Amazed (Tempted Book 3)

by Heather Doltrice

  God, please let her be okay.

  “Why would you hit her?” I screamed, causing him to turn around, “You’re not here for her. You’re here for me, you want to hit someone? Hit me!”

  He walked up and gave me what I asked for. The metallic taste of blood filled my mouth and everything went black.

  All I can remember is coming to and I was lying in a bed. Taking in my sights, I immediately recognized that I was in the hospital. I tried to move to sit up but I soon realized I was too sore. I had no clue why I was in there instead of my own bed.

  “Hey, sweetie, don’t try to move. Don’t push yourself,” My mom said, appearing out of nowhere.

  “Mom, what happened? Why am I here?” I asked, trying to make sense of the jumbled up memories inside of my head.

  I was getting bits and pieces of what happened. I remember going by to see Ethan and then Talon coming by the apartment. I remember all the voicemails he left and I remember Talon breaking my phone, but after that I drew a blank.

  “Talon attacked you and Holland. Emma found you girls,” she said, running her fingers through my hair and giving me that concerned mom face.

  “Wait, he attacked Holland too? Is she okay? I need to see her,” I said, trying to get out of the bed but my mom placed her hand on my shoulder stopping me.

  “You need to rest. Holland is fine, just a little banged up,” she said, giving me a stern look and I knew better than to argue with her.

  “Where was Talon when Emma found us?” I asked, looking at the finger marks imprinted on my skin.

  “Honey, you were unconscious and he was on top of you,” she said, stumbling over her words, “When he saw Emma he pushed past her and ran out the door. The cops are looking for him but so far they haven’t had any luck.”

  She was trying not to cry but her quivering lip gave her away. I remember thinking why was he on top of me? And why was my mom having such a hard time telling me what happened.

  “Mom, I’m not following. Why was he on top of me?” I asked, trying to solve the puzzle going on in my mind.

  “H-he raped you, baby girl. That monster raped you,” she said, letting the tears she had been so desperately trying to keep in run down her face.

  I felt the wind get knocked out of me. A million things was running through my head but all I could focus on was the word rape. I was a rape victim. That made me sick to my stomach. Oh no, did he rape Holland too?

  “Holland? Mom, did he do it to Holland too?”

  I couldn’t say rape out loud because it didn’t seem real. You hear about it happening all of the time but you never expect it to happen to you. I know this because never in a million years did I think that it would happen to me and to be honest it felt like a cruel joke. It didn’t seem real.

  I prayed that he didn’t touch Holland because she was fragile.

  “No, he hit Holland a few times but he didn’t touch her in that way.”

  Letting out a huge breath, I felt a little bit better.

  “Ethan came by to see you,” my mom said, attempting to cheer me up.

  It didn’t work. Ethan didn’t want me before I got raped why would he want me now? I had was soiled and dirty and he deserved so much better.

  “I don’t want to see Ethan,” I told her, shooting her a look warning her to drop it.

  Thankfully she listened.

  She talked to me but I couldn’t focus on anything she was saying. I keep picturing Talon’s body on top of mine and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get the imagine out of my head.

  I wasn’t just broken.

  No, I was shattered.

  Talon had ruined me and I didn’t know how I could stand to feel a man touch me after everything because I knew I would see Talon’s face.

  I was always be a victim now and I didn’t like the feeling.

  I felt like everyone was going to be able to look at me and see what happened and they were going to blame me for it.

  Was I to blame?

  I wasn’t sure.

  Chapter 30

  The scorching water spewed all over my skin. Frantically rubbing my skin with soap, I tried to wash it all away. These long showers had become a routine since that night but no matter how much I scrubbed I never felt clean.

  Every time I looked in the mirror I didn’t see me anymore. I was replaced by a broken scarred girl. Thinking about his hands roaming my body, I slid down the wall and started sobbing. Why did this have to happen to me? I asked myself that question every morning.

  I heard some knocking on my bedroom door but I ignored it and continued to let the water wash my tears away.

  Hearing a loud crash, I pulled my legs to my chest. My heart started to beat like a kick drum in my chest. The police hadn’t found Talon yet and that scared me because I kept looking over my shoulder waiting on him to come back.

  The shower door flung open and I immediately dropped my gaze to the floor.

  “P-please don’t hurt me,” I said, shaking with fear.

  Feeling arms scoop me up and wrap me in a towel, I kept my eyes shut. If it was Talon I didn’t want to see his face.

  “I’m not going to hurt you. I would never hurt you,” the mystery man whispered against my cheek.

  After hearing his voice and recognizing his touch I felt safe. Opening my eyes, I saw Ethan’s face.

  “I was so scared, Ethan, I thought you were Talon,” I said, resting my head on his shoulder.

  “Let’s get you dressed,” he said, laying very gently on the bed.

  Watching him rummage through my drawers, I saw him head my way with one of his football t-shirts, plaid pajama pants, and a pair of underwear. Removing my towel, he slid the panties up my legs and then helped me slip the shirt and pants on. Without saying a word, he disappeared into the bathroom and then reappeared with a hair brush.

  “Would you be okay with sitting on my lap?” he asked, sitting down on the chair in the corner of my room.

  My body started to tremble at that question. My mind was running over time wondering why he wanted me to sit on his lap. Part of me wanted to but part of me was terrified. Sensing my hesitation, Ethan waved the hair brush around showing me he just wanted to brush my wet hair.

  I could do that, couldn’t I?

  “If you’re not comfortable then we can sit on the floor,” he said, getting up to move.

  I had to try to move past everything and get better. I couldn’t live in fear of everything and everyone. I had a life to live.

  “No, it’s fine. I can sit on your lap,” I told him, walking over to him and sitting down.

  He worked the brush through my hair and I felt my body start to tense up.

  Snap out of it, Grace.

  Finishing brushing my hair, I sat the brush down on the small table beside him and rested his hands on my thighs.

  “I’m so sorry, baby,” he whispered, leaning his head against mine.

  Being so close to him, I felt myself start to freak out but I got in check.

  “S-sorry for what?” I stammered.

  I had been doing that a lot lately.

  “For taking out my anger on you when I tore my ACL. I felt like shit every time I watched you walk away knowing I hurt you. I’m sorry for making you think I didn’t love when in reality I not only love you, I live for you. But most of all I’m sorry for what that son of a bitch did to you,” he said, rubbing his thumb along his waterline getting rid of the tears before they fell down his face.

  “That wasn’t your fault, Ethan,” I said, feeling my heart break even more watching him cry.

  Ethan was an alpha male to the extreme and I had never ever seen him cry, so to see him cry over me shocked me.

  “It was, Grace. If I wouldn’t have pushed you away you would have been at the shop when that lunatic came to your apartment,” he said, caressing my cheek.

  “I don’t blame you,” I told him, jumping up from his lap.

  I wanted to sit there forever but it was too close for
comfort. Looking at the expression on his face, I knew he was trying to think of what he done but he hadn’t done anything. He wasn’t the problem, I was the problem.

  “What did I do?” he asked, concern evident on his face.

  “Nothing. I just need some time before I can be that close to a man,” I said, looking anywhere but at him because I was super embarrassed.

  “I totally understand that. Goodnight, Amazing Grace,” he said, walking out the door and closing it softly behind him.

  As soon as he left I crawled on my bed, got into fetal position, and cried myself to sleep.

  The next morning I drug myself out of bed and forced myself to get dressed not just lounge around in pajamas all day. I needed to get my old self back, I knew it was going to a long road and a tough fight but it had to be done.

  Exiting my room, I walked into the living area and saw someone asleep on the couch. Hearing noises coming from the kitchen, I tiptoed past the couch.

  “Holland, who’s asleep on our couch?” I asked, turning the corner to enter the kitchen.

  She looked up from her plate and smiled at me.

  “It’s Ethan,” she said, taking a sip of orange juice.

  “Okay, why is Ethan here?” I asked, putting bread in the toaster.

  “He said he was worried about you. I told him I was here with you but he wouldn’t leave,” she said with a faint smile dancing across her lips.

  I couldn’t help but smile at that too. He was sweet and considerate, nothing like Talon but I couldn’t find it in myself to get close to him.

  Not yet anyway.

  Talon had taken so much from me. He robbed me of my confidence, my trust, and my peace of mind. But he did leave me with something, he left me with fear. Fear of my surroundings. Fear of a man’s touch. Fear of being intimate.

  How do you come back from something like that? How can you be okay after your body has been violated? Those were questions I didn’t have the answers to but I intended to find out.

  “Good morning, ladies,” Ethan said, yawning as he made his way into the kitchen.

  It didn’t take me long to notice he was shirtless. Shocking myself, I felt my body react. That was the first time since my rape that a man made me feel something other than fear.

  “Morning,” Holland said through a mouth full of food, looking at me for me to say something.

  But you know what I did? I stood there like a mute.

  “You’re just as classy as always, huh?” Ethan asked Holland, cutting his eyes in my direction.

  “Eat me,” she said, giving him a shit eating grin.

  “So much for being innocent,” he said, pouring himself a glass of orange juice.

  I found myself watching his every move, completely drinking him in. Feeling my stare, he turned to face me.

  “Good morning, beautiful,” he said, looking at me the way every woman wants to be looked at.

  The way I always wanted him to look at me. It was like he had never seen anything more beautiful in his life. But he couldn’t possibly think I was beautiful after what happened to me, could he?

  “Don’t call me that,” I said softly, trying not to sound rude.

  It’s not that I didn’t like him calling me that it was just that I didn’t feel beautiful anymore. But it just sounded so damn good coming from his lips.

  “Why not?”

  “Because I’m not beautiful anymore, I’m dirty and ruined,” I said, clenching my eyes shut as an attempt to keep the tears in.

  It didn’t work. Feeling one tear trickle down my face, I wiped it away hoping no one saw it.

  I was sick of the pity looks everyone gave me and I was tired of crying. I was drowning in my tears and I couldn’t make my way to the service.

  “Don’t ever say that again,” he growled, causing me to jump.

  I had never seen Ethan so intense not even on the football field or even the bedroom for that matter.

  “Why? It’s true,” I said, letting the tears flood out of my eyes.

  Burying my head in my hands, I felt arms wrap around me and I didn’t flinch, not even once.

  “You’re right, Grace. You aren’t beautiful, you’re gorgeous. You’re perfect. And don’t you ever say you’re ruined,” he said, making me believe every word.

  Looking in Holland’s direction for help, I didn’t see her. When had she left the room?

  “How could you love me now?” I asked, feeling embarrassed.

  He looked at me as if I had lost my damn mind.

  “The same way I did before, with all of my heart and soul,” he said, causing my stomach to flutter.

  I immediately recognized the sensation. Butterflies.

  I hadn’t felt them in a while but it felt good to feel something positive. I liked seeing some light instead of being trapped in the dark.

  “What are you saying?” I asked him.

  “I’m saying you’re it for me and I want us back.”

  He wasn’t asking for a lot but at the same time he was asking for the world, but I didn’t know if I would be able to give it to him.

  “I can’t rush into anything right now,” I told him, trying to warn him that I was damaged goods and hoping he was picking up on it.

  “I can handle it,” he promised, rubbing his hands down my arms, “Slow and steady wins the race.”

  Smiling, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone.

  “Okay.”

  Laughing, he picked me up and spun me around. It amazed me how one word generated such a big response.

  Proving to me that he respected my request to take things slow, he placed a soft kiss on my cheek.

  “What do you want to do tonight, babe?” he asked, moving away from me before I had the chance to freak out.

  I needed to get the feel of being a couple again, so I know what we needed to.

  “Can we stay in?” I asked, putting all of the dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

  “I was hoping you’d say that,” he said, leaning in to kiss my forehead, “I’m going to grab a quick shower and get dressed because I have to be at the shop by eleven.”

  After cleaning up the kitchen, Ethan walked back in.

  “See you tonight. Wear pajamas and no make-up. Oh and that messy knob hairstyle you wear to bed. I love you,” he said, giving me a goodbye kiss.

  He missed kissing me, could you tell?

  Hearing him say I love you, I knew I had a deer in the headlights look. A look of confusion appeared on his face but then I saw the light bulb go off.

  “Oh no, I’m telling you I love you. Conversation over. See you tonight, I love you,” he said, walking out of the door before I had a chance to say anything.

  A smart move on his part because I was definitely going to tell him not to say it.

  But I had to admit it felt good to know he loved me no matter what and that he didn’t look at me any differently.

  He always called me Amazing Grace but if I had to say so myself he was the amazing one.

  Chapter 31

  Ethan- On my way. I love you.

  Smiling, I sat my phone on the coffee table beside the couch. I was rocking the messy bun that Ethan asked for, Chinese take-out was on the way, and movies were picked out.

  Holland was out for the night, she went to see a movie with Maddie. I begged her to stay but she told me that she couldn’t hold my hand forever. She told me to put on my big girl panties, so that’s what I was going to try to do. Try being the keyword.

  She said it was tough love but I said it was being a bitch.

  I felt like we were about to have our first date but that couldn’t have any further from the truth. At that point we were like an old married couple who kept drawing the short end of the stick. I mean seriously it was like we couldn’t be happy. I think after all we had been through we deserved that. In fact I knew we did.

  But I also knew that at that moment I was the only thing keeping us from our happy ending. Our future rested on my shoulders.

 
; I needed everything to develop slowly but how slow was too slow and how long would it take before Ethan realized there was others girls that could and would willingly give him what he wanted? How long until he realized I wasn’t worth the wait?

  “Honey, I’m home,” I heard Ethan sing song on the other side of the door.

  Laughing, I pushed my negative thoughts to the back of my head. Getting up from the couch, I checked to see how I looked in the mirror and then I remembered I was in pajamas. I looked like a hot mess but that was what Ethan wanted and like he always said “What Ethan want Ethan gets.”

  Opening the door, I looked at his face and saw his eyes light up. I looked like shit but he was checking me out like I was all decked out.

  “You look beautiful,” he said, walking inside and closing the door behind him.

  Rolling my eyes, I walked to the couch and pulled the throw over me.

  “Don’t make fun of me. This is how you wanted me to look, so don’t blame me,” I told him, tucking my feet under me when he sat down beside me.

  “I’m not making fun of you, babe. I love you like this.”

  Feeling my cheeks heat up, I turned my gaze to the TV.

  “So, which movie do you want to watch?” I asked him, trying to act like he wasn’t affecting me.

  But he was. My breathing picked up just listening to him breath. My heart started beating faster just watching him bite his lip and narrowing his eyes while picking out a movie. All of this way happening just because he was near me. It was amazing how he could affect me so much not even touching me.

  “Something scary,” he said, searching for the right movie.

  Shocker.

  “Why something scary?” I asked.

  “Because maybe just maybe if you get scared enough you’ll let me hold you,” he said, looking over at me and winking.

  Hearing someone knock on the door, I fist pumped internally. I was just a tad bit thankful for the very welcome interruption.

  “Must be the food,” I said, jumping up with a little too much enthusiasm.

  Opening the door, I grabbed for my purse on the floor to pay the delivery guy.