“Of course.” Jasper pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “I’ll be back soon,” he said softly as he shut the door behind him and went into the sitting room to wait.
Abigail was already in there, rocking a fussy Moses and cooing to him softly.
“I think he knows something’s happened to his mama,” she said softly.
“Probably,” Jasper said gruffly, reaching for the baby. “Let me try.”
The knowing smile Abigail gave him made Jasper wonder why he’d spent so much time fighting the inevitable. He held Moses in his arms and gazed down at the little boy.
“Your mama is going to be just fine. But it doesn’t hurt to ask God to make sure.”
Jasper cradled Moses and began to pray.
Chapter Eighteen
Everything in Emma Jane’s body ached. Well, not everything. But what didn’t ache burned, and she felt like her entire head was stuffed with cotton. Nausea rolled in her stomach as she struggled to breathe normally. The best she could do was take a few shallow breaths, and even they hurt.
“Emma Jane?” Jasper’s voice was soft, gentle and as welcoming as a fire after being out in the cold all day.
No, all night. The last thing she remembered was being cold. So cold. Yet her back had been on fire.
She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him. Dark circles rimmed his eyes, and he was clearly in need of a shave, but she’d never seen a more welcome sight.
“Good. You’re awake. The doctor gave you something for the pain, and he said it would help you sleep, but I’m glad to see you’re all right.”
Then his eyes examined her face in a funny way. “You are all right, aren’t you?”
She closed her eyes. Then she remembered. After taking a deep breath, she looked at Jasper again. “I was shot.”
The few words took so much effort it felt like she’d already done a day’s work, even though she’d just woken up.
“But you’re going to be fine,” he assured her. “The doctor got the bullet out, and he said it didn’t hit anything serious. Just tore up the muscles in your back and shoulder. You’ve lost a lot of blood, so you’ll need to take it easy for a while, but you’ll be fine.”
Fine. He kept using that word, almost as though he didn’t believe it. Emma Jane looked around the room.
“If you’re looking for Moses, he’s in with Abigail. He and I have been sitting here, waiting for you to wake up, but he was starting to get fussy and I didn’t want him to disturb you.”
Emma Jane blinked. Moses? Jasper had never willingly used the baby’s name before.
“I can get him if you want.” He jumped up before she could answer. Then, just as quickly as he left, he returned, carrying Moses as if holding the baby was the most natural thing in the world.
“There she is,” Jasper said in a voice so sweet and tender, and clearly aimed at the baby, that Emma Jane hardly knew him. “See? I told you that your mama would be fine.”
Her eyes filled with tears. Not only was Jasper calling her son by his name, but he referred to her as Moses’s mama.
“Emma Jane? Are you all right? What’s wrong? Is your shoulder paining you?”
The worry scattered across Jasper’s face made her stomach flip-flop. Who was this man?
“I’m fine,” she said, her throat scratchy. “I could use some water, though.”
Keeping Moses cradled in one arm, Jasper poured her a glass of water. “You’re supposed to sip it slowly. Doc Wallace says you may not tolerate much for a while, but it’s good for you to drink as much as you can.”
She sipped the water, marveling at how comfortable Jasper seemed to be with the baby. When she was finished, he took the glass. She’d only managed a few small sips, but at least her throat wasn’t so dry.
“So you remember being shot?” Jasper studied her face intently, making her feel ill at ease. She’d never seen such concern in him before.
“Yes.” Emma Jane took a breath. If only it didn’t hurt so much to breathe, let alone talk. But so much needed to be said. “I’d gone to warn you that it was an ambush, but I got there too late. And then...they were shooting, and I pushed you, but something struck me. It must have been the bullet.”
“It was,” Jasper said, his voice solemn. “You saved my life.”
Of course. Emma Jane closed her eyes. That’s what all of this was about. Jasper had felt guilty when they were trapped in the mine and she’d saved him, which was one of the reasons why he’d married her. Then, when Mel saved him, he’d felt guilty again, thus propelling him on his quest to save Daisy.
Well, this was one act of gratitude Emma Jane wasn’t about to accept.
She opened her eyes and stared at Jasper, drawing from all of her strength. “And now you can get on with it. I know you mean well, but living your life shouldn’t be about repaying someone else.”
Taking another breath hurt more than she’d expected it would. But this wasn’t the pain of her wound. No, this was something deeper, and she didn’t expect it to heal as quickly as the gunshot would.
“I want you to be happy,” she choked out. “I know you feel responsible for what happened to me, and I’m telling you right now that this was my own choice. So go live the life you choose for yourself. You’re not allowed to be beholden to me.”
Jasper looked at her like she’d gone mad. And maybe she had. Who wouldn’t want the town’s handsomest, wealthiest man beholden to her?
Emma Jane Jackson, that’s who. She deserved better than a man who felt only gratitude for her.
She wanted a man who loved her.
“I will be beholden to you for the rest of my life,” Jasper said, looking at her with enough intensity that, if she’d been a block of ice, she’d have melted.
“But not for the reasons you think.”
Then he looked down at Moses with such a loving expression, Emma Jane’s heart felt like it was about to burst.
“You’ve taught me a lot of things. About God. About family. About selflessly giving to others.”
Then he turned that same loving look on her. Loving? Emma Jane blinked. Surely...
“I had hoped that by agreeing to an annulment, it would soften your heart toward me, and eventually I would be able to court you and to convince you to share your life, your heart, with me.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed. “But that isn’t what I want. If you want an annulment, I will give it to you because I love you. The Bible says that when you love someone, you are not selfish. You are not proud. You put the other person first.”
Tears glimmered in his eyes. “The night I kissed you by the fire, I was too proud to say that I loved you, because I wasn’t sure if you loved me back. And I was afraid I was giving my heart away to someone who would reject it.”
Memories of that night flooded her mind, and her eyes also filled with tears. She’d wanted to say the same thing, but her fear of rejection, her comparison to others, it had been too strong, as well.
“I love you, Emma Jane Logan, and I hope will remain Jackson. I want a real marriage. I want to raise Moses together. And I want to raise whatever other children the Lord sees fit to give us—together—as a family.”
His hand shook as he reached for her hand. “I said all these things when I thought I was going to lose you, and I don’t know if you heard me or not. But I want you to hear me now. And I want you to understand.”
Then he brought her hand to his lips, sending a tingle all the way down to her toes. “I’m asking you to be my wife in all ways. To share my life. I will give you everything you need to care for Moses, regardless of whether or not you accept my offer. I want you to say yes, not because of any of the reasons we were together before, but because you love me, too.”
Her throat tightened, and she couldn’t spea
k. Was this a dream brought on by her injury? She reached for Jasper with her other arm, ignoring the searing pain in her shoulder and chest.
“Is this real?”
Jasper leaned into her. “Yes.”
“You love me?”
“Yes.” And then he kissed her, gently pressing his lips to hers, spreading warmth throughout her body.
He was much more careful in this kiss, Emma Jane noted as she kissed him back. But when she tried bringing her arms around him, she understood why.
Pain ripped through her shoulder, and she couldn’t help but wince.
“Careful,” Jasper warned, pulling away. “I am convinced that you can do just about anything you set your mind to, but I won’t have you tearing apart Doc Wallace’s careful stitches when we have the rest of our lives for this.”
Emma Jane let out a long, contented sigh. Despite the burning sensation in her shoulder, she’d never felt so light. Could she trust Jasper’s words? Or were they merely a result of his concern over her condition?
So much in him had changed. He seemed to be every bit the Jasper she liked. Loved. When she’d found him last night, he’d told her that he’d been reading her Bible. He’d stood up for her against his mother.
“What happened with the bandits?” she asked carefully.
Jasper shrugged. “I was too busy taking care of you to pay much attention. From what I hear, though, most are either dead or in jail. Deputy Jenks had no idea you’d heard him and gone out to warn us, so they managed to capture him, too. They sent a posse after the couple who got away, but I haven’t heard if they got them or not.”
Emma Jane closed her eyes for a brief moment before opening them again. If only she didn’t feel so weak. But she had to know.
“Why didn’t you go with them?”
Jasper looked at her like she’d gone daft. “Why would I leave my wife when she needed me the most? Why would I leave Moses when his mama is so ill?”
“But you’ve always wanted to be a lawman,” she said quietly.
He shook his head. “No. I’ve always wanted to make a difference. I thought that meant being brave and being a lawman, but I’m learning that it also means being brave in the sense of standing up for what’s right and taking care of those who need it the most.”
Adjusting Moses in his arms, he set the baby at Emma Jane’s side. She’d been longing to hold him but had been afraid that, with her lack of strength, she wouldn’t be able to bear his weight. Having him lay at her side was a good compromise, and she wrapped her good arm around the baby as Jasper continued.
“There is so much good I can do with my money. Not just by donating it, as my family has always done, but also in the ways the Lord has shown me. Because of you, I know there are people in this world who need love and compassion, and that I need to keep my eyes open, serving where I am led.”
Then Jasper smoothed Moses’s hair. “Right now, that means being here for you and Moses and loving you the best I know how.”
The door opened, and Emma Jane lifted her head to see Mrs. Jackson entering her room. She closed her eyes, not wanting another confrontation with the woman.
What would she blame Emma Jane for this time? She’d been the one shot, not Jasper. Surely no one had told the older woman of the near-misses Jasper had.
“I thought I heard voices,” she said in a gentle tone that Emma Jane hadn’t known the other woman was capable of. “Jasper, I’d like a moment with your wife, if that’s all right. Perhaps you could go tell the doctor she’s awake.”
Emma Jane opened her eyes and gave Jasper a pleading look. She wouldn’t ask him not to leave her alone with his mother, not in front of her, but surely he’d not set her to the wolf when she was so weak.
“Of course.” Jasper stood. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of that.”
Then he looked down at Emma Jane. “You’ll be all right for a few minutes.”
He exchanged a glance with his mother, one Emma Jane couldn’t read. Mrs. Jackson took Jasper’s place as he closed the door behind him.
“I realize this seems peculiar to you,” Mrs. Jackson began, her brow furrowed. “I have never been in this situation before, and I hardly know what to say.”
Emma Jane didn’t respond and instead focused her attention on tucking the blanket around Moses.
“I don’t know if you recall, but we had a rather difficult disagreement yesterday.” Mrs. Jackson’s voice shook, and her eyes were filled with tears.
“I do.” Emma Jane kept her response short, not knowing where this conversation was going. She didn’t have the strength to continue that argument or defend her choices.
“My son’s words hurt me deeply,” she said, a tear streaking down her cheek. “I was angry, and I’d thought for sure that I’d lost him to some gold digger.”
The words didn’t sting as much as Emma Jane thought they would. She’d heard them enough that they’d lost their power over her.
“But I spoke to my husband, and we prayed and I took a deeper look at everything Jasper said.” Mrs. Jackson shook her head. “How was I so blind to everything? To the truth?”
She looked down at Emma Jane. “I misjudged you. I’m sorry.” Jasper’s mother reached down and took Emma Jane’s hand. “I know that I have acted unforgivably toward you, but Jasper is all I have. I was scared, and I thought his life was ruined.”
Emma Jane squeezed Mrs. Jackson’s hand. “It’s all right.”
“No, it’s not,” the older woman said. “Jasper was right. Your behavior was without reproach, and I acted inexcusably.”
Mrs. Jackson pulled a handkerchief out of her sleeve and dabbed at her eyes. “I pride myself on being a good Christian woman, and I denied you basic kindness. When Jasper read to me from 1 Corinthians about love and asked me if I’d displayed those characteristics of love, I’ve never been so ashamed of myself.”
Emma Jane closed her eyes as she recalled Jasper’s words to her about his treatment of her. Of not being selfish or proud. He’d mentioned reading the Bible, and now she understood. Jasper had changed. He’d allowed God into his heart.
Warmth surged through her as she turned to look at Mrs. Jackson. “I understand. I don’t know why, but for some reason, we hear the words all our lives and we don’t live them out. It took me a long time to learn that lesson.”
She squeezed Mrs. Jackson’s hand again. “I forgive you. So now you need to forgive yourself and move forward in the new knowledge God has given you.”
At Emma Jane’s movement, Moses started to fuss. She tried adjusting him, but it only seemed to make him angrier.
“Let me.” Mrs. Jackson picked up the baby and cradled him in her arms. “There now, it’s all right. I’ve got you now.”
She adjusted his blankets. “You are a handsome little fellow, aren’t you?”
If Emma Jane hadn’t seen it for herself, she’d have never believed it. The stiff, formal woman who presided over Leadville society with a hawk-like expression had softened. She sat there, holding Moses, making cooing noises at him.
Then Mrs. Jackson turned her expression to Emma Jane. “I understand you call the boy Moses. I was wondering if you’d decided on a middle name.”
Emma Jane looked at her blankly.
“Jasper says I’m not to interfere, but I was hoping you wouldn’t mind if I made a suggestion. You see, we named Jasper after my father, who hated his given name, but I loved it, so we called him Jasper. My father, who went by his middle name, James, always thought we were trying to insult him. Even though my father has long passed, I thought perhaps you might consider James as a middle name.”
The door opened, and Jasper walked in, carrying a tray. “Mother, I thought we’d agreed that you wouldn’t interfere.”
“It’s all right,” Emma Jane said, smiling at he
r mother-in-law. “The truth is, I didn’t consider Jasper’s wishes in naming Moses, and I know my lack of consideration hurt him deeply. I think we’ve all been guilty of not living out 1 Corinthians, and that’s something I’m going to do better at, as well.”
Then she turned her head toward Jasper. “I was hoping you’d be the one to give Moses a middle name.” Then she hesitated. Was this enough of a compromise? Of working together. “That is, if you’re agreeable to naming him Moses.”
The sides of Jasper’s lips twitched into a smile. “Does that mean you’ve accepted my proposal?”
“Oh, my! I didn’t, did I?”
A grin so wide she thought it would split her face in two filled her. “Yes! I do love you, Jasper. So very much. And I want to be your wife and have children and spend the rest of our lives together.”
Jasper set the tray on the table beside the bed. “Good.” Then he set a hand on his mother’s shoulder. “I’m sure my mother will rest easier knowing that the woman I love happens to love me back.”
Mrs. Jackson smiled. “Indeed. I can’t imagine wanting anything different for my son.” Then she looked down at Moses. “Or my grandson.”
If it were possible for a person’s heart to burst from joy, surely Emma Jane’s would. But it was the expression on Jasper’s face that made Emma Jane’s joy complete. She had never seen him looking so content, smiling down at his mother, holding his son, then catching her eye as if to say, “This is everything I always dreamed of.”
Perhaps it was just fancy on her part, since in all of her biggest dreams, she’d never imagined it could be this good.
“Mrs. Jackson,” Emma Jane said, turning her attention to her mother-in-law. “Would you mind taking Moses into the other room so I could have a moment alone with my husband?”
Gone was the expression of contented gentility on the older woman’s face, replaced by the hawk-like version Emma Jane knew so well. “This will not do. I realize you have your own mother, but do you think you could at least call me Mother Jackson? Mrs. Jackson implies we have no relationship at all.”
Shotgun Marriage (Leadville, Co. Book 3) Page 23