His gut tightened. Slade leaned forward, forearms on his thighs. "What's wrong?"
"A year after the adoption, when I was sixteen, I overheard someone at my parents' church gossiping about how I'd gotten pregnant at fifteen and that Jeannette had adopted you. I learned her name then, but nothing else. After that, I stopped attending services there. When I saw Jeannette's obituary in the paper five years later, I contacted a lawyer about trying to get you back."
He tensed. Not what he'd expected to hear on his drive over. Instinctually, he guarded his heart, ready for it to break. "So, what happened? How did I end up with Liz?"
"I was twenty-two and pregnant with Melanie. My husband at the time was a... a very difficult person. Emotionally abusive. But back then I hadn't yet found the courage to leave him. He refused to raise another man's son. It was too hard to fight him. I didn't have much money or enough to support myself, let alone you and a baby. So I gave in."
He stood, his legs shaky and his mind racing. Once again, he felt like the boy living with his aunt, a flat out inconvenience. "You gave in. Do you have any idea what my life was like? I lost the only mother I'd known, and then was sent to live with her aunt, a woman in her fifties who had no desire to raise a child but did it for the money she'd receive to take care of me. She gave me a roof over my head, but that was it. I was basically left alone. I grew up unwanted, regardless."
"You didn't tell us that part when you talked about living with Liz."
"You said you’d hoped and prayed for years that I was happy and loved. Letting you think that I had been seemed kinder than telling you the truth."
She flattened a hand over her heart. "I'm sorry. Back then, I was still young. So scared."
Scared. The one word pushed his button. Damn in, he'd been scared. "You don't think I was young and scared at six, when my mother was suddenly gone? Or when I was growing up in Liz's house, knowing she didn't love me or want me there? Or when I turned eighteen, and had to get the hell out because that's when the money cut off?"
Tiffany's eyes widened and tears spilled down her cheeks. "I'm horrified. I don't know what to say. I thought I was giving you a better life."
Anger and hurt swirled as old memories surfaced and unleashed fresh pain. "Well, you didn't. It was hell. The loneliness and feelings of worthlessness swallow you whole. Even now, do you have any idea what my relationships are like? How hard it is to trust people? How long it takes me before I believe someone isn't going to disappear?"
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"Yeah. I am too." The urge to move, to leave, was too strong to resist. He looked for his leather jacket, then realized he'd never taken it off. "I need to go."
She didn't say anything, or if she did, he didn't hear her. He started up his bike and the engine's roar drowned out his thoughts.
As he traveled back to L.A., the familiar ache opened in his chest with the need to do something daring, to feel that burst of adrenaline flowing through him to take away his pain. He'd held off for weeks, on Dom's advice, and because being with Savanna calmed that ache. But Tiffany's revelation, that she'd abandoned him twice, rocked him to his core.
He needed something big to fix it. Something he'd never done before.
His motorcycle swung into the lot of Savanna's apartment building before he realized what he'd done. Once there, he couldn't leave without seeing her. He parked next to her car and cut the engine.
She must have heard his arrival or seen him coming. The door swung open before he knocked.
The smile fell away from her face when she met his gaze. "What's wrong?"
He reached for her hand. "Let's go BASE jumping."
SAVANNA
SAVANNA BLINKED AT his request and tugged his hand until he came inside. "Are you crazy? I'm not jumping off the side of a cliff with nothing but a baggy suit as my means to the ground."
"You can do it with a parachute too. From a bridge or a skyscraper. My buddy at the skydiving place can hook us up."
"Isn't BASE jumping illegal in most places in the US?"
"Only if you get caught. Come on, what do you say?" He inclined his head toward the door. His face worked in a way she'd never seen it, a mixture of hurt and anger and fear.
"No." This time she was drawing the proverbial line in the sand. "Lots of people have died during a jump. And you shouldn't go anywhere in your state, let alone risk your life. Or mine."
"I'm not in a state."
"You are. You're talking fast, more agitated than excited. You're really keyed up." She gingerly laid a hand on his arm, like she would a new patient in the hospital. "Why don't you tell me what's wrong instead?"
His eyes closed as she touched him, but after a minute, he shook his head and stepped back. "I need to go."
Now he was starting to worry her. "Slade. You came here for a reason. Talk to me. Please."
Sighing, he stared at the ceiling like he hoped the words would appear there. "Tiffany had the chance to get me back after my adoptive mom died. But her husband didn't want me. So, yeah. You know how that turned out."
"I'm sorry. So sorry." She reached for him again, but he remained stiff, vibrating with energy.
"Anyway, I'm dying here. Let's go. I need to burn some energy. We can do the jump off one of the skyscrapers in downtown L.A. We can be down there in—"
"No. I'm not doing it and I don't want you to do it either."
His head shot up. "What?"
Fear gripped her heart as tight as she squeezed his hand. "It's too dangerous. I've never asked you not to do something. But I'm asking now."
He reached for her other hand and locked them together. "You don't have to do the jump, but I need you there with me."
"I'm here. Right now. Talk to me. We can figure out how to help you together. You don't have to jump either."
"I need to do it. You don't understand."
Realization dawned at the pain on his face. "I think I do. You take chances like this because you think no one cares about you."
"That's not—"
"Don't you dare tell me it's not true. I see you right now. Something happened to hurt you and this is how you handle it."
His withdrew his hands and the absence of his heat chilled her skin. "That's a pretty astute opinion from someone who's afraid of everything."
"Not wanting to take ridiculous risks isn't being afraid of everything." Her mind raced searching for the right words to keep him grounded, but her heart beat so fast that she couldn’t concentrate. He'd aimed his words right at her softest spot and hit it. "You make it sound like I'm afraid of my own shadow. That's crazy and you know it. Redirecting the attention away from how you're choosing to handle your hurt doesn't change a thing."
His eyes flickered with vulnerability. "You don't know what you're talking about."
"Fine. Deny it all you want. I'm asking you not to do this because I worry about something happening to you."
"Worrying about something doesn't help. All it does is create crazy what-if scenarios in your head, ninety-nine percent of which won't come true."
"Maybe so. But that doesn't change the fact that I'd be devastated if something happened to you. How's that for a reason?"
His gaze held hers, eyes direct, face impassive. "If I don't do this, what's next? You'll ask me to stop skydiving or racing fast cars? I am who I am and I've never hidden that from you. I can't stop doing things I love just because they make you uncomfortable."
The quiet words cut deep. But the reverse was true for her. "And I can't do things that make me uncomfortable just because you love them."
They stared at each other for a long moment and Savanna could see this same argument and occurrence happening over and over for the rest of their relationship.
"I can't watch you do something self-destructive. It's too scary. I don't like it." She sighed out her frustration at not being able to get through to him. "It's not only about the BASE jumping. It's how we approach everything. We're too different and it's time
we admitted it."
His eyes narrowed. "What are you getting at?"
Her chest hurt, but that made sense. Her heart was breaking. She took a breath, licked dry lips, and opened her mouth. "That we're too different. You're swimming with sharks and I can't even conquer the diving board. You're jumping out of planes and I can't stand flying. You're living in a penthouse and I don't like living above the second floor. I've been thinking for a while and this right here is one more instance that proves I'm right.”
"Right about what?"
"Us being together is a mistake."
His mouth worked open and he rubbed his hand over his hair. "I don't think it is."
"You need someone as fearless as you. And that's not me. I don't want to fight every time you suggest doing something. Or us growing to resent each other because you think I'm holding you back or I think you're pushing too far."
"I've never pushed you too far." His immediate response was as strong as steel.
"Not yet. But I can see it coming. Like with the BASE jumping. I don't want you to do it. It's so dangerous."
"It's not—"
"But you're going to do it anyway, regardless of whatever I say or how scared I am. This isn't the same as you leaving socks in the middle of the floor and me complaining about it. This is you doing something reckless and I can't handle it."
"Come on, Savanna..." He stepped closer.
"I don't want to deal with carrying around the additional weight of worrying about you over things like this. It's too much. I don't think we should see each other anymore."
Slade's eyes widened. His lips parted and then closed and he rubbed a hand over his hair again. "I see. I'm too reckless for you. It's all about your fears and none of mine."
"Please. You don't have any fears."
"That's where you're wrong." He glanced at his helmet, looking lost for a second, before an odd light came into his eyes. "I always told you that I'd protect you. And if protecting you means leaving you alone so you don’t have to worry about me, then I'll do what you want. I need to go."
He turned and walked out.
Savanna collapsed against the back of the couch, replaying their conversation over the pounding beats of her heart.
A few seconds later, his motorcycle roared to life.
She crossed to the window and drew back the curtain. He tore down the street. His figure grew smaller and smaller, until it melted into the traffic.
Savanna let the curtain fall into place.
Ending things was for the best. But she hadn't expected it to hurt so much.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
LIAM
HE COULD START BACK up with PT again next week. The thought replayed itself over and over in Liam's mind as he walked away from Andy's office, happier than he'd been in days. His ankle was still a little sore, but he barely felt the ache.
He couldn't wait to tell Claire the news. He exited the stadium, the stark quiet a contrast to the revelry of the previous evening's All-Star game.
"Liam." Raymond waved as he set the alarm on his car and approached the building.
"Hey, Ray." Liam slowed to a stop. "Good news, Andy gave me the okay to return to PT next week."
Brows raised, Ray smiled and nodded. "Good, good. But take all the time you need to heal. Claire and I are working on lining up an alternative for you if you can't make it back."
"Wait, what?" He couldn't have heard that correctly.
"She's on board to coach the new hire if needed too. We really lucked out with her."
Liam shook his head, confusion and anger and betrayal battling for dominance. "But I am going to make it back. Mid-August, remember?"
"I hope so. But I need a contingency plan in place. Just like the team. Every position has at least one backup. You understand that."
"But I also understand if a replacement plays better than the injured guy, the replacement becomes the starter, even after the original guy is healed." He couldn't lose his job, but it seemed like his time as Fin was slipping through his fingers and he couldn't grab hold.
Ray held up his hands. "Relax, Liam. You're thinking too far ahead. Just worry about getting yourself better."
Not exactly a don't worry, the job will always be yours. "Well, that's reassuring. Thanks a lot, Ray." Sarcasm sharpened his tone and Liam walked away before saying something he'd regret. His professionalism didn't extend very far. He felt blindsided. But Ray had said Claire had a role in the alternative mascot plan, too.
He needed answers.
Now.
Twenty minutes later, he knocked on Claire's door.
When she opened it, some of his anger receded as his concern surged forward. Purple smudges under her eyes, pale skin, and a wan smile on her lips, she hugged her arms around her middle. "Did I miss something? I wasn't expecting to see you until later tonight."
"I just had an interesting conversation with Ray." He studied her expression. Sure enough, she looked guilty.
"Oh?"
With that, his hurt doubled. "Any reason you didn't tell me about your involvement in lining up a replacement for me?"
She backed up, probably as much shying away from her guilt as letting him inside. "Come in."
He strode to the middle of the living room. "Well?"
"Ray stressed that he needed a fully functioning mascot unit and asked if my old gymnastics coach had any students that were close to your height and build."
"Does she?"
"I didn't ask her yet. He only broached the subject with me yesterday."
Frustration crawled over his skin like an itch he couldn't scratch. "Are you going to ask her?"
She became intently interested in the swirling lines of color on her area rug.
The lack of response spoke volumes. He crossed his arms over his chest. "Did you tell him no?"
Pleading blue eyes raised to meet his gaze. "I couldn't do that, Liam. I can't have him thinking I'm not a team player."
"We're a team. You and me. At least I thought we were. But you're willing to be an active participant in the hiring of my replacement? And you were doing it behind my back?" He shook his head. Gutted. She'd lured him in then slit him open the second he'd become vulnerable.
"What was I supposed to do?"
"You were supposed to put me before the job."
"You've always said the job comes first."
"I would never put it before you."
"I wonder." Her hands moved to rest on her hips. "I mean, the day we met, you and Slade made sure that you were going to stick around, even after I was brought in."
"That was different."
"How?"
"This job is more than just a job to me. It's who I am. Cheering up sick kids, making the fans happy, that fuels me. I'm doing all I ever wanted to do, and what I was meant to do." He jabbed his finger into his chest while he paced in front of her. "I need you to go to bat for me. To tell him no, that we can come up with something else while I recover."
"If I'm not helpful, I could lose my job too. I can't let that happen right now." She pressed her hand to her stomach. "I can't tell Ray no."
He had to get out of here. No question, his heart split apart. No other explanation for the intense pain twisting in his chest. She might as well have shot him. His worst fears, made a million times worse. Betrayal lanced through his soul. His chest hurt like she'd literally stabbed him in the heart. "I can't do this."
"What are you talking about?"
He waved his hand between them. "This. Us."
"You're breaking up with me?" Disbelief turned her sweet face pale, but what had she expected from him?
"I need someone who has my back. Who I can trust to fight for me just as hard as I'd fight for her. Who loves me just as much as I—" He stopped. The words didn't matter. Not now. Saying I love you didn't change a thing. If she really loved him, she wouldn't be able to hurt him this way.
"But, Liam, I—"
"You what? Need to look out for yourself? Just like
the former co-workers you told me about. I get it. Really. It's not personal, it's business, right?" He moved toward the door. "I'll see you at Friday's game." If he still had his job by then.
What the hell was he going to do if he really lost it?
He yanked the door closed behind him and stomped to his car on an ankle that still wasn't right. Slamming into his car, he cursed and pounded his fist against the steering wheel. He'd been fighting for his job with all he had, and that might still not be enough to keep it. Hot bolts of anger surged through him and the ache in his chest spread, making breathing difficult.
His phone chirped with messages from Slade, Dom, and Adam.
Slade: Going BASE jumping. Now. Need my buds. Address below. Get here.
Dom: Slade, what the hell is wrong with you? This falls under the reckless things you're supposed to be avoiding. DO. NOT. JUMP.
Adam: FYI, it's illegal. Both the team and the cops will have your ass for it. Dom and I are heading over now.
Liam paused with his thumbs over the keypad. The more he thought about it, the more he liked Slade's idea.
Liam: On my way. Slade, wait for me. I'll do it with you.
He tossed his phone onto the seat and turned onto the freeway. Might as well jump too. After all, he had nothing left to lose.
SLADE
THE ACHE IN HIS STOMACH hurt worse than the time he’d taken a ninety-mile-an-hour fastball to the gut. She didn't want him anymore. He downed a shot of whiskey. After the initial burn, a chill seeped into his skin.
Worthless. Unlovable. Unwanted.
The words that had repeated themselves in his head all his life replayed over and over. He couldn't deal. Not now. The only thing that made sense was getting away.
Slade pushed away from the bar and strode toward the door of the pub. He had a date with the skyscraper across the street.
Liam, Dom, and Adam burst into the room. Dom's dark eyes snapped between anger and concern. "Slade, what the hell?"
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