your skin, it’s so soft.”
His hands slipped under my skirt and up the bare skin of my hips. As his lips sucked on the side of my neck I was suddenly thrown back in time and all I saw was Phillip.
I froze.
My heart dropped.
My breath faltered.
Thoughts of Phillip coursed through my head, his words blistering through my mind. Fuck you’re beautiful. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes as his words continued. ‘Your skin is so fucking soft.’ I jumped when I felt hands caress my arms. Chain turned me to face him and I opened my eyes, tears falling down my face, to see him staring down at me worriedly.
“Violet, it’s me,” Chain whispered as he placed his hands on my cheeks, brushing away the tears with his thumbs. “I hate Phillip for doing this to you,” he continued.
I placed my hands over his and smiled. “I’m okay.” The flashbacks didn’t come often but when they did, they seemed to engulf me completely. My therapist said it was normal, that what Phillip had done to me was something I would never forget, that it would forever be burned into my memory. The way I saw it, I had two choices. I could live in that memory and let Phillip victimize me over and over in my mind. Or I could stand strong and realize that this was just something bad that happened to me and I had to learn to live with it. I most definitely didn’t want to spend my life thinking about Phillip. I had to take control.
I dropped to my knees.
Unzipped his pants.
Yanked them down.
A groan rumbled from his throat as I gripped him in my hand, and moved it up and down his length. He rolled his eyes and his hips began to flex as I slid my tongue around the tip.
“Violet,” he moaned. I tilted my eyes up to meet his lustful gaze. I cupped my mouth around his erection and sucked—hard. His hips began to buck and he was moaning loudly; his moaning aroused me and my desire to please him deepened. There was nothing more that I wanted to do at that moment than to make Chain come undone. I pushed him deeper inside of my mouth, until I felt him hit the back of my throat. He grasped the sides of my head with his hands and began to thrust faster and harder into my mouth.
“Oh God,” he screamed, panting and thrusting. I could feel his veins throbbing, pulsating and I knew he was right there. Gripping his base tightly, I bared my teeth, scraping the flesh of his engorged erection and that was his undoing. His body shook as he cried out and stilled; the warm, salty liquid of his release burned as it trickled down my throat. I clamped my mouth around him, sucking and licking up every last drop.
He reached down and lifted me up and I kissed his jaw, his chin, and then placed small kisses down his neck. I slanted my mouth to capture his and his hand curled around my body, pulling me against him. He lifted his head for one moment to glance into my eyes. I drew a breath and held it before he planted his lips onto mine again.
Desire.
Need.
Want.
Complete love.
A cool breeze swept across me as the warmth of his body left mine and he reached to the hem of my dress, pulling it up and lifting it over my head. “No bra?” He grinned as he threw my dress over the rail and onto the concrete ground.
“The dress has a built-in slip, I don’t need one,” I answered. He shook his head as he slid down my body, slipping his hands into the sides of my panties and pulling them off, before taking his own shirt and throwing it to the side. He brushed the sides of my hair with his hands.
“Violet, are you sure you want to do this?”
“Yes, I’m sure.” I was still a little frightened, but I needed to do this. I needed to start living my life again. I would no longer let Phillip take away the intimacy I had with Chain,
the deep love we shared.
His lips caressed my cheeks before he rained kisses down my neck, his hands massaging my breasts. I felt the wet tip of his tongue as he twirled it around my nipple. Moisture beaded between my legs, the place where I was aching for him so badly. His hand slid down my stomach and he rubbed the inside of my thigh, cupping me in his hand before slipping a finger deep inside of me.
“Oh,” I moaned, as he slipped another one in. His lips closed around my nipple and I arched my back, leaning to his mouth. “Chain,” I groaned. He began to circle his fingers inside as his palm massaged me gently.
“I missed touching you,” he whispered in my ear as his palm began to rock, his fingers sliding in and out faster. But a quick orgasm was not what I wanted. I wanted him. I wanted to feel him inside of me. I needed to feel him inside of me.
“You, Chain, please, I need you,” I pleaded.
He removed his fingers, his body shifting slightly as he grasped my hips and lifted me, placing me on the rail. I grasped his shoulders as his hands slid between my thighs, and he spread them wide.
“I love you, Violet,” he mumbled as he kissed each corner of my lips, pressing his hardness against my entrance.
I felt pressure as he entered inside of me and I gasped. He pulled out instantly, lifting his head. “Are you okay? I don’t want to hurt you.”
“It’s just been a while, that’s all, I’ll be fine,” I whimpered.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No.” I pressed my lips against his. “Please, don’t stop.”
I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him close. He eased inside of me again. He took his time, stretching me slowly and soon my body adjusted to the intrusion and I found myself moving in rhythm with him.
My hands gripped the tops of his shoulders as he began to move faster. I watched his face twist into a look of pleasure as his teeth bit down on his lip.
“You feel so good,” he groaned as he ground into me, faster and harder. I could feel myself beginning to climb as he hit my special spot.
It didn’t take long till we were both moving in perfect sync, my body meeting his thrust for thrust, our bodies moving feverishly against each other. My body was begging for release and as he pumped into me, I wrapped my legs around his waist, the feel of him deeper inside of me putting me right at the edge.
“That’s it, Chain, right there,” I screamed out.
His mouth nipped at my ear. “Shit, Violet, fuck,” he panted.
The sweat was pouring from my body, both of us panting and grunting as we both neared our peak. I scraped my nails across his back, and I was there, right there.
“Chain!” I screamed as I reached my climax. He grunted, a small groan releasing from his lips as his legs stiffened and he released inside of me.
I didn’t know if it was because we made love in the open air, or if it was the lack of doing it, but I was spent, my body defeated. I could not move an inch if my life depended on it.
I could feel him still pulsating inside of me as my body fell limp against his. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of my head before scooping me into his arms. My eyes closed mechanically as my head hit his shoulder and my mind succumbed to darkness.
***
“Time to get up, sweetheart,” a voice whispered in my ear. I stretched and a delicious soreness ached through my body as I opened my eyes to see Chain hovering above me, dressed in boxers.
I flickered my eyes up at him. “What time is it?”
“5:00.”
I gasped in shock. “In the morning?” He nodded. “Why are you up so early? Why did you wake me up so early?” I asked him. Five in the morning! Was this man mad? I was an early bird, don’t get me wrong, but five am was definitely way too early for anyone to get up.
“I fell asleep before I could ask you if you would like to go to breakfast with me this morning. I am meeting with Sam, the architect from Minneapolis.”
I shook my head then buried it under the pillow. “I’m not getting up this early, sorry,” I said in a muffled voice. I felt the pillow being ripped away and looked up into the eyes of Chain.
“Come on, Violet, please. Callie is going with David and I would really like you to go with me.”
I sat right up. “Callie’s going?” Well that was a completely different story. One of the reasons why I didn’t want to attend the breakfast was because I knew it would be boring—listening to grown men talk business was just not my thing. However, Callie going put a whole new spin on things.
He frowned and then walked over to the chair, picking up a white shirt and sliding it on. He turned to face me, a somber look on his face. “Yes, she’s going with David, of course,” he mumbled as he buttoned up his shirt. There was obviously something wrong.
“What’s wrong?” I queried.
He lifted his eyes from his shirt. “I asked you to go with me and you were refusing but as soon as you heard that Callie was going you were all up for it. It seems you would rather spend time with Callie than me.”
I slid out of the bed and walked over to him, placing my hands on his arms. “That is not true, Callie isn’t good in bed.”
He stilled me with a look. “There you go again, Violet, making me feel like you are only after what I have hanging between my legs.”
I was shocked by his blunt comment. “Chain, why would you say something like that?”
He shrugged. “When you make those rude sexual innuendos it makes me feel like I’m just a piece of meat to you.” I was only joking, but I could see by the expression on his face he was seriously hurt and I felt bad.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled quietly.
He half rolled his eyes. “It’s alright. I suppose I’m acting a little foolish, being a little jealous, that’s all.”
“Of Callie?” I questioned.
“Yeah, it does seem like you love her more than me.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist. “Not true, I love her differently, more like a sister, a best friend.”
His eyes thinned into a straight line. “I thought I was your best friend.”
I released him and walked over to the bed, sitting down for a moment. “You are but it’s different.”
“How?”
“I don’t know how to explain it, Chain.” I really couldn’t. I mean all I could say was she was my best girl friend and he was my boy friend.
I could tell he was still aggravated. “Okay, whatever.” He slid on his suit coat. “I have to run to the office to meet with David and grab a few things.” He walked over to me and as I stood up he hugged me before planting a light kiss on my lips. “I’ll be back in an hour, please be ready.”
I smiled as he released me. “I will.” Then with a quick wave he turned and walked away. I sat back on the bed, trying to will myself to get ready. I decided that I would give myself fifteen minutes to wake up so I lay back on the pillow. I glanced around the room and Chain’s father came into my mind. I wondered if Chain resembled his father. I really wished I could figure out why he was angry with his father, why he hadn’t talked to him in years.
I couldn’t imagine not having family, not having anyone to lean on, it had to leave him empty inside. Maybe that was why he gave me his complete love? Maybe it was why he held me just a little longer than he should? But he deserved more than me. He deserved his family. Although he would never admit it, I knew he needed his father in his life and I had to find a way to make that happen.
But first I had to find the man. Chain had given me little to nothing to go on. I knew that his father’s name was Devin Michaels and that Chain had grown up in Ohio, but other than that, I had nothing.
I heard the front door open and hopped to my feet. He was back already! I ran into the bathroom and turned on the shower. I jumped in after it warmed, placing my face under the showerhead. I quickly washed and conditioned my hair, scrubbed my body, and rinsed off.
I heard the bathroom door creak. I turned off the faucet and saw Chain leaning
against the opposite wall as I stepped out of the shower.
“So, I was thinking we should really move in together,” Chain blurted out as he handed me a towel. He really wanted to have this conversation now?
“Chain, you know how I feel about living together,” I murmured as I wrapped the towel around me.
“I don’t understand it. We have been together every night for three months. You have your clothes here, I have clothes at your house, we are practically living together as it is. Why can’t we just have one house together?”
“Because I don’t believe people should live together when they are not married,” I responded.
There was a pause for a moment, before he said, “Fine, then let’s get married. I was serious when I told your father I wanted to marry you.”
Was he out of his blasted mind? “You don’t just get married, Chain!”
I was a little annoyed by his comment. Marriage to me was a sacred institution, a commitment for life. I felt he was taking it too lightly and it really ticked me off.
“Why can’t we get married? I love you, what more do you need?”
I rolled my eyes as I walked away from him and into the bedroom and to the closet; Chain followed of course.
“Marriage is a lifetime commitment, Chain.”
He leaned against the closet door. “Okay, so I want to commit to you for life. Why are you making a big deal out of it?”
I glared at him. “Because it’s a big deal. You may feel right now it is something you want, but down the line you may not feel the same way. And I am not ready to commit to something so permanent unless I’m positively sure that we are meant to be together forever.”
“And you don’t see forever with me?”
I shuffled through the hangers, checking out what I had available to wear. “I didn’t say that. We have only been together for a few months, Chain, don’t you think you’re rushing it?” I said as I grabbed a sleeveless tan dress. I turned to walk away when he placed his hands on my arms, stopping me.
“We have been together five months. Officially a couple for three months, four days and twenty hours…I’m not near a clock so I can’t give you the exact minutes,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.